@narfcake Love it! CatGoat! or Gocat!

@f00l Don’t worry, your time will come.

@narfcake
I am pondering which level of Dante’s Inferno I will be directed setup my recliner on, what the dread day arrives.

@f00l I hope I’m right up next to the flames- so my marshmallows will toast better. (Yes, there will be marshmallows in Hell… oh the irony).

@Kidsandliz
Click here for photos

@OldCatLady
I unblame you. Any extra room on your ship?

How would we get along with the crew?

@OldCatLady I blame you and stupid Florida for being a hurricane magnet that will make my holiday weekend rainy. Boo. (Stay safe.)

@sammydog01 I plan to stay safe, secure in the knowledge that if Things Go Wrong, I really have only myself to blame. Thanks.

@OldCatLady I love my local Publix, and it’s always a good time for BOGO wine!

@PocketBrain It was all gone, and I didn’t get any.
/giphy wine o’clock

@OldCatLady
My first ever experience of Breyers Ice Cream came from a Publix.

Natural Vanilla. Happy.

@OldCatLady no no no, unblames are for when good things happen

@thismyusername I’m glad to have them, even though I don’t want to need them.
/giphy electric plug

@OldCatLady that gify… that… that… that is just a fire waiting to happen…

@Barney I hear ya. Local weatherguesser just said ''With the eye moving ashore about 100 miles to our west, the worst of the storm will be directly south and east…" That’s us. Oh, and it will be around 0600 tomorrow. I loathe, abhor, detest, and despise early mornings. I recently promised to insert hot boiled (unshelled) eggs into whoever tried to get me to do anything at that hour. I don’t have anyone but myself to blame now.
/giphy hurricane

@RiotDemon Yup, that’s me. Baaa!

@OldCatLady Sheep go baaa; goats go bump
Got my fingers crossed for you & others in FL to be safe

@RiotDemon It’s supposed to reach here by next week! Damn you weather controlling goat @OldCatLady !!

@OldCatLady
I guess it’s your fault they sent that to you?

@f00l @OldCatLady Maybe that’s an unblame…?

@darkzrobe what are you doing to them once you catch them???

@thismyusername shelter.

@darkzrobe awww… sweet, you are a good human… do you have a cat vortex in your back yard?

@thismyusername porch with a hole under the house. Will be fixed when I catch all of them.

@darkzrobe was that photo of one of the strays? Did it let you pick it up easily?
I ask because one of my first cats was living under my great grandmother’s porch. I wanted him because he let me give him food. He was terrified when we tried to catch him though.
He came around, but it took a little bit. Unfortunately we couldn’t get his sibling. I heard the family relocated it when he was older instead of taking it in somewhere it could get adopted and fixed.

@RiotDemon It took me a few tries to get it that comfortable. But apparently I am cuddly.

I was hoping to catch some of the other ones by now so it would have some playmates. But I havnt been able to so I will be bringing it to a shelter today as I am not home enough to give it the care it needs.

@ELUNO
Calling all lip-readers. Your service are requested.

@f00l That’s what male goats do when they’re aroused.

@medz
They talk like me? Wow! Never knew.

/giphy me talking

@f00l

@OldCatLady sounds like a typical Florida summer storm.
Glad it wasn’t too bad.

@OldCatLady Happy to hear you’re alright!

@OldCatLady
/giphy The Goat Abides

@PocketBrain I did warn that my goat regency would not be what people expected. This is just the start.

@OldCatLady The power is back on. In your face, goat!

@narfcake My randoms from the Woot-off just arrived- both are cat shirts, one of which I already own. Both are too cutesy to wear in public. Did you have to make it cat month, @OldCatLady?

@sammydog01 Yes, yes I did. Me-eh-eh!
/giphy goat bleat

@sammydog01 Too cutesy? Which designs did you get?

@narfcake Procatstination and meeoween. I have meeoween already and will probably alternate them for the last week of October when cutesy is more acceptable.

@sammydog01 Ah. Meeooween does tip the scale on cuteness, especially when animated:

Procatstination is pretty typical catshirtswoot fare IMHO, though. And yes, I have both of these. =^.^=

@narfcake But the write-up was incredibly funny. Poor drunk kitty. I don’t know how to copy the image but here’s the link for the other one.
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/procatstination-9?ref=cnt_ctlg_dgn_0

@narfcake LMFTFY

@gio Thanks. It was working when I originally posted it. I suspect some goat had something to do with that …

@narfcake I have a witness to prove I was otherwhere.

@OldCatLady
Ooooh. Is he in the Protection Program?

@f00l I don’t know, he won’t tell me his real name.

@OldCatLady
I don’t think you need to know his name. Just … Ummm … Geo-Tag him for future accessibility.

@narfcake Wish I knew how I did that.

@OldCatLady By conjuring up the winter goat?
/image winter goat

@somf69
/giphy goat season

@sammydog01 I held the autumn equinox early. I was bored. Me-eh-eh!

12. That @TickledLizard has cooped up all these blames for way too long. More posts!

@TickledLizard
Egad! You sound Tickled!

/giphy tickled

@TickledLizard I have a package at the PO? Well, drat and blast it. Which one!? I did receive a mystery package… and am wondering how it works. (Note the puzzled look on my face).

@TickledLizard
/giphy puzzled

@PrincessSuzuki

That depends,when did you get the package which confuses you?

@TickledLizard Aug 25. Verra small and flat. and silver.

@PrincessSuzuki

You mean this?

@TickledLizard Yes

@PrincessSuzuki

No clue.

I’m innocent.

@TickledLizard well, thank you.
/giphy tanks

@TickledLizard I can confirm, no WSJ subscription has made its way to my desk yet.

@hollboll

What about somebody else’s desk?

@TickledLizard not that I’ve seen.

@hollboll

Grumble

@f00l Some of us are saving the blames for your term.

@narfcake
I will be sharing the pain will all Goats Emeritus. In fact I look forward to it.

Speaking of which, where is the master list? I need to know who to torment when within my future madness.

@f00l I’m blaming @OldCatLady for the possible certain future regret. I’m also blaming her that I don’t feel like searching for the unofficial official list.

June 2014 - @davegrey
July 2014 - @Ryaneil
August 2014 - @marklog
September 2014 - @studerc
October 2014 - @Thumperchick
November 2014 - @cengland0
December 2014 - @lisaviolet
January 2015 - @joelmw
February 2015 - @Barney
March 2015 - @BillLehecka
April 2015 - @carl669
May 2015 - @narfcake
June 2015 - @Pavlov
July 2015 - @Starblind
August 2015 - @mfladd
September 2015 - @sohmageek
October 2015 - @jaremelz
November 2015 - @christinewas
December 2015 - @TaRDy
January 2016 - @thismyusername
February 2016 - @Lotsofgoats
March 2016 - @stardate820926
April 2016 - @KDemo
May 2016 - @medz
June 2016 - @dashcloud
July 2016 - @brhfl
August 2016 - @sammydog01
September 2016 - @OldCatLady

@narfcake You can’t give @Pavlov a full month’s credit; he didn’t fulfill his term. Instead he stood under a falling building, then he went to a place where nurses wouldn’t let him out, and they gave him drugs.

@OldCatLady
@Pavlov never finished a his month? And then he had a Close Personal Encounter with The Force? In The UK?

That Bastard. He needs to be made Goat for October November December by acclaim. Imagine staging a stunt like that just to get out of being goat?

@OldCatLady He was still blamed unblamed a lot that month!

@f00l Being injured is not a joking matter.

@narfcake
I know. My filters can be faulty

@narfcake I bleat the fifth.

@narfcake
My little list of lovely sharers of future pain. Thx!

