The question is not "do you eat deep-fried foods?"

The question is “which deep-fried foods do you eat?” You might look at a home deep fryer and think you’re not the kind of person who would ever own a deep-fryer. You might even believe it. But don’t even try to pretend you’re the kind of person who never eats deep-fried foods.

Maybe you do watch what you eat most of the time. But come on. It’s us.

You can keep on lying to yourself about how each order of McDonald’s fries, each platter of jalapeño poppers, is an isolated deviation from your true path in life. Or you can accept who you are, and welcome this Kalorik 4-Quart Deep Fryer into its rightful place in your life.

At least this way, you can control what goes into the fryer. It comes with one big basket and two small ones, so you can live a quiet life of sober moderation, or double-fist the fried snacks like a wayward, dissolute libertine. And if it makes you feel better, you can throw some carrots and cauliflower in there. Your fryer, your rules.

And all for the price of, what, like, a month’s worth of onion rings?

Junkie, know thyself. You know, sooner or later, you’re going to chase the Mazola dragon. Better to do it in a safe environment at home than out on the street.