We’re not selling this deal anymore, but you can buy it at Amazon

Monster Screen Cleaning Bundles

  • There are 2 screen-cleaning bundles to choose from, a veritable bundle of bundles!
  • You can either get a 2-Pack of 6.76oz bottles with 6 cloths (4 regular cloths, 2 large cloths)…
  • Or a 5-pack in the 1.52oz bottles with 10 cloths (5 regular cloths, 5 AEGIS cloths).
  • Really depends if you’re team spray or team cloth.
  • Unfortunately, while there are plenty of ways to clean your screens, science has yet to discover a way to clean shirts, so you’ll have to just keep buying new ones from Mediocritee.
  • Model: 132803-00. Almost a phone number. Almost a zip code. But alas, it is nothing.
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The Sludge Monster Approves!

When I took my camera and my press badge and drove, in the middle of the night, to investigate the flashing lights coming from a sewer grate just down the way from the NuTech, the shady local corporation that dealt in “nuclear fusion solutions to the world’s greatest problems,” I couldn’t help but give myself over to fantasy.

I imagined Mr. Gorley, my editor at the Timbult Times, looking at the photos (of whatever the light might be) with amazement, asking: “How did you get these?” I imagined people stopping me on the street to talk to me about how I broke the biggest story this little town has ever seen. Hell, I imagined what I would say in my Pulitzer acceptance piece. In short, I imagined I would climb down into that sewer and emerge forever changed.

And I did. But it is not in the way that I dreamed. No, my current situation is one of nightmares.

Because whatever diabolical machinations are afoot down there, they’ve transformed me, a once up-and-coming newspaper photographer, into a terrifying sludge monster.

Which means I must now emerge only at night to seek revenge on the various NuTech execs and engineers who are responsible for my putrid new form, while also attempting to communicate to my former girlfriend that I am, under all these layers of slime and sewage, still the man she loved.

And let me tell you, communication can be tough! Especially when you can’t get within 50 feet of a person before they run away screaming. That’s why I mostly rely on text messaging. And even then, I run into another problem: with noxious goo where there should be hands, I leave quite a lot of unfortunate marks on my phone’s screen!

That’s why I invested in one of these Monster Screen Cleaning Bundles: not just because they have “Monster” in the name, and that’s what I am now, a grotesque monster. No, I bought one because, no matter which option I chose–the 7.6oz of spray and 10 cloths (5 regular, 5 aegis), or 13.4oz of spray and 6 cloths (4 regular, 2 large)–I could rest assured that my phone screen would be protected from micro-abrasions while remaining dust and smudge free.

Now if I only I could use it to wipe away all the sludge covering my body. But alas, I fear that the sludge may very well be my body at this point. Oh well!

So far today...

  • 61523 of you visited.
  • 38% on a phone, 5% on a tablet.
  • 4422 clicked meh
  • on this deal.

And you bought...

  • 1152 of these.
  • Paused from 10:40am - 8am ET (see more)
  • That’s $13025 total.
  • (including shipping)

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