@brennyn I’m pretty sure that wings and similar offal are for the poorest of people, which begs the question - how can you afford to have internet to talk to me?
@cutitdown@omally Humans also pee through our skin; sweat is also a release of water, salt, and urea (though in a lesser concentration than urine because of other elements like protein and electrolytes to aid in cooling the skin versus heavy metals the body is trying to excrete).
So many dudes say “no way man! I don’t need no lame bidet!”… I’ve never known any guy who truly tried a bidet that didn’t end up really appreciating it, and getting one.
(Also, $20 for for a self-cleaning bidet [an absolute necessity if you ask me] is a freakin’ steal.)
@haydesigner Same. A friend was over a couple years ago and told my wife about the bidet attachment that he got. She declared that she wanted me to install one for her. <staring daggers at the friend for bringing it up> Long story short, bought one for her off Bez-mart, tried it myself, and now use it every day (and lament that I can’t bring it with me when I travel).
@andymand@haydesigner Google “portable bidet” and you’ll be up to your ass in both manual and electric options.
None of which I’ve tried myself - but I’m usually at home when the need arises.
[I started using bidet adaptors several years ago - from shortly before COVID. I used only two or three rolls of TP during the lockdown. Couldn’t imagine going back to paper - and my septic tank agrees.]
@andymand@haydesigner@rpstrong I use one that’s a silicone squeeze bottle with a wand that screws on top. Works great! I fill it up with hot water before sitting down, so I get a nice warm wash afterward. I keep an extra one in the car in case I need to do an emergency dump while out in public.
@craigcush That’s one reason I’m fine with the handheld portable bidet I use. I can have a nice warm wash, not one that makes me jump off the toilet in shock.
@ircon96 agreed! My wife switched yo buying generic razors for this reason, she got sick of paying more because it was “for women” and pink. She says the product just needs to function. Meh should find a way to get pads and tampons and give you all an absolute STEAL of a deal.
So I might as well suggest that they might become a corporate sponsor of a playoff game:
The DUDE Toilet Bowl, where the two last place teams duke it out. Winning team gets $100K per player, loser gets the first draft choice.
A dream come true for the copywriters for both the ad agencies and the network.
For all those who say the equivalent of “Blow it out your ass,” when it comes to installing and using one of these things, once you do, you’ll never want to go without it.
I put 'em on three of our four toilets (didn’t do the guest room). During the great TP shortage in the midst of the epidemic (Remember? It was in all the papers that there wasn’t any TP to be had.), we were sitting pretty as when you have one of these, you will find your TP bill goes way, way, way down.
You and your underwear will be cleaner (no more skid marks) and though you may still feel like shit, you won’t smell like it, irregardless of how you feel. Why, your dog might not even recognize you!
Not knowing any better, I ordered a model that a hot and cold water option.
Now, let me tell you it was a lot of trouble to plumb the hot water connection. One has cold water readily available at the commode, but running a plastic tubing line to a nearby sink (most bathrooms have sinks nearby) was a bother. If I were doing it again, I wouldn’t bother.
What I found as a complete surprise was that cold water isn’t that big of a deal.
You see nature didn’t provide us with a lot of temperature sensing nerve endings in that region, so a stream of cold water isn’t a shock or unpleasant.
The other end of the alimentary canal, i.e., one’s face is OTH very sensitive to even the slightest temperature differentials. This may startle those assholes, who confuse the two or can’t tell the difference.
I really hate to eliminate away from home as I miss the bidets. I usually make it a point to use one at the first opportunity when returning home.
It is that important, for as I said above, once you have one, you’ll never want to go with out it.
@brennyn@Jackinga@rpstrong Woah woah woah. rpstrong, unless you have a Cintas account that comes picks up your soiled linens, you are not using a cotton towel after a shit, are you?
Please tell me no.
This is what I am rocking I paid around 250 for it. I will never not own a bidet, but still use TP. Am I the anomaly?
