@PlacidPenguin I unblame @ELUNO, this thread is clearly superior thanks to Skateboard Goat. Nice find @hollboll (although I think Skateboard Goat might be a sheep)
@f00l No blame given.
Still, I attempt to curse with the Tyrant Goat of no Mercy. You will step on goat (or any other animal) poop once about every 3 days, for the next 6 weeks.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Cannot predict now
@ELUNO I hold you solely to blame for the fact that you cost me the pleasure of electing @mikibell. Now I’ll have to try again for March when my reasons I point to will be even less timely than they were this month.
@lisaviolet I was back and forth all afternoon. Blame @ELUNO for his too-tempting antics to get out of it! I made the nomination, that’s the most important vote! We’ll get her next month, don’t worry!
@lisaviolet the chaos I imparted only enhanced things. You enjoyed it, I know you did! We’ll get @mikibell next time, we’ve just eliminated some prime competition.
@ELUNO I blame you for the fact that that blathering, delusional, narcissistic idiot Roger Goodell had a speech today. The next time I want to see his face he had better be handing the Lombardi Trophy to the Patriots and the MVP trophy to Tom Brady.
Off topic q:
Ok I get that you want the Pats to win.
But why can it only be Brady you want for MVP? Aren’t his other records plus Gisele plus the rest of his life enough?
If the Pats win, are there no other Pats players who could possibly deserve and be worth an MVP?
Remember - there are records, in the dark and distant past, of defensive players getting the MVP. And once a player on the losing team won it. And more recently some non-qb’s. And these guys kinda actually totally deserved it.
Once upon a time a team wasn’t “a qb plus some other guys”.
@f00l one reason. To have the supreme pleasure of watching Roger Goodell have to hand him the MVP trophy after unjustly suspending him for 4 games in a bid to save face and refusing to reduce the “punishment” (read: baseless suspension) in order to preserve his CBA-granted status as Judge, Jury, and Executioner. Crow should and must be eaten.
Also ‘the commish’ speech happened on February 1 which was the start of @ELUNO’s tenure.
For quite a long time I have watched people unblaming goats for things. Fuck that! Back in my day goats were subjected to nothing but blame. That is there purpose for being. Nothing more than to entertain me and take whatever blame I have to give. Let us return to the days of yore when goat tasted good and we picked our teeth with their bones when we were done.
I will start by blaming @ELUNO that there are two February blame threads!
@mfladd
I’m still hating on you per your request - no, actually, per your demand - for same.
Btw how’s that demand to be hated working out for you? Progress report please.
You really wanted to stop me from being nice to you, didn’t you? Yeah.
You succeeded. Enjoy.
One-celled organism, you are. Just remember that.
Oops, I’m getting in your nerve. Oops, that just happens to be all of you.
Sorry, forgot.
@ELUNO, be aware. @mfladd wants to be hated. In his own words.
@ELUNO I blame you for the fact that Walmart wasted more than 40 minutes of my night looking for a movie their site said was available at my local store only to find out they’d been pulled and sent back discontinued after barely a month on the shelves.
@PlacidPenguin no website is worse than BestBuy. There are 5 w/in an hour of us. Multiple times we have seen 1-4 of something tech-hubby wants at at least 3 stores, but when we went they couldn’t find them in store. Even rechecked site while there w employee and they agreed "site says we have 3 of those, but we’ve checked everywhere."
It hasn’t happened this month (yet) so I can’t blame the goat (yet).
@mollama@f00l I’ve never had any issues with Best Buy. I usually just buy the item online for in-store pickup, so I know for sure they have it once I get the confirmation.
We do call first and someone will say “yes” or we would not have driven up to an hour to get it.
This is usually when we are not paying by credit card (cash or coupons or multiple cards) so they won’t hold it unless you pay first which in these cases we can’t do.
At least twice we did pay by card over the phone/online (within minutes of someone there just told us they have it so clearly lied that he had checked) to arrive and them say “yea, we’ll need to cancel your order, we can’t find it.”
@mollama
I’d complain to corporate over that. If you drove any distance they owe you a gift certificate.
BB has done this to me. After phone verification. I didn’t have to drive far, but I was annoyed. I didn’t make a fuss. But a manager was nearby and heard and gave me a $5 gift card.
@mollama Can you pay with a card on the site, then when you get there return it and immediately buy it again with cash/coupons? Cancelling the order is annoying, but better than driving all over only to find out they don’t have it.
@ELUNO adding on to my prior blame, you’re also to blame for my inability to play Final Fantasy XV on my PS4 Pro that I got for $2.21 because I wasn’t able to buy Kingsglaive tonight at Walmart.
@jbartus I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goat of glitches. You will get the movie soon, but you will misplace your FF game disc and you won’t be able to play it for 38 hours.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Without a doubt
@f00l But… but… Radio was the death of civilization, then TV, then computers, then e-books, then cellphones, then smartphones, then meh.com and then that was truly the end.
Ok I have to pick my personal fav targets here. I blame you for getting in the way.
Online gaming can be a blast. I’m just amazed people allow themselves the time sinkage.
Of course I’m a perfect time manager in my own life. Zero flaws. And that’s why I only have decades worth of the results of procrastination to deal with.
@CaptAmehrican I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Weather Goat. It will rain heavily every time you see a goat in real life for the next 6 months.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Concentrate and ask again
I don’t usually get into these blame threads, but I’m in the library and I guess someone has his terrible headphones turned up really loud- it sounds like a combination of bees and a very tinny version of the original megaman music. It’s like a drill to my temple.
I thought that was annoying, but now there are two people talking and a third being tutored and those two groups keep getting louder to talk over one another.
@PantHeist I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Loud Bleating Goat. You will hear a LOUD sound each time you are just about to fall asleep for the next 6 nights.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Most likely
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Groundhog Goat. The goat will look at it’s shadow and fall in love with it, meaning that you will get 3 more months of harsh winter, including some snow storms that will knock down the power of wherever you are trying to watch the game this Sunday.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Reply hazy try again
@ELUNO
I can tell that you are not intimately acquainted with Texas weather.
A more effective and likely curse would mention tornados. But those are serious and they destroy houses and kill people, so let’s leave them out if it.
PS. I rarely watch football. I don’t think I have seen even one min of NFL stuff this season. I just have a knack for trash-talking it.
PPS. I rarely watch TV.
PPPS snow and ice here are normally gone within 2-3 days if they last that long. A few exceptions …
@jbartus I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Independent Goat. You will not receive calls from those that you really wish to talk to for the next 13 days.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? It is certain
@ELUNO you’re also to blame for the $1,300 in past-due bills I was finally able to pay today after getting a check in the mail yesterday and the late invoicing of customers that led to such a situation.
