Bionaire Micathermic 1500W Portable Heater

  • We read on Wikipedia that a micathermic heater is one with thin layers of mica covering the element
  • We also read on Wikipedia that mica is one of a group of monoclinic sheet silicate minerals exhibiting “nearly perfect basal cleavage.”
  • Why, the nerve of our feature writer, leaning shamelessly on Wikipedia without ever having clicked one of their fundraising links even once
  • Our feature writer has never answered a public radio pledge drive either, the leech
  • Model: BH3954-U (stolid, businesslike, almost Teutonic in its cold efficiency; five stars)
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Apologies to Dean Martin

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Oh, it’s s’poseda snow half a meter
So I ordered me a heater
The type, I can now confirm:
Micatherm! Micatherm! Micatherm!

See, the mica’s the stuff within which
The heating element’s sandwiched
That warms up your epiderm
Micatherm! Micatherm! Micatherm!

I research things ere I bite
This got positive user reviews
(Though the data in these were slight:
No mention of BTUs)

enter image description here

Since a fire is problematic
And my furs are in the attic
For warmth in the near short term
Micatherm! Micatherm! Micatherm!

I ordered it off Meh’s site
‘Cause I hate going out to the store
They sell these every other night
Otherwise I’d shop there more

Oh, the deal could not have been sweeter
On this micathermic heater
I’ll be snug as a rug-wrapped worm
Micatherm! Micatherm! Micatherm!

And you bought...

  • 87 of these.
  • There’s still some left.
  • That’s $4509 total.
  • (including shipping)

Who's buying this crap?

How many are you buying?