Eeeiiight Various-Colored Riiiiinnngs

Maybe you missed this trend. We did. Clever smartphone users are sticking knobs and rings and implements on the back of their phone cases to aid in one-handed holding, and to prop them up on desktops to watch videos, do Facetime, whatever.

It’s an almost stupidly simple tool, but then again so was the thighbone that hairy hominid used to cave in rivals’ skulls in 2001. Like that alpha ape before them, today’s next-level selfie-snappers are going to leave their less-ingenious peers to disappear into an evolutionary cul-de-sac.

But who cares if you aren’t hep to the smartphone kickstand/ring scene? You’re not buying these for yourself. No one needs eight of these things. You’re buying them to stuff stockings.

See, it’s an eight-pack. Count ‘em, EIGHT. That’s enough to load all your grandkids’ Christmas stockings (assuming an average American family’s reproductive prolificness), or to give one kid the saddest and most monotonous Hanukkah ever.

You’ll get two each in four different colors, just enough variety to foster resentment among recipients who wish they’d gotten whatever color they arbitrarily and retroactively decide would have been more desirable: gold, rose gold, silver, and black.

They stick to your smartphone or case with adhesive (not magnets, like some models do). And while you can find descriptions of them elsewhere as “reusable”, we think that’s crazy talk. Maybe you could salvage a once-used one for reuse if you were desperate, and meticulous, and didn’t care too much about how the results looked, but this is also true of other “reusable” products like a bumper sticker, a postage stamp, or a plaster cast you might saw very carefully off someone else’s leg for application to your own.

Today’s sale marks the first of what we hope will be several “stocking-stuffer” deals. It could be the last one too, if this one’s an utter flop, or if we can’t find an adequate supply of deals that fit the theme. But you can see why we’d be excited about doing more of them. Trafficking as we do in unwanted (or less-wanted) inventory, we love this season. Taking an item that’s hard to sell one of, and plausibly arguing your customers should buy eight? It’s like the miracle of the snake oil!

But the season’s about giving and sharing, so we won’t hog the holiday excitement for ourselves. When you pawn your eight of these off as stocking stuffers, you too will know the giddily satisfied feeling we got when you bought them: The feeling of getting away with something.