Party Like a Rock Star

We like the “liquid death” shtick. Which shouldn’t surprise you.

Why wouldn’t we? A simple premise that already exists in the marketplace paired with some unnecessarily irreverent and/or aggressive branding as a basis for a whole company? Game recognizes game, is all we’re saying.

Their whole backstory is actually pretty great. Their founder, Jonathon Liquideath, came up with the whole thing as a joke. (Editor’s Note: His name is Mike Cessario, you clown.)

So Jonathon (MIKE — Editor) was actually goofing around discussing what the dumbest possible combinations might be between normal-ass products and over-the-top branding.

He also learned that rock star type dudes recognize the importance of proper hydration on stage but were embarrassed to be seen drinking plain water like some sort of nerd. So apparently some of those guys dump water or sports drinks into energy drink cans to drink on stage, in case you needed to add anything to your list of celebrity betrayals in between the truth about Santa Claus and that most of Taylor Swift’s early catalog was ghostwritten by DMX. (*No. Neither one. Not Santa. Not Taylor. Not DMX. — Ed.)

So yeah. Turns out that “party like a rock star” can actually mean “mind your hydration if you’re going to be engaging in strenuous activity,” which really opens up a lot of possibilities if you’re trying to convince your younger self that you ended up as cool as you always planned.

Regardless, such is the origin story of Liquid Death.

Anyway, these handy little packets are obviously super convenient and economical. The only downside to the whole premise is that it does absolutely nothing for your rock star aesthetic when you’re walking around with your hydration beverage. The only way you can look cool with these is if you make a big show of opening up your packet and dumping it badassedly into your water bottle or whatever.

Maybe first you hold it by the end and flap it back and forth really fast like your grandma used to do with those Sweet’N Low packets that she stole from the supper club to hoard in her purse. But she looked pretty badass and those little pink wrappers didn’t even have a skull on them or anything. So you’ll be fine.

Murder your thirst with your choice of mango chainsaw, convicted melon, and/or severed lime.

All those words in the previous sentence came right from the packaging. Seems like a dope place to be a copywriter, honestly. Hit me up, Jonathon. (Editor’s Note: It’s Mike. And please, Mike, do hit him up. He can keep the laptop and everything.)