2-for-Tuesday: Bem Mini Bluetooth Speakers

  • You get two little speaker cubes (not a stereo pair, they’re single and proud)
  • Each cube is 2.25" to a side: about the size of a billiard ball, a little smaller than a tennis ball, much smaller than a tetherball
  • Bluetooth or aux-in to get the music thingy to play through the sound holes
  • A full charge runs three of your Earthling hours
  • Outer casings absorb every wavelength of visible light (i.e., they’re black)
  • Model: HL2508B (seven characters, no waiting: a model of model-number concision, precision, and circumcision)
see more product specs

For External Use Only

Ho-hum. Another tiny Bluetooth speaker capable of “surprisingly loud” “room-filling” sound.

And that’s still too big to fit into any of our bodily cavities.

Someone at Bēm thought these speakers, at 2.25 inches per side, were small enough to warrant the title “Mini”. We say, if it doesn’t fit into one of our nostrils, it’s not mini enough.

That’s wasted space, people. We only need one to breathe.

Nostrils are just one of the useless voids in our bodies that could be emitting deep, rich bass and crisp, detailed highs, if the audio industry would start devoting the same attention to those cavities that it does to the ear canal.

Until then, we’ll have to make do with the Bēm Mini. It’s a little smaller than a tennis ball, which - take our word for it - still isn’t small enough to cram into our anatomical dead zones. Plus, those corners. Ouch.

Audio industry, it’s time to get your heads out of your asses, and put speakers in there instead.

So far today...

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  • (including shipping)

Who's buying this crap?

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