Too late It’s over

Akribos XXIV Men’s Swiss Quartz Multifunction Watches

A watch that will tell you the time, day, and date but not the score of the Dodgers game
This isn’t some high-end mechanical watch like this, but it is several orders of magnitude cheaper
Water resistant to 30m (is fine getting wet, is not fine going spear-fishing)
Dodecagon bezel, so its area can be determined as 3cot(π/12)a² where a is the length of a side
Stainless steel band, not to be confused with a Staind steel-drum cover band
Model: AK940BK, AK940GN, AK940RG, AK940TTB, AK940YG (Fun to think how many Meh visitors’ attention will be immediately drawn to this bolded string of nonsense characters.

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Stupider Like A Watch

Considering giving this watch as a gift but concerned the potential recipient already has one? Don’t worry about it. That’s like fretting over whether the recipient of a sweater already has one. Stupidwatches (or, as they used to be called: watches) like these act as fashion accessories, and different outfits demand different watches.

This sartorial fact seems to have been overlooked by Swiss watchmaker Swatch, however, who recently announced plans to develop their own OS in an attempt to enter the increasingly tepid smartwatch market. As Daring Fireball wrote this week, that decision is not so smart.

Why? Two reasons. First, making software from scratch is freakin’ hard and Swatch must compete with Apple, Microsoft, and Google for top-tier developers. The road to technological hell is paved with companies hubristic enough to build their own platforms.

Second, as mentioned, stupidwatches are still good business because they accessorize an outfit. People who wear analog watches often buy multiple. As Daring Fireball notes:

The bread and butter for high-end watch companies are aficionados who own multiple watches. Almost no one uses multiple smartwatches. People might have old ones in a drawer, but just as with with phones, it’s only convenient to have one smartwatch in active use at a time.

(Should-be-obvious disclaimer: This $40 Akribos ain’t a “high-end watch,” but it is the type of watch you might buy even if you already own several others. It’s not exactly family heirloom material, but you’re not exactly a sucker who’d buy a wristwatch the price of an SUV.)

Of course, Apple and other smartwatch makers endeavored to address the “you only need one smartwatch” problem by providing different strap options. This makes sense assuming you consider the most fashion-relevant feature of a watch to be the material by which it attaches to your wrist. Otherwise, swapping bands on the same watch won’t magically make it go with any outfit.

We’re not saying nobody should buy a smartwatch (we sell a bunch of 'em here) Just that they should be considered gadgets, not outfit-completers. Who knows, you might even transition to from smart to stupid like Marco:

I accidentally found the first mechanical watch that infected my mind so much that I actually wanted — quite badly — to own it. I had many doubts: Would I look ridiculous wearing it? Would I hate setting or winding it? Would I miss notifications, activity tracking, and weather on my watch? Would I wear it briefly but then run back to my Apple Watch and let the mechanical rot in a drawer?

Nope.

Maybe you feel pressure to dip a toe in the smartwatch waters yourself, or to dip somebody else’s via a gift. And maybe, like Swatch, you should ask yourself first: “Do I need to?” You could pay a couple hundred bucks for a single smartwatch or you could add another outfit option for yourself or your watch-loving friend or family member [cough Father’s Day cough] on the cheap with this handsome timepiece.

There’s no shame in being stupid.

Akribos XXIV Men’s Swiss Quartz Multifunction Watches

Stupider Like A Watch

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