A Meh-rathon Murder Mystery!

We now take you to the grand finale of our April Fools’ Day murder mystery Meh-rathon, currently in progress…

“What actually happened is this,” says IRK Sadie Dufresne. “Adam Seanison, failed copywriter and equally untalented caterer, teased Marge relentlessly throughout the day, to the point that she began to cry, at which point, he covertly recorded her. Knowing she would cry softly and that her bracelets would jangle after she spoke to Dallas McAllen, and thus be overheard, he discarded this recording in the kitchen trash to essentially void her alibi, knowing I would find it. Meanwhile, he himself trailed the two of them upstairs after they left. When McAllen came out of the bedroom where he had spoken with Marge, he hid, followed him to his study, and killed him.”

“What? No! I’m not so old I would own a tape player!” cries Adam Seanison as police officers rush into the crowd to take hold of him. “You can’t prove this! You can’t prove any of this!”

“Oh, really?” IRK Sadie Dufresne says. “Then how come every murder weapon came from one Ugh dot com, your former employer? Not only was it poetic–that you kill the man using some vestige of the career he killed for you–but it’s just about the only site you can afford to shop on anymore, now that you don’t have your lavish copywriter pay.”