Today's SideDeal6-Pack: Kenneth Cole New York Pima Cotton Modal Boxer Briefs
Our Take
- Breathable cotton-blend: 51% pima cotton, 45% modal, 4% spandex jersey
- Snug, supportive fit
- Contoured pouch (And yes, I laughed as I read that on the company site, I have a fourteen-year-old’s sense of humor, sue me)
- Are they Mac-compatible: You mean two-time NBA Dunk Contest Champion, Mac McClung? Sure, he could probably find some that would fit
Reset
Hey. It’s me. Your old favorite pair of underwear.
We had a great run, didn’t we? Man, I was there for a lot of big things. Job interviews. Vacations. First dates. These momentous occasions, however, won’t be the only ones I look back on with fondness whenever I get wistful. After all, I could give you enough comfort and structure (and, in turn, confidence) to make a trip to the grocery store or a stop at the coffee shop on the way to work feel special.
But you’re probably noticing something in all this. There’s a whiff of past tense to this reverie, isn’t there? A sense of something coming to an end. And that’s because it is.
I’m sorry, but it’s over between us.
Please realize, I’m doing this for both of us. I want to be remembered for those good times discussed above. I don’t want to become the post-Sonics Gary Payton of the underwear drawer, a shell of my former self, trying to be present for one more great accomplishment and tarnishing my legacy in the process.
Because, let’s face it, I’m not doing the job like I used to.
In the front, I’ve gone from a snug sleeping bag to a three-bedroom apartment in a building with a bad super. There’s too much room to move around and not enough support. Meanwhile, in the back, I’ve been to places only a proctologist should know. Like a pitcher with a runner on first, you’ve had to develop a move for the discreet pick attempt.
It’s miserable, is what I’m saying. And sure, you can hang on to me, saying you’ll only wear me when you’re all out of options, or on laundry day. But after all we’ve built together, you’ll see me, and you’ll want to put me on, and then you will, and you’ll resent me.
It’s best to just rip the band-aid off. Throw me away. And throw away some of the other stragglers, too. After that, restock the drawer with some fresh boxer briefs. Like this six-pack from Kenneth Cole. They’re comfortable. They’re supportive. But most importantly, they’re new.
And don’t feel too bad about seeing me taken out to the curb and eventually whisked away by the garbage truck. I’ve done my job, and we’ll always have the memories.
