Thankful Scapegoat - November
21
Fall is in the air, and that means it's time for a new target of blame for the entire Meh community. Since we’ve already had quite a few nominations for the next recipient of scorn (Recipient of Scorn - new band name, I call it!) and it's election season, I figured we should take the next logical step and have us an old fashioned goat election (c'mon…that's not a thing).
I want all of the currently nominated goats to do some lobbying and write us a campaign speech. What impossible promises will you not be able to deliver on as our next scapegoat? Why should we vote for you? Political attacks on your fellow nominees are totally allowed, but no attempting to bribe me because it won't work.
Think school board campaigns and bonus points if you make a poster.
Here are the 7 officially nominated potential goats:
@cengland0
@joelmw
@TaRDy
@BillLehecka
@Starblind
@JazzyJosh
@bluedyn
As with all fair elections, write-ins are accepted. If you think you can take blame better than any of these nominees then feel free to submit your own speech.
Vote for your favorite nominee with stars. Endorsement (in the form of a reply) from a former goat will net you 3 extra stars, so be sure to promise them those cushy private sector jobs once you take office.
We'll tally things up 10/31 by 11:59pm EDT and the goat badge and all the email notifications that come with it will be transferred by the afternoon of November 1st.
Good luck!
- 24 comments, 172 replies
- Comment
So, my votes carry extra weight? We finally have a goat perk, besides never ending email notifications!
Let the bribing commence!
@Thumperchick With no offense to the previous goats--indeed, I think the meh scapegoat is an honored role precisely because of the exemplary performance of the goats to this point--I'm very sure you're the best goat yet. Which makes me a little nervous about following you, but, well, it'd be a genuine privilege.
@joelmw try not to smooch @Thumperchick's goat butt too loudly...btw @Thumperchick, did you get your hooves trimmed recently? They look lovely.
You see, my fellow Meh-ricans.... @TaRDy doesn't even know the proper person to tag.... Tagging @Thumperchicks instead of @Thumperchick. Is this the person you want as your scapegoat? Someone who doesn't honor the scapegoats of the past? EDIT: And then edits his post like we weren't supposed to notice???
@Thumperchick Here they come!
@Thumperchick Finally, here come the perks! I always knew @JonT was going to come through.
@Thumperchick BTW, Upstate NY represent! Keep it in this region.
@mehjohnson yikes!
Touché, @TaRDy. I guess. Of course my remarks are quite sincere, and, indeed, consistent with what I have always said about @Thumperchick. Does that make me kind of a dork? Perhaps. Ass though I am, blameworthy though I may be, I make an effort to say nice things about people. I would never, for instance, say something like, oh, hmmm, lemme see, just for instance, "@TaRDy is a narcissistic self-star-er, whose obsequious fawning is not only transparently self-serving but likely disingenuous. And he's probably a goatfucker." No, @TaRDy, I would never say such things. A goat has standards. Might what I just said I wouldn't say be true? It's beneath me to even speculate. Somebody must have hurt you somewhere along the way. @TaRDy, and that just makes me a little sad. You seem to me to be a moderately talented, reasonably not-completely witless sort. I only hope the best for you.
@TaRDy TL;DR? "Is @TaRDy a goatfucker?" I'm sure I wouldn't know.
@joelmw I have yet to molest an animal, unlike some of the other people around here
@TaRDy - Animal molestation appears to be a selling point, not a disqualifier. Why not jump on the bandwagon, so to speak?
@TaRDy A little late to be pushing that narrative now.
@Thumperchick @studerc Though you've already given me your vote, I didn't want you to miss out on the new perk: https://meh.com/forum/topics/legacy-scapegoat-lounge
Hello, my fellow Meh-ricans.
I formally accept your nomination for being The November Scapegoat, and I consider it sort of an honor mixed with a burden. You see, we live in very meh times... And we need a mediocre man for these mediocre times. I am not exceptional. I'm not even that popular. Heck, I'm just a guy who comes to a daily deal website that tries to keep up his Meh streak not because it is easy, but because it's mediocre.
Consider making me your November Scapegoat. You may be asking yourself, "Why am I running for?" It's because you must chase me.... Have I done anything wrong? No.... Because I'm the scapegoat meh.com deserves, but not the one it needs this month. So you'll blame me, because I can take it. Because I'm not a hero.... I'm a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A November Scapegoat.
Thank you for your consideration.
@BillLehecka You put effort into ripping off a popular major motion picture. How is that being mediocre?
@JazzyJosh Thank you for taking the time to voice your concerns, sir. I wouldn't call that effort. You can plainly see I half assed that quote. And if half assed isn't mediocre... I don't know what is.
@JazzyJosh How rude, sir. Give the man a break. He's obviously doing the best he can. There there, @BillLehecka, that's very mediocre. Frightfully mediocre. Embarrassingly mediocre. Pathetic almost. Don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise. Do run along now; aren't there pens to be pilfered somewhere?
