The "winner" of my Fuck-You-Buckaroo Box is...
13But first, thanks to all of the contestants - especially those who posted funny, interesting, thought provoking, or frankly offensive content in the main thread. Particular kudos to the Mehtizen who covered all of those bases at once. Actually no one did that, but maybe next time…
So here’s the uncertified, unverified, but official because I say it is, process. I entered every eligible contestant, and a bonus entry for support, into the random item picker, pickatrandom.com. The list as I entered it was offered to the Mehtizen hoard for review and analysis, and I was informed of no eligible oversights/omissions. The list thus stands, despite the best efforts of a number of unruly would-be rule-breakers, who missed the deadline but begged, bribed, and hurled their naked bodies at me for a chance to be added to the list. No dice. The rules is the rules.
The dramatic finale consisted of me clicking the “Thrill Me” button on pickatrandom.com. Trust me - that button seriously over-promises and under-delivers. Still, it spit out a name. Perhaps that individual will be thrilled, as that individual will receive my undeservedly ballyhooed F-Y-B Box. The thrill will wear off as soon as they open it, but at least they’ll have their dreams until then.
More to come…
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Here is the list as it appeared on pickatrandom.com, before I was thrilled by clicking the relevant button:
Here is the very exciting, nay thrilling, “action” section of the pickatrandom.com random picker:
If it seems like I’m dragging this out, it’s because I am.
@shahnm I hadn’t noticed.
This is the button I clicked:
@shahnm Milk it for all it’s worth! LOL!
Let me take a moment to clarify an important point. I’m sure that the “winner” of my box will be eager to receive it. But I’m pretty busy these days, and I haven’t even really started to put the box together. I hope that the winner, and all of you really, will indulge me with a bit of patience as I attend to the box as I can, as time permits.
Thank you, in advance, for understanding. It really means a lot to me, and I just thought that this would be a good time to tell you that.
/giphy impatient cat
/giphy string us along goat
/
Please drag this out until the sun is a red giant. (is that what old star become?
)
/giphy no hurry!
@f00l White dwarf.
@bramby2 this gif just isn’t the same without the yodeling, which is echoing through my head now, thank you very much.
@drury34
/giphy stuck waiting
/giphy today junior
Ok ok… Where was I? Oh yes. That’s where!
So for a while, I’ve been wondering what my final post(s) would be as a goat… Not sure why I’m bringing that up now, but it just strikes me as something to think about. It’s a relevant and consequential moment in the life of a Mehtizen - a BFD, if you will…
Anyway, what were we talking about again?
@shahnm
We were talking about how you would rank every kind of battery.
@PlacidPenguin
Everyone’s a Winner!!!
What if, when Beltane dawns, you’re still goat?
@OldCatLady
Beltane comes
/
@OldCatLady Unpossible, Goats never have to work over…there was that one time but whatever…
@OldCatLady I mean, whose fault would that even be?!?
This is not the post you’ve been waiting for.
.
Unless you’ve been waiting for another filler post. In which case, this is the post you’ve been waiting for.
@shahnm
But if we were waiting for a filler post, then is it REALLY a filler post?
@PlacidPenguin
@PlacidPenguin @shahnm
@shahnm
/
Congrats, @llangley!
@Barney
Or are you a winner?
@shahnm
I want the money back that I paid you.
Edit: I was robbed!
@Barney @shahnm
I mean, I paid $7.10 for extra entries for a reason.
@Barney @PlacidPenguin It paid for all of those penguins in that other thread…
@shahnm
Good thing I got rid of some junk this week, and am now able to accommodate those penguins.
/giphy fake news
@llangley, Whisper me your shipping information, and then please set about doing whatever it is you do to while away the hours (weeks) awaiting your very own tra— Fuck-You-Buckaroo Box…
Congratulations!!!
@shahnm
@Barney @IIangley WTF is going on? Things are being posted and deleted faster than I can keep up. I knew the mushrooms on that salad seemed funny…
@shahnm
@shahnm
@Barney
@Barney
At least Lady still loves you.
@PlacidPenguin No, she doesn’t. She got her shots today and she’s been one sick little doggie.
It’s all my fault and she’s giving me those big, sad puppy dog eyes.
@shahnm, I can’t believe you missed an opportunity to post dozens of comments eliminating each contestant one by one! Dewd! That’d’ve been epic as shiiiiiit!
