Ninja Blender, Food Processor & Mixer (Refurbished)
- Model: BL772 Ninja 3-in-1 Mega Kitchen System
- 8-cup food processing bowl, with 3-cup bowl-in-bowl
- 9-cup blender capacity for binge smoothie drinkers
- Dough blade for mixing—no points for guessing—dough
- 1500W, 2-horsepower blender is like having two horses stomping your food into liquid
- Basically like that last Ninja we sold, but with a food processor
Where are you on this one, Consumer Reports?
Hey, CR! We can call you CR, right? We feel like we’re buds after you did us a solid by warning people about the burn hazard presented by a coffeemaker, thus enabling us to sell it for cheap. And giving careful coffee drinkers a bargain.
But CR, buddy, you’re kinda letting us down. We haven’t heard a peep outta you about the clear and present dangers of this Ninja Mega Kitchen System.
The 72-ounce blender’s column of whirling, razor-sharp blades is the innovation that makes this blender so effective… and dangerous. Just look at this gore-splattered Amazon customer review, where within minutes of opening the package, both the customer and his wife had been sliced open. It practically leaped out of the box. On Christmas morning. It’s like having your smoothies made by that Zuni fetish doll from Trilogy of Terror.
Even Ninja admits that the blender’s “Total Crushing Technology” can “pulverize and crush through ice, whole fruits, and vegetables in seconds”. Why would the tender human body fare any better under the tender mercies of this Inquisition torture device?
And if the blender don’t get you, the 8-cup food processing bowl will. “Perfect, even chopping every time,” they say. Ouch! It also comes with various attachments and cups. They’re intended for enjoying smoothies but we’re sure you can come up with some gruesome perils for those, too, if you put your minds to it. That’s what you guys do, right?
Of course, we don’t think the Ninja Mega Kitchen System is actually a danger to any conscious adult. Obviously, you don’t either, Consumer Reports. But look, if you prove yourself as a good friend by doing this for us, we might be persuaded to buy some ads in your magazine.