@KNmeh7 Nice unit and nice deal! I’m rockin’ two of these, currently $379.99 on sale at Costco but I got them for $300 each about a year ago.
And no… I think almost everyone still uses TP with a bidet, just a lot less than you would otherwise. @rpstrong must be livin’ that country club fresh linens life!
@rpstrong@troy That won’t work for everyone. I have IBS, and when it’s flared up it’s kind of sticky. I can hose my ass down thoroughly with the handheld bidet, then wipe and there’s still shit stuck.
I have to use a damp washrag afterward to make sure it’s all off. Those washrags are a different color than the regular ones and get washed with my underwear instead of the regular towels & washrags to avoid contamination.
@brennyn@KevinS10@troy KevinS10 was referring to the handheld type, which has a limited amount of water (and pressure) - not to the plumbed in version which has an unlimited supply.
I am tempted to send one of these to the guy in Finland with the 150-ton hydraulic press, just to hear his description of it before flattening the whole thing, box and all.
I am glad that this bidet is anti poop as evidenced by the turd with a line through it on the packaging.
I don’t quite know how a pro poop bidet would work but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want one.
@alj66@rpstrong After i watched the commercial on YouTube, I watched an unboxing/review video. When the guy filmed the installation, he mentioned that the extra water line is braided.
Got a similar device from a company called “Hello Tushy” 4 years ago. Best $100 I’ve ever spent on the bathroom. Hook-up is not quite as easy as represented in the 'Zon write-up, but quite do-able. I originally bought this for use during colonoscopy prep, but use it all the time now, and Mrs. News loves it. It really does make your bum feel much cleaner, and the cool water (it’s never cold in Florida) is actually soothing. At $20 (and not a refurb ), this thing is a bargain!
@IAMIS Nope. I live in Texas, but even below freezing here it’s not a shock to the system. I’ve been using bidets for over 10 years now - never bothered to plumb hot water in because it’s expensive and you have to wait for the water to heat up. Warm water is nice, but definitely not necessary. If you ever want to upgrade, I’d recommend a full-featured bidet seat with a tankless water heater (around $150-$250 at a discount), plus around $100 to install a GFCI outlet behind your toilet.
@IAMIS It seems like the water for the bidet would be sitting in the interior pipes since the last time someone used a faucet, so it would be closer to the inside temperature than the outside one. If someone just took a shower, all bets are off.
@troy You underestimate how cold the water is up here north of Boston. I don’t need ice for a cold glass of water al year long. But for $20, what the hell. I’m in for one. Might be a good waker-upper.
@IAMIS@lisagd I’m in Tennessee, and the water in the interior pipes gets pretty darn cold during winter. This is true even of the hot water line from the water heater to the bathroom sink, which is less than eight feet long and entirely inside an indoor wall. It’s probably significantly worse for people living up north where it gets colder.
@IAMIS@troy I’m also in Boston and upgraded to one with a hot/cold after using just a cold one for a year or so. Overall the warm is nice but you tend to lose some water pressure with the hot side activated and honestly if I were to do it again I wouldn’t bother plumbing in one with a hot side, the cold was just fine
I was not going to buy this solely because even though I kind of have been looking to buy a bidet, that giant “DUDE” on it was a real mood-killer.
And then a little voice in my brain said “you have a lot of stickers and white electrical tape, you could just cover it up.” Right then, I read in the description that “you could just cover that up with a sticker.”
Taking 10 days to ship something is beyond unacceptable. Referring to shipping as MEH is an overreach. Once my last purchases are in, I’m done with these Shiites.
@customers Hey, dudes! We’re selling these DUDE wipers again today – we hope you’ve gotten around to installing yours already! If you’re enjoying it, we’d love to hear your thoughts in the forum. And maybe your other toilets could use some love, too!
I’ve not installed mine, but I have other brands/models on my current toilets. I bought these last time they were sold in anticipation of the new house I’m moving into. I’m now here…and discovering taht the toilet seats aren’t connected at all and I might need to replace them. Whoops!
