Getting Jumpy

This jump-starter set is all about alleviating anxiety. It reduces the worry that you’ll get stranded in the middle of nowhere with a dead battery, of course, but that’s a relatively minor concern.

No, this Energizer pack allays a far greater issue: The stress that comes with having to ask someone to jump your car.

It’s stressful enough to call a friend and ask them to drive out to the Buffalo Wild Wings parking lot to jump your car. You’ll feel bad for pulling them out of bed at 11:30pm. You’ll feel even worse when you have to admit that you left your dome light on. And you’ll feel especially humiliated for implicitly admitting that you were hanging out at Buffalo Wild Wings until 11:30pm on a Tuesday. (Hey, half-price wings on Tuesday, right?)

But the stress is far greater, the anxiety far more heart-palpitating, if you have to ask a stranger to jump your car. You’re a grown person, you shouldn’t have trouble asking a random person for help, but … you do.

The trouble lies in identifying the correct person to approach. You want to find someone who looks like they would have jumper cables, knows how to use them, and (most importantly) won’t make you feel bad or judged. Yet that Venn diagram overlap is razor-thin.

The F350-driving, Carhartt-wearing gentlemen leaving the convenience store with a slab of beef jerky is likely to have the appropriate equipment in the back of his DRW Super Duty, but he’s also likely to look at you askance. And there’s nothing worse than an askance look from a jerky-gnawing gentleman.

The sweet, empty-nested, woman of a certain age who pulls up in a Prius would be more than happy to help you with your car problems — or any other problem into which she could pour her moot maternal energies — but she may not have jumper cables.

It’s hard to find that perfect helper.

The problem is similar to the one we faced in high school when trying to find someone to buy us beer. We had to look for someone friendly enough to do a nice thing for a strange pack of kids, but irresponsible enough to perform an illegal, society-endangering act. And those chaotic-good folk can be hard to come by.

This Energizer jumper system is basically a fake ID that lets you avoid this hassle altogether. You won’t have to ask someone to help you, and you can take care of the problem (or mess it up to hilarious effect) your own self.