@f00l I’d happily have been elected permanent goat if it meant I’d not have the recurring pain in my shoulder . . . I now know when it’s going to rain - problem is, as much and as often as it hurts, I’ve realized I can tell it is always going to rain somewhere.

@Pavlov
I hope the pain isn’t too bad or too frequent. And I hope all buildings in your vicinity have learned their lesson: that you are tougher than they are. Let them fear you.

I have various “informative” bones in my ankles, and one little toe that also gives me weather forecasts. These bones were quite talkative for a few years. Now they just murmur.

/giphy leap tall buildings with a single goat

@RiotDemon That’s my fault, and I accept the blame. In 24 hours you will be cursing me even louder. I recently had a fire ant multi-bite that blistered and lasted a solid week. Amdro and I are good friends; may I introduce you to them?
/giphy fire ant

@OldCatLady I end up having to poke the blisters, otherwise they are way too painful. Then I have a little wound that usually lasts a month. I’ll continue to blame you for the rest of September.

@OldCatLady
@RiotDemon

Fire ants and killer bees. Gotta love the hot parts of the US.

@RiotDemon

@lisaviolet hah. I vaguely remember watching MST3K of this movie.

@RiotDemon My mom let me watch it on tv when I was a kid, maybe five or six years old, over fifty years ago. I think we lived in Wichita Falls, TX at the time, where the ants are big, and ants have given me the willies ever since. We don’t have any big ants around our house (knock on wood), but I go a little crazy when I see the little ones in the house. Just a little crazy. Each time I look at the trail I get a little crazier…until the base of the entire house has been sprayed and there are no more…

@lisaviolet I saw that on the Saturday afternoon creature feature. I hate ants.

@narfcake Unblame gratefully accepted.

@OldCatLady Your response is terse
And it’s not in a haiku
Now I must blame you

@narfcake
Blame the current goat
Do not trouble the past goats.
Leave that task to me.

/giphy haiku goat

@narfcake I don’t do fucking haiku, but I can cheat.

Don’t cheat, write
deep, goat,
Must blame.

apologies to Issa

@OldCatLady Yeesh. The least you could’ve done was write one in @carl669 style.

Fuck haikus to fuck
Fuckity fuckity fuck
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

See how easy that was?

@narfcake You want another turn on the rotisserie, is that it?

@OldCatLady Nah, I think I’m good.
There are better folks to goat
@f00l for October?

@narfcake

october goat cursed
pain, pain, daily pain is all
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

@narfcake I’m going to blame the goat for you always pointing out the obvious- that catshirtwoot has a cat shirt.

@dashcloud Over 90% of the shirts at catshirtswoot are NOT catshirts.

@narfcake
How about the % of catshirts in your closet?

@f00l 12%? I’m guessing about 1 in 8 shirts are catshirts.

It’s actually lower if I factor in the duplicates. Just Fresh Cake, Nocturnowl, and the Unstealthy Ninja series add up to over 50.

@RiotDemon
/image glitter goat

@RiotDemon I have not hit Dollar Tree this month. Every time I go there, I come out with $23. worth of stuff I didn’t need at all. If I do go there, I will have only myself to blame, until next month when I can blame @f00l. I think your glitter goat is a glitter lamb, though.

@OldCatLady
Curse you for cursing me for Ticktober!

/giphy curses

@OldCatLady isn’t that the fun of the Dollar Tree? Buying crap you don’t really need, haha. Last time I only spent around $10 for Halloween stuff, and around $12 on other random shit. Who knew I needed color changing bracelets??

@f00l
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/procrastinate-today

@f00l Blame accepted. I’m trying to find a live stream of the wheelchair tennis Paralympics, and can’t do that either. Pile it on.

@OldCatLady
How is NBC handling the Para-Olympics?

@f00l 'The only sports NBC Sports Network will show in the United States are wheelchair rugby and men’s sitting volleyball. ’ The TeamUsa streaming site only covers US competitors. Which sucks. A friend of a friend, Marjolein Buis, is competing for the Netherlands in Women’s Wheelchair Tennis, and I’m still searching for a way to watch the singles and doubles. She won today, 7-6 6-1.

@ELUNO Guilty as charged. Me-eh-eh!
/giphy bleat goat

@f00l Meh. @OldCatLady has been unblamed a lot already; she could take a few hits.

@TickledLizard Can you shrink?
/giphy shrink

@oldcatlady

It just occurred to me that this was 66.6% of my T-shirt collection.

Congratulations, you made the list.

@OldCatLady

@RiotDemon I belatedly accept this unblame, with bleats.

@narfcake
You and your rich hip S Cal Goodwill and Salvation Army stores.

/giphy envy

@f00l
@narfcake
Ohhh that giphy reminds me. Was once at some concert. Which one? GNR? Forget. Excellent seats, like 4th row, got there v early.

Then along come these 2 ladies with seats next to us. Both v tall and fit and lean and wearing Serious Hair and Serious Makeup and funky jewelry and low cut tank tops and painted-on jeans and stilettos. And both way trim, with enormous humongous gargantuan bra-less tits that pointed upwards in a way that appeared to disprove Newton and his apple-tree experience. Perhaps these were “relativity-tits”. Dunno.

So, long time till concert start, my friends and I sitting discussing movies and music and normal stuff. But these two ladies next to us - with the “next stop, Playboy mag” look - clinbed onto their chairs in their stilettos. They barely spoke, even to each other. What they actually did, was to squirm around, pointing their tits at the arena roof this way, then that way, aiming those tits in every different direction and wiggling a bit in a kinda dainty way, since it all looked a bit precarious on those 5 inch heels.

Everyone was kinda glancing and trying not to stare, except for the people who were staring openly and giving scores. And these ladies got all pouty (not upset-pouty, rather, pay-attention-pouty) and added in a lot of hair tossing to augment the tits, but no one was fooled. For once, the hair was a secondary item. It was the ballistic tits as the Main Act.

So after this all went on for about 25 minutes and my friend and I were speculating whether the girls knew how to read, which was rude of us, because of course they could have been geniuses and Harvard-bound. But time passed, with increased pouts, and more hair, and some small shimmies, and the tits were singing “Higher and Higher” to their own little beat.

My friend went to get drinks, and we offered to get something for them, and they declined quite sweetly but neither the eyes or the tits were focused close at hand. Both were pointed, as were the hair and the heels - pointed, shall we say, towards what I shall suppose was a private place sublime.

And so finally someone with a badge came to our row and politely helped the ladies down from their chairs and led them away in the direction of backstage. As as they walked away, toward whomever had received the message those tits had sent, the ladies’ own “backstages” in those tight jeans sent a message of their own. And those tits just pointed Higher And Higher.

@f00l What do thrift stores have to do with finding a copy of a shirt that I owned already but forgot about? It was packed away in a blue travel bag, but the last few times (years) I went anywhere, I used the purple one instead.

Good concert story, though!

@narfcake
I thought you had arrived at psychic oneness with your rich SoCal thrift stores and just knew when a re-purposed catshirt or wootshirt was calling you.

I also have never-completely-unpacked suitcases from long ago. After enuf time, you stop feeling bad about being lazy.

@f00l That would have saved me lots and lots of no-finds trips.

On the topic of thrift stores though, feel free to blame @OldCatLady that someone else got to an $12 Zojirushi 4 liter hot water pot before I did. It was missing its safety cord, which I showed would cost $35 to replace, but he didn’t relent.

@f00l The concert story is by far the most entertaining thing I’ve read in weeks. I wonder whether they actually paid for their own seats or whether they were comped, and were part of the show. Or whether they expected to recoup their investment. I have a dirty mind, I know.

