We wanted the morning crowd to have a shot at this too, so we're holding back some of these until 8am ET.

Oregon Scientific Ssmart Talking Blood Pressure Monitor - $20

  • Reads systolic and diastolic blood pressure, pulse, and irregular heartbeats
  • Shows the results on the LED, speaks the results aloud (in five languages), and sends them via Bluetooth to an app on your smartphone
  • You can use that app to track your results and the ongoing improvement (or otherwise) of your health
  • Yes, it’s “Ssmart”: not a typo, just cheesy
  • Model: BPU321 (our nominee for Model Number That Was Most Obviously Thought Up In Two Seconds)
see more product specs

10 Things We Wish This Product Would Say

The thing that sets this Oregon Scientific health monitor apart is the way it connects to a free app via Bluetooth to help you track your various vitals. But maybe the second-most setty-aparty-thing about it is that it talks! In five languages!

Unfortunately, it doesn’t tell us what we really need to hear. Maybe Oregon Scientific could program these helpful phrases into the next version:

  1. “Haven’t you done enough sitting for one day?”

  2. “Just because your mom isn’t here doesn’t mean you don’t have to eat your vegetables.”

  3. “Stop playing No Man’s Sky and go outside. Right now. Outside.”

  4. “It’s never ‘Twinkie o’clock’.”

  5. “Smoking? Are you kidding me? Is anybody seriously that stupid anymore?”

  6. “Jogging is sexy.”

  7. “If a six-pack isn’t enough for the weekend, you’ve got a problem.”

  8. “It always seems like you’ve got plenty of time to start taking care of yourself. Until you die.”

  9. “You sound like an idiot when you haven’t gotten enough sleep.”

  10. “Every slice of deep dish meat lover’s takes another half-hour off your life.”

And you bought...

  • 450 of these.
  • Midnight - 2:08am ET: 450 sold
  • That's $9828 total.

Who's buying this crap?

How many are you buying?