@jbartus I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Gold Digger Goat. You will win money with a lotto ticket, but the wind will blow it away and you will never find it again.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Better not tell you now
Note: @Pavlov asked me to log in with his ID and post the obligatory monthly goat welcome message in his absence. He’ll be back soon! Hopefully. I miss him. And I need to get laid. Badly. Not badly as in a bad lay. Just really - oh fuck it - you guys get it. Most of you are getting it more than me. Which is the issue. Arghhhhhh!
@MrsPavlov If it makes you feel better @ELUNO Has been texting me complaining that he has zero chance of getting laid this month now as who would fuck a goat. So I figure we can all blame him for our dry spells.
@CaptAmehrican I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse ALL OF YOU with the Horny Goat. You will get naughty related things happen to you all the way through Valentine’s day.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Ask again later
@mfladd I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Benevolent Goat. You will receive great news within 3 days.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Reply hazy try again
@ELUNO I blame you for my having forgotten I’d turned my volume down on my gaming PC which was doubling as my alarm clock such that even though I maxxed out the volume on my speakers themselves the alarm was… pathetic really and it resulted in my sleeping in.
@jbartus I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Drowsy Goat. You will be so tired you will fall asleep during the game this Sunday.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Yes definitely
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Lazy Goat. Your laundry will pile up for the next 3 weeks.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Most likely
I blame @ELUNO that I went to wal-mart and thought I had locked the car. When I got out of the store I found that someone had stolen my Escort 9500ix radar detector. They did not touch one other thing in the car.
And to make things worse they left a new can of Skoal long cut in my front seat. FUCKING REDNECKS!!!
A sheriff came by to take the police report (escort sometimes gives discounts with police reports for stolen detectors). He said, "let me get this right - you are reporting the theft of something that helps you get out of tickets (with a shitty look on his face). I said, “it’s legal!”
Fuck me! Time to go to my 2017 sucks thread
So much for fucking Benevolent GOAT Curse @ELUNO!!!
@mfladd you might ask the store if you can get the footage of where your car was. Walmart is supposed to have some of the best camera systems in the industry. If you can spot the culprit and they can trace him getting into his car and get a plate number for the cops…
@jbartus Good idea. That is how we got the person who stole my credit card number - tried to use it at Lowes declined since he didn’t have the actual card. Lowes only keeps the tapes for 2 weeks though. No idea what walmart does so ask sooner rather than later. And don’t take no for an answer. If they say no, push the police to ask for it (which may mean pushing them to assign a detective to the case first).
I blame @ELUNO I was so upset last night over getting my radar detector stolen that I forgot to put the rotisserie chicken I went to get into the refrigerator.
@mfladd I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Skinny Friends of the Goat. The next chicken you buy will be all skin and bones.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? It is certain
Is the GOAT @ELUNO even present in this fucking blame thread?! Do your job!
I blame the goat I found more stuff missing from my car. The thief (who was an idiot) took a case from my car that had a flashlight in it. He must of thought it looked expensive, but was actually a giveaway from the safety dept. of my company. The good news is that is where I usually keep extra cash in case I forget my wallet. It happened not to long ago so I used all the money.
But the idiot thief just left 3 pairs of expensive sunglasses laying there - Smith’s and a pair of Oakley’s. I am not sure if anything else is gone yet since my car is basically my office so is a mess.
He also left 2 nice knives. Not sure if he got my collapsible police baton or not - I have to look for it. I would be pissed over that too!
@RiotDemon I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goat of Perishables. Your food will expire and go bad in half the time it usually does for the next month.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Very doubtful
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Inconvenience Goat. You will not be able to take all the remaining grocery bags from the car on one go, and will have to make an extra trip for the next 3 months.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Without a doubt
@PantHeist I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Sleepy Goat. You will fall asleep within 2 hours.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Most likely
@mfladd I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Radio Goat. You will get a lot of commercials during your radio listening. Switching stations makes it worse.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Without a doubt
It’s way too warm for shoes. And my fav streets sandals from this past summer have no tread left.
(when the concrete is wet you totally notice this aspect as you try to remain vertical).
And one of them has a hole all the way thru to the ground under the ball of that foot.
Fuck it. I like them. Wearing them anyway, at least until the concrete starts to sizzle.
I should be able to get 1-3 more months outta them, I hope, before it’s 2nd degree burn time.
I have several pairs of similar ones I didn’t have to engineer. I just have to get them out of the box they’re in.
Btw as long as you get used to zero cushioning (not difficult for most people), they give no blisters ever.
Incidentally, no cushioning! So unless you are accustomed to that, not great for standing for long periods (like half an hour or more), esp on a hard surface.
For walking or running, fine.
And you can run in them (since that’s what they’re actually made for). And they’re insanely comfortable for all-day wear.
Based on the famous tire sandals of the Tarahumara.
Zero Shoes https://xeroshoes.com/
If you wanna run in them as opposed to hike or walk, get this design (also great for walking):
They have cheap kits where you can make your own.
I love mine. I just was rearranging stuff a few months ago and they went into a box and I need to get them out.
Another similar brand: https://lunasandals.com/
These tend to have thicker soles. So perhaps better for rough or rocky terrain or gravel.
From either brand, these will wear out approx never. Perhaps in a hundred years or something, assuming you are a fanatic ultramarathoner.
Traditional Tarahumara sandals made from tires.
Good for running hundreds of canyon and mountain miles in. That’s how the Tarahumara use them.
Not everyone likes them. My Ironman-addicted cousin thinks they’re weird and says she won’t try them.
Plenty of praise out there. Here is one source:
The Ted Talk. (15 min)
These are not considered formal wear in most situations. However, they are considered formal wear in Boulder, Co.
@mfladd I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Camel Goat. Every Hump Day this month will be even worse!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? My reply is no
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goat of Escape. You will be the first to be elected a Goat for a second term!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Very doubtful
I’m blaming @ELUNO because it’s a week into the month and I’m only now posting my CuteOfTheMonth shirt. I’m also unblaming @ELUNO because it’s still sufficiently cute and so I don’t have to complain about false advertising.
Side note to @cwolfpack3, who asked a question before about TT: Looks like Ramy + 4 other artists on staff.
@narfcake I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Procrastinating Goat. You will procrastinate on checking meh and you will miss their next fuku/fuko.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Most likely
@narfcake I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Naked Goat. Three of your top 5 shirts will go through their last wear… Good bye old pals!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Without a doubt
@cercopithecoid I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Handyman Goat. You will be overcharged if you don’t fix it yourself!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Cannot predict now
@f00l I accept the suggestion.
