Mr. Coffee Espresso Maker (Refurbished)

Compact design only takes up 1 sq. ft. of precious counter space
“Refurbished” with items this cheap typically means it’s an unused store return
Bottom line: you’re getting an espresso maker for the price of ten or so espressos
Model: R-BVMC-ECM260

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Midnight Expresso

There’s a knock on the door frame.

“You wanted to see me, chief?”

“Detective Coffee, of course. Have a seat.”

“What’s this about, Chief?”

“I’m sorry about this, Coffee, but I’m taking you off the Keurig case…”

“What?! But I’ve got a lead on a shipment of the brown stuff coming into the harbor tonight. 20,000 pods! Think of the landfill!”

“Look, Detective, you’re a good cop. You’re hard boiled. When things get hot, you still come out smooth as velvet. … But Keurig’s got a lot of influence at city hall. They love him over there. We can’t touch him.”

Detective Coffee rises from his seat.

“I see how it is. You’ve got Keurig’s great, big carbon footprints all over your back, Chief.”

“You’re out of line, Detective.”

“I’m out of line?! YOU’RE out of line! The whole damn system’s out of line!”

A figure appears in the door.

“Everything alright in here, chief?”

“Yes, officer Sodastream, thank you.”

The figure nods and continues on.

“Look, Coffee. I know you’re steamed right now, but I can’t have you lathering things up downtown. I’m putting you on leave. Turn in your badge and gun.”

Coffee tosses the items on the desk.

“You can take away my authority, but I’m taking Keurig down with or without my shield.”

He storms out. The chief calls after him.

“Detective!”

“I’m done with the force. From now on, it’s Mister Coffee to you.”

[Theme song plays.]