Y’call that a facial scrub? THIS is a facial scrub.

There’s an entire online genre of videos where people power wash things—dirty driveways, mossy brick walls…whatever. It’s pretty satisfying, to be honest.

Well this is that for your face.

Because seriously. You know that feeling when you touch a handrail on the subway or a particularly well-trafficked metal park bench? That slightly grimy creepy filmy feeling that makes you momentarily grossed out before forgetting all about it and then using those same hands to shove a now-contaminated street taco down your gullet?

Maybe that’s just us.

But regardless, that face of yours is just as gross. We bring our faces with us everywhere, just raw-dogging the surrounding atmosphere with our soft and porous cheeks, noses, and foreheads. So when you think about it, it’s actually kind of crazy that when it comes time to wash up, we’re totally comfortable just rubbing some soap in our hands and maybe smushing it around on our face a little bit.

No, no, no.

A face isn’t your car windshield, where you just need a little spray here and there, and maybe a good squeegeeing when you’re feeling like an overachiever at the gas station. It’s time to think about your face more like…your teeth, maybe. Teeth are the one body part that we really feel the need to scrub. There are tools involved.

A neck or an elbow or a butt is a washcloth job. Maybe a loofah if you’re feeling fancy.

Teeth are a scrubber job. A high-frequency, sonic scrubber if possible.

So wash your face like it’s teeth, not like it’s an elbow or a butt.

Today’s deal is for your face like those high-end toothbrushes are for your mouth. Mostly in that you did just fine without one since you were a little kid, but a marketing campaign is presently convincing you that this is very important. Is it working?

Well the joke’s on you, because whether it’s working or not, you still have to admit that scrubbing the crud off your face is going to be at least as satisfying to do as those power washing videos are to watch.

It even has a little disinfecting chamber to kill all the grossness that this is going to pull off of you. Compare that to your toothbrush, that you just use and then leave on the sink.

Now THAT’S gross.

Anyway, get yourself the tools to clean your face for real. We’ll even send you two!