You people have let us down.

OK, everybody. Real talk. We really didn’t want to have this conversation. But we’ve waited long enough for you guys to step up and do your part. So let’s just get this out in the open: you’ve got to start working harder at this relationship.

Meh is the kind of business that grows through word of mouth. You are the mouth. Here we sit, over a month after our launch, and we’ve still only got a little more than 50,000 members. Clearly, not enough words are coming out of enough mouths.

Here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to swallow nine bucks of the usual price of this t-shirt. You are going to tell nine of your friends about Meh. Nine bucks worth of Meh shirt for you. Nine new customers for us.

By buying this shirt, you commit yourself to those conditions. Do NOT buy this shirt unless you are prepared to spread the word about Meh to nine people. We will be watching. You will not escape our vengeance. If you think we’re making unsupportable threats, just wait until we bring you up on charges in The Hague.

We’re sorry we had to do this. But not that sorry because it’s all your fault. Now start buying, start wearing, start talking to your friends about us, and take some time every day to reflect on how you’ve failed us and how you can do better. It’s the least you could do.