We’re not selling this deal anymore, but you can buy it at Amazon

PureGlow Crystal 2-in-1 Himalayan Salt Lamp & Ultrasonic Essential Oil Diffuser

  • This claims to do everything a Himalayan Salt Lamp does and everything a diffuser does.
  • Many of those claims seem dubious, but we’re comfortable saying it looks cool and will smell nice.
  • It’s got 5 adjustable light levels and its Himalayan Salt is “handcrafted for beauty.”
  • Model: PEROCKDF, which reminds me of that classic console game, Perock: Dinosaur Fighter. That was it, right?
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With A Grain Of Salt

Here we go again! The return of The Skeptics Choice, our occasional write-up segment wherein we read what a product claims to do and say, “hmm… I don’t know…” Today, we’re talking about a PureGlow Crystal 2-in-1 Himalayan Salt Lamp & Ultrasonic Essential Oil Diffuser. Follow along, won’t you?

The Claim

For all those who are thinking that we’ve been through this all before, fear not: this is a different kind of diffuser than the one we sold last time. This one is a “one-of-a-kind product combines the therapeutic properties of a pure Himalayan salt rock lamp with the soothing aromatherapy of an essential oil diffuser.” Apparently, it sets “the perfect mood for relaxation at home” and provides “all the benefits you would expect from this powerful combo.”

The Skepticism

That last part is a little presumptuous. All the benefits I would expect? I understand each word in the phrase “Himalayan Salt Lamp” on its own, but I know nothing about what they mean when they’re put together. But that’s no bother! It’s all laid out right there in the marketing copy:

  • The first benefit is that it will “help boost your mood.” And honestly, that sounds legit! When you’ve had your windows shut for almost 12 consecutive months because it took just a single day for the seasons transition from the bitter cold of winter to the brutal humidity of summer, something that makes the air smell pretty can be a nice little pick-me-up.

  • The second benefit is that it can “increase energy levels.” This seems a little more like bullshit than the first claim, but it’s vague enough that I’m willing to give it a pass.

  • The third benefit is that it will “neutralize the positively charged ions that emit from electronic devices like smartphones, televisions, radios, and more.”

Umm, what the fuck? That sure escalated quickly.

Seriously, the difference in hysteria levels from “it might boost your mood” to “it’ll protect you from killer ions” is about equal to the difference between a “hang in there, kitty” poster and one of those spam posts from MySpace that was like, “Post this on 10 of your friends’ profiles or else your eyes will fall out.”

And by the way, I’m not against a lot of this stuff. Crystals are fine. Astrology is fine. You could argue that it’s unscientific, but that’s missing the point. Life sucks sometimes. If getting some stones to put in your pocket makes you feel less like you’re flying a cloud of chaos towards an inevitably disappointing conclusion, more power to you! I watch groups of men in polyester play what is basically an IRL-board game involving sticks and balls on an enormous grass-and-dirt field, and if the group of men I like outplays the group of men I don’t like, I feel profound happiness. So, I try not to judge people for the things they use to pass the time.

But I will ABSOLUTELY judge anyone who preys upon someone based on those things. Because that’s what they’re doing here. They’re not saying: “you like this thing? we make this thing~” They’re saying, “we make this thing! it is DANGEROUS not to have this thing!!!” In other words, it’s taking something that should be a distraction from the chaos of daily life–which it totally could be, by the way: it’s cool looking; it lights up; it smells nice–and turning it into part of the chaos of daily life. And that’s messed up.

(Also, sorta tangential but still relevant, it’s problematic in a whole other way: What’s dangerous about technology is not that it’s pumping the air full of ions; it’s how intrusive it is. For example, did you know that if you say “Bloody Mary” three times into your smart phone, an ad for “great local brunch spots” will appear on your Facebook timeline? Our devices are definitely listening to us. We can all agree on that, right? Fine, maybe I’m just being paranoid. But you have to know that every Google search, every purchase, every photo you post is being mined for important data. And so making it a conversation about “ions” is pushing it in a direction that helps no one but those selling PureGlow Crystal 2-in-1 Himalayan Salt Lamp & Ultrasonic Essential Oil Diffusers.)

The Conclusion

If you want a thing that lights up and looks cool and smells nice, this is a good investment. If you’re thinking about buying this because you’re afraid to breath in all the electro-turds you released into the air while binging Sharp Objects, maybe open a window?

So far today...

  • 60935 of you visited.
  • 40% on a phone, 5% on a tablet.
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  • on this deal.

And you bought...

  • 322 of these.
  • Deal ended .
  • That’s $13390 total.
  • (including shipping)

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