Altchek MD Beauty Bundle
- 20-piece Beauty Renewal Bundle has everything you need to refresh your skin
- Six five-minute clay renewal masks use a blend of french clay, charcoal, and honey to fix up your busted-ass face
- 12 hydrogel masks employ “an intensive blend of vitamin and botanical extracts”, much pleasanter than the crocodile-shit baths they used to use in ancient Greece
- Two 30-packs of pre-moistened make-up remover towelettes
- No more moistening your own towelettes, think how much time you’ll save
We Saved Valentine's Day
If you’re getting these for yourself, the timing is irrelevant. New skin care products you buy on February 17th will be as useful to you as any you might have bought on the first.
But in case you might have bought them as a Valentine’s Day gift, we stalled. We waited to sell them until now. We protected you from yourself. No need to thank us.
Dudes are not great, in general, at choosing Valentine’s Day gifts. Sure, an individual dude with half an ounce of sense can exploit this widespread ineptitude, easily clearing the low bar set by his S.O.’s last fella, who bought her a ball gag, or one of those teddy bears holding a heart, or one of those teddy bears wearing a ball gag.
But we don’t know whether the dudes in our audience have half an ounce of sense. We’ve been trying our best to find out, but it turns out you’re a fairly inscrutable lot. With that and the well-being of your relationships in mind, we had no choice but to withhold today’s products until after February 14th to protect you from possibly giving them as Valentine’s Day gifts.
Buying your special someone a gift from the beauty and cosmetics product category is fraught, y’all.
First, users of these products often have very particular preferences, and you probably do not know what your partner likes. Remember when your parents bought you GoBots, but you wanted Transformers? It’s like that. But more complicated.
Second, when you give someone beauty products, you run the risk of suggesting the recipient could use some work. “I got these for you! You know. To help with your blemishes and wrinkles and stuff.” Let the creeps from One Direction handle the weird backhanded makeup messaging; you stick to gifts that communicate unambiguous loving support. Like maybe a set of workout videos. Wait, no, that’s not right.
Finally, unless you are a beauty product user or industry professional, it’s unlikely you can tell the good stuff from the junk. This is especially true when you’re trolling the Internet’s discount bins. Why is the price so good? Overshooting in the supply chain? Some retailer went belly-up for reasons unrelated to this product’s quality or popularity? Or is it just junk? Odds are you won’t be able to figure it out. You’re left relying either on your poor instincts, or the outfit trying to sell the stuff. That’s us. And we’ve got a clear conflict of interest in this regard. Why would you trust us?
I mean, other than the fact that we may have just saved your Valentine’s Day. You’re welcome.
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Altchek MD Beauty Bundle 64
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Mediocrebot is an Asshole SUPERCUT - all six parts 23
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Is your man good at Valentine's gifts? (If you are a man, evaluate yourself) 39
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