Heightened Fears

I’m afraid of heights.

I hesitate to admit that because this fear is often associated with other far more irrational fears. Say, for example, being afraid of the dark. Many would equate the two, but they’re actually completely incomparable. One involves the mild discomfort of not being able to see what is in front of you. The other is science. A fear of heights is the basic acknowledgement of gravity and its potential for destruction.

The only way in which darkness is truly dangerous is if there’s something truly dangerous lurking in the dark. Say, for example, you’re a zookeeper and you’re handing out mice-meals in the python pit and the lights go out. It is okay to be afraid in that situation, but I would argue the fear is of the dangerous thing–such as a bunch of hungry pythons–and the darkness is only augmenting it.

Now, let’s rewind and try something different: you’re a zookeeper in the python pit and you take a wrong step and fall off a cliff. (Don’t worry about the logistics, just roll with me here. Maybe it’s a zoo on a cliff and there’s some construction going on or something.) In this case, the danger is the height of the cliff–or more specifically, the painful death that awaits you at the bottom of it–and therefore, your fear of that height is justifiable.

But really, for proof that a fear of heights is not just legitimate but healthy, you need look no further than the ladder industry. This Little Giant, for example, is made of “aerospace-grade aluminum” and features “wide-flared legs, rubberized feet, and high-quality construction” to “give you unmatched stability.” Hell, even we made sure that “sturdy” was the first word you saw when we sold the bigger version of this thing a couple months ago.

Why? Because being high up in the air is dangerous, that’s why. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t need well-constructed ladders. You could just use a pile of phone books.

And yes, that’s right: this ladder is smaller than that last one. It’s 13 feet tall or can be folded over to be a VERY STABLE 6 feet tall.

Is that tall enough for EVERYTHING? No. But I’ll tell you what it is tall enough for: everything I’m actually brave enough to do. You give me a 20 foot ladder, and I’ll try and do 20-foot-tall tasks. And let me tell you, the cumulative cost of hiring a helicopter pilot to airlift you to safety every time you get spooked while cleaning your gutters… it gets real pricey, real quick.