Grow It

How to use your Pocket Hose 50FT Expandable Garden Hoses with Hand Sprayer

1. Attach one to the hose bib on your house.

2. Turn on the water.

3. Watch the hose expand up to 50 feet in length.

4. Aim the sprayer at whatever needs watering and spray.

5. Till a section of your backyard to be a garden.

6. Struggle to decide what you’ll plant there.

7. On your walk home from work, pass one of those guys doing the thing where they put a bean under the cups and move them around.

8. Play the game.

9. Feel thrilled when you get it right.

10. Ask what you win.

11. Experience a rush of disappointment when the guy tells you the prize is just the bean itself.

12. Go home with the bean in your pocket.

13. Examine it and realize that it’s not a bean at all, but rather a seed.

14. Go outside and plant it in your garden area.

15. Water it with your Pocket Hose every day.

16. Notice that the cup-game guy looks despondent whenever you pass him on your way home from work. He has nothing with which to play his game now that you won the seed.

17. Watch the plant grow, day by day, taller and taller.

18. Look up one day and realize the plant has reached into the clouds.

19. Climb it.

20. At the top, find a daintily wrapped present.

21. Bring it down from the enormous stalk.

22. In your kitchen, open it, hoping to find something ornate or valuable.

23. Instead, find the box filled to the brim with the same seeds that grew the enormous stalk.

24. Look out at your backyard.

25. Realize that, in order to grow all the seeds, you will have to till the whole of it.

26. Imagine climbing to the top of each one, retrieving the gift box full of additional seeds, and bringing it down, necessitating even more land to grow even more of these ridiculous plants.

27. Feel daunted and tired.

28. Take one of the seeds.

29. Bring it to the cup-game-guy and watch his face light up.

30. Take the remainder of the seeds and sauté them in a pan with a bit of butter and salt.

31. Eat them.

32. Taste the most delicious thing you’ve ever experienced.

33. Try to climb the stalk again, but find it withered and unstable.

34. Step back and watch as it turns to dust and blows away.

35. Stop every day on your way home and play the cup game in an attempt to get that last seed back.

36. Lose over and over, but never give up.

NOTE: Steps 5 through 36 are optional.