Ladied and gentlemen of Meh, I've known you for some time know, and I'm sure each of you have come to know me as, most of all, a good man. Indeed, a great man. An amazing man. A nearly godlike man. Perhaps even the best man ever to have lived. But most of all, a humble man. In that tradition of humility, I will not use this platform to speak well of myself (though I am awesome). Instead, I seek to personally insult the rest of these schmucks. Let's look at each of them in a reactionary and inflammatory manner.
@cengland0 = A zero in your name? Some kind of leet haxxor? Probably plotting some sort of scheme to steal rounded-off fractions from the worldwide banking system, like in Superman II. I'd sooner vote for David Lightman.
@joelmw = Just some dude's name. Possibly some dude named Joel. Boring, or is that apparent boringness a mere mask of sanity for unfathomable darkness within?
@TaRDy = Likely to arrive late, apparently. 5 points from Gryffindor.
@BillLehecka = Username contains "heck" which is another word for "Hell". [Note: Hell is the realm of Satan.]
@Starblind = Awesome (as we have established),
@JazzyJosh = Jazz leads to dancing, and you know what dancing leads to? Sex. Nasty anonymous dumpster sex. And you know what that leads to? That's right, syncopated rhythm in defiance of standard 4/4 time signature. I read it in a book. Don't ask which one, it was thick and had footnotes, alright?
@bluedyn = Dyn, or الجن is an alternative transliteration of jinn or djinn, the "genie" of Arab mythology. Sure, you may think a blue genie might be friendly and cute based on Disney movies you've seen, but they won't let you wish for more wishes and there's probably an ironic twist where the whole website will end up locked in a bottle for 1000 years. Do we really want that?
In summary, I am the best one. So there.
@Starblind See the reply here: https://meh.com/forum/topics/thankful-scapegoat---november#5452c9f8a1c87adc09913411
@Starblind oooh do me! do me!
@Starblind Yes, the zero is there because I tried to get an ID from another site and cengland was taken, cengland1 was taken, cengland2, 3,4, 5, 6, 7, etc all the way to 15 was already taken. So I tried the zero and nobody had it and it's been the same ID I use almost everywhere.
@Starblind You're a dude ? Huh. I always thought you were a chick.
@Starblind Who are you???
@Starblind I see that you made a little typo there. Did you mean to say "ladied gentlemen"? As, perhaps--I can only guess--to suggest "hetero guys who are gettin' some"? That's crude, I know, but I'm struggling to make sense of why you'd be so careless and implicitly uncaring about the ladies in our community. Maybe--and again, I'm admittedly grasping here--you really did mean "ladied," a la "candied," as in some objectified morsel. I shudder at the possibilities, sir. Are you a misogynist? Why, that's the sort of accusation others might make, not me. It's just, well, the first word in your post--and a pretty important word, don't you think? What were you thinking? Were you thinking? Or were you perhaps so over-eager to talk trash that you just kinda skipped right past ("walked over," so to speak) the ladies?
@Starblind TL;DR? @joelmw would never be so callously dismissive of the women of our community.
@joelmw A monstrously inaccurate characterisation, which simply must not stand! I emphasise my record of being wholly magnanimous and appreciative of ladied of all types. And I don't just like babes, as one might assume, but also chicks and broads as well. Nor would I make the common mistake of only appreciating their beach volleyball skills, while overlooking other excellent things they do like talk about their feelings, getting the universal remote to show the right names of the various devices, and playing cello. A world without women would be a world without Kate Beaton, Angela Lansbury, Nina Simone, and Mrs Butterworth. Remember, friends, when pondering womanhood consider the word itself: surely it is no coincidence that "womanhood" be an anagram for "ooh, d' woman!" I rest my case.
@Starblind I must agree with @ceagee that I thought you were a lady, but you run a good attack campaign. http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Dude+looks+like+a+lady_3fd898_4850552.jpg
Darn it, I need to edit mine to add a GIF to my image link. Could a mod add that, please? @JonT?
This is what it should be above.
@BillLehecka Done, though I almost didn't help because it could be seen as tampering with the votes.
@JonT You dedication to the process is most appreciated...
@JonT You're right of course: it could be seen as unfair. Is there anything else you'd like to confess? As a man of the people, I have to ask. I've always liked you, @JonT, but we've got to maintain credibility here.
@BillLehecka Negative points for the original missing image and for misspelling 'Your' above. That's just.. meh. Wait, maybe that means positive points for you. Confuzzled!
Tracy Flick isn't on the list???
I replied in a new top level comment, because:
1) Email to reply doesn't work
2) One line, no paragraphs for a comment reply. How am I supposed to work with that.
Anyway, about https://meh.com/forum/topics/thankful-scapegoat---november#5452b4334111de6005a7835a
I'm all about syncopated rhythms baby. If you don't think syncopation is cool, you have no soul.
I believe we all know that goats have souls. Take that demonic head twisting goat. I has a soul. A tortured, scarred soul screaming for relief.
Let's also take as an example blue goat man Leshrac:
Excuse me, his full title is Leshrac the Tormented Soul.
