2-for-Tuesday: Zvation Heavy Duty 3-in-1 Can Opener - 2 for $18
- You get 2 of these can openers that look like ergonomic medieval torture devices
- They cut the side of the can lid rather than the top, which isn’t exactly groundbreaking but is objectively better because it doesn’t make sharp edges, and lets you put the lid back on the can
- They also open … and open! (bottles and jars)
- We like 'em because they’re relatively small
- Keep one for yourself and give the other as a gift for the most boring person you know
- Model: COMINHKPR145175 (Wow. Wow. Just … wow. A spectacular failure in almost ever respect: efficiency, aesthetics, and utility. A true turd of a model number)
The Cost Of Greatness
This might be the best can opener we’ve ever seen. That may not sound thrilling, but consider this: How often do you get to chance to own the best of something? Nevermind two of them?
Don’t believe us that this might be the best can opener? Consider these facts:
- It’s smaller and lighter than most. We’re not sure why can openers are only available in SUV sizes these days, but they are, and they take up a lot of drawer space.
- They open the can from the side of the lid, not the top. If you’ve ever used such an opener you’re familiar with the advantages over traditional ones — they don’t create no sharp edges that must be fished out of your chunk-style pineapple.
- They also open jars.
- They also open bottles
- When your friends see it they’ll say, “What the hell is that?” Or, if you’re giving the second one as a gift (wink wink), “What the hell is this?”
- It’s cheaper than an electric can opener or most other mechanical ones. And electric can openers are kinda dumb, anyway.
We could be wrong. There could be a better can opener out there. But if there isn’t, it means you could buy two of the best of something for peanuts. And think about it: How many objects do you own that are the best at what they do? Is your car the best car? Your dishwasher the best dishwasher? Your velvet Dolly Parton the best velvet Dolly Parton?
Your phone might be the best if you bought a new iPhone. Some recent benchmarks showed that the iPhone X and iPhone 8 obliterated the competition in processor speed tests. But it costs hundreds of dollars to own the fastest phone and only a fraction of that to own the best can opener.
And really, which one will you use more?