I heartily recommend this product (or something like it) if you’ve wanted to experiment with your toilet routine in a cheap way. It’s utterly life changing (I use about 10% of the toilet paper I did prior to installing).
I haven’t installed mine yet either, but have a similar one in another bathroom and would highly recommend one of these. They are cheap enough to give a try if you’re skeptical plus easy to install…so why not.
Specs
Product: DUDE Wiper 1000 Dual-Nozzle Bidet Attachment
Model:
Condition: New
What’s Included?
Price Comparison
$88.88-$112.15 at Amazon
Warranty
90 days
Estimated Delivery
Monday, Sep 18 - Thursday, Sep 21
If I wiper my dude with these will it burn?
“DUDE Wiper 1000”
Dude, wipe your ___
Wipe your dude?
Fragile masculinity butthole blaster
@thechinglish And a mist setting for when your whole backside gets coated in backblast after a night of 80 buffalo wings.
@brennyn @thechinglish As long as it is a gentle mist
@brennyn I’m pretty sure that wings and similar offal are for the poorest of people, which begs the question - how can you afford to have internet to talk to me?
@thechinglish My router runs on oil.
Guys, it’s not gay to have a clean butthole. Your partner will appreciate your upgraded hygiene with this purchase.
@Dynamik why, are they inspecting it on the reg?
@Dynamik @thechinglish If you’re lucky they are inspecting it.
@Dynamik @thechinglish Yes.
a true dude never poops
@omally The real pro move is to poop without sitting.
@brennyn @omally Got an iron man over here
@brennyn @omally Exactly! They poop standing up
@omally Absolutely. My body is a perfectly efficient system. No calorie is wasted
@cutitdown @omally Humans also pee through our skin; sweat is also a release of water, salt, and urea (though in a lesser concentration than urine because of other elements like protein and electrolytes to aid in cooling the skin versus heavy metals the body is trying to excrete).
Saliva is also just clear snot.
/showme outer-lacy-lettuce
So many dudes say “no way man! I don’t need no lame bidet!”… I’ve never known any guy who truly tried a bidet that didn’t end up really appreciating it, and getting one.
(Also, $20 for for a self-cleaning bidet [an absolute necessity if you ask me] is a freakin’ steal.)
@haydesigner Same. A friend was over a couple years ago and told my wife about the bidet attachment that he got. She declared that she wanted me to install one for her. <staring daggers at the friend for bringing it up> Long story short, bought one for her off Bez-mart, tried it myself, and now use it every day (and lament that I can’t bring it with me when I travel).
@andymand @haydesigner Google “portable bidet” and you’ll be up to your ass in both manual and electric options.
None of which I’ve tried myself - but I’m usually at home when the need arises.
[I started using bidet adaptors several years ago - from shortly before COVID. I used only two or three rolls of TP during the lockdown. Couldn’t imagine going back to paper - and my septic tank agrees.]
@haydesigner @rpstrong Oh, I’ve tried portable versions, but found them to lack the pressure of our municipal water supply
@andymand @haydesigner @rpstrong I use one that’s a silicone squeeze bottle with a wand that screws on top. Works great! I fill it up with hot water before sitting down, so I get a nice warm wash afterward. I keep an extra one in the car in case I need to do an emergency dump while out in public.
@KevinS10 what is the one you like called?
@andymand @haydesigner There are travel bidets which are still better than just paper, but not as great.
I don’t need this toy, I have a pressure washer.
@awk Be sure to use the red nozzle!
Is DUDE an acronym?
@brennyn No they’re just shouting.
@brennyn Dual-nozzle Uranus Drencher Elite
@brennyn @troy Down Under Detritus Expunger
@brennyn no, but it’s pronounced doodie
@brennyn @warpedrotors Doodie? Is that like a douche, but for men?
@brennyn Delicate Undercarriage Douching Extravaganza…?
One thing you won’t see at a yard sale. Assuming your water temperature is close to freezing and had a shock.
