Speakers no, and forever hold your peace.

Should you use the built-in speakers on your laptop, tablet, or phone? A comprehensive guide:

DON’T when you’re around other people who don’t want to listen along. It amazes us how, in this age of heightened sensitivity to everything, so many people still think it’s OK to sit in an office or coffeeshop or airplane and play their devices out loud. Oh, it’s real nice of you to pay so much for that laptop, or tablet, or phone and share the audio with us for free, but it’s an offer we’ll decline, thanks. We’re not watching that movie. We’re not playing that game. And we don’t share your taste in music.

“But it’s so quiet,” some might say. “Other people can barely hear it.”

No. Barely hearing something is still hearing something. That kinda makes it worse, even. You’re close enough to the speaker to appreciate every nuance of REO Speedwagon or Home Improvement, to recognize the sound as something coherent. To the rest of us, it’s a pesky little buzz occasionally spiked by a laugh track or a guitar solo.

And don’t get us started on public speakerphone calls, which mix your live-in-concert braying over that bed of indistinguishable crackle, with an optional side order of oversharing.

DON’T when you’re alone. Because they’re gonna sound like crap. Even an eight-dollar pair of headphones will sound better than those shitty little afterthought built-in speakers.

Don’t believe us? Here’s a pair of eight-dollar headphones that prove our point. We’re dropping the price on this Able Planet headset, which our people liked OK the last time we sold it (“$60 quality headphones”, says one; “fine”, says another). And we’re doing it just to keep you from embarrassing yourself with your laptop/tablet/phone speakers. You deserve better.

DO when you’re with other people who have all opted in to listening. You’re like “Hey, wanna check out this YouTube video?” And everybody within earshot goes “Totally”. OK, sure, in that scenario, feel free to fire them up.

Otherwise, in all other cases, get the headphones. They’re more considerate. They sound better. They’re right here. They’re EIGHT. FREAKING. DOLLARS.