@starblind does not have a soul and can therefore not be the scapegoat. I rest my case.
Five Score and 15 days ago, my fellow Meh-ricans and I descended into the belly of the beast we all know and love as meh.com.
Wait a second, how did we get here? Do we really need yet another website we visit daily to spend money? Damn you "David Gray"
Hey this place isn't half bad, but why is that server on fire? Curse you @Ryaneil!
Chatting with these other people is fun, they seem to have some interesting stories to share. Wait...you fingered your dog? WTF @marklog, so wrong...RIP Lucy
Send crap to people and I will have crap sent to me? How dare you @studerc!
Someone around here is 1 peg too high. GET DOWN FROM THERE @Thumperchick!
Enough about those goats, let's move on to November. I am already in the official goat list for November, so that makes things easier
Scapegoat Credentials? Oh I've got those! I was once the scapegoat for 3 months when a forum I had recently been appointed admin on was "hacked"
I've also tried on the scapegoat badge while using the chrome extension I wrote, and I must say, it fits me well.
You might be thinking "yeah yeah sure you would be a good goat @TaRDy, but @cengland0 got the goat fuku, so he deserves it."
All I have to say is "So what! I'm right here!"
Lastly, just remember, my name is the easiest to spell, making it that much easier to blame me.
@JonT
@TaRDy I love the goat on the donkey. Seems the donkey doesn't care.
@TaRDy I'm still weighing my options, but you might have won my vote by having the shortest name. Well played, sir. Well played.
@TaRDy FYI it's "curse you @davegray !" . Your lack of attention to what is going on in the forums is disconcerting. What will you pay for my vote ?
@TaRDy I don't even get a mention?
@JazzyJosh stay jazzy my friend.
@ceagee I know, I realized he came back from the abyss right after my edit window ended, I would be ashamed of this error, but it was @Thumperchick's fault for not telling me that @davegray is alive.
@TaRDy I'm so mediocre I thought you were throwing insults at all of the other candidates instead of just appealing to the other scapegoats.
@TaRDy On the contrary, I find the mix of upper and lower case in your name to be disconcerting. For that reason alone I am not yet able to vote for your mehness.
@Cinoclav I know, right? It's way more complicated than simple, straightforward (what @tArdY calls "boring") @joelmw. That is my name, btw. My mother and father gave it to me. Sigh. I just carry it to honor them. I'm like that.
@Cinoclav @joelmw you can use whatever casing you like, it will still blame me and summon me to clean up the mess I made.
@tardY I think you're confused; we're not making sausage here.
@JonT, we should probably add in my votes from here to my final tally: https://meh.com/forum/topics/scapegoats-of-meh#544e3dff9659db58050b436f
@JonT I agree that those votes should be subtracted from @TaRDy's total.
My vote is up for sale. Is it worth anything to anyone?
@barnabee It's priceless. Which sorta seems like it should mean that it costs nothing. Which--look, that's what I have. Here, it's yours. Do I get your vote?
@barnabee I will be the lowest bidder (in a good way)
@TaRDy Tsk, tsk.
@barnabee If you decide you'd like a more tasteful form of relaxtion than that offered by @tArdy, I suggest you check out the new perk I'm proposing: https://meh.com/forum/topics/legacy-scapegoat-lounge
@joelmw and @TaRDy haven't paid me enough for my vote and the rest of the nominees have ignored me, so I think I'll go back to reading my book--after I vote for the next goat. I cast my one and only vote for @cengland0, the true heir to the goat throne!
Oh dear, a speech? I'm not sure I am worthy. After seeing the past scapegoats and all the time they dedicate to responding, I know I cannot keep up with that.
I try to read as many posts as possible but to read them all is like a full time job.
@cengland0 You get my vote because you don't want it and it will be more entertaining to fill your email box with blame. Sweet, sweet blame.
@cengland0 You got all the goat crap. I figure it's time for you to fulfill your destiny. +1
@cengland0 It really is like a full time job!
@DaveInSoCal I woke up at 4:00 am this morning and I already have a bunch of unread meh emails. It has already begun and I have not even been voted in yet.
@cengland0 I was totally willing to throw all of my mediocre influence behind you. Yaknow, just because I'm generous like that. I kid (get it?); I figured you were a shoe-in. @JonT is right; it's gonna be crazy. I can protect you from that, buddy. You know what to do.
@cengland0 Hmm, pretending not to want it. Very clever. A bit of the ol' reverse psychology to rake in the votes. Just what I'd expect from a leet haxxor. Or wait, did you predict that reaction and actually not want it, so it would be reverse reverse psychology? No, you'd see that coming a mile away, it must be reverse reverse reverse pychology, you clearly want votes so I... shouldn't... vote for... you... I think...
@Starblind It's clear that you must have seen "The Princess Bride"
@Starblind I spent the last few years building up an immunity to reverse psychology.
@cengland0 Damnit, you're making it more and more difficult to keep from giving you my vote. Curse you, @cengland0!
