Cleans Up Nice

Once freshly caffeinated, the copywriter sat down at his laptop and checked the sales calendar. All was more or less as expected. Microfiber sheets, underwear, gummy candy, smart lights–an array of things that would, to many, seem mismatched and ridiculous, but appeared, to him, after all these years, a completely rational progression.

But there, in the distance, separated from the current batch by several unfilled cells, loomed one word:

Roborock

The copywriter grew giddy. What could that possibly be?

In his mind, he pictured absurd possibilities.

Some sort of modern-day iteration of the Pet Rock, perhaps? Only, this one connected to your wifi and integrated generative AI so that you could carry on ludicrous conversations with it.

He imagined an animatronic band in miniature. Its members, made of plastic, appeared to be chiseled from stone and played roughly to the beat of whatever song you streamed through their internal bluetooth speaker from Spotify.

Or what about an RC rock? You pointed the controller at it and toggled the directional joysticks, and it did… nothing. But the packaging assured you it was responding with “lifelike rock movements.”

It could be anything!

The copywriter began his work and waited for more information to be filled in. A few days later, it came. There, in the cell that once read simply ‘Roborock’, was now:

Roborock QX Revo Robot Vacuum with Mop with Multifunctional Dock (Refurbished)

The copywriter sighed. What a disappointment. Another robot vacuum cleaner.

Although this one looked pretty good. Not one of the budget knock-offs they often sold, but an actual high-quality model, one that could vacuum and mop. Plus, when it was done, it would automatically clean and dry its own mop-brush to stop mold, mildew, and unpleasant odors from developing. On top of that, its dock allowed it to automatically empty dust and refill its tank.

The copywriter looked at his own floors, the rug getting a little gritty, the hardwood looking smudged just a few days after the last mopping.

Sure, it wasn’t the next-generation Pet Rock, but maybe he could use one of these things.