Emjoi Micro-Pedi Callus Remover and Foot Cream
- The dead skin on your feet is about to get a whole lot deader.
- By which we mean, it’ll be removed.
- In a very safe way.
- And after it’s removed, you can put on some nice foot cream.
- Then you can buy some shirts from Mediocritee.
- Model: F00T-4-TH0U6HT.
Go Ahead On Foot
Friends, I didn’t want to do this. I wanted to lay low, to just do my job. Because I’m here to write product descriptions (if you can call them that), not blatantly promote my other projects. But then you, the people, asked–nay, demanded–that I shill for my upcoming book, and what was I supposed to do? Refuse to give you what you want?
Just look at this post from a user:
Tell me more about this novel.
Or this one:
Tell me more about this novel.
Not to mention this one:
Tell me more about this novel.
And yes, fine, that is the same comment three times, and yes, it is in response to a different product description where I off-handedly mentioned that I wrote a novel, but still, the point stands: I’m really only doing what you asked by saying (again) that you can preorder my novel, The Heap, RIGHT NOW from Amazon or IndieBound. Or you can walk over to your local bookstore and get it through them.
Now, some of you might be thinking, My local bookstore? There aren’t any bookstores around here for miles! That’d be a heck of a long walk!
Which is why it’s convenient that we’re selling this Emjoi Micro-Pedi Callus Remover and Foot Cream today! Because damn, if you’re walking miles and miles to a bookstore to preorder my book, you’re probably building up some nasty calluses. And what better way to take care of said calluses than with a “unique roller with micro mineral particles” that “pulverizes dead skin in an instant.”
Oh, and to make good with the higher-ups by using this space to promote myself, I should probably also mention: we’ve got great shirts for sale over at Mediocritee!
So buy a callus remover, a couple t-shirts, and my book and make everyone–yourself included (but mostly all of us here)–happy!
