Taylor Body Analysis Scale
- Measures body fat percentage and body water percentage with some kind of electrical magic
- Estimates muscle mass, bone mass, body mass index (BMI), and how many calories you can cram down your gullet today without getting any fatter
- Does not calculate credit score, age in dog years, on-base percentage, Scoville heat units, ingress protection code, MPAA rating, or Walk Score
- Saves up to 12 different user profiles. Twelve! What the hell? Have you ever shared a bathroom scale with 11 other people?
- Model: 5575F (they know the secret to five-character model numbers that aren’t ZIP codes: include a letter)
12 user profiles. One sad story.
So this is a pretty decent bathroom scale. It not only tells you what you weigh, but it also uses an electrical pulse to measure your body fat and water percentages, and calculates other stuff like your BMI, suggested maximum calorie intake, etc. You save all this stuff in a user profile. So far, so fine. But here’s the weird thing: you can save 12 user profiles. Twelve? Why?
If you’re sharing a bathroom scale with 11 other people, you’ve got bigger problems than your BMI.
Maybe it’s only mildly sad, like an office Biggest Loser Competition. Or a family with lots of kids who all have to share one bathroom, and are all watching their weight for some reason. More likely it’s some thing more depressing, like a post-divorce roommate situation. Or a filthy gutter-punk crash pad. Or one of those group homes where recovering addicts live together to keep each other accountable to the program.
Or maybe it’s not your life that has gone wrong - it’s the world. Maybe you’re living in a fallout shelter. Or an apocalyptic cult compound. Or the barracks of a mutant warlord’s cannibal army. Whatever the situation, you’re not going to want a programmable fitness pal more than a gas mask or a drum full of potable water.
As we said, it’s a fine scale. But if you’re buying it for the 12 profiles, take a hard look at why. We’re guessing your money might be better spent on something else.