Mozzie Hoverboard
- We’ve sold cheaper hoverboards before, but we haven’t sold a nicer one
- The only hoverboard to use Lithium Phosphate batteries – safer, longer runtime, and more recharge cycles than Lithium Ion
- There’s also this app (Android or iOS) that lets you tweak balance & steering settings, get speed/distance/battery data, and customize the lights
- Automatically locks when you step on or off, reducing the chances you’ll split your head open
- Wear a helmet anyway
- Boasts rugged 8-inch wheels “for a variety of terrain” – it’s not an ATV, but it is a VOTV
- Model: MVR03AE011 (we sang “em vee ar oh three” to the tune of “they see me rollin’”, and if the rest of the characters had worked with the rest of the song, this would have been our favorite model number ever)
Mozzie Mozzie Mozzie, boy oh boy
I like a simple shopping decision, like canned beans. There’s the name brand can, and there’s the store brand can, and the price difference is a few cents. On any given day, I might choose either one, depending which of my constantly-warring impulses is strongest at the moment — indulgence or thrift. It doesn’t make much difference either way.
I can also embrace a certain kind of complex shopping decision, like outdoor gear. There’s tons of variation among available features, comprehensible trade-offs between measurable properties like cost and weight, and it seems like there’s probably a right answer to the question of what to buy. With research, I know I can arrive at it.
Here’s the worst kind of decision: I’m shopping for something, there are lots of options, I can’t tell which features matter to me, and the price range is wide af. Like, I need a toaster oven. There are dozens. Hundreds? Some of them are $30. Some are $400. Does the height of the high end suggest the low-end models are garbage? Does the lowness of the low end suggest the high-end shoppers are insane? Which variables are important? Why does this one have separate “toast” and “bagel” settings? Regret seems the only certainty, no matter what I buy. Even if only as a consequence of too many frozen pot pies. (I.e., one pot pie.)
Enter today’s self-balancing scooter, or “hoverboard.”
How are you supposed to tell if this is a good deal, when it’s almost twice the price of the cheapest one we sold? We’ve landed in category three, as annoying as shopping for toys and novelty items can get. As problems go, it’s pretty first-worldy, but it’s still a problem. Let’s try to tackle it.
First, check the features. Mozzie is as nice a hoverboard as we’ve offered. It uses Lithium Phosphate batteries, which are not only the “safest available”, but also offer longer runtimes than Lithium Ion (double, according to some claims) and durability through more charging cycles, too.
Next, it’s got all kinds of smart software, including TruRide stability management for safe mount/dismounting, and a nifty app for customized performance. Here’s a video review about some of that stuff from GottaBeMobile:
Plus there’s a built-in Bluetooth speaker and LED lights, which you can sync to your music if you want.
“But I don’t care about any of that!” you might say. “It’s a toy! I want the cheapest version that works! I want to use it for a summer, burn it out, then throw it away and move on with my life! I should have bought that bare-bones cheapo model you had during the run-up to Christmas!” And that’s valid. There’s really no need to yell like that, but it’s valid.
Lucky for you, the Meh retail model frees you from this kind of fretting about which item to buy among myriad options. Instead, we just ask you to make a single binary decision every day. This thing: Yes? Or no?
That’s even simpler than canned beans.
