"Best Of" October Bundle
- A collection of the “best” stuff we sold this month…that we’ve still got enough around…that doesn’t weigh that much…that doesn’t cost that much…that we desperately want to get rid of…the best!
- 1 Bag of Candy Corn — contains no actual corn (and is kind of borderline “candy”, for that matter)
- 2 Razors — randomly selected from our supply of Schick Slim Twin Sensitive Razors and Schick Xtreme3 Men’s Sensitive Skin Disposable Razors (green)
- 1 Fitness Band, and we aren’t talking about Manowar, though those guys obviously hit the gym plenty in their day
- 5 Fidget Spinners
- Model: CNDYCOPIA, unless you think that’s too corny, ha ha ha ha ha ha sob
All The Best-ish
Turner’s dictionary defines “best” as “1: better than all the rest 2: better than anyone, anyone I ever met.” But by what criteria? It’s so subjective. So here’s what we’re calling our “Best of” October bundle… with some qualifications.
For one thing, October isn’t over. So it’s possible some killer deal could show up before the end of the month and bump one of these items out of the picture. In a few days, maybe we’ll look back at these items with the same sense of sympathetic embarrassment you get watching Youtube compilations of premature celebrations in sport. (Then again, we’ve seen the sales calendar for the rest of the month, and let’s just say we’re reasonably confident no dark horses are pawing in that particular paddock.)
Plus, how are we supposed to do an encore offer of our best items anyway? The best indication we’ve blundered into a hot deal: we don’t have that stuff anymore. More of you would probably love to buy that Energizer Jump Starter we sold a couple weeks back, for example. How can we tell? You cleaned us out. So they aren’t in this bundle.
Then there are the mundane logistical constraints under which we live and work. For example, items over a certain size or weight are just not suited to these “bundle” sales. Jeeze, the more closely you examine this “best” claim, the less credible it seems.
Our suggestion: Think of this bundle like one of those “Greatest Hits” collections with conspicuous gaps due to legal conflicts between record labels. It’s worth getting just for the one song you really like, and the other tracks are a bonus. (The fidget spinners are probably “the one song” in this analogy, unless you’re that one weirdo whose jam is fitness bands. The random razors are a deep cut album track, what are they even doing here? Maybe they were a hit single in Russia or something?)
So yes, “best of” may be a fiction, but it’s a useful fiction. It sure makes a pithier sales title than “some of the better-performing items this month so far, within certain parameters of size and weight and subject to availability.”
You know what you’re getting; it’s stuff you’re reasonably happy to buy for the price at which it’s offered; and “best of” comes close enough to describing it that no one’s too annoyed. Why not just go along with it?
At least… we think that would be best.