@cengland0 Fuck it all. I just did it.
@cristynaeh come join in, it's time. Vote @cengland0 for scapegoat. Just click star up at start of this thread next to his name. You could break the current tie !
@ceagee keep in mind @Thumperchick's endorsement of @joelmw nets him 3 additional votes.
@JonT Calling @davegray, @Ryanell, @marklog : If you haven't voted/endorsed a candidate yet. I am lobbying for @cengland0. Why ? b/c he got the goat kit in his Fuku it is his destiny. ( For the record : he doesn't want to be goat, he did NOT nominate himself, he is not trashing other nominees. 3 more good reasons in my book ! )
@cengland0 I @studerc formally retract my personal nomination and instead will support @cengland0. Because i fucking can. Now, wheres my prize @JonT ???
@cengland0 It looks like you're getting the goat, whether or not you want it, lol. (I wonder if this reply means I just added 3 points to your total, too?) If so, I'll have supported 2 solid candidates. One who has all the traits of a real scapegoat; the main core of not having done anything to deserve the blame! The other is deserving of whatever crap we throw his way. Either way, I'm happy.
@Thumperchick You're happy because your inbox is being saved no matter whoever gets the next goat.
@cengland0 Well, that too...
Save yourself @cengland0! Protect your sanity! Uncheck the little box next to GET EMAILED WHEN SOMEONE @ MENTIONS YOU, and hide your children! (Oops, I mean kids).
@KDemo NO!! That's the opposite of what the goat does!
@KDemo That feature needs to be disabled for scapegoats.
@Thumperchick Admit it, you're gonna miss our abuse.
@Thumperchick - I didn't get to see the training mehnual. Is that the first lesson?
@cengland0 Let me be at least one of the first to say "congrats." From what I can tell, I kinda like you. So I guess I'm sorry for what you've gotten into. But it's your own damn dumb fault that you won.
@cengland0 Congrats on reaching your Fuku goat destiny !
@KDemo Kids, ha. I see what you did there.
@cengland0 ;-)
@cengland0 gets my endorsement. 3 days after he's been voted in, because that's how a goat rolls.
Meh. I'm tired. I'll speech at you tomorrow. Also, WTF? How am I even a nominee? Shenanigans, @joelmw! Shenanigans, I say!
@bluedyn That attitude is vote-worthy!
@bluedyn You are the wind beneath my wings. Or, um, something like that.
Wow, you goats sure can speak eloquently. Think of all the problems in this world that could be solved if we weren't wasting our lives and breath on here. Bravo! :)
@jsh139 We are solving the problems of the world, right here. One meaningless, snarky comment and one crappy speaker dock at a time.
My only promise is that I will disappoint you. I may fail to achieve even that seemingly inescapably surmountable goal. Either outcome would seem to qualify me as meh, and isn't that what this is all about?
Oh and, as you might have heard, I'm not a goatfucker. Seriously. (Here's the backstory behind @bluedyn's bold testimony.)
Still not convinced? Then allow me to elaborate in moderate excess (not exactly excessively, but enough to not be truly concise) . . . .
Not to over-analyze this, but I've given it a little thought. The following isn't comprehensive, but, off the top of my head, these are some qualities that a good (or even meh) meh scapegoat should possess:
1) Committed. I buy all kinds of shit here; just ask my poor wife. I'm a Kickstarter and VMP. I've rejoiced over my fukus: Kickstarter and Fuku 2. My two meh shirts are the attire I wear most often when I'm out of the house every weekend. I'm all over these forums (really, why don't I just shut the fuck up already?) I've even stalked @snapster (not really, but I saw him and was maybe a little too excited about it and launched this awesome conversation about how we might greet each other in the wild). I'm constantly proselytizing for meh--on Facebook and at work--and what do I have to show for it, other than this lukewarm feeling in my feely places?
2) Communicative. I rant like nobody's business. I daresay I can out-rant any one of you. I'm not saying that to brag. I flatter myself that it's a talent, but really it's an affliction. In any case, it's what I do. I may not be any good at it, but it's probably what I'm good at, if you catch my drift (how sad is that?). As I once heard a man say, "I've suffered for my art. Now it's your turn."
3) Blameworthy, perhaps a bit of a lummox, a doof. A scapegoat is that creature who takes upon himself the fuckups of the entire community--and the goat is either blameless (good luck finding one of those) or eminently blameworthy, a loser, a failure. I offer my inexplicably perfect descent into the meh eggcorn extension as evidence. Who does stupid shit like that? A scapegoat, that's who. You're welcome. Being the goat, let's remember, is a genuine curse. I definitely have it coming. Also, at this point in this very post I've surely either bothered or bored you (if not, contrary to good taste, you must like me; so vote for me, goddamnit). Being bothersome or boring is certainly blameworthy.