@f00l I still have not-yet-unpacked bag from ski trip in February.
Of 2015

@OldCatLady
I had a feeling they the ladies were comped with a backstage expectation. They didn’t feel like “I know the band already” people. More like "I’m used to this, I’m connected, someone usually gets me backstage if I wanna go backstage.

I wondered if they were pros. But a band big enuf to sellout a large arena wouldn’t need pros unless the band had a thing for professional girls. And I don’t think they were pros, except at being party girls looking for fun and money and the right long term assignment. Just my guess.

What was so interesting - first, that they barely spoke, even to each other. (They acted like a practiced pair, 1 blonde, 1 brunette, both with “color-assist”.)

And not-so-odd that they had those tits. In certain party circles and shopping districts, that wasn’t completely unusual. One friend called those “trophy-wife training-tits”.

It was the way they used the tits. They pointed with the same practiced accuracy I would hope for in a Navy Seal combat veteran. Those tits danced to their own beat. Totally impossible to ignore. They really spoke with those tits.

Message transmission devices. “Hey assholes, I’m sending ‘notice me, come and get me’ messages so come fucking get me backstage already”. Those messages from the “show tits” were for “the assistants and the help”.

I had the feeling that later in the evening those industrial strength show tits would also be very communicative in “party-chick” intimacy mode.

These ladies would have been quite strong, fit, and attractive without the Hair, Clothes, Shoes, Makeup, Accessories, and Tits. But we estimated the “evening’s look” at a minimum of 2K each per girl, not including jewelry, impossibly to evaluate that. And the standard party-girl stuff - hair and makeup - not cheap, and very worked.

And the plastic surgery and similar -minimum $5-$10k per girl as a guess, in way back when pricing.

And the attitude: "I look like a bimbo, dress like one, giggle like one, know how to have fun and meet people, but I’m also nice, and I also won’t take shit from someone."
Just a guess at a vibe. I could be way off.

I used to wonder what happened to them. For all the “show-girl” quality, they obviously worked really hard to become something. I always hoped they both found money and love.

@f00l “Higher and Higher”= Van Halen, “Dreams”. I once took a course on “The History of Rock” (now available on Coursera) which is my all-time favorite educational experience. The reading/listening list included interviews (see YouTube) with musicians, business managers, and reporters. One article which explains how those backstage passes were awarded is here: http://uproxx.com/music/david-lee-roth-party-van-halen/3/

@OldCatLady
Van Halen is good. Was also thinking a few other directions. Good lyrical phrase. Perhaps the plastic surgeon felt inspired by song.

Now what if catsandcoffeeshirtswoot becomes a thing? …

Cats and coffee.

I’m soooooo unblaming you, @OldCatLady.

@narfcake And I’d take it, and the shirts too. One can dream.

@OldCatLady
@narfcake

Looks like the best ones have been pirated all over the place. Sigh. I own this one. Available today as a tote, so I guess woot gets some $ from me.

@OldCatLady
That linked version of Bonnie Raitt’s Under A Falling Sky wouldn’t play in browser, is worth a listen.

Here’s another one.

@OldCatLady
/giphy blender

@f00l
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/blender-6

@OldCatLady The older KitchenAid blenders are made in the USA and are heavier than the newer imported ones. The rubber coupling is their weak spot, purposely done so the motor won’t be overloaded. Don’t be surprised if it’s there because it’s worn/stripped; they’re inexpensive to replace, though.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0089M74EQ

@narfcake Noted, thanks. Do you have a list of brands you look for, or just trust your nose? I mean, I know what the cheap brands are, but I’m unfamiliar with the higher end ones.

@f00l Why does the image come from BBC but have a U.S. plug? Ignoring the ants.
/giphy "ants kitchen"

@OldCatLady
Re: plugs
BBC America I guess. Or a documentary or re-broadcast.

More generally:

Giphy is the Master. I am the Student. Giphy speaks to me. I wait upon Giphy.

I cannot illuminate The Ways Of Giphy, as this path has been trodden to its end by so few.

/giphy "ways of Giphy"

@OldCatLady When it comes to thrift store small appliances, price and condition matters more. I skip the off-brands, though, mainly because of quality and its lack of. Some even have fake safety listings (UL, SA, or ETL).

@OldCatLady No BOC? That’s an unblame!

@narfcake
@OldCatLady
Woot off? I remember those.

@OldCatLady I lost. Boo. I also blame you that apparently they’re not going to bother with BOCs this woot-off except for those five on Facebook.

@sammydog01
That must be another enticing reason I spend so much time at Woot.

@f00l
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/guess-what-day-it-is

@narfcake
Yeah, I’m already shopping that shirt-place today, due to sudden cat-coffee tote availability.

Right Meow.

@f00l It was obvious that you had giphyed in haste, and I was sure one of the MEHer staff could fix it. Now I’m really paranoid about random images. Not that that will stop me from posting images, of course. Happy Thorsday!

@OldCatLady
I really do post a lot at red lights, or while walking down a hallway.

Not conducive to careful reflective editing, esp when the effing giphys won’t load.

@OldCatLady
Of House Frey in The Neck

@narfcake

Second corniest cat pun I saw on Meh today.

@f00l OMFG. Very glad the car (and you) weren’t totalled, glad it was identifiable. Fortunately the police will do the heavy work, and UPS has excellent insurance. Please get to a doctor within about three days. It’ll take a day or two for the full hurts to hit, and X-rays need to be taken. I accept the blame/unblame.

@f00l How do you feel today?

@OldCatLady
Goddam headache. Mostly low level, but sometimes, like, really un-fun.
Stiff sore tender neck and shoulders.

I have medical coverage, which is a novelty to me. And I have a medical rider on my uninsured motorist policy. And UPS gets to pay for everything in the long run.

I don’t think I’m in desperate straits or anything. But I suppose I should drag my sorry ass to the ER and get get it scanned.

That is, get my sorry ass scanned, to be precise. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to scan my rather mythological brain. Besides, I wouldn’t want to frighten the hospital employees. So they better stick to scanning my sorry ass.

Am currently flopped on the couch, indulging in enormous resentment and irritation about the idea of having to behave responsibly. I am really trying to maximize those “poor me, I don’t wanna” feelings. But I spoze I will Get Up And Do The Right Thing Shortly.

So annoying.
My attitude would not earn me praise as a “Trooper” today.

And then I thing about @studerc’s family and my heart hurts.

Perhaps today is not the perfect day for bitching after all.

PS. Thx.

@f00l It’s a really good idea to contact a lawyer, too. Forty years ago I was rear-ended, got whiplash, and today my T-3 and T-4 still get out of whack, which hurts.

@f00l That sucks, but thankfully you are ok! And @OldCatLady is right. You better call Saul for this one. Hit and runs are despicable.

@ELUNO
@OldCatLady
So, I got scanned at great expense to some insurance co. Nothing broken. Got warned about soft tissue injuries.

Then I got a shot of super-ibuprofen or something. The shot itself was so painful that I wanted a painkiller to kill the pain of the painkiller shot. Finally, 40 min later, everything suddenly stopped hurting. And I got a script for some kind of serious something.

The ER people didn’t seem to think my brain would get any worse that it is at present.

@f00l The insurance company officials thank you very much; they pass the cost onto UPS. If you got a copy of your hospital record, hang onto it and make half a dozen copies tomorrow. If you didn’t get one, please get one ASAP. Good news that nothing showed on X-ray, and you got a script.

@OldCatLady
I got one of these

/giphy kitty scan

@f00l Awww. We could all use one of those.

@f00l What did the police report say? You DID report it, right? Because the damage to your bumper is minor in cost compared to the damage to you, and somehow I doubt the driver told them all about it.

@f00l I missed what is up with Studerc’s family - what happened (and I hope you recover soon)?

