Blendtec Total Blender Classic 560 with WildSide
- Find out for yourself if the famous Will It Blend? blender will actually blend! (Spoiler alert: it will.)
- “WildSide” refers to the savage, untamed five-sided jar, which doesn’t let ingredients pile upon the sides like lesser blenders do
- The blade is heavy and blunt, because when you’re spinning 300 miles an hour, a pulverizing edge will do just fine
- 1560-watt, 3-horsepower motor mixes up tasty tilapia smoothies, marble powder, and pigs’ feet puree
- Model: C560A2301-A1AP1D (yeesh, somebody needs to pulverize this unwieldy model number into something more digestible)
If your blender jar is square, so are you.
Forget everything you know about blender containers. Circles and squares are old and busted. Blendtec’s here to twist your mind into a new shape. A shape with five sides.
Wild, huh? That’s why they call this blender jar the WildSide. It has a fifth, narrower side to disrupt the blending flow, nudging the ingredients back in toward the blade instead of just spinning around in a circle.
It’s useful. But people don’t want “useful”. They want “wild”! So we agree with Blendtec that everything extra should just be called “wild”. Remember that third brake light they used to put on some cars, the one up in the rear window? That was the WildLight. The extra button that comes with a nice shirt is the WildButton. Your left kidney is your WildKidney.
The tenth inning of a baseball game? The WildInning. Look at all these wild 10th innings Google found. Are you gonna call Google a liar?
We could go on. So we will. When a snake has two heads, one of them is the WildSnakeHead. Add a third shoe to a pair and you got a WildShoe. Fifth wheels have gotten a bad rap: now they’re WildWheels.
And Mark Wahlberg’s third nipple is his WildNipple. Speaking of which, what was Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch’s biggest/only hit? That’s right: “Wildside”. That can’t just be a coincidence. That would be too wild.