@craigcush That’s one reason I’m fine with the handheld portable bidet I use. I can have a nice warm wash, not one that makes me jump off the toilet in shock.
How to get men to buy stuff:
Call the product: FOR MEN
or
FOR DUDES
or
FOR GUYS
Hike price up by 20%. Profit.
@mikesmells I mean… apparently not
@mikesmells Except the 20% is a discount. Don’t forget the pink tax… The struggle is REAL for us women!
@ircon96 agreed! My wife switched yo buying generic razors for this reason, she got sick of paying more because it was “for women” and pink. She says the product just needs to function. Meh should find a way to get pads and tampons and give you all an absolute STEAL of a deal.
@mikesmells Don’t forget the Axe model: Make it smell so strongly that people can tell you’re coming from a mile away.
@ircon96 @mikesmells Yep, the Dollar Shave Club razors work just fine for shaving legs/underarms/pubic area and are quite inexpensive.
Are they calling DUDEs pieces of excrement? Sounds about right.
I think this discussion has gone into the toilet.
So I might as well suggest that they might become a corporate sponsor of a playoff game:
The DUDE Toilet Bowl, where the two last place teams duke it out. Winning team gets $100K per player, loser gets the first draft choice.
A dream come true for the copywriters for both the ad agencies and the network.
For all those who say the equivalent of “Blow it out your ass,” when it comes to installing and using one of these things, once you do, you’ll never want to go without it.
I put 'em on three of our four toilets (didn’t do the guest room). During the great TP shortage in the midst of the epidemic (Remember? It was in all the papers that there wasn’t any TP to be had.), we were sitting pretty as when you have one of these, you will find your TP bill goes way, way, way down.
You and your underwear will be cleaner (no more skid marks) and though you may still feel like shit, you won’t smell like it, irregardless of how you feel. Why, your dog might not even recognize you!
Not knowing any better, I ordered a model that a hot and cold water option.
Now, let me tell you it was a lot of trouble to plumb the hot water connection. One has cold water readily available at the commode, but running a plastic tubing line to a nearby sink (most bathrooms have sinks nearby) was a bother. If I were doing it again, I wouldn’t bother.
What I found as a complete surprise was that cold water isn’t that big of a deal.
You see nature didn’t provide us with a lot of temperature sensing nerve endings in that region, so a stream of cold water isn’t a shock or unpleasant.
The other end of the alimentary canal, i.e., one’s face is OTH very sensitive to even the slightest temperature differentials. This may startle those assholes, who confuse the two or can’t tell the difference.
I really hate to eliminate away from home as I miss the bidets. I usually make it a point to use one at the first opportunity when returning home.
It is that important, for as I said above, once you have one, you’ll never want to go with out it.
@Jackinga Aren’t you still meant to wipe yourself clean before using the bidet? Have I been doing it all wrong?
@brennyn Oh yeah, you’re doing it wrong. No wipin’ before spraying.
@brennyn So I have to ask. Do you dry yourself first before you shower? Or after?
@Jackinga Before AND after, same as a bidet.
@brennyn @Jackinga Yes, you’re doing it wrong.
Bidets 101:
@rpstrong A… a hand towel?! About 6 sheets of TP is all you need.
@brennyn @Jackinga @rpstrong Woah woah woah. rpstrong, unless you have a Cintas account that comes picks up your soiled linens, you are not using a cotton towel after a shit, are you?
Please tell me no.
This is what I am rocking I paid around 250 for it. I will never not own a bidet, but still use TP. Am I the anomaly?
@KNmeh7 Nice unit and nice deal! I’m rockin’ two of these, currently $379.99 on sale at Costco but I got them for $300 each about a year ago.
And no… I think almost everyone still uses TP with a bidet, just a lot less than you would otherwise. @rpstrong must be livin’ that country club fresh linens life!
@brennyn @Jackinga @KNmeh7 How do you treat your bath towels?
@troy Yes, a hand towel - like you’ll find in countries where bidets are the norm. One per family member, launder once a week.
