Today's SideDeal4-Pack: SecureBrite Pop-Up Lanterns with Flashlight & Emergency Flash
Our Take
- Lanterns, ever heard of them?
- Multiple brightness settings, plus red flashers for roadside emergencies
- Cool colors
- Can they make a margarita: Nope, only light, hahahaha, woo! LANTERNS, BABY!
Too Many?
It was time for the couple to exchange vows.
“Claudia,” said the groom. “You are the light of my life—“
And that’s as far as he made it before a man in one of the middle pews stood up.
“You can never have too many lights,” the man said.
The accumulated guests murmured in confusion.
“Just put them in a tote,” the man said as his wife tugged at his sleeve. “Keep them in the basement. Then you have them if you need them.”
“Excuse me, sir,” the priest called. “We have not yet reached the time for objections.”
“Have a project to do in a dark corner of the basement, away from any outlets?” the man said. “You’re set!”
“What’s going on?” the groom whispered.
“I’m sorry, honey,” replied the bride. “I should’ve told you. One of my cousins is a deal site copywriter.”
“No power?” said the man, as his wife pulled him from the pew. “No problem!”
“And his site has been selling a lot of lanterns and flashlights lately,” the bride went on. “It’s sort of broken his brain. If he even hears the word ‘light,’ he launches into his pitch.”
“Fun colors! Hands free!” the man shouted as his wife pulled him through the doors outside, and at last the church fell silent.
The accumulated guests let out a collective sigh of relief.
“Go on, son,” the priest said.
“Sorry, I lost my place,” said the groom.
“Why don’t I read mine and give you a chance to gather yourself?” said the bride.
“That would be great,” said the groom.
The bride took a deep breath. “Tim, I will always do best by you—“
And that’s as far as she made it before a woman in one of the back pews stood up.
“A best-by date is not the same as an expiration date,” she said. “Many foods can safely be consumed weeks, if not months, beyond their printed best-by date. Just ask the USDA Food Safety and Inspection Service.”
“Sorry, sweetie,” the groom whispered. “But I should’ve warned you, too. I also have a deal site copywriter in my family."