In exchange, I attempt to curse you, @f00l, with the Credit Goat. Your credit cards will be blocked/will fail for one reason or another, and you will need to wait a long time until you receive the replacement ones!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Outlook good
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Huffing and Puffing Goat. You will not be able to eat pig again for 7 months!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Yes
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Justice Goat. You will go on rants regarding the new Attorney General!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? As I see it, yes
{Can’t I rant about White House senior policy advisor Stephen Miller [former aide to to then Senator Sessions] and his unvetted immigration restrictions and travel ban executive order, about the details of which concerned department heads were not consulted In advance?
@PantHeist I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goat Pump. Diesel prices will soar!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? My reply is no
I couldn’t find my ibuprofen bottle and i have ever so tiny a sinus headache (thanks to TX juniper, my tormentor).
So I had to put in sandals and a jacket and go out there the car to get that bottle.
Did I mention it’s in the 40’s which is practically like below zero?
Did I mention 20 mph wind?
Blaming @eluno. Since I wanna be mature and grow up about it.
So there.
@f00l you forgot to blame for being stupid enough to wear sandals… of course I did that over christmas. Left the house it was 74. Stopped in IL to get gas. Snow on the ground. Still wearing sandals… Then I had wet, cold feet from the slush.
@PlacidPenguin I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Weather Goat of Mischief. The local grocery stores will run out of stock and you will have to eat bread and milk for a week!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Ask again later
Spent the day trying to remember the name of a terrible, horrible, no Good, very bad TV show which after the pilot had horrendous reviews. BLAME (that I wasted my time)
Couldn’t remember if it was part of the 2015-2016 or 2016-2017 lineup. BLAME
Looked through the lineup of cancelled 2016-2017 shows. Didn’t find it. DOUBLE BLAME
Decided to look through both lineups again.
Found it in 2015-2016 lineup. BLAME (that at that point I still hadn’t given up)
As I’m typing this, I realize that of course it was 2015-2016. BLAME
@ELUNO
I’m wearing sandals. Which are fine when I am waking around.
But I was sitting down with a super comfy couch throw over my feet. Then I moved a little and the throw fell off my feet. And the poor things felt a little cold!
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Weather Goat of Mischief. A squirrel will run into your window, breaking it and letting delicious cold air in!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? It is decidedly so
@ELUNO
What, cause I threw some gravel like about two feet in the general direction of some squirrels which are about 10 yards away, and they more or less laughed at me, and I only did this in order to remind them not to get trapped into enacting your curse?
Besides, if a squirrel crashed into a window, prob doesn’t feel too great for the squirrel either.
If the squirrels refuse to participate in your curse, win-win for the squirrels and me.
@f00l Squirrel laws are very complicated, but some would call that a squirrel hate crime.
A curse doesn’t fall under any laws. I will walk away a free man. (or goat)
@Eluno
I was faced with an enormous Costco cookie delimma this morning.
Certain persons to whom I have a family connection are busting their butts this week. 20hr/day for a few days and no way around that in the line of work.
So I’m buying them lots of Costco cookies in order to help sustain them.
How to do this - to approach Costco cookies without just falling into a vat of cookie dough and refusing to be rescued?
Or how to not purchase twice as many cookies as I need in order to have “a few for me”?
So after running the prob thru the Ulimate Mind algorithm, I received the following possible solution: eat a Costco hotdog first before engaging the cookie section of Costco.
So far it’s working. Have managed to exit Costco, place cookies (the right # for my relatives, no extras) out of reach in the vehicle, and depart the parking lot. The cookie packaging is intact. I have consumed no cookies.
@ELUNO, I blame you GOAT! So, I found a small house I wanted. 8 days on market. Learned there was one other bid, so we actually offered over the asking price. Guess what?
I still didn’t get it!!! Fuck me.
(fucking 2017)
@mfladd I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Real Estate Goat. You will find another perfect home tomorrow, but it will too be taken!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? My sources say no
@ELUNO Haha my plan is actually to wear a shirt, tie, and sweatpants. Still, I prefer to be able to read body language when I’m talking. Even for the live version, can’t look at the camera and see what they’re doing so it’s break “eye contact” or actually look at them.
@CaptAmehrican I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Dumb Goat. You will need to use Google to answer even the most basic questions for the next 3 days!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Reply hazy try again
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Cold Goat. Your allergies will turn into a cold! (And the squirrels will laugh at you!)
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Outlook not so good
@f00l Pine trees just starting their parade here. Time to change all air filters. Already on fexofenadine, allergy shots and montelukast. Curse you, @ELUNO! It’s your fault we’re not getting the normal winter respite.
@OldCatLady
The pine trees never got to me yet the way this juniper does. This year is not the worst year ever but it’s noticeably worse than the last few years.
Blame for @Eluno the Goat and all his spiders! Major Blame coming your way here:
Some eons ago I set alarms on my phone to remind me to do stuff. Like update my Fantasy lineup. Or stop wasting time. And other critically important stuff like that.
Only the alarms never work as intended and never did work because my brain tends to auto-filter the sound into the “ignore category”, so I either simply ignore them or automatically turn them off with only the barest degree of conscious awareness.
Which means that I never ever stop wasting time. Not since I got my first smartphone, anyway. (Yeah, I got one before all of you. Cause I had one of those Kyocera ones that ran Palm OS back in the days of 2g. Around year 2k. Boy was that fun, all that xmit speed. Reminded me of using an acoustic coupler.)
And also which means this past FB season I had to remember to mess with my fantasy lineup all by myself, which really isn’t even fair. And then even tho I gave my fantasy lineup at least 30 seconds per week minimum, my evil niece crushed us all. Again.
And btw, my pointless smartphone alarms still go off because I can’t be bothered to disable them because when they go off because so far nobody has threatened to pepper spray me for failing turn off a bunch of pointless and annoying alarms.
In conclusion:
So I blame the Goat for my pointless annoying alarms.
I blame the the Goat that I have done nothing but waste time for approx 17 years, ever since I got that Kyocera phone.
I blame the Goat that my evil niece crushed everyone in our family Fantasy League. Again.
I blame the Goat that the persons who happen to be around when those alarms go off do not threaten to become sufficiently violent about it, therefore cruelly condemning me to continue to have pointless alarms on my phone. I would blame these people for their morally indefensible indifference to my well-being, except that you, @Eluno, are the Goat and so I’m doing my public duty by blaming you instead.
And I blame you, Goat, that my evil niece is better than me in Fantasy Football.
I blame you, Goat + spiders, that I have to remember to mess with my fantasy league all by myself during the season, because the alarms I set to remind me fail to remind me of anything except that I should ignore the alarms.