4) Blameworthy II: a little obnoxious, maybe kind of an asshole. C'mon: goat. That's like the sheep version of donkey, which is an ass by definition. Any of you who've dealt with me know me to be opinionated. And my opinion is often different from yours (I've more than once been accused of being contrary on purpose; which is bullshit, it's just who I am). Guess what, friend, if you disagree with me, you're wrong. Who says that kind of shit? I'll tell you who: an ass, a goat.
If there's any way in which @Thumperchick has failed it's in being an asshole. Let's just say others were more assholeish than her. No offense, Thumper; you're likable, that's one of the things we like about you. And, I'm not naming names, but some of you previous goats are pretty good at being asses. I was gonna say, "you know who you are," but you might not, and it doesn't matter; we know who you are.
Oh, and I probably say "fuck" far more than I should. You got a fucking problem with that? Good, then vote me your goat, because an ass that's a problem is exactly who should be your scapegoat. I'm bringing asshole back (yaknow, like Justin Timberlake brought sexy back; because asshole is--gawd, do I have to walk you through every little thing?--the scapegoat version of sexy).
5) meh. This is, after all, who we are. You've read each of my qualifications and had one of three reactions:
a) That's a shitty criterion.
b) Okay, that makes sense, but that's sort of a half-assed fulfillment or half-assed expression. What you said maybe doesn't even make sense, @joelmw. It almost could make sense, like maybe if you completely rewrote it, but it sure as shit doesn't as is. You've convinced me of nothing.
c) I have no reaction to this, @joelmw. I don't really like it, but it's not worthy of my loathing either.
Yes, exactly. You find my case . . . meh. (And, again, c'mon, if you do really like me or what I've said or you really hate me and my unending words, why wouldn't you want me as your goat?)
Also, you probably haven't starred many of my posts or comments. I notice this shit (pathetic, right?). Again, if you have and you're not voting for me, what the fuck is the matter with you? But I know that most of you haven't, and, hell, I can't blame you; I don't star my own posts (not like some people I know)--at least not often. You may not even remember me (even though, as @jsh139 pointed out, I started this surprisingly great and timely topic). In either case, why would that be? Why would you find me either forgettable or unworthy of an attaboy? Because I'm meh, that's why.
I'm worried that I might want this. But realize that I didn't nominate myself for this dubious honor/curse; @bluedyn did. So maybe consider her feelings before you reject me and thus reject her. I know: who uses guilt like that? Who makes you feel bad by making you make someone else feel bad? That's right, a goat. Me.
And know this: I didn't try to make myself look the ass; it's just who I am.
Again, a reminder: I'm morally, if not above reproach, above a particular reproach. I did not fuck that goat. In fact, to the best of my recollection, I have never fucked or fingered any goat. Seriously. I'm not sure how that qualifies me, but it must mean something. Which of the other goat candidates has made that claim? None that I know of (and I'm too damn lazy to be sure). What are they hiding? Are they goatfuckers? Do you want to take that chance? If they denied it now, wouldn't it feel a tad reactionary, perfunctory and convenient? Yes, yes it would. Good for you for seeing through their lies.
Fellow Mehricans and Mehicans, I'm @joelmw and if you vote me to be your scapegoat, I promise to be your scapegoat, to not be a goatfucker and, most importantly, I promise to utterly disappoint you. That's two more promises. That makes three promises. Promises I might actually fulfill. Gosh darnit, I'll try. A little at least.
meh
(I'm @joelmw, and I approve this message. Hell, I wrote the fucker. Paid for by "Mehricans for Not a Goatfucker.")
@joelmw You had me until "feely places".
@joelmw TL;DR He didn't have sex w/ a goat in a Bill Clinton sort of way.
@joelmw Between this long fucking diatribe of hilarity and the fact that @cengland0 seems to be afraid of goathood, you have my vote.
@joelmw and because you keep replying to yourself, asshole.
@joelmw you also totally are a goatfucker. I'm not going to say which past goat you sodomized, because outing him would be mean, but I've seen the photos, and they are NOT pretty.
@ceagee I scrolled down specifically for a TLDR. Thanks!
@joelmw 1) I think we'd all agree in calling @Thumperchick a largely blameless individual, in spite of that prank with the goat.
2. @bluedyn is female? Now I have to change the voice in my head for her posts.
3] I feel like with your repeated denials, if you become November's scapegoat, you will be caught in flagrante delicto with a goat.
@joelmw Whew! Well, you seem to want it. Is that good? It should make you busy enough so that you won't have time to reply to yourself as much. You got the @Thumperchick vote, even though she is just a tad more concise. (Who isn't?! :)) They may have to order more storage for your reign of replies, could sway the staff. Milk the vote!
@Thumperchick Not afraid, I just know I would do such a mediocre job and disappoint the community.
@Thumperchick Goat has voted...
@jqubed Yep. I'm a girl.
@ceagee @ceagee @ceagee I've always appreciated your way with words.
@Thumperchick Your endorsement means a great deal to me. Yeah, probably more than it should. I noticed too that you've stepped up your, ahem, "A" game. It's both impressive and adorable all at once. I'm serious, you're gonna be hard to follow.