@Kidsandliz Tough to talk about; see this thread:
Sterderc’s awful, horrible day

@compunaut Thanks… tragic

Wow, and I didn’t even say what the thread would be about.

(Probably safer that way.)

I changed my mind.

I’ll put that money towards the smaller of the new Pixel phones from Google which are coming next month.

So…

I’ll retract that blame. @oldcatlady

@TickledLizard I blame myself for not catching the free shipping, just to set things back on course.
/giphy navigation

@TickledLizard Yeah, I hope you didn’t succumb to the box. Mystery box subscription services, I’ve been mostly happy about; mystery box sales, only meh has met or exceeded its value every time.

@narfcake

This would have been a subscription minus the subscription.

(Meanwhile, despite the fact that nobody is trying to seize the Roomba I got in Fuku 6, someone is trying to get at the knives which I got in Fuku 11.)

@sammydog01 What just happened? Our local team, the Jags, had one of their painful, neverending games on TV, with replays. I feel your pain. My fault!

@OldCatLady It was a close call between being down and a fumble. I was admiring how wet uniforms look on man muscles. The replay on tv made it look much better. (I didn’t care who won.)

@sammydog01 Yeah, ever since HDTV and large screens became available, I look at sports channels. The only ones I mostly understand are baseball and soccer, but perhaps if I watch more, I’ll understand more.

@OldCatLady
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/sports-meh

@OldCatLady I like baseball and hockey too but football has much nicer eye candy. And cheerleaders so the guys don’t feel left out. Next year join a fantasy league and then you can own some of them.

@sammydog01
I can own a cheerleader?

/giphy Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders

@cranky1950 You didn’t tag me but I showed up anyway. I’m sorry. How many does that leave you with?

@OldCatLady none

@cranky1950 You don’t sell at Jamestown do you?

@cranky1950 Well they are gone, none too soon, they destroyed the tv room yesterday.

@hollboll

Important question:

What kind were they?

Get your priorities straight.

@hollboll Check your settings.

http://shirt.woot.com/offers/changing-my-browser-settings-makes-me-hungry

@TickledLizard Pioneer Woman browned butter M&M cookies.

@narfcake Enabled cookies, but none appeared. What am I doing wrong?

@hollboll
Enable the “waft cookies this way” setting or install the extension.

/giphy cookies coming

@f00l
That Giphy is all wrong. But for some reason it must stay.

@hollboll
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

http://shirt.woot.com/offers/have-you-tried-unpugging-it

@hollboll Sigh. Yes, that’s my fault. Go to Wallyworld and buy some Pumpkin Spice Twinkies to replace them. They jumped in my cart when I wasn’t looking and I carefully handed them to the cashier to be reshelved, but it was close.
/giphy "pumpkin spice"

@OldCatLady

http://shirt.woot.com/offers/pumpkin-everything

@narfcake @hollboll No more cookies. Go pumpkin paleo!

@OldCatLady
/giphy gross

@f00l I’d swat it but it’s too late. Be glad you’re not in FL, we are having a Zika panic.

@OldCatLady
I remember. West Coast, once. Skeeters with the size and attitudes of Gators.

/giphy skeeters

@narfcake unblame! Super cute.

@narfcake This may destroy my vow to get no more T shirts.

@OldCatLady Sorry!

I’m still holding off, but OTOH, I do have free shipping …

@narfcake
What do you do to get the free shipping?

@f00l I have a Cute Of The Month subscription.

The September shirt was an unblame, as was August.

@narfcake Third hand? Yikes!
Radiation exposure or mad scientist/doctor experiment?
/giphy third hand

@narfcake What? I just woke up, myself. Gee, it’s almost 9:30.

@OldCatLady
Cats get to nap just whenever.

/UNBLAME

@OldCatLady @f00l Let me guess …

http://shirt.woot.com/offers/employee-of-the-month

@narfcake Only since I retired and started staying up watching late night TV shows.

@TickledLizard I accept the unblame for getting your Pi untangled. Real soon now I’m going to get one set up here.

@TickledLizard
Hadn’t you better automate or algorithmicize this blame/unblame? Otherwise, you might never get free time to mess with the Pi.

@f00l

I’ll probably outsource that.

@sammydog01 Is it YOUR water-skiing camp or your progeny’s? Actually, either way might deserve an UNblame for @OldCatLady - cool time at camp or cool time for yourself without niblet
(When does it get too cold for this activity where y’all are? My brother lives in Michigan yet still has a long-standing tradition of water-skiing on his birthday, Oct 1, before putting all the eqmt away for the season)
/giphy October water skiing

first gif was gratuitous bouncing bewbs

@sammydog01 You’re welcome!!

@compunaut My progeny, I would probably break a hip. So I get to read my new Dexter books all day. Still, 7 hours of driving. This is the last camp of the season, but it’s supposed to be in the 80s. Only a couple of potential weeks left.

@sammydog01 You can’t break a hip falling in the water, unless you slip on the dock.
Hmmm… 7hr in the car for 1 day of ‘camp’? Need it to be the whole weekend next time
Maybe an audiobook would do the trick while driving

@compunaut
@sammydog01

Oh, stop. Or at least be careful. Audiobooks.
That remark make me feel all Beavis and Butthead.

“He said, ‘audiobooks’. Heh heh heh.”

I think my primal drives are all out of alignment with those mentioned in most sociology textbooks.

'Scuse me, time for an “audible break” now.

(Shhhh. Currently 200+ seriously interesting books on sale, $4.95 each, incl The Hobbit, and a buncha books by writers you’ve heard of, thru Sept 26, 11:59pm PT. I didn’t say that.)

@narfcake
T-shirt to illustrate, or no blame.

@narfcake Oh, go ahead. In future, take up serious origami for the mental discipline it provides. Two hours is enough for a lotus flower and a couple of cranes.

@f00l I considered drawing a @f00l for 2017 meh goat on a shirt … but decided that was ridiculously stupid.

@OldCatLady Serious origami, you say?

http://shirt.woot.com/offers/origami-lesson

http://shirt.woot.com/offers/tortilla-origami

@f00l I’m borrowing this. I did note a cup with protruding straw in the background, but otherwise it looks nothing like my house either.

@OldCatLady
Is there something about Japanese culture that makes them instinctually not acquire “too much stuff”? Are they immune to collecting, trying out, coveting, hoarding and extreme hoarding?

How do they avoid the “that’s interesting, it’s super-cheap, I wanna play with it” purchases?
What about the “OMG I’ve never seen Shun knives go that low before!” purchases?
What about the “those hiking sandals are pretty decent, and only $5, so one in every color” purchases?
What about the “I never knew that existed” purchases and the “I just fucking want one” purchases?

I am American. I know there are those Americans who don’t live by excess (Mennonites, adults, etc)…but still!

Incomprehension reigns.

/image Japanese garden

@f00l Housing in Japan tend to be much much smaller.

@f00l I bet that cat owner doesn’t even have one Bem wrist speaker and I own two.

@f00l I’m a believer in the old adage:

He who dies with the most toys wins.

@narfcake
@narfcake
I have lived in a closet, in the long ago graduate school past. (Well, a big closet.)
And I had too much stuff.

Also lived in some biggish places.

My residence never ever looked like Maru’s and Hana’s residence.

I think if I were to achieve that sort of clean simplicity in my residence, I might also achieve wisdom.

Neither is on today’s agenda. It’s never the right time, you know?

@Shrdlu
Re: pitcher

Just wow.

@narfcake
@OldCatLady

Ok, ok, too many audiobooks already. I’m obsessed. Ok ok ok.

But, thru the end of Sept 26, Pacific Time, audible has on sale for $4.95 this international best-seller from the Japanese cleaning expert Marie Kodo

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up
by Marie Kondo
Narrated by Emily Woo Zeller
4 hrs and 50 mins
Unabridged Audiobook
4.35 (11971Ratings.)

