A Nice Little Boost

Were we to offer these for the standard retail price, we’d really have to go all out.

We’d be pushing the whole ‘clean ingredients’ thing: the lack of preservatives, artificial sweeteners, or artificial flavors.

We’d be making sure that you understand that caffeine here is ‘organic.’ (Although we’re not totally clear what that means; is it from a certified organic source, or does the caffeine occur organically?)

We would use the phrase ‘plant-based’ at least six times.

But here’s the thing: we’re not selling this at retail price. Instead, we’re offering a 72-pack for 30 bucks. In other words, just over 40 cents per shot.

And because of that, we can keep it real simple. Here’s our pitch:

Each one offers 100mg of caffeine. Also, 120mg of L-Theanine, which apparently reduces the jitters. But, getting back to the caffeine number, we just want to clarify, that’s pretty close to the amount in a cup of coffee (give or take a few milligrams based on how strong or weak the brewer prefers it). So, it’s not like this is some ungodly payload of energy.

But it is enough to help you get through the workday. And we mean that even if you work for a really exhausting company. You know, one of those businesses that are known to really push their employees and customers to the limit.

For example:

• Amazon&on&on
• Gruelolingo
• TurboTaxing
• Strain Capital
• Capital ONErous
• Teslaborious
• Allstate of Torpor
• TJ Maxxed out
• Moving Target

Yeah, wow. Are those the stupidest puns we’ve ever made or the best? To be fair, they might be both.

But these things we’re selling today aren’t stupid. They’re energy shots.