I use a septic tank, and the TP that I do use is septic tank friendly but tends to shred when used for drying.
There’s also the comfort factor - I also use cloth towels and napkins instead of paper.
@troy @KNmeh7 @rpstrong
Re: $380 bidet
I’m almost afraid to ask what the lightning bolt button does.
@KNmeh7 @macromeh @troy My eyes were drawn to the bottom right…huh?
@KNmeh7 @rpstrong
Deodorizer, power saving… press both to turn night line on/off
Bidet, feminine wash… press both to initiate nozzle cleaning
@rpstrong @troy That won’t work for everyone. I have IBS, and when it’s flared up it’s kind of sticky. I can hose my ass down thoroughly with the handheld bidet, then wipe and there’s still shit stuck.
I have to use a damp washrag afterward to make sure it’s all off. Those washrags are a different color than the regular ones and get washed with my underwear instead of the regular towels & washrags to avoid contamination.
@KevinS10 @rpstrong @troy Yeah, that’s why I was confused. It’s sticky and no amount of spraying water is going to do much by itself.
@brennyn @KevinS10 @troy KevinS10 was referring to the handheld type, which has a limited amount of water (and pressure) - not to the plumbed in version which has an unlimited supply.
Have you given it a try?
@rpstrong Yeah, I have one and love it. But it’s in addition to my usual amount of TP, not instead of.
I am tempted to send one of these to the guy in Finland with the 150-ton hydraulic press, just to hear his description of it before flattening the whole thing, box and all.
this looks like a good product but why is it so cheap here? like suspiciously cheap. $20 from $88?
@elpepe They explained that in the write-up!
@elpepe The company also offers DUDE branded polo shirts for $78 and $34 baseball caps.
I’m still trying to figure out why a DUDE focused product features a ‘Gentle Mist’ setting instead of a ‘Firehose’ option.
@rpstrong its for the CHICKs, DUDE!
Super hilarious write-up, love it.
I am glad that this bidet is anti poop as evidenced by the turd with a line through it on the packaging.
I don’t quite know how a pro poop bidet would work but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want one.
@Narwalt A pro-poop bidet shoots peanuts and corn at you arse until it gets a reward.
For this price seems like a no-brainer. Wondering if I can use acetone to remove the shameful branding…
@elwombato If not, someone suggested covering it with a sticker that you aesthetically prefer. Go wild!
@elwombato I already have 2 bidets in my household - I’m considering buying this one just for the branding.
It’s hard to tell if the supply line is braided.
Cleaner butt not worth leaky bathroom.
@alj66 The description is suspiciously lacking in the plumbing details that other brands often feature.
Mine do have braided supply lines - one of which has begun to leak. Oh well.
@alj66 @rpstrong After i watched the commercial on YouTube, I watched an unboxing/review video. When the guy filmed the installation, he mentioned that the extra water line is braided.
Lost opportunity to use this picture of the actual Dude on the toilet.
/image Lebowski toilet
Got a similar device from a company called “Hello Tushy” 4 years ago. Best $100 I’ve ever spent on the bathroom. Hook-up is not quite as easy as represented in the 'Zon write-up, but quite do-able. I originally bought this for use during colonoscopy prep, but use it all the time now, and Mrs. News loves it. It really does make your bum feel much cleaner, and the cool water (it’s never cold in Florida) is actually soothing. At $20 (and not a refurb
), this thing is a bargain!
taut-lavender-mink
Seems legit.
I am still trying to figure out why I would ever want a misting from a bidet…
@ohhwell They call it “mist” in their specs, but on the dial its variable between “butt” and “other stuff.” It’s for the CHICKs, DUDE!
@troy Hahahahahah, So they just rebranded a normal dual nozzel bidet.
@troy Did a quick look for any kind of a manual, install or otherwise, for this. Got a link?
