10-for-Tuesday: Schick Hydro 5 Men's & Women's Stick & Razors Bundle
- Shave your face, legs, or whatever body hair you’re most disgusted by with this 10-pack of 5-bladed razors
- Celebrate our nation’s birthday in the most American way possible – by fighting back against the natural landscape
- Enjoy not being ripped off, ladies (for whatever reason, women’s razors are usually a few dollars more than men’s counterparts)
- Get a closer shave with the multiple blades and yada yada yada – you’ve seen the commercials
- Model: None (Well, maybe “Hydro 5” but the Meh Model Number Bylaws stipulate that a model number must be differentiated in some way from the model name. So we reject this submission.)
The Onion Oracle
In 2004 The Onion printed an article with the headline “Fuck Everything, We’re Doing 5 Blades” by the CEO of Gillette. This was a seemingly absurd, humorous response to the recent release of the Gillette Mach 3 razor.
Oh how much has changed in the intervening 13 years. For one thing, The Onion no longer “prints” articles at all. For another, 5-bladed razors like these Schick Hydros seem not absurd at all. They seem totally normal, even commonplace.
This price for 10 premium razors would have also seemed laughably absurd in 2004. Back then only a few razor companies dominated the market. Now competition has crept in from online subscription companies and prices across the board have dropped. We’re not saying ours isn’t a good deal, but it won’t evoke the incredulous laugh it might have received from denizens of the mid-aughts.
What headline would capture the current razor reality? How about: “Fuck It, We’re Making Razors For Millennials Who No Longer Shave”
Oh wait, that already happened:
How about: “Fuck It, We’ll Do Our Own Subscription Service”
Nevermind …
Maybe given the increased competition and lowered demand for traditional razors, the best headline is: “Fuck It”
In any case, the big razor companies’ loss is your gain. Gobble up these 5-bladed razors before they release a 20-bladed version:
Geez, we’re old …
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10-for-Tuesday: Schick Hydro 5 Men's & Women's Stick & Razors Bundle 164
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Stock Footage Tribute to America 6
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How often do you shave (anything, including legs and pits)? 25
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Meh vs. Prime Day 13 -
Help with a sound bar? 13 -
I want my shipping subscription back. 14 -
Woot and Stuff 167 -
Does anyone here roast coffee at home? 18