We're not saying these will save your life, but...

…her base-jumping chute didn’t open! She slid down the cliff face, grasping for any kind of handhold, finding nothing. Gaining speed, desperate now, she grabbed the Zhip phone stand from her pocket, extended the retractable cord, and searched for a crevice to wedge the plastic stand into. She found one. Her falling body jerked at the end of the cable. But it held. She exhaled and vowed never to do this stupid base-jumping thing ever again…

…the hijacker was clear: until San Francisco authorities delivered $4.8 million worth of Rice-a-Roni in unmarked boxes, nobody would leave this trolley car alive. But he turned his back on the wrong commuter. As the Zhip cable tightened around his neck, the hijacker floated toward a Heaven filled with infinite heavily seasoned boxed food mixes. What he didn’t realize was, that was actually Hell…

…the radiated clouds glowed purple and green. The hunger gnawed at him, one moment dulling his senses into a stupor, the next sharpening them with an animal frenzy to survive. At least it crowded out the painful memories of life before The Cataclysm. Then, in the ruins, a shadow moved. He spun the trio of Zhip phone stands he had fashioned into a primitive bolo and slung it toward the shadow. A three-headed squirrelmander cried out and fell. He pounced: today, at least, he would eat…

…“Authorities arrested the woman on charges of reckless driving and child endangerment after callers reported a crazed driver screaming at her children in the back seat. No one was hurt, but police say it could have all been avoided with a simple Zhip phone stand and a smartphone with a couple of Spongebob videos on it.”