@rjquillin Here it is:
https://dudeproducts.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/360046717654-DUDE-Wiper-1000-Instruction-Manual
There are two kinds of people in the world. Those that own a bidet and those with dirty butts.
@hugeelvis I for one, can’t wait to be blasted.
Our cold water comes out very cold all year long. So I assume this will be a shock to the system every time I use it?
@IAMIS Nope. I live in Texas, but even below freezing here it’s not a shock to the system. I’ve been using bidets for over 10 years now - never bothered to plumb hot water in because it’s expensive and you have to wait for the water to heat up. Warm water is nice, but definitely not necessary. If you ever want to upgrade, I’d recommend a full-featured bidet seat with a tankless water heater (around $150-$250 at a discount), plus around $100 to install a GFCI outlet behind your toilet.
@IAMIS It seems like the water for the bidet would be sitting in the interior pipes since the last time someone used a faucet, so it would be closer to the inside temperature than the outside one. If someone just took a shower, all bets are off.
@troy You underestimate how cold the water is up here north of Boston. I don’t need ice for a cold glass of water al year long. But for $20, what the hell. I’m in for one. Might be a good waker-upper.
@IAMIS @lisagd I’m in Tennessee, and the water in the interior pipes gets pretty darn cold during winter. This is true even of the hot water line from the water heater to the bathroom sink, which is less than eight feet long and entirely inside an indoor wall. It’s probably significantly worse for people living up north where it gets colder.
@IAMIS @troy I’m also in Boston and upgraded to one with a hot/cold after using just a cold one for a year or so. Overall the warm is nice but you tend to lose some water pressure with the hot side activated and honestly if I were to do it again I wouldn’t bother plumbing in one with a hot side, the cold was just fine
@IAMIS @lisagd *All butts are off, frozen off, that is.
I was not going to buy this solely because even though I kind of have been looking to buy a bidet, that giant “DUDE” on it was a real mood-killer.
And then a little voice in my brain said “you have a lot of stickers and white electrical tape, you could just cover it up.” Right then, I read in the description that “you could just cover that up with a sticker.”
You don’t have to tell me twice.
@meiran Maybe with a semi-attractive meh sticker…
@meiran @mossygreen I think this particular application calls for a poop emoji sticker.
@KevinS10 @meiran True, but if the angle were different Irk waving would be nice too.
@KevinS10 @meiran @mossygreen And instead of ‘mist’ and the other thing, you just have “big poop emoji” and “small poop emoji”
Seems like a super pooper idea.
This might be my favorite product write-up you’ve ever done. Kudos.
If you haven’t watched the commercial, stop what you’re doing and go click the link in the write-up. Totally worth it.
Ah yes, the ice water butt blaster.
That logo is 90 degrees away from being a Dune wiper
@LordSalem
That one would reuse water
Just received it yesterday and installed it within the hour. Yes, the water’s cold but me and the spouse can live with it.
Installed in 5 min. Did I screw up idiot proof installation?
@robteaboy I need one of those reminders of where to put my feet.
Taking 10 days to ship something is beyond unacceptable. Referring to shipping as MEH is an overreach. Once my last purchases are in, I’m done with these Shiites.
@jquebby bye-bye
@Barney see ya, don’t wanna be ya
@customers Hey, dudes! We’re selling these DUDE wipers again today – we hope you’ve gotten around to installing yours already! If you’re enjoying it, we’d love to hear your thoughts in the forum. And maybe your other toilets could use some love, too!
I’ve not installed mine, but I have other brands/models on my current toilets. I bought these last time they were sold in anticipation of the new house I’m moving into. I’m now here…and discovering taht the toilet seats aren’t connected at all and I might need to replace them. Whoops!
I heartily recommend this product (or something like it) if you’ve wanted to experiment with your toilet routine in a cheap way. It’s utterly life changing (I use about 10% of the toilet paper I did prior to installing).
I haven’t installed mine yet either, but have a similar one in another bathroom and would highly recommend one of these. They are cheap enough to give a try if you’re skeptical plus easy to install…so why not.