Holmes Small Room Air Purifier
- Recommended for rooms up to 110 square feet: an office, a small bedroom, a single dorm room, a Fotomat, a Tokyo luxury penthouse
- Filter has baking soda in it to hide your natural human aroma and confuse prey animals
- Model: HAP9412B-UA (jeez, so “HAP” for “Holmes Air Purifier”, then four numbers and three letters? does the person who made up this model number get paid by the keystroke or what?)
Holmes for the Holidays
“One more pass and I gotta go, Holmes.”
“What you got to do, Holmes? I know you ain’t going to work in that sweater.”
“Goin’ to my grandmom’s, Holmes. It’s Christmas eve.”
“Aw, damn, Holmes, that’s why this smoke tastes so piney! Why didn’t you tell me I was smoking the tree?”
“It was working for me, Holmes.”
“Ooh, look, it’s getting late, too. My uncle’s supposed to be over here in a little while, Holmes.”
“You want me to cut on the air purifier, Holmes?”
“Naw, Holmes, he’s cool.”
“Hey, Holmes, can I ask you something?”
“Anything, Holmes.”
“You ever feel like you’re trapped in a joke, Holmes?”
“What do you mean, Holmes? A joke?”
“Yeah, Holmes, like… somebody started telling a joke, like, eight months ago, and you’re just a character in it? And it’s not even that funny? You know the feeling, Holmes?”
“I think you’ve been smoking too many Christmas trees, Holmes.”