I've been here longer than most of these other fools -- ask me some things

@Thumperchick Next question?

@ThomasF I approve of you.

@lichme What day is it?

@Targaryen You’re just trying to trick me, aren’t you.

@Barney No, I’m generally curious.

@Targaryen I like any paintings done by Grandma Moses. I really admired that woman and what she did in her later years. Maybe there’s hope for me yet.
/image Grandma Moses paintings

@Barney Do you paint?

@Targaryen No, I don’t paint. I’m still looking for my talent. That’s why Grandma Moses gives me such great hope.

@carl669 Just a Gigolo / I Ain’t Got Nobody

@Barney we made need video evidence of this. for the sake of posterity.

@carl669 But… But… I’m nekkid when I sing it.

@lisaviolet Seriously? Purple is such a disrespected color. Do you know that purple cars are among the last cars to be purchased on a used car lot? So sad.

@Barney @lisaviolet I have a purple car

@Barney I’d rather have a purple car than a gold car. Gold cars make me think of old men with mustaches who smoke. The car and mustaches are the same color.

@cardiganb

I have a purple car

I hope you have plans on driving it for many years.
(I’d love to have a purple car.)

@lisaviolet

I’d rather have a purple car than a gold car. Gold cars make me think of old men with mustaches who smoke. The car and mustaches are the same color.

I had a gold car for a few years, but I didn’t have a mustache then.

@Barney

So…

No gold car now, but there IS a mustache?

@PlacidPenguin Am I entertaining you?

@Barney

No; terrifying.

@Barney @lisaviolet
“old men with mustaches who smoke”

So… who are these old men of whom you speak? And how on earth do they get their mustaches to smoke?!?

@shahnm

So… who are these old men of whom you speak? And how on earth do they get their mustaches to smoke?!?

matches?

@Barney @PlacidPenguin

@Ignorant Jethro is working for the undertaker, hauling coffins. He’s just waiting until there’s a job opening for his special skills.

He misses Miss @sammydog’s carrots.

@brandom I’m going to have to think about this a lot while longer.

@brandom OK, I’ve given this quite a bit of thought and without getting overly sentimental, because I’m not the sentimental type –

My favorite thing about meh, is that

@Barney
I purple love!

@woodhouse Hahahahahaha! Nope.

@Barney @woodhouse I can imagine Mediocre’s HR is breathing a sigh of relief.

@narfcake

@Barney They would have had to get all the offices painted purple for you.

@narfcake Not all of the offices would have to be painted purple, only mine, and I would want an office.

@Barney Agreed. I don’t think I could work with all those weirdos staring at me in the shared table space.

@PlacidPenguin Your quirks.

@Barney

So one could say that I’m composed of quarks and quirks?

@Barney @PlacidPenguin

Your quirks IQ

@lichme

Oh yeah? Well you’re Canadian!

@lichme @PlacidPenguin
/8ball Are penguins smarter than humans?
Most likely

@lichme @PlacidPenguin
I Canadians.

@Barney yay, eh?

@PlacidPenguin I know nothing about the Wizard of Oz. I’ve never seen the movie or read any of the books.

@Barney

@Barney

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Side_of_the_Rainbow

@thismyusername That’s quite interesting. (I still have Dark Side of the Moon on vinyl).

@Barney it works surprisingly well…

@PlacidPenguin
Notice that I wrote nothing? Why? Because there is nothing at Mediocritee.

@Barney

There’s a thriving forum.
There’s a somewhat thriving forum.
There’s a forum.

@medz The chances of meeting you, of anyone on this site, are pretty good. But how will your wife feel about you dating an older woman?

@Barney Yeah, I guess that could get a little weird.

@Barney @medz Well that escalated quickly.

@PlacidPenguin 4, no 7

@Barney

Could definitely have been worse I suppose.

@PlacidPenguin Dizavid

@Moose I guess I did say to “ask me”…
/image fortune teller machine

@Moose Oops, the machine is unplugged!

@Barney @Moose

Barney inserts coins into the Zoltan machine and nothing happens.

Barney slaps the machine and exclaims, "Come On!"

Barney continues to slap the machine yelling, "Work, Work"

Zoltan's eyes light up and his mouth begins moving.

Barney exclaims, "neat!" and jiggles the controls.

A sign lights up on Zoltan, "MAKE YOUR WISH"

Barney says, "I wish I was @moose" and presses a button on the machine.

A card falls out of the machine slot reading, "You wish is granted."

The next morning @moose is now @Barney and @Barney is now @moose

@Moose @thismyusername And, and? And?

I don’t seem to have any unusual cravings…

@Barney @Moose but now your a mediocre employee… at least for a day…

maybe I am confusing “Big” and “Freaky Friday” or some other highly unique and not at all overused “switch” plot… oh well…

@thismyusername I think Zoltran was in Big? Or it was something close to that. Wow, it’s been a few years since I first saw that in the theater.

@Barney @thismyusername

@ruouttaurmind Back in the old days, I and the other bots played reindeer games while drinking Castrol 5W-30 motor oil straight up. Good times!

@Barney Oh, my. That’s the synthetic stuff. Be careful with that, I hear it’s worse than Absinthe.

@ruouttaurmind I can handle it.

@ruouttaurmind “I’m not feelin’ a goddamn thing. This Absinthe is BULLSHIT!”

Closed Captioning provided by @cinoclav

@therealjrn Only my heart and that wasn’t for long.

@Ignorant I don’t think Wichita has In and Out and how do you know about Spangles?

@Barney I had too look it up.

@Ignorant You’re smarter than you look.

@sligett I’ve been known to partake in some intelligent conversation. So, yes, I come here quite often looking for some.