And I blame you, @Eluno, that our family Fantasy League does not have enough stupid specialty rules and strange restrictions. Our weirdo rule set is so short that some owners in this league can actually remember all of them. We all know that a proper en familia Fantasy League should have an arcane rule book that contains at minimum a word count comparable to that of Summa Theologica (Thomas Aquinas).
[no, have not read it. Just know it has lots of words and that it’s an impressive book to name-drop].
I blame you, @Eluno, that I still have pointless active alarms on my phone.
I blame you, @Eluno-Goat, that I am wasting time at this exact instant. Sir, have you no shame?
@f00l a suggestion from someone whose brain does similar things with alarms. Give each alarm a different ringtone. I have the same issue where my mind will start to ignore the alarm tone after a couple of months so I change it up and the change in tone is usually sufficient to negate the brain-numbing. I don’t have nearly as many as you do so I just change my wake up alarm every once in a while but if you set them all to their own tones the variety should keep things interesting, at least I think so.
I blame @ELUNO because I found a totally new, unopened Sansa Clip 4 GB, complete with cable and earbuds, still in bubble wrap. I have three others, plus a Fuze, so it needs to go away. I’ve added it to the Ebay stack, and real soon now I’ll put everything up. Don’t have time today, b/c spring has sprung and I need to go take pictures of moss and ferns and critters in the back lot.
@ELUNO It just adds to the list of things I have to do, when I want to go poke around in the woods. It was in a whole box of Stuff that needs to be sorted. The box is just one in a pile of boxes. Ugh. Blame!
@OldCatLady I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Boxing Goat. You will find some more stuff to put in your boxes, but oh no! What’s this? Some of your boxes rip apart!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Ask again later
@PlacidPenguin I still haven’t retired this one that’s about 4 years old and was one of my (late) doggie’s favorites, so it was always washed on hot and dried on high.
The GITD is still working too. Well at least the parts that are still intact.
@f00l My immature brain just combined the two into ‘yellow snow’, and then I recognized the term. Not a good visual. Ima sit outside to see if I can spy the redtailed hawk who is making all the squirrels chatter and cuss. I’ve seen him do a power dive to catch his lunch, and it’s lovely.
@PlacidPenguin I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goat of Nothingness. Nothing interesting will happen to you for the next 3 weeks!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Outlook good
@CaptAmehrican I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the More to Love Goat.
You will gain 5 pounds from eating candy you will buy for cheap tomorrow.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Yes definitely
I blame you @ELUNO that some people will stupidly spend $ they don’t have today, when they could be much happier celebrating imaginatively on the cheap.
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Loving Goat. All insects will fall in love with you and will crawl up your leg a lot more often for the next year.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Signs point to yes
I blame @ELUNO that I have no money but still made my first MorningSave purchase. I haven’t bought anything from Meh for ages even though I am VMP member. But I did get a 10% discount and free shipping.
@mfladd I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Sturdy-Adventurous-Badge Goat. Your package will get lost!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Outlook not so good
@narfcake I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Random Goat. Your phone’s touch screen will go bad and start randomly receiving “touch” commands all over the place by itself.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? As I see it, yes
I am sitting at a railroad crossing gate. Gates closed, lights flashing.
The train blocking the road is sitting still.
I’m thrilled.
Oh, now the train moved a few feet back. And now it moved a few feet forth.
Still blocking the road! Genius!
Ok now the train moved all the way off the road. Except still on the edge, so the gates won’t open yet. And they decided to stop the train there. I guess the train is tired and needs a rest. Poor train!
I blame @ELUNO that the very first time I actually see a fuko to buy I don’t get it because I forget to click the fucking “I am not a robot” box. And no, I am not a robot fucking Will Robinson!!!
@ELUNO I blame you for all the people thinking they can actually get a Fuko when there is thousands trying for only a few hundred bags. I blame you for all their crying and making the forums miserable.
@f00l I guess I don’t find it fun. Lots of people that don’t actively comment in the forums popping up to complain. Watching people, that are active, fighting with each other.
I just don’t understand it.
@PlacidPenguin I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goat of Destruction. You will brick your phone.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? It is decidedly so
I discovered today that the parking lot of the fancy grocery store backs up to the parking lot of the fancy donut store. So I hiked over and bought one of these:
It’s filled with cinnamon custard.
Then I went to the fancy grocery store and discovered that the meal of the week is chicken pot pie which certain family members refused to eat last time. So I bought this instead:
So it’s totally @ELUNO’s fault that my butt will not fit into my swimsuit come summer.
@sammydog01 I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Not so Sweet Goat. You will accidentally replace sugar with salt in a very important meal/dish/desert.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? It is decidedly so
The joke will be on you. @sammydog01 will accidentally switch the two to begin with, so with this curse, the correct ingredient will be put into the recipe.
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Lazy Goat. Your alarm will not work again making you be super late and miss an important event. That should free you up!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Cannot predict now
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Extreme Lazy Goat! You will be bitten by a spider and be completely paralyzed for 4 hours! You will have to play tic tac toe in your mind to not be bored.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Outlook good
@ELUNO, the dermatologist saw fit to freeze patches of my skin, so I’ll look like a Tim Burton character for a few days. I blame you. The only good part is the major painkiller.
@OldCatLady I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Makeup Goat. You will run out of your makeup in the middle of applying it just before going out to a very important event!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? You may rely on it
@ELUNO No event will get me out of the house looking like this. Not enough spackle in the world. I didn’t have to wear a paper mask over my whole face like a previous patient did, though. Also no biopsies were needed, just the annual checkup. The effect of Florida sun on freckled skin: I blame you.
@OldCatLady I am sure leaving the house wearing an @snapster paper bag would be would be entertaining though… just sayin’ (grin). Maybe meh (@hollboll?) has some extras and they can send you one. Am glad though it was nothing big time.
My wrist hurts a little. I did this to myself.
I blame @eluno.
My late Sat alarm just went off reminding me to actually do something useful today.
Fucking alarm thinks it can fucking boss me around. I’ll show that alarm who’s boss.
I blame @eluno.
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Ultimate Goat of Destruction!
Your 5 most precious things will be destroyed in one way or another!!!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? It is decidedly so
OK so now I am deep shit because I am both tired and procrastinated too long. Shit shit shit I have just wrecked the entire weekend due to procrastination and now it will be spent grading papers and reviewing 4 articles and 3 symposiums for a conference. Why the fuck did they give me 3 symposiums??? They take way longer as there are usually 4-6 papers in each one. I need to do a crap job this year so I stop getting outstanding and/or distinguished reviewer… then they might not do this to me again. Or I guess I should just stop volunteering. Nah. Can’t do that. Still hoping for a full time job and they like to see service to the profession even when you are only marginally gainfully employed. Shit shit shit goat it is all your fault. ALL of it. You made me procrastinate.