This book is actually quite good, if you’re looking for this sort of information, and the writer is a delight.

The book might be even more effective for persons who are willing to practice any of the methods she advises.

https://mobile.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/The-Life-Changing-Magic-of-Tidying-Up-Audiobook/B00RC3M6OG

@Shrdlu I don’t have very many t-shirts (sorry @narfcake) but I have that one

@sammydog01 Hahahahahaha! I’d never heard of Mule Days, and I used to live one state north. Well, it’s nice weather now, of course the -uh- flag wavers will be waving flags. My fault. -Wait, 11 PM? If you were out after dark in Cackalackee last night, you’re braver than I am.

@OldCatLady To tell you the truth I was pretty freaked out, being 100 miles away from a four day (and counting) race riot. But I had the appropriate complexion for the festivities so all was well.

@sammydog01
Many decades ago a very very elderly relative died.

The relative had outlived almost all of that generation and some of the next. The relative had lived a quiet life for decades. The funeral was on a miserable day (i think in January), almost light sleet if I remember. We expected almost no one but family to attend. V small occasion. The funeral was expected to be so small, that we could all travel in a few limos. No police motorcycles managing the intersections, if I remember, since just so few cars.

The cemetery is somewhat historically significant, in an old part of that city. The cemetery has so many trees it’s sorta foresty. It’s hard to see very well from the street into the central cemetery due to the trees.

So we got to the cemetery gates in the funeral home limos. And there were two guys standing there at attention, in work clothes and carrying shotguns.
They kinda looked like cemetery maintenance people, doing a “militia” routine for the day. I never found out who they were.

We - the family - esp my aunt and uncle, who had arranged the funeral according to the deceased’s wishes, went, "What’s going on? Why are two guys in work clothes standing at the cemetery entrance, at attention, with shotguns? "

And the Funeral Director, who rode in the front seat of the limo, turned around and said, “this is impromptu. I hope you’re not too upset, and will forgive us if we handled this with poor judgement. we found out during the church service that there might be trouble or some neighborhood reaction. We have put a call into the police, they will be here shortly, just as a precaution. We don’t expect that anything will happen.”

And we were, “what are you talking about? What trouble? Huh? About (Relative’s Name’s) funeral???”

And by then we were heading into the center area of the cemetery, and the Funeral Director pointed, and we saw.

A number (10? 15?) of not-young ladies - I would think all or most well over 60 years - we had never seen any of them before - they were all lined up. And all dressed exactly like someone prim and “social” dressed for formal daytime in the 1950’s. Which is to say, dressed far better than we were.

They were all in black, accented with jewel colors. Or in jewel colors accented with black. Formal and well-cut ladies’ suits. Black or dark pumps. stockings. They all wore daytime dress gloves. In black? Neutrals? I think some of these ladies wore white gloves. Some of the gloves were a bit lacy, but not out of keeping with a respectful and dignified atmosphere. (Are white gloves ok for ladies’ day use in winter? These things are beyond me.)

And they were wearing ladies’ hats. Color-and-fashion co-ordinated hats to go with the suits. Some hats with a bit of a feather - some with other nice bits of decoration, but somber, restrained, tasteful - several ladies had hats with veils!!! I remember the veils. Either black, or a dark jewel tone to match the hat.

(Need I mention that no one who attended as part of the funeral procession was wearing a ladies’ hat?!! The younger family members had never seen anyone wear a ladies’ hat, except in the movies, and pictures of royalty. One pre-schooler pointed at one of the hats and said “what’s that?”)

And these ladies had very nice camel-hair overcoats, and color-coordinated umbrellas, given the weather. The camel-hair overcoats were left unbuttoned - I guess the ladies were proud of their outfits and wanted to be seen.

So they looked exactly ready to attend the most prim and proper ever ladies’ church meeting you ever saw.

Except that they were all standing in a row, at honor. And they were all waving Confederate Battle Flags.

Big flags. Little flags. Cute ladies’ flags. And the one who seemed to be the “lady in charge” had a very large flag.

I think we forgot we were at a funeral for a bit. We just stared.

The Funeral Director said, that apparently (deceased relative)'s name in the local obit column got their attention. That name makes it clear that (your relative) is a descendant or close relation of (Semi-Famous Name), a notable person in the Confederacy.

These ladies are members of the (Semi-Famous Name) Chapter of the Daughters of the Confederacy". They mean no trouble, and will stand quietly and respectfully at a distance. They simply attend funerals in order to honor descendants and relatives of (Semi-Famous Name), as their chapter of the Daughters of the Confederacy is named after (Semi-Famous Name). We think some of them even flew here to attend.

I think our jaws dropped still further. Until that day, most of family had no idea that the Daughters of the Confederacy existed. It turns out, as we discovered, that all our family “ladies” are eligible to join.

So we had the funeral, a quiet, trad, rather short religious service. The ladies stood at a distance, as if lined up for a militaryinspection.

The funeral ended. We talked among ourselves. The ladies came over and spoke with us quietly, offering their respects and condolences. They did not proselytize for the Confederacy, or for their organization - in fact, they all said that they hoped they had not caused any problems. And they invited all our family ladies to consider learning more, or joining if any of us would be interested. They were all incredibly sweet and had vintage perfect manners, and vintage perfect posture.

The lady-in-charge did tell my aunt that they do not engage, at all, in current politics, even over the public display of the Battle Flag. (this was decades ago and I have no idea if she meant her chapter, or the organization as a whole. This lady told my aunt that they exist as an organization that promotes historical research and awareness. I have no idea what the scope of their interests might be.

Then they politely wished us well, excused themselves, and left.

Then we went to a relative’s house. The host offered food and drinks… I think most of us had one or two more drinks than we had expected to.

There was no trouble. But that cemetery is in a part of that city where someone carrying a Confederate Battle Flag would have been viewed as a deliberate provocation by the local residents, even if the person with the flag was dressed like a lady bound for church.

The street beside the cemetery once had a “leafy” traditional street name, I think.

A few years before my relative died, the street had been re-named - to honor a member of the Black Panthers.

(This is, I think, an image of a similar street sign from a different city)

@sammydog01
You might have unwittingly bought one of those special “Buttfuck Phones”.

My phone is not a full-on “Buttfuck Phone”. Sometimes it trips over into “Buttfuck Mode” tho. Reboots don’t help. It stays in “Buttfuck Mode” as long as it fucking wants to.

@f00l Dear me. They must not have been one of the Tidewarter (sic) chapters. When the son of one of their members married a woman whose great grandfather was held prisoner at Andersonville, it caused a certain amount of distress. When that couple’s daughter was born, the mother declined (politely) to have said child enrolled in the UDC. This caused the mother to be specifically uninvited to the child’s great-grandmother’s (1975) funeral, and especially the burial. They had all the flags waving that day, too. The GGM’s grandfather had been in the CSA troops, and he was quite active politically afterwards. As to ‘historical research and awareness’, I refer you to the ‘library’ page for a local institution: https://www.museumsouthernhistory.com/

@OldCatLady
i suppose your portion of the South must be a bit more deeply Southern than mine. There may have been Confederacy events and parades and funerals, from the 60’s and 70’s onward around here, but I’ve never heard of talk of one. Texas has its own state-specific mythology of frontier honor, revolution, and “never forget”, which, i suppose, competes for the same emotional space and energy in people who are into that.

i wonder why those ladies of “our” UDC chapter didn’t contact a member of the family. perhaps they did and whoever they contacted didn’t speak up. i do believe, from what i know now, that the deceased family member must have been aware of the UDC. i don’t really know more than that about how the ladies came to show up.

the ancestor who is honored by that chapter became a doctor as a young man, joined the Confederate Army, was given a high rank. i think he was severely injured several times, came close to death, withdrew from battle command, and spent the remainder of the war in command and control, and providing medical services, but i’m not certain. i just googled all this tonite. there are histories, and some universities have collections of papers. and one of my cousins has some material.

after the war, this Confederate office became a minister and a rancher, and once owned enormous - really enormous - acreage. i wonder what happened to all the financial resources.

from the UDC website:
“MEMBERSHIP ELIGIBILITY”
“Those eligible for membership are women at least 16 years of age who are lineal or collateral blood descendants of men and women who served honorably in the Army, Navy, or Civil Service of the Confederate States of America, or who gave Material Aid to the Cause. Women who were adopted are eligible only through the bloodline of the biological parent. Also eligible are those women who are lineal or collateral blood descendants of members or former members of UDC.”

