Braven XXL Portable Outdoor Bluetooth Speaker (Refurbished)
- It actually sounds really good. You just have to trust us here. You know we would tell you if it was bullshit.
- Portable, but also 18 friggin’ pounds.
- Water resistant, dirtproof, and sandproof, (which my computer wants to correct to “soundproof,” but trust me: this is quite literally the opposite of soundproof).
- It’s got that Bluetooth and that aux and can charge stuff via USB.
- Built with four 10-Watt HD Audio Drivers and one 50-Watt Subwoofer to really bring out dejection in Ira Glass’s voice on that new This American Life episode.
- Its 15,600mAh battery can go for up to 14 hours of uninterrupted playtime, leaving a nice even 10 hours of the day for silent reflection.
- Model Number: BRV-XXL, perhaps the most efficient and straightforward model number ever.
Sound It Out
The internet is great for selling many things. Music? Here, listen to a song! Books? Here, read a page! On certain sites, I can even upload a photo of myself to get a pretty accurate idea of how I’d look in a certain pair of glasses. But how do you sell sound? Specifically, how do you sell GREAT sound?
Well, one thing you can do is take a hearty shit on one entire category of speakers, so that when you sell something like this Braven XXL and say, “it’s really good,” people will know that you’re not just blowing smoke. Or you could also link to this review where it gets a nice 8/10, and is deemed “totally worth it” at its hefty initial price tag of $350.
But that still doesn’t tell anyone how it actually sounds.
This was the conundrum I faced while putting together this write-up, when suddenly it hit me: you know what else is hard to sell online? Wine. So what do you do? Just say, “tastes good, looks dark,” and leave it at that? No! you write lavishly descriptive tasting notes!
Ergo, I am excited to share an industry first, my sounding notes for the Braven XXL:
Press the on button and be treated to a bouquet of crisp ambient ‘hey, is there some sort of electronic device on in here?’ noise. Pour the MP3 player directly into Brazen via wired connection or bluetooth and allow sound to funnel into ears unabated for a palate of untz-untz and delightful rich layers of that weird synth sound you never heard while listening on your laptop. Notes of effect pedal, crisp cymbal crash, and clear breathy vocals abound. Finishes with a smooth fade-out, and a friend asking, ‘Damn, that all came from THAT?’
What do you think? Am I onto something?