@eluno and there is more… (your plate is going to be full today because my cup runneth over with blame for you)
Why do people think you have money just because you have health insurance??? I was trying to get a stupid hospital to realize that there are a few dumb asses out there like me who buy insurance even when it takes most of our income to do so, because, well, we need medical care (no medicaid expansion here) because, not so hypothetically, due to 3 cancers of which one has no cure… Not to mention my income meets their financial aid guidelines; to exclude me because I have health insurance sucks and in my opinion violates the intent of the state law? guidelines? about health care for the poor when using a state owned hospital. And how do they expect me to pay them for a test that costs more than I make a month (more medical tests, just got diagnosed with another, fortunately not cancer, new nasty - fuck genetics, this one I will spare the goat the blame. I need new parents, or at least a new genetic mom!!) if they refuse to accept a payment plan of $25/mo (which is about all I can afford right now; and no matter how much they tell me I have to pay that is all I am paying them a month, too bad for them). Not to mention with insurance they’d get way more than I’d be responsible for under their income guidelines. Sigh.
And here is one reason why there is social security disability fraud: Social services at the hospital said they’d help me apply for fast tracked disability as several of the issues, including the new one, are on “the list” (I didn’t even ask about this; I was asking them if they could help me find any organization that gives financial aid for this diagnosis). I told them no thank you I am not disabled yet and can work; what I need is either a full time job or to have a loaded brinks truck blow by in a tornado and drop a bag of cash through the window on it’s way by. Since the later is less likely (although a plane wing did get transported 90 miles in a tornado when I lived 5 miles from the 1998 Moore, OK force 5 catastrophe)… and since I heard a rumor jobs give you money I want one of those instead. A full time one with benefits, not this part time contract by contract BS I am currently doing, would be a good choice. The lady just looked at me like I had two heads. Umm this was supposed to be a bit of humor. Sigh. In revenge I am tempted to turn them in for encouraging SSD fraud.
OK. Done venting for now…need to get back to work.
It has been an awesome day, the biglyist greatest day of my life. My days are better than anyone else’s days. They are the best. [BTY this is an alternative set of facts.] I have 2 symposiums and 3 articles left to review and set of case studies to grade. I do not have enough time left in this day to finish this. All this crap was due yesterday.
And tomorrow, if he shows up (I should have waited to give him my lawnmower and electric hedge trimmer in payment as he left after 45 min last time, although I did get help dragging a few things to this dump of an apt) I have someone coming to help me organize the storage unit so I can more easily get at the stuff I am selling and can find, for example, all my pot lids, the sheets so I am not just using one set like I have been for the last 11 months…not to mention the box my niece’s wedding present (family stuff) is in and she got married last July 3rd.
So I will have to finish it tomorrow night as I can’t do an all nighter. I am too tired already. I am so screwed.
@eluno - I noticed you starred my vent so you have seen it. Stop falling down on the job. Where is my curse and 8 ball prediction for it coming true??? I demand my curse. I would prefer if you’d curse the people responsible for my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Oh wait that is supposed to be you. Instead curse the people I vented about. (grin). I might just have to move to mars (Australia just isn’t far enough away). But I’ll wait until my fuko comes. Then I’ll move. Stomp stomp.
@Kidsandliz I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Fraud Goat. Your credit card will be blocked for security concerns, and you will have to wait a week until you get a replacement, causing you to not be able to purchase that awesome meh product that you have always wanted that will be on sale during that week.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Cannot predict now
@ELUNO, it’s your fault that I bought the wrong amplified HDTV antenna to try cordcutting again. This one is rated to 45 miles, and the Gainesville PBS stations I want to get are, of course, 60 miles away. I used up a nonrefundable coupon, so blame. If I have to get an outside antenna and have it hooked up, double blame. If I can’t live without BBC, BLAME. It’s your fault this year is so crazy that I can’t stay away from the news.
@f00l Thanks for the podcast info, I hadn’t known that. However, my addiction is to the breaking news aspect, since we now live in a popcorn popper. Users can stream MSNBC live on their computer- but only if they have cable service. WTBS and SyFy are other must-haves. I guess I could go the vpn route. The addictive side to cable is that it’s simple: it’s all available, and for a slight additional cost, even more can be added. And more. I thought my Vizio smart TV with buttons for AMZN and NFLX would ease me into cord-cutting, but - no.
@f00l BTW, Audible has WaPo, WSJ and NY Times lead stories available on the News channel. I’ve just found Foreign Affairs Mag, Harvard Business Review, National Review, Scientific American, Smithsonian… Need more ears. When Audible and Alexa are fully integrated, it will make a huge change in news media consumption. Until then, I’m not quite ready to cut the cord.
@OldCatLady i need a podcast for breaking/daily headline news. haven’t found the exact one i want.
got enough commentary podcasts i don’t hate to last me a lifetime. otherwise i get breaking news notifications on the phone.
i have a sub to the NYT i got on huge discount last Mem Day. got a sub to WaPo thru Amazon prime.
i’ve never done the daily news thing thru audible even tho i have it as part of whatever i pay them for. outta give it a try.
would do WSJ if they priced it right to me. just won’t. the digital needs to be around $100/year or i get po"ed.
also have politico and too many other apps and podcasts to heal with. fun fun.
the last time i turned on the tv was briefly, the OT portion of the super bowl. the time before that was election night. everything else comes thru podcasts, apps, or notifications or refreshing google news. this year between the conventions, the olympics, the campaign, i actually watched a good amt of tv.
i hate going at tv’s (to me) way slow pace. and most of the cable networks just repeat themselves endlessly re news.
as for the shows, i’m not gonna watch on their schedule, and i don’t wanna mess with a dvr right now.
national review: i haven’t read them for a while, except for Tim Alberta. do they still have a Buckley flavor? it’s nice in small doses.
the commentary i favor is usually the “who’s ahead, who’s behind” variety. if i can find intelligent people not wedded to a POV who have info i don’t know or don’t know well, and they are onto something interesting, i’ll listen to them i won’t listen to people whose POV i can predict. too slow too repetitive and i prob already know it.
the great thing about podcasts vs live tv is running them at 1.75 or 2.00 speed. took some practice listening at higher speeds. then got used to it.
audiobooks (fiction or an unfamiliar subject) i usually run at 1.5 or somewhere close to that. sometimes slower, sometimes faster. if i want to listen so fast that the speed destroys the fictional mood, that prob means i don’t care much about the book in the first place.
i didn’t do this in the beginning, but in the beginning i was using cassettes. i spoze the decades of listening helps.