@joelmw Well, you have my vote. But I'm a bit concerned for the near future of meh. With your ranting replies every time someone refers to you, it's quite possible the forums may take down the entire system. Aww, hell... shitty products be damned. Just think of the money we'll all save by voting for @joelmw!
@joelmw I don't believe in plausible deniability as much as other fairy tales.
@2many2no I believe in all kinds of fairy tales. But Bill was less about plausible deniability than lawyerly parsing of words, just, yaknow, for whatever it's worth.
I'd like to thank: my nominator (the nominator? dee nominator?) @bluedyn for putting me through this madness and for giving me yet another reason to rant and say stupid shit and post stupid pictures; @Thumperchick, well, just for being @Thumperchick and for inspiring us all; all of my supporters (holy fuck, I got 12 votes from people who aren't me, and my wife didn't even create an account because we decided that this was too damned much responsibility for this particular November). Thanks for all of your support. Truly. We gave it a meh run, didn't we? Well fuck it then. I'd also like to thank. @davegray for appreciating my genuinely heartfelt (though admittedly ass-kissing) lounge idea; the other goats, for being such fucking goats and mostly ignoring me (see, I won't even name you, you horrible motherfuckers; I kid, I kid; geez, people, relax :-) ); @JonT for being our cruise director and for being that odd mix of responsible and fun; @snapster for taking my money; Irk, my role model; @cengland0 for being so gosh-darned nice; the other candidates for being assholes like me; my wife for believing in me; my kid for never--as far as I know--venturing into the forums and discovering how vile her father's vocabulary is; my son for tolerating my bullshit; my parents, my siblings, three dozen cousins, my cat . . . . blah blah blah. I sort of want to call out all of my Mehricans, because you all have a special place in my heart (no, seriously, it's scary, you do), but no one's reading anymore anyway; just tell yourself that you're one of the dozen or so people I wanted to say swell things about but I was afraid of hurting everyone else's feelings. You're all very mediocre people and it makes me feel very warm in all of my feely places just thinking about you. Kinda gross, huh? Okay, get the hell out of here. You bother me. But as you go, remember:
@cengland0 - I don't trust Queen Elizabeth II
@joelmw - Joel doesn't write software posts anymore so irrelevant
@TaRDy - Doesn't know how to spell TARDIS
@BillLehecka - Bill Nye is a dick
@Starblind - Yeah that's what happens when you look at the sun for too long
@bluedyn - I'm blue da ba dee da ba dyn. No thanks. Was never mediocre, just either popular or annoying.
As for my speech, even more ripped off, but it took me 10 seconds to make, so it's even more mediocre.
I'm sorry, Speaker Dock, it's a bummer... in reality you're as dumb as they come.
And I needed those seeds REAL bad and I had to give them up; just to get your PARENTS off my back. So now we're gonna have to go get more.
And then we're gonna go on even MORE adventures after that, Speaker Dock. And you're gonna keep your MOUTH SHUT about it, Speaker Dock, because the world is full of idiots that don't understand what's important. And they'll TEAR us apart, Speaker Dock!!
But if you stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things, Speaker Dock, and you're gonna be part of 'em.
And together we're gonna run around, Speaker Dock, we're gonna... do all kinds of wonderful things, Speaker Dock. Just you and me, Speaker Dock. The outside world is our enemy, Speaker Dock... we're the only.... friends we've got, Speaker Dock! It's just Irk Mug and Speaker Dock. Irk Mug and Speaker Dock and their adventures, Speaker Dock.. Irk Mug AND Speaker Dock FOREVER AND FOREVER A HUNDRED YEARS Irk Mug and Speaker Dock.. some...things.. Me and Irk Mug and Speaker Dock runnin' around and... Irk Mug and Speaker Dock time... a- all day long forever.. all a - a hundred days Irk Mug and Speaker Dock! forever a hundred times.... OVER and over Irk Mug and Speaker Dock... adventures dot com.. W W W dot at Irk Mug and Speaker Dock dot com w..w..w... Irk Mug and Speaker Dock adventures.. ah- hundred years..... every minute Irk Mug and Speaker Dock dot com.... w w w a hundred times... Irk Mug and Speaker Dock dot com.......
@JazzyJosh TL:DR needs someone to bump the needle on his turntable.
@ceagee I did see Queen Elizabeth II but it was in the 70's and I was in the crowd along with hundreds of others so she probably wouldn't remember seeing me there.
@JazzyJosh I wonder how many people got the @joelmw on software reference...
@JazzyJosh - You lost me at Bill Nye.
@TaRDy I didn't. BTW, sometimes I do write about software. Anyway, help a loser out and clue me in.
@KDemo
@joelmw http://www.joelonsoftware.com great blog about programming, project management, and other things
@ceagee http://www.adultswim.com/videos/rick-and-morty/full-disclosure/ Alternatively, s/Rick/Irk Mug/ s/Morty/Speaker Dock/
@JazzyJosh Thanks. :-)
@JazzyJosh Re Nye: sad, but believable. Fuck, I hate shit like that. I blame @cengland0.
