An Exorcise In Sales: A Halloween Meh-rathon

A moment passed during which nothing happened, and Chad mentally prepared to stumble through his various extraction techniques, so that he could at least claim to have done his due diligence. But, before he could even decide where to start, the toaster began to emit smoke. Dark, black smoke. It began as a thin line, rising up, but then grew thicker until it was billowing out, filling the room.

“Um, Peter? Pam?” Chad said, rising to his feet as the smoke surrounded him.

“They won’t hear you,” a voice said. Chad half-expected someone to emerge from the smoke but no, that wasn’t it. The words didn’t come from in front of him or behind him. They came from all around him. Chad stood there, in the small pocket of air, surrounded by the black cloud. He instinctively brought his arm to his face to cover his nose and mouth to keep from inhaling anything.

“That won’t be necessary, Chad,” boomed the voice. “Go ahead, take a deep breath. You’ll find your lungs’ functioning is unimpeded.”

Tentatively, Chad lowered his arm and breathed. Sure enough, he experienced no issue. In fact, he didn’t even smell smoke.

“What in the hell is going on?” Chad cried.

“But Chad,” boomed the voice. “I chose to reveal myself to you for this very reason: I thought you didn’t conform to such basic principles as that. For I am not from, nor are we in, hell. We are in a different place. Though, as a prisoner here, let me tell you, while it lacks the fire and the torture, it can nonetheless be miserable.”