@f00l Alexa’s Flash Briefing skill lets me select which news feed stories to include. Right now I have BBC, NPR News, AP News, CNBC, CNN, Reuters and a couple of others. Many update hourly. Maybe I’ll try using that more. If I don’t like a story, I just tell Alexa ‘Next.’ I haven’t compared Alexa to Audible content; Audible must be operated via a phone and has a large visual component, whereas Alexa’s content can be tweaked -and controlled- more easily.
@OldCatLady I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Kiddy Goat. All your antenna will ever get are kids shows. Good luck with Qubo!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? My reply is no
@OldCatLady
What is the command to get Alexa to play news from a given news source?
Or do you just install a given skill?
Or does the Flash Briefing Skill let you choose from a # of news sources which ones you wish to hear?
Does Alexa auto-read the news to you on the hour or whatever, or do you have to tell it to read the news?
I could look this up, but today is very busy for me. I have a lot of time that needs wasting, and only so many hours in which to accomplish that.
@ELUNO
I already know I can ask Alexa for the news and get a summation of the recent NPR headlines.
But since you choose to be recalcitrant later on in the thread when I blamed you and I pointed out the error or your ways:
@f00l: “Alexa, how do i cause all Curses pronounced by the Goat @Eluno to doubly-rebound against him?”
Alexa: “Amazon has already arranged that this should occur any time a Cursing Goat Curses.”
@f00l: “Alexa, how do I derange the Cursing Goat @Eluno’s Mind, and in addition make him unattractive to female bipeds for an additional 12 months starting now?”
Alexa: “Amazon has also already arranged both of these services as part of the Amazon Now And Into The Future Division.
These products are already in service and operating. However, since Amazon failed to start these services on Feb 1, 2017, as per contract, Amazon will arrange that the Cursing Goat shall be repulsive to female bipeds for an additional month.”
@f00l To play several sources, install the Flash Briefing skill, then (on your computer or tablet) go to ‘Manage Flash Briefing’, where you choose from a dizzying array of sources to include. Sources have been added since I set mine up, so I revisit every so often. To cue it, say ‘Alexa, Flash Brief’, or if you only want Brits, say ‘Alexa, play BBC News’, once you have added that source to the skill. Various sources update at different intervals. Auntie Beeb updates daily. NPR Hourly News update does just what it says on the box; ‘Alexa, play NPR news’.
you are the Goat. ok you are the self-proclaimed Curse Goat. so far so good.
but as long as you are accepting all the blame for the month, shouldn’t you, technically, be cursing yourself and running /8ball’s on the curses you put onto yourself as well as those you assign to us?
Your reasoning makes no sense. Please go back to the drawing board and come back with a more realistic blame so I can double curse you.
Kindly show me the Man Page on which it is documented that Reasoning Is Supposed To Make Sense.
Now that you haven’t been able to locate that page
(i tore that page out of The Only Copy Of The Manual and ate the page with some fava beans and a nice Chianti):
You can either spend all eternity seeking the non-existent Page, or you can start Cursing yourself as you should have in the first place.
we can overlook the past, as long as you agree to start Double-Cursing Yourself from this moment forward.
PS
All Blame Directed At The Goat is Realistic Blame.
@f00l I reject the suggestion.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Cheapskate Goat. You will have to prepare an important lunch/dinner/dessert but the store will be out of the most important ingredient, except for the super off-brand one. Your creation will suffer because of it and everyone will think you suck at cooking/baking/etc!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Yes
@ELUNO
You really shouldn’t have gone there.
I would have allowed you to go on believing as you do.
But … … Please.
We are not doing K-12 levels here.
We are doing Truth In Cursing, which requires a much higher standard.
The article you cite applies to K-12 mathematical uses, and to Applied Mathematics in all its forms and uses: and it is therefore irrelevant.
I am a Mathematical Sophisticate and have the transcripts to prove it. Trust me here, if you wish to save time and headaches.
Once one is admitted into the Deep Mathematical Mysteries, one knows that the idea that Reasoning has something to do with Making Sense is Provably False.
You can take my word for it.
Or you can complete the undergrad Pure Mathematics curriculum, and the first three years (minimum) of the grad school Pure Mathematics curriculum -
shall we say, from, say, MIT, CalTech, or UC Berkeley (your choice) -
and then get back to me.
By that time you will be sustaining and deeply believing - and be able to prove for yourself - my argument, not yours.
@f00l It is more relevant than ever!
We demand transcripts! Until we have seen them with our own eyes, we won’t believe you are Pure. You are most likely mixed with Foreign concepts!
@f00l Proving arguments? Seems to me one term of econ will do that. Had to resurrect long dead calculus to do it though. I remember way to many godawful proofs doing that shit to prove what we already knew. Waste of time. Besides economists are better explaining the past than predicting the future. Sort of like @eluno’s curses for the future LOL.
I blame @ELUNO that the paperwork is being signed today and I am finally closing (pending) the deal on a cute house. BUT, I cannot move into it until July since the current tenants just had a baby and I am being all squishy nice - ack! At least I am collecting rent, but agreed to do the sweetheart deal they had (does cover the mortgage).
That being said, I get kicked out of my winter rental at the end of April and don’t have a place to live for two months yet. It’s easier said than done. FU GOAT!
@mfladd
Site called roommates.com Perhaps better curated that CL.
Also some hotel chains will cut long stay deals.
Also your loving friends and relatives.
@Kidsandliz I have looked. I have a couple of possibilities in the works with my realtor (she’s awesome). I still have time, but it is frustrating. And I am tired of moving constantly right now. But I will do what I have to.
My realtor said to rent a pod for two months and she would remodel it for me
@Kidsandliz Also something I was thinking about. We do have a Residence Inn locally - I will have to call. I was thinking it would be more expensive than that, but that would work.
@Kidsandliz It was quick finding it. But things work out as they should. The sellers are renting a house from my realtor and they need to sell to but that one. It’s small (very) that I like, has a large deck and a fenced yard with a tire swing that the kids love. I actually got this one below asking and sellers are paying the closing costs. Add that with my no money down VA loan and I am almost paying nothing out of pocket to get it.
@mfladd I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Cute Baby Goat. Just as they are moving out, the baby will do a mess absolutely no one will notice until you step on it!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? It is decidedly so
@mfladd
Residence Inn is part of Marriott and will cost more.
Look for Extended Stay or Motel 6 or similar.
Costs vary widely by location of course.
RE: moving in with friends or relatives or acqaintainces:
@f00l Been there too. No friends or relatives here for that. Don’t you remember I hate people?
Thanks.
mfladd said 31 minutes ago
Tsk Tsk
So little imagination.
If you truly, deeply, utterly hate people, and are committed to the full expression of this noble task: how better to express it with your entire soul and being than by moving in with them?
