Cleaning House: a Meh-rathon

INT. ROY’S HOUSE - DAY

ROY enters in a panic.

ROY
Sadie? Sadie, are you there?

SADIE, ROY’S girlfriend, emerges from the bedroom, still in her pajamas.

SADIE
Yes, sweetie?

ROY
Oh, thank god. I saw your car in the driveway, and I thought they’d gotten to you before you left for work.

SADIE
No, I was dealing with a bit of… uh… sickness. This morning. So I called in. Wait, Roy, who’s ‘they’?

While wiping the work laptop of Calvert Harrison, a project manager who recently left his position at the company for a comparable role with a rival, our IT department discovered a Microsoft Word file titled ‘CLEANING_HOUSE_SCREENPLAY_FOR_JS’ as well as several Notepad documents containing phone numbers and email addresses for people with a tertiary connection to Jason Statham. The screenplay was, by all indications, written on company time and therefore, per Calvert’s contract, belongs to us. So, please enjoy these excerpts and stick around all day for great deals on spring cleaning gear and stuff for getting outside. (And Mr. Statham, if you’re reading, this is available!)