@JazzyJosh Current story is about Trello. I love Trello. One of the few pm/todo apps that works for me. And good cross-platform support.
I NOMINATE @NORTH_DAKOTA!
Because... WTF North Dakota?
@PocketBrain Don't bother. We don't need North Dakota, and North Dakota clearly does not need us.
Okay, so let's start off by acknowledging I'm only in this because I nominated someone truly worthy of goathood, @joelmw. Aside from him, @cengland0--recipient of a goat starter kit--is the only other legit nominee. A couple of these clowns nominated themselves. And @starblind has been nothing but a quality contributor to the forum.
But whatever. Here's some things about me.
What I've brought to the forum:
- Fuck It Fridays
- National Cat Day
- The phrase "Forum Decorum"
- A long, slow "The More You Know" gif war in one of the daily deal threads
What I will do for you as goat:
- Not much
- Definitely not take any blame
I have thousands of unread emails, and yours could be one of those. If you summon me and I do choose to respond, I'm likely to throw a surly gif/jpg of a cat at you. Or I may simply say "Sucks to be you." Or I could swear at you. You just never know. What I can guarantee is that I will not be supportive and helpful. Nor will I be sympathetic.
I'm your anti-goat. (pretend I bothered to Photoshop a goat head in this)
@bluedyn Funny thing about unread emails, I don't have any. I'm the type of person to read every piece of mail -- even junk mail. I'm curious what kind of scam they are pulling this time.
@bluedyn I confess, I shouldn't have nominated you; I'm afraid you might just win. FWIW, I had a serious mancrush on Val after that movie. Doc is just the sort of smartass, ostentatiously intellectual, charmingly unwholesome chap I aspire to be. Well chosen.
@bluedyn "A long, slow "The More You Know" gif war in one of the daily deal threads"
We had fun, didn't we? I guess I should be glad that thread didn't inspire my own nomination! Btw, where the hell was that, I really want to revisit it!
@joelmw Smartass, intellectual, charming, and unwholesome does accurately describe me. I didn't even think about that when I chose him. :-)
@Cinoclav Those are some top-notch gifs, and it was a very fun time indeed. Thank you for playing! But I have no idea what the deal was. Maybe @JonT can find it for us.
@bluedyn We definitely need the ability to search within threads.
@Cinoclav @bluedyn if you vote for me, you can blame me for this missing feature
@TaRDy Nice try
@Cinoclav you can search sites with google
@katylava I haven't found that terribly effective here.
@jqubed it works these days. we recently opened up the site to indexing by google.
@jqubed but that search found the right thread! @bluedyn @Cinoclav
@bluedyn
@JonT Yep, I found it before seeing your link. Such a great gif war.
@bluedyn Fiiiine. But I'm only begrudingly helping because I'm remarkably easily swayed by flattery. Goat-o-shopped:
@Starblind Ha! You're so helpful.
C'mon Mehricans, @bluedyn is far more blameworthy than she's getting credit for. What the fuck is the matter with you people?
@bluedyn
@Cinoclav @bluedyn @JonT That was awesome. Thanks for sharing. Truly, I was so moved I starred them all. (Somehow I'm sure this comes across as sarcastic but I'm frightfully earnest.) Hey, have you ever thought about how a lot of what we do on the Internet is eavesdrop on intimate moments among people we don't know (and who maybe don't even really know each other). It's kinda creepy, isn't it?
@JonT I meant to ask, but got caught up in the day. How'd you search for gifs? I don't recall us using the words directly at all.
@bluedyn I did use the words. I had jokingly stated I was going to insert a 'the more you know gif' and it escalated from there. The search that @katylava did is basically what I did, using: site:meh.com "the more you know"
@joelmw What's even creepier is how much we use the internet to eavesdrop on people we DO know...
There is just too much going on here...can I get like a handy little laminate or sometime with the major key bullet points? Ain't nobody got time for this... Can I just nominate myself as a write in and then also endorse myself...that's like four votes, pretty much a win. Boom.
@studerc I endorse this because I'm the true 'Mehrican.
@studerc hmmmm... non-consecutive terms like Grover Cleveland. Tempting.
@studerc I'll be pretty sad if you get more votes (excluding your goat powers votes) than I do
@studerc No way, you were one of the 3 worst ones!
@studerc Make things easy on yourself, @studerc: just vote for @joelmw. We'll see what we can do about expanding your legacy powers. Seriously, if you think this is madness, imagine what your second reign as scapegoat would be.
@studerc You look stressed, my friend; come take a load off: https://meh.com/forum/topics/legacy-scapegoat-lounge
@Starblind Ouch, that hurts.
@Starblind is not campaigning hard for @studerc's 3 votes, unless he's trying reverse psychology.
This thread is already long and confusing, and I'm already blaming @cengland0. Mostly because I want @cengland0 to have lots of bleat in @cengland0's email box.
@DaveInSoCal Gee thanks.
