DUDE Wiper 1000 Self-Cleaning Dual-Nozzle Bidet Attachment
- A DUDE strength bidet for powerful DUDES who DUDE hard right out of their DUDE holes!!
- Except really it’s just a regular bidet and that first bullet point is just what they used to open up their consumer focus group meetings.
- Adjustable pressure, dual nozzles (butt or other stuff), self-cleaning…all the things you want.
- Here’s a crazy infomercial
- Can it make a margarita? A margarita?? What are you, the Queen of England? Make a DUDE drink for DUDES if you’re thirsty.
FOR DUDES. (Not really, though.)
You know when you’re running a daily deal site and you get a product opportunity in your inbox that you think is an April Fool’s prank so you delete it and then feel bad when they email again a week later?
Because yeah.
Meet the DUDE Wiper 1000, the apparent result of some bathroom hygeine marketing people looking at the current state of pandering to women when it comes to bathroom goods and saying “Hold my beer.” Their big hairy American man beer, presumably.
It’s from the company who introduced us to DUDE Wipes, which are essentially baby wipes for men too insecure to use a product called baby wipes, despite the fact that you could use a regular baby wipe to degrease a car engine without a problem so we’re not sure what these theoretical dudes are doing with these in the bathroom that they don’t think they could accomplish without a “man strength” wet wipe that’s scented like wood chips instead of gentle rain.
But anyway.
The DUDE Wiper 1000 is an otherwise undifferentiated bidet attachment that thanks to aggressively embarrassing branding can be yours for twenty bucks instead of the $100+ retail that the fine dudes at DUDE were trying to dude.
You get the adjustable water pressure, self-cleaning nozzle, and dual-action spray that you might expect from bidets that cost way more—a price point that competitors are probably able to enjoy on account of not alienating fully 50 percent of the butt-wiping population before they even open the box.
And despite the anatomical differences inherent to toileting, there are no man-specific features or capabilities that might have at least nominally justified the existence of this thing. There’s no tactical ball sniper nozzle. There’s no taint hair detangler and conditioner. There’s just a regular-ass bidet that manages to have DUDE written across it in an edgy contemporary font that’s going to age like milk where most companies put, well…nothing.
Besides. Ladies. We’ve seen your water bottles. We know you have great taste in vinyl stickers and we can think of a perfect place for one of the extra ones you have lying around.
It’s a fine bidet. If you want a bidet that’s deeply discounted for a reason completely unrelated to design or functionality, then this is it.
(Also, is it wise to shit on our supplier this much? Normally we wouldn’t, but we understand that they have a high-testosterone cleaning tool that’ll clean up the mess in no time. Love ya, DUDEs!)
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DUDE Wiper 1000 Self-Cleaning Dual-Nozzle Bidet Attachment 116
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