BioBidet Self-Cleaning Toilet Seat Attachments
- B’det, mate, how’s everything “down under”?
- Water pressure is adjustable from “gentle mist” to “GOOD MORNING STARSHINE”
- No electricity or battery required
- Put your dirty-butt days behind you
- Model: BBC-270 With a 28-year gap between the debut of the British Broadcasting Corporation’s flagship station and the launch of BBC2, we shouldn’t expect competition for this model number before the 95th Century, by which time we will be a single digital consciousness, no longer in need of anal hygienics.
Marketing Is a Dirty Job
IRK: Are we all set to run the BioBidet Self-Cleaning Bidet Attachment Monday on Meh?
MEH MERCHANDISER: Yeah! Should be an easy sell — Americans are waking up to the fact their heinies are among the dirtiest in the developed world. Link this Tonic article as an example.
MEH MERCHANDISER: Plus, we can take advantage of the holiday
IRK: What holiday??
MEH MERCHANDISER: Monday is National Hot Sauce Day! There’s no better time to commit yourself to a cleanlier crack than on a day when we’ll all be priming our digestive systems with potentially explosive compounds.
IRK: This seems like a lot of shit-talk for the front page. It’s gonna gross people out. Can’t we be a little more… euphemistic? Plus, we will have just had a writeup all about posterior funk on the previous day. I don’t want us to turn into “that store that’s always talking about dirty butts”.
MEH MERCHANDISER: A: There is no way to sell bidets without making reference to butt sanitation. They are butt sanitizers. If the topic is off-putting, maybe we should stop selling products that mitigate butt mess.
MEH MERCHANDISER: B: Two butt-related products in a row? That’s not a problem, it’s an opportunity! Embrace it! Make it a theme!
IRK: “Meh: We’ve got a dirty butt streak going”
MEH MERCHANDISER: Yuck
IRK: IT WAS YOUR IDEA