2-for-Tuesday: Ginsu Koden Stainless Steel Santoku and Paring Knife Sets - 2 for $9
- It’s Ginsu, the faux-Japanese brand that chopped and sliced our culture into the infomercial age
- You get two pretty nice 5" santoku knives, plus a couple of 3.5" paring knives, for whatever they’re worth
- Not recommended for juggling except by advanced jugglers
- Handles are ergonomic, ambidextrous, and multisyllabic
- We don’t know if they can cut through tin cans like the ones on TV, but we don’t really know if the ones on TV can do that either
- Model: 5212 (this model number loses Google to a Garmin GPS, a Sennheiser microphone, and even some real estate listings - we rarely say this, but you guys might want to add a character or two)
The Final Cut
“Honey! You’re home! I was just putting dinner on the table.”
Uh, hey, great. Good. That’s good. We should sit down and talk.
“Sure thing! Can’t wait! But first…”
Oh no. I’m really not in the mood tonight.
“How much would YOU pay for this 5-inch santoku knife?”
I never should have given you those Ginsu knives.
“Don’t answer! First, watch how the stainless steel blade slices these tomatoes! These cucumbers! It’s so easy with the ergonomic handle!”
Seriously, tonight’s not the -
“Would you pay twenty dollars? Thirty dollars? Fifty dollars? But that’s not all!”
Listen, we really need to talk. Now.
“We’ll also throw in a 3.5 inch paring knife absolutely free with no order! Marvel at how its unique scalloped dual-serrated edge cuts without tearing!”
It’s really important.
“But wait! There’s more! Act now and we’ll double your order!”
I’m leaving you.
“That’s two santoku knives and two paring knives, all for one low payment of - what did you just say?”
I’ve met someone. It wasn’t anything I went looking for. But it happened. And it made me realize, it wouldn’t have happened if I was happy. Here, I mean.
“No. Please. Don’t do this. I’m sorry. I can change. I know I get caught up in my own thoughts sometimes and lose sight of your feelings. I’m sorry. You deserve better. You deserve so much better. I’ll do better. Please.”
Is that a promise?
“But wait! There’s EVEN MORE! Along with the chef-style santoku knives AND the paring knives, you get my hilarious sense of humor! It’s PERFECT for any occasion, from awkward breakups to -”
Stop. I’m convinced.
“Really? You’ll stay with me?”
Stay with you? No, you’re hopeless. But I will take a set of those knives with me.