“No Confederate ancestor who took the Oath of Allegiance before April 9, 1865, shall be eligible to be used for application for membership. If proof of further Confederate service is available, thereby nullifying the Oath of Allegiance, the ancestor shall be considered for approval.”

in other words, if you wish to join, your ancestor must have carried the Southern Code of Honor to the bitter end, and never, ever, made a decision based on practicality, or by the dictates and considerations of any other view of morality. no descendants of early birds surrendering types, or cause-questioning types, not by one day.

and curiously, the events of that particular day, April 9, 1865, have another ancestral connection: thru the Confederate General who shares a name with this fine vehicle:

when i was a very young child, i remember hearing that some relatives, no longer living at that time, had never quite given up on the idea that Arlington National Cemetery was really family land.

those generations would simply refuse to acknowledge or discuss “other issues” besides Honor and Glory in Southern history. “that’s done now”, they would say, and change the subject.

i’ve heard that family members from other branches of the family fought on the Union side. uncertain. “ancient history”, as we thought of it as children, barely concerned us. unless it involved Davy Crockett caps. or (as the story goes) escaping from the St Bartholomew’s Day Massacre in France by hiding in a wine cask. we did like the “good stuff”.

from wikipedia UDC’s page:

“The number of women’s clubs devoted to filiopietism and history was staggering,” says historian W. Fitzhugh Brundage. He notes two typical club women in Texas and Mississippi, who between them belonged to the United Daughters of the Confederacy, Daughters of the American Revolution, Association for the Preservation of Virginia Antiquities, Daughters of the Pilgrims, Daughters of the War of 1812, Daughters of Colonial Governors, and Daughters of the Founders and Patriots of America, Order of the First Families of Virginia, and the Colonial Dames of America, as well as a few other historically oriented societies."

@f00l Thanks for the story- I would have liked to see that.

But here’s what I don’t understand- the official flag of the CSA was the stars and bars. I guess that some people thought it was too much like the USA flag, but still it was official. The battle flag, so loved by white supremacists, belonged to the army of northern Virginia.

So what should southerners commemorate? The flag that flew over their capital that represented the independent Confederate States of America, or a battle flag from a war they fucking lost? I don’t get it.

Interestingly the article I read said that the UDC picked the battle flag for themselves in 1933, way after the war was over.

@OldCatLady The UDC is headquartered here- their building is next to our history museum.

@sammydog01
no wonder it’s thick in your neighborhood then.

are you near Richmond?

re flags of Lost Causes - if you want to sell a proper mythology down the generations- my thoughts:

You need Romance. You need Mystery. You need Valor and Chivalry. You need Heroes. You need Glory. You need Honor. You need Devotion. You need Sacrifice. You need a Myth Of Impossible Odds. You need Battle. You need Soldiers. You need The Brave And Valiant Left Behind At Home. You need the War Dead. You need the tale of a Lost and Betrayed Aristocracy, and the lesser folk and not-free folk who supported them. You need the True-Hearts of the Lost Cause standing bravely against the “vulgar, richer and more industrialized Foe”. You need Keepers Of The Flame.

You need a culture that died for Glory and Honor and Decency and Family and Christianity, not for trying to preserve a disgusting and criminal economy.

nothing against her, but having a Margaret Mitchell - and a Scarlett O’Hara and a Rhett Butler and an Ashley Wilkes - doesn’t hurt.

You need, esp, to deny real history and real economics and real moral horror.

symbolism in this case is for preserving romance and denying other perspectives, not for accuracy. i think, on those grounds, the Battle Flag wins.

@f00l Hijacking the saltire (St. Andrew’s Cross) from the Scots helped add more pathos. Florence King in ‘Southern Ladies and Gentlemen’ gleefully exploded the entire ‘southern’ myth, from an insider’s view. It’s still one of my favorite books. My ex-in-laws hated it like poison.

@OldCatLady
Re Scotland, yes. In the local self-conscious “Never Forget” universe, part of the mythology seems to be that those with a bit of Scot’s blood in their families are sometimes a bit more “True” than those of only English ancestry.

Gotta check out that book. Thx.

As a very young child I heard young adults and older adults argue over the “property values” issue sometimes. It could get intense.

My Mom tried to keep that out of her house. Her success varied, depending on who was visiting.

@OldCatLady @f00l Thanks for the book recommendation. I just downloaded it from the library. Yes, I live in Richmond. (By the way they gave out a citizenship award from the Daughters of the American Revolution at my kids’ school. Weird.) Crazy stuff here- some people are trying to erase all evidence of the CSA and others ride around with that ridiculous flag on their trucks. I keep my head down, being a yankee and all.

@sammydog01 I’ll be very interested in your opinion of the book.

@OldCatLady
looked King up. she looks feisty as hell. that’s a good start.

interesting that she locked horns with Molly Ivins over plagiarism. And Molly backed down. Wikipedia had a link to King’s text, and Ivin’s text. and it seems clear to my non-professional reading that Ivins was pretty much completely not-innocent.

now i love Molly, she gave ‘em hell for her entire life. and she was the one who made the nick’ “Shrub” stick, way before national office. i didn’t know Molly, had friends who did, she had a rep … of sometimes being a bit “casual” about things. since she was doing humor/editorial, with no pretense at “objectivity”, she could get away with it. mostly. but not, it seems, this time. and i’m glad King went after her.

having not yet read a word of King, other than looking at the stuff that proves her case against Ivins, I’m betting i will find her cadences familiar. The writing Molly cribbed from her was excellent - but felt like the thinking from an earlier generation or a more straight-jacketed place.
looking forward to it.

Ye Olde South seems so much more intense in the Deep South and the trad heart of the Confederate States. As much as I love To Kill A Mockingbird, and have respect for Go Set A Watchman, it’s hard to imagine them originating here. Texas is a little Southern and a lot - a whole lot - Western and Southwestern.
Plus there’s all that convoluted Texas history that you get the sanitized version of in Middle School. France, Spain, Mexico, Texas, Confederacy, US.

Plus the plantation economy was only viable in the SE and S Central parts of the state, and came in late, really late here - early and mid-1800’s mostly, as opposed to 1600’s. Plus the old money - and the old trad Southern aristocracy - was quickly eclipsed, financially and then socially, first, by the big ranching and cattle companies and families, and then by oil and Big Oil, and then by Big Biz, and now by Tech.

If you polled the social elite of N Texas, the social register people, i doubt even the power ladies would have a clue about which families were from early-settler people, or which from Old Virginia families who came in the 1600’s, or who came from families that mattered in the Civil War. but every one in the social register knows who has oil, tech, construction, and ranching $.

@OldCatLady It’s next on my list after I finish the Dexter book I’m reading. And anyone who thinks of southern women as “ladies” has never spent time in a private school carpool line.

@f00l I had not realized that Florence King died in January. What a ghastly month that was, for music, theater, and books. http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/429353/florence-king-obituary

@sammydog01 Her obits all mention ‘Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady’ as her best book. Now I have to go reread it.

