Dog Toy Bundle (Set of 4)
- So many ways to chew
- You’re getting one dog treat, one rope, one bungee bird, and one stuffed toy
- No dog? Bring them along to your friends’ houses to buy the affection of your friends’ dogs
Bring a little something for the dog. Or else.
Most dog-toy retailers aim at the easy, obvious target market: people who own dogs. Where’s the fun in that? If you have a dog, you’ve probably already made up your mind about this bundle. Either you’re the type who gives your dog lots of bacon-stuffed beef shinbones and tennis-ball creatures and dried water-buffalo penises to chew on, or you’re not.
But we’re hunting even bigger game than water buffalo. We’re aiming for the untapped dog-toy market of people who don’t have dogs. And we’re going to do it in the time-honored method of great advertisers… by creating a fake custom:
Polite guests always bring a gift for their host’s dog.
Just like De Beers inventing the engagement ring, or Lysol grossing women out about their lady parts, we declare it is now unacceptably rude to show up at a friend’s house without a little something for their canine friends.
Dog owners, we encourage you to get highly offended the next time a guest drops by unprepared to meet this now very important social obligation. If your idea of fun is to feel justifiable outrage at some petty social slight, you’re gonna have a blast. Maybe you can even train your dog to growl at visitors who don’t pay it proper tribute.
Non-dog owners, stock up now. Here are enough dog toys to keep you on the right side of this new social convention for a couple of months. By then, we’ll have you so well trained, you won’t remember a time when you visited friends without a bottle of wine in one hand and a dried water-buffalo penis in the other.
