Stand Out, Sell Out

Dear iRobot,

You’ve done what many companies aspire to do, but few actually achieve. In this stratosphere of success, your company is elite: Xerox, Kleenex, Ping Pong. Your product’s name–the Roomba–is now synonymous with (or maybe even supersedes) the “robot vacuum cleaner.” Congratulations.

And many of us here at Meh have been along for the ride since nearly day one. Yet, there’s something that’s frustrated us over the years: every time we sell a Roomba, we realize the model is slightly different than the previous one, despite looking almost exactly the same. We then dive into hours of research, hoping to solve the mystery of what’s so different in order to help our customers make an informed purchasing decision–only to find, in the end, something trivial, like the canister capacity being one tenth of a percent larger than before.

What we’re saying here, iRobot, is: help us. Or, help us help you. Why not give every new Roomba a feature that really STANDS OUT, so that they can be easily differentiated?

For example:

• You could make one that says “sorry” whenever it bumps into a wall. An another that cries out in pain whenever it bumps into a wall. And another that recites a poem by Robert Frost in a Mike Tyson accent whenever it bumps into a wall.

• Or a model that kisses your ankles when it goes by so that you know it loves you.

• How about a Roomba that can take all the crumbs from the kitchen floor and forms them into new snacks for you to serve at your next party?

• Maybe one Roomba could feature “pie warmth and texture.” And then the "Plus "version of that model could also feature “pie flavor.” And it could just be a pie.

• Or what about a Roomba that just came with one completely functional human finger? Is that too much to ask?

Look, iRobot: the sensors, the 3-Stage Cleaning System, the ability to automatically adjust to any floor and navigate around furniture–that stuff is cool and all, but it’s also what we expect. Why not give people something a bit more unique? It would certainly be great for us. And if it’s great for us, isn’t it great for you too?

Just something to think about.

Sincerely,
Meh