Martian mVoice and mVIP Smartwatches

Conventional-looking watches that can do some cool wireless tricks
Martian has gone out of business, so we schemed up a warranty that covers loss of smartfunction support for the first four months you own the watch, starting today
Warranty details described here
After these watches have been passed over for adoption a couple times, they are more difficult to rehome, and may need to be destroyed #rescuewatch #sarahmclachlan #angel

see more product specs

What To Do With 1,000 Leftover Smartwatches

Here they are, the last of our Martian smartwatches. In fact, with Martian suddenly and recently going out of business, these might be pretty near the last of anyone’s stock.

After the market has spoken, and everyone with any predisposition to buy a discount smartwatch has done so, what’s a closeout retailer sposeda do with the dregs? Is Atari’s Alamogordo landfill still accepting deposits?

Always in search of creative improvements to age-old sales processes, we convened a panel of outside-the-box thinkers to ponder our problem. “What do we do with a thousand leftover smart watches?” we asked. Here are some of their suggestions.

Get your ten thousand steps in ten steps
Hang them all inside your overcoat
Throw them onto the table dramatically during a poker game
Try to get them to mate with 1000 stupid watches in hopes of creating a race of watches with average intelligence.
String them all together so you can see one full text message.
Strap them to a chair and vibrate that bad boy into the sunset.
Make 1 Kilo-watch.
Take the bands off and use them to play checkers like the 1%.
Make a Voltron that can REALLY tell the time.
Accessorize, bitches.
Break them and be right twice a day in bulk.
Make a belt. Ah, that’s a waist of time.
Find the #%$@&ing receipts!

Amusing proposals, if also… impractical. In the end, we chose the craziest option of all: KEEP TRYING TO SELL THEM, STILL CHEAPER THIS TIME, WILLFULLY IGNORING THE EVIDENCE OF OUR EXPERIENCE.

And if it doesn’t work out, well, there’s always