72 or 100-Pack: ELLE Café Coffee K-Cups or Nespresso Pods
![Parody inspired by [post your guess] intended](https://d2b8wt72ktn9a2.cloudfront.net/mediocre/image/upload/c_pad,dpr_2.0,f_auto,h_400,q_auto,w_400/knpjine25picho1safzn.webp)
Our Take
- Choose 72 K-Cups or 100 Nespresso Original pods
- Yep, this is the same brand as the magazine
- They partnered with an Italian roaster to make these
- No free copies of ELLE Magazine included
- Best by 12/28/25-1/08/26 (drink up)
- Are they Mac-compatible: If your Apple devices are running low on battery, we recommend charging them rather than pouring coffee into the charging port
Gift of the Red Eye
On Christmas morning, Della and Jim sat down next to the tree in their small studio apartment to open presents.
“Oh my,” said Della, tears in her eyes. “You’ve purchased for me a 72-pack of ELLE Café K-Cups.”
“Do you cry because you simply love easily-brewed coffee that much?” Jim asked.
“No,” Della cried. “I cry because it’s such a thoughtful gift, and I will not be able to enjoy it. You see, I sold my Keurig to purchase your gift.”
Jim opened a package marked with his name, and his face went pale. “A 100-pack ELLE Café Nespresso pods. But dear, I sold my Nespresso machine to purchase your K-cups.”
“Oh, what a terrible tragedy!” Della cried.
“But, wait,” Jim said, “open your other present.”
Della tore open the packaging. “Oh my! A Keurig! Just like my old one!”
“That’s because it is your old one,” Jim said. “I saw you taking it to the pawn shop, and I purchased it back at four times what you sold it for, because I knew how much you love coffee and convenience.”
“But how could you afford such a thing?” Della asked.
Jim sighed, reached up to his face, and popped out his left eye. “Don’t worry,” he said. “It’s glass.”
“You mean to say–”
“Yes, that’s right, Della,” Jim said. “I sold my left eye to a scientist at a disreputable medical college so that I could purchase your Keurig back.”
“Oh, Jim,” Della said. “This is terrible. Open your other present.”
Jim tore open the wrapping. “A monocle designed specifically for the left eye. Oh, Della! That’s so thoughtful! After I’ve been complaining so much about my left eye issues. But don’t you see? I was only struggling with my left eye due to its removal. And, now that I think about it, it is strange that you heard my complaints but didn’t realize this eye is glass. I mean, it’s not even the right color.”
“I’ve been a bit woozy these past few weeks myself,” Della said.
“But dear,” Jim said, “however did you pay for this?”
Della lifted her shirt to reveal a scar on her right side. “I sold a kidney,” she said. “Hence the wooziness. I’m on about five different painkillers right now, and I can only vouch for the legality of two.”
“Oh no, Della,” Jim said. “You are not going to believe what else I purchased for you.”
Della tore open the final package with her name on it under the tree and pulled out a percussion massager.
“I noticed you grabbing at your right side these past few weeks,” Jim explained. “I thought you pulled a muscle or something.”
“You’re so observant and thoughtful,” Della said. “But how did you afford it?”
Jim shrugged. “I dipped into savings. But wait, there’s one more present. For me?”
Della nodded, and Jim opened his final present: his old Nespresso machine.
“I had a bit of money left over from the kidney sale,” Della explained. “You won’t believe how much they give you for one of those things!”
“Della, dear,” Jim said. “Do you think maybe we need to take a class? To help us make sounder financial decisions?”
“That’s a heavy question, my love,” Della said. “Especially for this early on Christmas morning. And when neither of us has had our coffee yet!”
Jim agreed: the conversation could wait until they’d each brewed a cup of coffee in their individual coffee machines.
