Edible Arrangements
- You get two: one “Classic Holiday Favorites” and one “Indulgent Holiday Surprise.”
- Pretzels and fruit, dipped in a variety of things.
- Also: NUTS! THERE ARE NUTS IN THIS!
- For that special someone who’s maybe a few months behind and is always eating the flowers you bring over.
- Follow the best-by dates for an exciting new chronological culinary adventure.
- Model: E4TN0W
Best By, Not Best Buy
You may think of us as a “tech site.” Or maybe you don’t think of us at all. Maybe this is your first time here, and now you’re saying to your spouse, “Did you type it in right? Surely this can’t be the place where Doug and Diane got that cheap baby monitor. They’re selling… is that… flower-shaped food? It looks old.”
And that’s fine. Whether you’re new or not, it might be a bit disconcerting to head over to a site where you usually hunt for cheap gadgets and find that they’re selling Holiday-Themed Edible Arrangements in the April. And no, we’re not talking Easter or Passover. We’re talking, you know, the Holiday that we’re not allowed to say as part of our ongoing war effort against it.
But don’t worry! Just because they’re holiday-themed doesn’t mean they’ve gone bad. In fact, the earliest best-by date on any of these items is Mid-April.
Wait, really? Shit.
Okay so, maybe these are a little… what’s a good word here… umm… let’s go with “mature.” So maybe these Edible Arrangements are a little mature. So what? For starters, these are best-by dates, not expiration dates. Nothing’s going to curdle. We’re talking chocolates, dipped fruits and pretzels, nuts, and crackers here. There’s no cottage cheese. (Not anymore at least: I personally removed all cottage cheese containers and ate them, one spoonful at a time, at eye level with my dog. This is called “showing you’re the alpha,” and it’s a very useful obedience technique.)
In a way, we’re doing you a favor. What’s the hardest part about any “food assortment”? Deciding what to eat first. It’s such a taxing choice! But not with these. Because what you want to eat first is simple: it’s the stuff with the best-by date that looks alarmingly similar to the delivery date.
In some ways, it is the quintessential Meh product. Like these Edible Arrangements, we offer one thing at a time instead of making you choose. And like these Edible Arrangements, that thing is kinda stupid and you probably shouldn’t have it but it’s cheap enough, so hey, what is there to lose, right?
