If You Build It...

Your mission, if you choose to accept it:

Buy a present for a child who is not yours.

And not just any child. Not your coworker-from-another-department’s kid who you only met that one time they came to work because their parents didn’t have the sick time to stay home with them from school, and besides, don’t worry about it, it was just “some mild pink eye.”

No, we’re talking about a child you actually know. A niece or nephew, or your best friend’s kid.

This might seem simple, but there are actually some very strict parameters you must observe to pull it off correctly:

1. The gift can rot neither the guts nor the brains of the child. A bunch of candy. An addictive handheld game-thing. The kid will love it. The parents, not so much. By throwing a bomb like this into a household that’s not yours, you turn the mom and/or dad into the villain. You brought something cool and fun. Now it’s on them to regulate its usage.

2. The gift must not overshadow the gifts of the parents. Similar to the above rule, this is just some pretty basic ‘don’t be an asshole’ stuff. If you want to throw your weight around a bit more, do it behind the scenes. Be the anonymous benefactor who contributes to a larger gift, but let mom, dad, or Santa Claus take the bulk of the credit for it while you provide something good but not too gaudy.

3. The gift should not be destined for the garbage within the month it’s received. Lamer than upstaging the parents with a mega-gift is bringing a piece of total garbage you obviously grabbed from the toy aisle at a CVS while picking up allergy medicine. You’re essentially just contributing a mess to your friend’s or family member’s home.

With all that laid out, we think this no-not-technically-an-Erector-set fits the bill. It’s neither as cheap as some sort of busted pharmacy-purchased ring toss game, nor will it undercut the excitement of a Nintendo Switch. And the fun it provides is enriching.

Furthermore, there are plenty of options when it comes to how it’ll get put together. You can build it with the kid, which would be some nice bonding time. You and the kid’s parents can help out; you can leave it for a fun family snow-day activity. Or, if the kid in question is the independent type, they can build it on their own, thus making the gift actually two gifts, one for the child (the toy) and the other for the parents (a little bit of chill time to get things done around the house without turning the TV on).

Rad, right?

Yeah, we agree, we really nailed it on this one.