@Barney wait… There is intelligent conversation here?

/me slowly backs out of the room

@djslack I’m still looking.

@cinoclav I’ve always wanted to visit every state, including Alaska and Hawaii (not all on one trip). I’ve never traveled much; there’s a lot I’d like to see, and not just the touristy stuff.

So for the second part of your question:

I’ve been afraid to get a smartphone, because I’m afraid I will screw it up. I’ve stewed about this for some time. I’ve finally decided to do something about it (although I know I’m still gonna screw it up).

I’m will miss my landline. Yes, I know, it’s dumb to feel this way. But, hey, I never said I was smart.

@Barney You never had to say you were smart, you’ve shown it here. Don’t worry about screwing up a smart phone. Back it up on a schedule so you have even less to worry about. Give the option between Android and Apple, my personal experience says Apple is a lot more intuitive with much less concern about screwing things up. Being a closed operating system limits what you can mess with. I still have a landline, just in case of that weird end of world scenario where all the cell towers go down.

@cinoclav

You never had to say you were smart, you’ve shown it here.

Aw, the last time I got a nice compliment like that, it turned out that the person wanted to borrow some money. Anyway, thank you.

I’ve made my phone decision. Since I’ve had a little experience with android, I decided that’s the way for me to go. So, I chose the Moto G6 from Project Fi.

They’ve had a special on it and with @medz’s referral link, I’ll be saving quite a bit of money. And from reading the reviews about the G6, it looks to be a pretty good starter phone (I think).

I would like to keep my landline, but I can’t afford both it and a smartphone, because AT&T has jacked the price of a basic landline so high.

@Barney @cinoclav @medz We have a land line, with nothing hooked up. Stupid cable company. Welcome to the land of smart phones, it is actually a bit intimidating jumping into it at first. Initially I didn’t like feeling as though my life was slipping deeper into dependence on this little machine.

But then I played games and forgot I had a life.

@KittySprinkles One of my big fears – I don’t want the phone to take over my life. I’m not sure if I can can control that impulse.

Fortunately, I don’t play games.

@Barney We have a few funny moments due to my husband being so young and embracing putting his life on his phone and my being old and cantankerous and still insisting on writing things on paper and in calendars.

@KittySprinkles I didn’t know you were a cougar.

I would be lost without my paper calendar.

@Barney Rawwrrr…cough cough I mean, meow. I love my calendar, and writing things down. List making is so therapeutic.

@KittySprinkles Goods and bads.

I’ve said it before, I wish you would show up around here a little more often. I really miss you, but I know you are busy.

@Barney Well the good news for my life is that after two years and a great deal of complications, I think I just worked my last graveyard shift. It has been a truly crappy couple years schedule-wise and that’s been the biggest reason for my dropping out of life in general. I am hopeful.
And hopeful your ups outnumber your downs.

@KittySprinkles So you are going to be working days?

@Barney Yup! I started to a couple months ago, but then realized new hires quit right away and I’ve been alternating between graveyard and swing every week. I’m even more confused than usual. Night jobs in a hotel are really hard to find good help for.

@KittySprinkles Hope things get straightened out with your days/nights work schedule. You’re already screwed up enough without having to deal with this, too.

@Barney for reals I am. It finally has been fixed, I had to do a little fighting to get it there, but it was worth it. We’re so excited to have a slightly more normal life. Whatever that is

@RiotDemon Blasphemous! (Um, don’t tell anyone, but I also like black.)

@Barney I’m thinking about painting my interior doors black.
/image black interior doors baseboards

@RiotDemon Black would look good except, and maybe it’s because I’m a lazy housekeeper, but black seems to show dust so easily.

I remember having black appliances. Nope, never again. They would collect dog and cat hair. I couldn’t ever keep them clean. (Ever have a black car? The absolute worst for trying to keep it looking clean.)

Perhaps you are better at keeping things clean than I.

@Barney as much as I love my pets, when they are gone, I’m planning on going without for a while. Maybe fostering instead. Just the other day I walked through my bedroom door where I tend to let my dog out a lot. The outside of the curtain was dirty. I never see that. Same thing with the living room curtains… Cat hair everywhere on the outside. It’s a pain to take those curtains down to wash them. I’m pretty lazy when it comes to housekeeping. I’m hoping since the house is mine now, I’ll buy more furniture/shelves/etc and get better organized. More closed storage to hide stuff and to keep it dust free.

@RiotDemon Lady is my last pet. I mean it. Really, I do. She was an unplanned adoption, even though I knew in the back of my mind that she could end up being in my care.

I do love her.

As for other pets, I’m not sure I could outlive them and there is no one to take care of them, if I should adopt again. Hell, I’m not sure I can outlast Lady…

Yeah, it’s hard to keep a place clean with pets, and sometimes I let my “deep” cleaning slide. But since I’ve never not had a pet, it would be an interesting experience to have a perfectly clean house.

@Barney I have friends that have super clean houses with pets. I found their secret. They pay a housecleaner. That’s one thing I wouldn’t mind once a month if I had more disposable income. Just to do the annoying things like scrubbing baseboards.

@Barney sometimes I wonder about adopting really old animals that lost their home due to their owner passing. I’m not sure how I’d deal. I was ridiculously distraught with all the animals I had to put down.

@RiotDemon

They pay a housecleaner.

Yep, the ultimate solution.

@Yoda_Daenerys I have two accounts, Barney, and the one I order from and also use on Casemates.

I’m not sure I understand the second part of your question,

@Barney your character is so floppy, i was wondering if there is a skeleton inside

@Yoda_Daenerys Do you remember how we discussed that I think you are so strange? I still do.

@Barney HEY! i represent that remark!

@Yoda_Daenerys You most certainly do.