We'll be blunt.

We’re afraid we were misunderstood last time we sold this sealer. Judging by its meteoric rise to the front page of the Reddit charts, it seems that certain enthusiasts interpreted our story as a call to warp the FoodSaver Vacuum Sealing System’s intended use toward the satisfaction of their unorthodox botanical cravings. We are shocked and dismayed at the belief that we would encourage behaviors that may be illegal in certain jurisdictions (although legal in other jurisdictions because when everyone knows when you cross an imaginary border, the chemical makeup of a plant species can totally change). We in no way endorse dancing with the fragrant, leafy green demon. Heaven forfend!

We only encourage wholesome users of this FoodSaver Vacuum Sealing System, like people who use it to preserve food.

Or like the sous-vide enthusiasts who bubbled up in our forum to share their insights into sous-vide methods, sous-vide cookers, sous-vide dishes, and what the holy hell “sous-vide” is.

Turns out sous-vide is a slow-cooking method where food is vacuum-sealed in an airtight pouch and very slowly cooked at relatively low temperatures in a sous-vide cooker. The advantage is that the food cooks evenly at the right temperature all the way through, instead of charring the outside and leaving the inside raw, like high-heat methods do. The gentler approach also doesn’t rupture cell walls and lead to loss of moisture and shrinkage.

In short, sous-vide’s slow, even cooking means succulent, tender meats and crisper, more flavorful veggies. Huh. You learn something new around here every day. Here’s a whole ebook about sous-vide if you’re dying to know more.

So you can do that. Or use this to keep food fresher longer. Or seal up clothes to keep them from getting musty in storage, or compress them so they’re easier to pack. Or seal up tools to keep them from getting rusty. Or a dozen other uses that don’t run afoul of the properly constituted regulations of your local, state, and federal jurisdictions.

What you shouldn’t do is marinate some food for a while, get your sous-vide cooker going, put on Sandinista! or The Big Lebowski, and then take a dose of “Vitamin W” while waiting for your food to finish cooking. Even though that might result in the most delicious, mouthwatering meal you’ve ever cooked in your life - a luscious orgy of sensations and delights beyond the capacity of words to express - the law says that would be wrong. To put it bluntly.