@sammydog01
@OldCatLady
Social register ladies:
I learned not go to a certain La Madeleine for lunch.

Fun inexpensive Tex-French cafeteria.

Those ladies have scarves and elbows and jewelry and yoga bags and monster purses from Neiman-Nordstrom and other weapons.

To lunch safely without adopting protective coloration and behavior, eat w the plebes at the plebe spots.

Never mastered any sort of protective coloration. Or appropriate I-am-one-of-you conduct.

@OldCatLady
Re King book:
Am po’ed that there is no audio version. So I started making my Kindle Fire phone read it to me. (Driving)

After completing about 1% of the book, I convinced it’s one of the funniest books I’ve ever encountered. And, of course, there’s the ever-present,but not-yet mentioned shadow of things Southern ladies Do Not Discuss. I really hope it holds up, and think it will.

And the “logic” - of things like Black Market tax laws. Yeah. Makes sense. Does one have to live there?

Is it that funny to people outside the tradition? I wonder.

One diff, perhaps, between feelings here and those places in the older South - my relations, even, say, 3 generations back, would, in public, sniff at this book. “Well!” They might say. And they would not mention this book to outsiders (they would never understand) and children (not ready), and other locals (too embarrassing, and might lead to dangerous topics), I think.

But in private, and in their books clubs, they would read it and become hysterical with laughter. And pass it around among themselves, as as sort of secret decoder ring only for knowledge of the initiated.

In King’s telling of the movie visit with her Grandmother at the beginning of the book, I can hear tales on those generations, and see the posture of those straight-backed ladies as they greet each other. I can see or hear the echoes of various women’s club meetings that occurred in the house when I was a child.

Honor, and Decorum, and Manners before morality … often, then. Not always. And no longer. the post-war era and the media era have swept so much of that away; in my nuclear family we were never much party to any of it.

The world just changed. Even in the families when the sons followed into the family practice of law or family biz, or the daughters went from cheerleader to sorority to debutante to society marriage, and they kept the much of the manners, the dignity, the graciousness; but they didn’t keep the “let the past be” and “don’t discuss” and “your own kind” and “acknowledge by silence” and “don’t change” values at all. That world was past its time, should never have been, and these younger folk did, and do, want it gone gone gone.

And way past time.

@OldCatLady
Oh my! Ohmyohmyohmy!

Genealogy

My parents and uncles/aunts were not into this, and neither were their contemporaries. The previous generations: yes yes yes they were! Or ours were. I did not know that any other families were quite this nutty. I had no idea entire armies of ladies chased this quarry.

By the time I got to the genealogical research bit in King’s book - 12% in according to kindle - i was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe or see properly. I can see and hear all those ladies and their fascinations. The various ladies bridge clubs and book clubs and clubs for good works … on summer days when we came inside to get lunch.

The elders of that side of my family would have all been primly superior to to all this archive searching as recounted in King’d book. (Of course, they would never have said anything. Never!). Professional researchers were hired, at some point, and bound books of genealogy published. We - if these books speak true - don’t have to be concerned with who William The Conqueror’s oarsmen were, since we have, according to the genealogists, Billy himself. I think that’s in one of these books… I’ve seen, but never poked around in them. .

And also we are said to have a bunch of other variously crowned and titled folk, who signed every document these generations of my personal memory might have cared to memorize and recite. I have no idea which crowns or titles. I was assured, “a lot” as a young child. My siblings and I did not react properly, and asked about being American and we were all equal weren’t we? It was felt we were, perhaps, too young just yet, to take the point.

We might have some Stuarts way back. Hmmm. Or perhaps someone invented some. One can always ascend a bit, up the ancestor pile, with a little imagination.

Way back before me, one elderly female relative went on and on about Our Glorious Connections until my pre-school-aged uncle, fascinated, insisted on knowing exactly how many people needed to die before he got to be King. She told him not to be morbid, vulgar, or greedy, and not to make jokes: shushed him, then sent him away.

My Mom grew up in this daily soup. She would have laughed herself into fits over this book.

She did grow up listening to a lot of recitation. My Always-Right Grandmother was our natural family orator, with a fondness for epic historical documents and epic poetry.

Mom could do a bit of oratory herself, speed-oratory with eye-rolling, usually just after Always-Right Grandmother’s car left our driveway.

@f00l I should warn you: don’t eat or drink while reading/listening to this. It gets much better. I’m going to have to hit my local bookstore for ‘Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady’, another of hers that I don’t remember reading. It’s listed as a biography.

@OldCatLady
Milky Ivins was a tireless agitator, and a fine and hilarious writer, when she wasn’t busy plagiarizing Florence King. And she got everyone to start calling a certain person “Shrub”, including his fans and collaborators. She certainly did not invent the nick’, but more than anyone else, she made it stick. And her collected columns are still quite worth a read, to those who remember the contexts.

But as a writer she is not in Florence King’s class and never could have been. In part because they simply came from different strata, and Ivins could have never duplicated or faked King’s perspective. Ivins lacked the background - and, to a degree, she lacked iron inner core that came a sense of historical backbone.

That iron perspective did not come from the “upper classes” - it came from a time and place, and a sense of determined civility and dignity possessed by any who had the discipline to carry it. Many very very poor people of all races had it - and still do. Harper Lee illustrates this in what I found to be the most powerful moment in “Watchman”. Molly simply didn’t operate that way. It appears that Florence King did.

Thx for bringing me to Florence King.

@thismyusername WTF?! How?!

@narfcake

Once, you knew this.

<how quickly they forget>

/giphy tree climbing

@OldCatLady

@TickledLizard is infuriated by the fact that the fly keeps on choosing to land on the head of @TickledLizard

@TickledLizard Lizards are supposed to catch flies. Are you sure it’s not a microdrone spying on you?

@OldCatLady

@TickledLizard supposes that @OldCatLady would have a point if there was a name change to @LeapinLizards as @Barney suggested in July.

As for it being a microdrone, @TickledLizard would have been alerted if it was one, although even if tit was, @TickledLizard hopes that whoever flew it enjoyed themselves.

@TickledLizard
The fly is likely just a warning.

An affectionate “reminder”.

I’m sure that someone, somewhere, might have a reason for sending this message.

/giphy sleeps with the fishes

@f00l

There’s a reason I’ve covered certain tracks of mine…

@f00l Four more days of this. I can hold on, barely.

@f00l Because I’m not voting for you? That’s not a valid blame for the current goat.

(You know that’s the next goat’s fault!)

@narfcake
You and @mfladd acted in a very guilty manner last month.

You thought about it. You know you did.

And you got others thinking about it.

@f00l Last month, I unvoted you because you were more honest than @OldCatLady! Or at the very least, cheated less in your catshirt count.

@narfcake
Ok, I’ll try to forgive you.

And @mladd is currently AWOL

So much venom
So few potential targets.

What to do, what to do …

PS @OldCatLady and I sometimes vacation together, so I try to keep that relationship v positive.

@f00l @narfcake

What kind of venom?

@TickledLizard
rattlesnake, usually

you think i should switch to something else?

@f00l

It depends on how much entertainment you’re looking for.

@TickledLizard

Apparently the fly had a family.

@f00l Yeah! Let’s pick up @Kidsandliz, she knows that life. Somebody has to be captain. I’m okay as crew, and I can even read charts.

Of00l @OldCatLady I’ll come. When do we leave? If we get kidnapped by pirates please no one pay the ransom until we have had at least a month’s vacation on a tall ship somewhere nice. OK? (by the way those photos are of different sailboats - I vote for the first ship - and OldCatLady usually most of the crew on tall ships are young, more than half typically are males so you should be happy).