I'll do it
@Kevin Well ok then!
@Kevin pssst...you should at least vote for yourself (or me)
@TaRDy That would be cheating
Can we cast multiple votes? Vote early, vote often!
@jqubed I have. And I assume there's no prohibition (and can't see why there would be).
So far @JonT's original post has the most votes. Just thought I'd point that out.
@jqubed I gave it a star; maybe it's time to have an in house goat?
@Ryaneil @jqubed Part of the value of the goat is to offload some of the blamecasting that naturally goes toward staff. I mean, I know we love the meh staff, but I think there's always the danger of falling into a more "normal" relationship. The meh scapegoat helps keep us from that. Not to be too serious. And, seriously, I'm not lobbying for votes here, just expressing my general feelings about the office. The goat truly is a sort of community, non-staff leader. I might be wrong about this. @JonT? @snapster? Or am I spending too much time peeking behind the curtain, or, yaknow, over-analyzing?
@Ryaneil @jqubed Needless to say, you should still vote for @joelmw. But that's another issue. ;-)
It's too early to concede and I'm not categorically ruling out additional campaigning, but being the dork that I am I'm a little concerned (based on some comments) that some might have taken our fun the wrong way. Rest assured that I'm not offended at any of the baseless jabs taken at me; I didn't mean to actually personally attack anyone and I hope I haven't offended either any of the other candidates or any gentle-natured listeners. If I have, it is of course still @Thumperchick's fault. And, c'mon, kids, let's all put our big kid undies on, relax and have some fucking fun. Goddamnit. It's motherfucking fuckit Friday. Get out there and consume adult beverages and pleasure your significant other (or yourself, as the case may be). I didn't mean this as a ploy for votes, but if you do want to vote for pathetic, dorky old @joelmw, do that up here, 'kay? https://meh.com/forum/topics/thankful-scapegoat---november#54530283bc46799c07fb9b53
Congrats @cengland0! Looks like you'll be taking the goat tomorrow. Prepare your inbox.
@JonT poor poor @cengland0...
@JonT @cengland0 Welcome to goathood.
@JonT "Taking the goat"--yeah, that doesn't sound like bestiality.
My condolences, @cengland0. It sounds like you'll be getting "a little something extra," or the goat will. Either way, I'm sure it'll be an experience. Let us know how that goes.
@cengland0 Of course this is unequivocally your fault. And all of a sudden, @Thumperchick seems a lot less evil than she used to. Not not evil, but not altogether evil.
@JonT Dear lord, I already have 14 messages just from when I went to bed shortly after midnight to this morning.
@Thumperchick And you're just counting the hours down until the goat disappears from you list of tags and you stop getting all the mail. Well, that doesn't mean we have to stop mentioning your name in posts. You will always be a goat to us.
@cengland0 Make that 15 messages. Happy goathood!
@JonT This will not stand! The people need the truth! I smell conspiracy! I will not rest until justice is... actually nevermind, that sounds like effort. Congratulations @cengland0 ! Plus also FUCK YEAH 2ND PLACE! WOOO!
@Starblind Hmmm, not sure about that math. Either way, it's depressing to even know you came that close. ;-)
@cengland0 Congratulations, I think…..
@cengland0 Hope you've already set up a meh filter in your inbox! Bleat!
@Cinoclav I tried but Thunderbird is doing something weird. I just reinstalled my OS and I will try again tomorrow morning. I'll send the mail to a special Meh folder.
@Starblind Might not be conspiracy you smell -- maybe goat crap.
@cengland0
@Starblind When did the kids stop saying "Trick or Treat" and start saying, "Candy! Give me Candy!" I blame you! Also, that shit did not stand while I was giving out candy last night; they said it right and loud or they got a rock.
@PocketBrain um you need to blame @cengland0 . He's the new goat.
@ceagee Blame me? I want candy too. GIMME CANDY!
@ceagee Since it took place in October, shouldn't @PocketBrain have blamed @Thumperchick? Oh well, I blame @cengland0 for the confusion.
@msklzannie but what if I am the one that is also confused? I believe I will blame it on my dementia.
@ceagee although it might be my fault, I really didn't mean it.
@cengland0 Yeah, I blame you. Also everybody who has candy, come to my door and shout, "Trick or treat!" as loudly as you can; I have ten pounds left over.
@cengland0 I blame it on the sugar overdose. Also you.
@PocketBrain I went to Walmart yesterday hoping to get some discounted after-Halloween candy for cheap. They didn't have much of a selection so I left with very little. Bummer.
@cengland0 Obviously, this was your own fault. Maybe @PocketBrain can send you some.
@cengland0 - Looking for goat food-flavored candy? Your fault, you gave it away.
@rockblossom Hmmmm... Free candy, yes I'll take it.
@KDemo , true but I didn't know I'd be a goat and it was converted to be horse items so my Ex girlfriend's parents can use them. Goats will eat almost anything so the candy can just be anything like M&M's or Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Basically anything with chocolate.