A Meh-rathon of Sweet Meh-mories

This is a yoga bundle from Gaiam. You either know what that is, or can jump in the forum to ask other people about it.

Why aren’t we giving you more info? Well, we weren’t sure what to write for the Meh-rathon so we decided to look at some past Meh write-ups for inspiration. (You can find a random one here, if you want.) Unfortunately, all that did was make us nostalgic and maybe a little teary-eyed. And then the boss was all “Where’s the write-ups, writer dude?” and we panicked and… uhh… Please enjoy this classic write-up about an entirely different product! Also, feel free to share in the forum if you find one you liked or forgot about or missed entirely.

Greetings Count Loctus, Henrietta the Beguiling, Dead Larry, and all other esteemed ghosts and ghouls of Thornington Manor. I call this meeting to order not to conduct sign-ups for the upcoming haunted potluck. Nor do I seek to litigate once again last week’s controversial haunted raffle. Furthermore, there will be no more discussion of the marketing slogan for this year’s haunted ice cream social and fundraiser: “Treats so cold, they’re chilling.” I understand your various complaints, but the t-shirts have been printed and thus there is no turning back now.

I have called this meeting to order to discuss an unfortunate circumstance: my sources tell me that two paranormal investigators are on their way to Thornington Manor as we speak.

Please, please. Everybody. Hold your laughter. I understand this doesn’t sound like a very pressing issue. I know that we’re used to haunting, that it’s in our bones, especially yours, Dr. Rattling-Bones. But this visit is different. The two investigators are bringing with them Dorcy Pro Portable Work Lights. Yes, that’s right: the lights that not only project a powerful beam like a traditional flashlight, but can also function as area lighting. That means we can’t do the thing we always do, where the investigators cast their tiny spotlight slowly throughout each of the Manor’s 90 rooms before turning to leave, satisfied there’s nothing there, and finding one of us RIGHT BEHIND HIM!

Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout. I just get so excited about jump scares.

At any rate, it is with great regret that I announce today’s haunting will be an orb-only affair. I know, I know. I am also disappointed. That’s why, to spice things up, I’m willing to provide the ghost who manages to produce the biggest orb with this: a haunted lanyard from Bally’s Haunted Resort & Haunted Casino.

There, I knew that would get the blood pumping! Figuratively speaking, of course. Except in your case, Mrs. Blood.