Calphalon Space-Saving Hard-Anodized Nonstick 9-Piece Cookware Set
- Genuinely thoughtful space-saving design.
- No seriously. These will be so much happier in your limited cabinet space. You can smash your old ones in the back yard like an Office Space printer.
- Anodized, nonstick, etc, etc…
- Can it make a margarita? Simmered to perfection and piping hot.
Pan Designers Hate You
“—because fuck you, that’s why!!”
Oh, dear. It seems we have stumbled into the middle of a product meeting at a cookware manufacturer. They’re discussing why you wouldn’t design pots and pans in such a way as to have them stack neatly in a cabinet instead of making a variety of slightly incompatible sizes that take up as much space as possible while also remaining ridiculously difficult to extract from without banging a bunch of loud metal together as you rummage for the right one.
“—no, assface, you lift the lid using a little ring that’s right in the center, which makes it so you can’t stack those, either! You secure it with a screw that’ll always come loose but they’ll never fix.”
Except it turns out that it’s totally possible to make pots and pans that actually seem like they share a design ethos that isn’t simply being as frustrating as possible for day-to-day use, even if…
“Plus we can put the rivets on the inside in such a way as they’ll always capture a bunch of gunk that won’t come clean in the dishwasher!”
…even if it doesn’t actually cost any more to just make everything less annoying.
“The ones you’re selling today have the dumb rivets, too, you know.”
WELL, MAYBE THAT’S WHY THEY AREN’T FOUR HUNDRED BUCKS.
Ahem. Man, tempers can flare in the pan business.
Completely understandable structurally beneficial rivets notwithstanding, this is a hell of a deal on a convenience-oriented set of pots and pans that won’t make you curse their design and wish harm to their manufacturer every time you need to drag them off the shelf.
They’re anodized, they’re non-stick, and they’re stackable. The lids are glass and let you see inside while you cook. And the handles won’t burn you, unless you’re using these in an oven, in which case they’ll totally burn you. So watch out for that.
“—and these idiots will eat it up if we cobrand with some mid-tier influencer. All you have to do is put the name on the box and whoever we contract with will TikTok about it like their Mercedes lease depends on it!! Free marketing!”
Oh, that reminds us. No dodgy branding or questionable endorsements this time. These are from Calphalon, a real company, not to be confused with Calf-Anon, a support group for bodybuilders with poor muscle definition below the knee.
“[ANGRY SKIPS LEG DAY NOISES]”
Ignore that. Buy pans. You’re going to love them.
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Calphalon Space-Saving Hard-Anodized Nonstick 9-Piece Cookware Set 43
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Creep: Mad Ape Den Karaoke 1
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It’s 1 a.m. and everyone else is sleeping. What kitchen sound betrays your snacking? 33
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Ten years of easy payments. 12 -
Suck Gum Alert 2
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May the goat be with you (May 2024 goat nominations) 1
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Places to go, things to see 10 -
Safer 3