And by getting them to let you move in by cleverly guilt-tripping them?
I ask you, Sir?!!!
I don’t think you hate people as much as you pretend to.
@f00l Hahaha re moving in. Yeah, extended stays are not even CLOSE to me. I did just talk to my realtor and I met a friend of hers at her house while I was helping her move (we are more like friends now and is going to be my realtor mentor) who is possibly looking for a roommate. That would be perfect.
@mfladd Make sure your rental agreement covers you, has a proper termination date, spells out any damages and cleaning, and does not run afoul of the terms of the loan for primary residence.
@narfcake yup, it is only for two months. Final walk-thru after tenants (their relatives) leave will be completed by all parties involved and sellers will cover any unexpected damages. It is all being handled by my realtor who is intertwined with both parties, Sellers do not want to piss her off as they will not have yet bought her house (and she will be living next door to them I don’t expect any issues here. Every party here has a vested interest for this to go smoothly - but thanks.
My wrist still hurts a little even with occasional ibuprofen and nearly a week of a brace. And I am typing on an actual kb instead of some on-screen garbage mobile thingie.
I think this means I get to wear the brace another week.
I want to be able to use these Excuses (a slightly injured wrist due to my own stupidity, plus a void in my soul where sanity, judgment, sensitivity, and taste should reside) to make me truly and entirely non-responsible for all my bad conduct, bad decisions, and and other woeful features.
Somehow I suspect this last idea of mine won’t work very well. Or at all.
@Eluno I Blame you for all my personal failings.
(Hint: Lots. No, more. No, lots more. Keep going.)
And I Blame you, @Eluno, that my fab Excuses don’e work.
Furthermore I Curse the Curse Goat. Any Curse you sustain against me regarding any of these Blames shall rebound triply upon you as Curse Goat.
@Kidsandliz
i injured it going mad using an OSK since then it’s been in a brace. Don’t think I’ve re-injured or re-strained it. It hurts the same first thing in the AM as after use. I just think my wrist is having revenge on me by healing slowly.
And I think you know better than to expect sensible conduct from me anyway.
@narfcake I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Hair Ball Goat. Lint rollers cannot help you inside shoes! Your cat will leave an awesome surprise inside your shoe!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? My sources say no
@narfcake I still haven’t found any TeeTurtle shirts. I will, however, keep looking. Maybe this is the week I’ll find them, and a Blendtec blender, NIB.
/8ball Will this be my lucky week? As I see it, yes
My neighbor’s cat has left presents on my front steps before, though. Asshole.
/8ball Do the 13 unblames take effect? Ask again later
@OldCatLady Good luck! I actually slacked off this weekend; the greater LA area Goodwills has a $3/$2/$1 sale this long weekend and I didn’t hit a single one.
So there you have it. One unblame. Which of course is countered by me blaming you that I had no running water this morning. Well, okay, water was running … just not to my house.
(Water main at the end of the street went kablooey sometime last night.)
I went to the mall to play pokemon today. I found a sweater at one of the fancy stores there at 75% off the reduced price. I took it to the register and the woman said “One our assisted care ladies came in today wearing that sweater. She looked cute.” So apparently I dress like a 90 year old. (A cute one at least.) Damn.
@ELUNO I must unblame you for the theft of my Sansa. It was found in my linen closet (don’t ask). But I knew there was something missing from my middle console. I found out what it was. Since I travel a lot for work I keep and extra bottle of Chanel Allure Sport so I smell good - don’t judge me! That is what the perp took - cologne! I guess you have smell good when you’re a half-way crook! So blame there.
Fucking Rednecks!!!
(ps - my house sale is now listed as PENDING, so one can steal that, except of course, the malevolent gods of 2017.)
@PlacidPenguin Very true. But I had no choice in the matter since I blamed the goat for something didn’t happen. Trust me, I am strongly against unblaming (fucking @narfcake started the shit).
@Kidsandliz
I’m not in charge of who they invite. All I know is that they want me - or at least my mind - to skedaddle outta this gutter to they can have it to themselves.
Blame for @Eluno
Last night i knew that (today) Monday is a federal holiday. but this AM had forgotten. Remembered when i saw the bank parking lot was empty.
Unblame for @Eluno
Went to $bux for wifi and a comfy chair. Large table in center, many of women dressed in “attractive biz casual” taking up the table. Very animated, many smiles and hand gestures, but not speaking loudly. I could overhear nothing, and AFAIK they didn’t bother anyone else.
I could guess what the gathering was about, because their table was covered in Mary Kay Cosmetics and flyers. They were not “trying out”. The gathering appeared to be a kind of recruiting pitch for new Mary Kay associates. Everyone looked both hopeful and serious. I checked the parking lot. Yes, there was one Caddy SUV out there in that particular pearlized shade of pink that GM customized for the most successful Mary Kay associates.
Was a bit interesting to catch the expressions on their faces every once in a while. i know absolutely nothing about Mary Kay Cosmetics, but I wish all these women well.
Net: Zero rebounding curses for @Eluno today. Congrats!
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Heart Goat. You will gain 5 extra pounds from all the Valentine’s candy you ate!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? My reply is no
PS. Do you really think a curse goat wouldn’t have a rebound curse shield? Pfff…
@PlacidPenguin Why would you be miserable on the day you managed to prove, on a day devoted to you, that last you knew your feet were still on the ground and not under it?
Keep pushing your luck and I will arrange to that all the music you ever hear for the rest of your life will be horrible Swedish pop music. I mean the worst of the worst
@f00l I accept your honorary goat position designation.
In exchange, I completely curse you with Swedish pop music for the rest of your life. I mean the worst of the worst.
@CaptAmehrican I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Hangover Goat. You will hopefully have a huge hangover today!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? My reply is no
I blame @ELUNO because today I happened upon a part of town where I would love to live. Walkable, parks, restaurants, cafes, shops, near a historic district, not under a flight path, lots of single family houses, not near a light industrial zone, etc. I hadn’t really explored the area before, but I’m in love with it. Housing prices are not unreasonable. To get there from here, I need to have some work done to this house and put it on the market, then pack and move. I hate moving. If only I had won the lottery, I could have paid people to do the hard parts. Blame!
/giphy house for sale
@OldCatLady
You’re not supposed to be winning any lotteries, unless you are referring to 2nd place. I am supposed to win all the lotteries. Even if I didn’t buy tix.
It’s ok if you get 2nd place or something. No prob.
I tell ya, it’s rigged.