@UncleVinny Great idea! and he could have done it in while emulating the von Trapp family singers.
@UncleVinny Hmmm. I might do this again someday. Your suggestion has been noted.
.
To be honest though, I think if I had dragged this out any more than I did, I probably would have gone way past annoying and into shoot-on-sight territory…
@shahnm bah! You underestimate our appetite for drama. Besides, I long ago learned that anticipating a thing is usually way better than the thing I’m anticipating.
@UncleVinny I will demonstrate the validity of your point in short order…
@llangley, where are you? You posted something briefly last night and then deleted it. If you have wisely decided that this particular pile of gar-- box of amazement is not for you, please feel free to open it back up to the community, and I’ll regift it on your behalf.
@shahnm that wasn’t them. Someone was trolling you with a username that looked very similar. They then decided not to go forward with the con since you were being nice by sending the crap.
@medz Oddly, someone transiently posted something with a username that looked almost like mine, too (shahnrn)… WTF is going on here these days?!? Back in my day, people were people, usernames were usernames, and little furry green things from alpha centauri were little furry green things from alpha centauri (with apologies to Douglas Adams…).
@shahnm oh, I know.
… I wonder who would do such a thing.
/giphy devious grin
OMG!!! I’M NOT WORTHY (or mehbe I am…)
/giphy I’m not worthy
Never got a BOC or Fuku/fuko
/giphy anticipation
@llangley has claimed the box. Anyone waiting to see if it would be up for grabs again may once again wallow in despair… Here is a story I wrote, about that time when @llangley received a F-Y-B box from some random dude on Meh:
@shahnm
🏖
@llangley The sequel introduces some interesting new characters and an exciting plot line involving money and power…
@llangley @shahnm
@llangley Hey - I haven’t forgotten about you!! I’m sorry that a WHOLE BUNCH of stuff came up all at once, and I have had no time to spare on anything but that stuff… I haven’t even really been posting on Meh, which is generally kinda therapeutic for me.
Let not your heart be troubled, though. I’ll hopefully get through enough crap to get the box together and out to you within this calendar year.
Or maybe next.
Anyway, someday.
Thanks for being patient. (I’m assuming you’re being patient, because that is in general better for my guilty conscience than thinking you’re plaintively checking your mail every day, repeatedly and now irreparably heartbroken at the relentless, wrenching absence of a crappy box…)
@shahnm Thanks for the update. Life happens. You did set the expectations bar sufficiently low (it’s on the ground) so it’s all good
. I just hope I can remember I’m getting this whenever it comes 
@shahnm
/giphy low expectations
@llangley I liked the first football pass gif.
@mfladd I would have left it had it been Tebow… go Dawgs
@llangley
So… your box is all packed up and ready to go out. If I can get out of work tomorrow before the post office closes, I’ll ship it tomorrow (6/5). If not, I’m sorry to say that the delay will continue for a long time to come. I’m leaving town for about 3 weeks, and if I can’t get it shipped tomorrow, then it will have to ship after I get back. You’ll know which way this goes when the box either does or does not arrive in a few days.
Sorry about the tardiness. I intended it to be slow, but I surprised even myself with how slow.
@llangley @shahnm I can appreciate that. Take your time.
On “American Pickers” tonight somebody said “You can never over-pay for antiques” because the price will eventually catch up.
I’m taking the long view on this one.
@llangley @shahnm @therealjrn American pickers are paying the real market price. They don’t deal a one-sided deal because it will ruin the reputation of the market price.
@shahnm Haha. Please don’t rush!. We all have enough stress without adding on unnecessarily, PLUS you clearly and accurately set low enough expectations
.
@llangley Well. I’m still stuck at the office, and don’t think I’ll be able to extract myself for at least another 15 minutes. The post office is 10 minutes away, and closes at 6. It is currently 5:44pm. I’m not a math genius, but regrettably, even I can add this up and conclude that the delay will go on. And on…
Sorry again. But at least you’ll have more time to daydream about all of the awesome treasures that might be in the box - dreams that can only be crushed by the reality of its actual contents…
@llangley Your F-Y-B box, at long last, shipped out today. Unfortunately, you should have it soon…
@shahnm
@shahnm FYB has arrived! I’ve been travelling to and from Orlando every day so it’s late when I get home. I’ll open tonight mehbe, and I’ll try to get a decent reveal posted soon… I’m not skeered!
So this gun that Arnold shot Hamilton with…
Should I sell it?