Welcome to the knife store, jerks.

Here we go again. Feeding your apparently insatiable knife addiction. As we’ve said before, we’re not really knife people. So when we saw the steep-ish list price for this CRKT Ken Onion Shenanigan Tanto Combo Edge Knife, our imaginations ran wild with all the fancy things this knife must do. Alas, consultation with actual knife experts quickly disabused us of our misconceptions. Just so you don’t suffer the same disappointment we did, here’s a quick guide to what’s true about this fancy knife, and what is mere myth:

Does: have a cold-forged aluminum handle.
Does not: include sheath covered in genetically engineered woolly mammoth hide.

Does: have a black titanium-nitride-coated, AUS 8 steel blade.
Does not: get tempered in a solution of the world’s finest cognac dissolved in the world’s second finest.

Does: fit comfortably in the hand thanks to the profiled palm swell, swept finger groove, and overall dimensional balance.
Does not: come delivered in the gentle, white-gloved hands of your personal knife valet.

Does: flip open easily.
Does not: recede to reveal a saltwater zero-entry swimming pool built into the floor.

Does: serve for both tactical and utility use.
Does not: sync with your Nest home system.

Does: feature a Tanto-style blade designed for piercing.
Does not: stock your hunting grounds with herds of kudu, sable, and other prized African antelopes.

Does: make a very good cocaine razor.
Does not: make a very discreet cocaine spoon.

Now take your fancy knife and move along so we can sell really interesting things, like wet wipes and plastic containers for your leftovers.