@Kidsandliz I’ve never crewed on something that large. Can you tell who she is?

@Kidsandliz
yeah, i picked the first pix due to extreme and overwhelming sheer faint-worthy beauty.
http://ohmyluxury.com/luxury-sailing-yachts/

the crew pix i chose 'cause cute, and happy, and fun looking. wasn’t specifically looking for hunks and babes, just for people who might turn out to be hunks and babes but could also crew.

re vacation
i can’t read charts. i know nothing about being on the water except “don’t fall in”. so that will be my entire job for our vacation - i will personally commit to do my best to “not fall in”. this will take all my time and attention, and i will need a lot of coaching from the crew if i am to succeed. i am willing to commit to working at this 24/7/365.

(i will, however, feel free to jump in, or dive in.)

you all can split up the other necessary tasks among yourselves.

@f00l I’m in. I have experience with both tall ships and race boats.

@CaptAmehrican @Kidzandliz I don’t @f00l sounds useful enough to be aboard. Besides, he’s still in the running for Goatober; he might be too busy. I can dutifully take that place - I have plenty of daysailing experience (the principles are the same, right?). At least I know the bow from the stern & starboard from port.
Coming about!

@compunaut
I might not have the skills or experience. But. … Who has the gorgeous sailing vessel tricked out and ready? Stocked with craft beers? Hmmm?

@f00l I assume you’re now going to take credit for someone else’s hard work
/giphy for shame

@compunaut
I went to google. I found the vessel. I found the crew. And so forth.

And I intend to take credit for working very hard at trying diff beverages and not falling in.

I might take credit for appreciating various moments. But I don’t expect to steal your credit - I don’t wish to be called to do actual work. It’s best to know nothing.

@f00l Those who know nothing swab decks and do dishes. Oh and clean heads (toilets).

@Kidsandliz
I have already state that I will be in charge of “not falling in”. This activity goes nicely with lounge chairs, craft beers, or perhaps a chilled Riesling.

Let me check the vessel’s paperwork. Hmmm.

Yessiree. This vessel is “legally” under my command. By the standards of a Court of Google, people. Even if I happen to be lazy and incompetent.

Did I mention that I stocked it with a very attractive crew, a good craft beers selection, a serious wine selection, google internet, a chef from New Orleans who can’t stand not cooking, and other delights?

And that the crew loves to swab decks while wearing kilts? That they do it for fun on their off days, even when drunk?

@Kidsandliz, since you are competent and smart, you can be captain and in charge of all that seagoing stuff. Besides, at least one of my companions ought to be willing to be both sober and intelligent every so often. I hope the “sober once in a while” aspect isn’t too hard a burden. If it is, we can perhaps pass it around.

But I don’t see why everyone is worried about “work”. I have legally banished “work” from this vessel.

/giphy lounging

@narcake
Calling @narfcake
That giphy, above, was accidental and random.

But Still

Here, Kitty Kitty Kitty

/giphy leopard

@CaptAmehrican you worked on tall ships or just sailed on them?

@f00l Sober is easy - don’t drink. If you banish all work we will become an adrift floating garbage scow.

@Kidsandliz
As I child I knew people whose parents or grandparents took sailing vessel cruises every few years. Some of them booked cabins on larger vessels - others with $$$$$ chartered the entire vessel and took their families or friends.

“Work” was not a requirement for any of the persons who booked on these cruises, tho “work” was encouraged for anyone who wanted to be useful or learn something or was young.

Nothing about these excursions involved anything to do with “floating garbage”.

I intended a cruise into the realm of fantasy leisure, far from any care, surrounded by happy kilted crew who love to work, love to sing, and all have great voices.
<Ahem. That’s it. “Voices”. Great “voices.”>

If you are so insistent, Captain, then perhaps a tiny tiny bit of “work” won’t kill me.

You are a hard Taskmaster.

Sigh. Poor me. I suppose I’ll agree to do one or two things that are “good and useful” on this cruise.

Crap. Glad I stocked it will really good beer.

@Kidsandliz yes worked on Gazella and Pride 2. Plus a handful of CBGSR’s on various other schooners. Do we know each other in real life?

@CaptAmehrican Depends on when you did it. I didn’t work on those two, but am one of the people who helped organize the really early the Fells Point to Norfolk schooner races. I did one of them on the Norfolk Rebel - sailing tugboat out of Norfolk (was up and down the bay a lot on that one - unpaid as at that time I did something else for a living) and unfortunately we had to turn on the “iron genoa” so were disqualified that time. Another time I was third shift captain on I forget which boat. On yet another one I learned that Patagonia sailing rain gear fabric is not so waterproof in the really hard, stand with your back in the wind while being pelted all, night driving rain.

Did a lot of Norfolk stuff for visiting tall ships (often found cooking hundreds of hotdogs, or instructing Russian cadets that you do not put ketchup on the shell of lobster and do not eat the shell LOL) with the Fells Point yacht club that took care of those. I haven’t worked on one since 1993. Is Gazella still in TX? I think I sort of read it was elsewhere now. Sold maybe? I had always meant to go check it out when I am Houston for cancer checks but never had time.

We were in Baltimore a lot when I worked on the another schooner I have forgotten the name of and sometimes some of the crew on both boats would party. I was also a volunteer for the boats at Jamestown and sailed the two of those that went out.

I was on schooners in a number of 4th of July NYC parade of sails including once as a guest on the Uruguay navy class A ship. That was really cool. I worked on one in Scotland before it was sold to some Navy in the middle east. Plus worked for outward bound in Scotland (Loch Eil) and we sailed a lot in open boats.

When did you work on these? Miss the fun, being at sea (I remember one lovely day going from Gloucester back to Boston (home port that summer, inner harbor in shipyard quarters marina) where I was the only one on deck, steady wind on a broad reach, everyone else spent the day below working on the diesel engine, only a few other boats on “schooner watch” so nothing much to dodge, we were off shore enough it was pretty far in the distance and some whales came by. Because we had to get back we couldn’t just drift and watch them). Don’t miss the crappy pay, leaking chain locker so always wet bunk on one ship, nor some of the passengers.

@Kidsandliz of course I know the tugantine Norfolk Rebel. One of the oddest and most fun boats. The Briggs family are just spectacular people.

It sounds like we didn’t overlap but almost certain have friends in common.

@CaptAmehrican Yup they are. Write me off forum. Use my user name at yahoo.

One time I was on the Susan Constance (Jamestown foundation), just immediately after she got her cannons, going down the James River at around 6am. Ran into Lane and we had a bit of radio chat. He wanted to know if we had any beer on board. Um yup we did. So we told him we’d send him some (he did not know we had the cannons yet and we had turned so he couldn’t see them). So we put several down canon bores and shot them forward of his bow. Around a billion sea gulls made their exit off the James River Bridge with the sound as it echoed all over downtown Newport News (I am sure the people trying to sleep on a Saturday morning were happy with us). Anyway he went and fished them out of the water and then we heard him sputtering over the radio as he had forgotten that you don’t open beer than had just been shaken up LOL

@Kidsandliz Is this the Gazela?

@Kidsandliz
Ok. After that cannonball beer story, I concede all prerogatives.

You Are My Captain. I Will Obey.

Just shoot me some beer once in a while.

you got any vid of that delivery?

@compunaut yes

@f00l Nope no video. Pre-cell phone video days. Besides if you value your hearing you put your fingers in your ears as soon as you light it so not possible to video then anyway. Also it sounds like @CaptAmehrican needs to be the second captain aboard.

@Kidsandliz
Worthy people can be second in command

But after that beer cannonshot, forevermore, when we are aboard together, I am at your command.

Just keep your cannon loaded and cold beer handy for those downtimes.