@OldCatLady I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Chinny Chin Chin Goat. A structural weakness in your house will force you to move!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Signs point to yes
@f00l To win a lottery without buying a ticket, you would have to find one on the ground somewhere. Would you feel right cashing in someone else’s hard-earned dollar ticket? Would you? (I would. I’d donate to good causes to assuage guilt, but I’d do that anyway.) And I bought a ticket in Publix today, because it was on my mind.
I blame @ELUNO because I have spent too much time messing with the no kill shelter needs and not enough time dealing with the “grades due soon” needs and now I get to do a grading marathon. And I hate grading. That is your fault too. And I hate playing police about the ‘my work is late because the dog ate the internet’ excuses that I then have to determine if they are real or if they are fake (I teach online).
@Kidsandliz I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Intertubes Goat. Your internet service will go out just before you are ready to turn in all your grading work and will not come back until it is already too late!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? You may rely on it
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Stuffy Face Goat. This is just the beginning! Double, TRIPLE the allergy effects for the next 4 months!!!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Ask again later
@OldCatLady
The juniper that drives us nuts every Jan and Feb is a natural pollinator this time of year. I remember worse years, even tho the winters were quite a bit colder. These trees grow heavily from the Metromess area, all the way down to Mexico, with a huge concentration in the Hill Country west of Austin and San Antonio. Those areas barely have winter most years anyway. The wind saturates us with pollen. Every time it gets really cold here, that means our weather is coming from the north, or, far more likely, from the west over the Rockies, and the pollen abates until the wind changes.
However, this is the warmest winter I remember. We had the super-cold spell around Thanksgiving, and since then, it’s been mostly like late March or early April. This has everyone quite nervous about how bad the summer will be.
I am hoping for a lot of rain between now and mid-June. If we have a high water table, that will moderate the temperatures somewhat, and the plants will handle it a lot better.
During the summer of - was it 2011? anyway, mega 100F days and hardly any rain since the prev Nov - there was this horrifying week in August when so many trees just turned brown. Driving along the freeways made me very depressed then.
I still get quite sad thinking about all those trees. Many of them had withstood decades of harsh summers. But that summer plus the drought was too much. If the water table is low, the drought and heat just feed off themselves to make it all that much worse. : (
@f00l Yeah, one of the neighbors had something installed around their foundation & big trees; 3 in front, 2 (or more?) in back. Big bucks.
They said all the trees died. There’s no way of knowing if those pipes do any good (or if they are even hooked up).
@CaptAmehrican I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Mimi Bobeck Goat. You will look like a TV star! TV character Mimi Bobeck from The Drew Carey Show!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Signs point to yes
@PlacidPenguin I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the GIV Goat. You will stay with that cold for 2 and a half weeks!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Signs point to yes
@mfladd Years ago, we added goldfish to our rainwater catch basin (like 1/2 a whiskey barrel) to eat the mosquito larvae which had begun to infest it.
Those fish got yuge! And they seemed to live very long lives that way, as well.
/image whiskey rain half barrel
@mfladd I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Jeff Goatblum. Stop playing God! Your fish will become pregnant and have baby fish because life always finds a way!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Reply hazy try again
@ELUNO you have dodged the bullet so many times this month on blames I should have rightfully given you that I was too damned busy to give you, so I’m going to give you a few right now.
Let’s start with blaming you for my being too damned busy to blame you.
@jbartus I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Even Busier Goat. You will be so busy next month, that you won’t enjoy @mikibell 's goatness at all!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Cannot predict now
Next up I’m going to blame you for the fact that the electrician on an install job I’ve got didn’t grasp from day one what I needed for the floor box his electrical and my data lines needed to go into. You’re also blamed because was either never informed or never acted upon what I told the general contractor when I found said floor box (the wrong one) sitting in its packaging waiting to be installed. You can take the blame for the fact that the GC never put us in direct contact about this issue to head it off at the pass without playing middle man as well. Furthermore you’re blamed for the fact that he then proceeded to install this completely unsuitable floor box.
Building yet further upon that blame, you are further blamed that the GC, after I called him again about the unsuitable floor box, made it my issue to find a suitable replacement. Still further, you are blamed for the fact that he then decided that it needed to be there the following day because he was expecting the electrician to come get work done. Yet further, you are blamed that the closest source for said suitable box was via Will-Call at the regional distribution center for the local branch of a national electrical supply house over an hour and a half from my house.
You are unblamed for the fact that I made it to said distribution center before closing without any major hiccups but said unblame is cancelled out by the fact that I was in unfamiliar territory and ended up on I-495 headed the wrong way to get home resulting in my driving most of the way to Cape Cod before rectifying the mistake and turning around. The null-gain of said unblame/blame pair is then not made up for by the blame for the fact that I collected all necessary tools to put the box into the floor myself only to have the unblame of the electrician volunteering to take care of it for me when I showed him the box.
Of course, both of these null gains are more than compensated for by the massive blame for the fact that despite having had to rush to get this thing because he was due to wire the following day the gentleman was never seen by myself that day following our discussion of the box and the box was most certainly not installed into the floor (or any other apparent progress on the electrical work) that day meaning I could most likely have simply ordered the damned thing online or picked it up locally the day after.
This is all after being pressured by the GC for weeks to get my portion of the job done and out of the way despite HVAC and other things being up in the air as yet presenting untold and as yet unknown to me delays to the overall project. Said pressure resulted in my doing my main cable runs on this past Sunday into the wee hours of Monday for well over twelve hours because the present state of the project has fully 70% (by volume) of the downstairs space I needed to run through the ceiling of inaccessible from the rest of the building without going outside and entering the space through a roll-up loading dock door.
In short, you have a hell of a lot of blames to absorb for this one situation. I am going to bed soon but rest assured mister that I have more piled up waiting for you.
@jbartus I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the TLDR Goat. Your most precious efforts will be glossed over and not given the appropriate recognition!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? It is decidedly so
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Power Goat. You will put yours stuff on chargers, but they will be unplugged from the wall!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Without a doubt
@PlacidPenguin I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the TV Goat. Your favorite TV show will be cancelled!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Cannot predict now
@PlacidPenguin
We need water here in “falling from the sky” noticeable and measureable quantities (sufficient to qualify for a mention on the local news) over most of Texas. Can you help with that?
PS We’re not in an actual drought - I don’t think - just worry about it every spring…
The local chapter of the Future Darwin Award Recipients of America smashed a pile of remote control cars in the road in front of my driveway and left the residue. I just spent twenty minutes sweeping plastic, batteries, chunks of metal, and various pieces of circuit boards from the street so I can leave without puncturing a tire. They are the future of the country, and we are fucked.
@ELUNO I really should have been unblaming you for all the TT finds, only because up until the end of 2016, I only ran across ten in thrift stores, and in the past month, I’ve found more than that already, including four that are catshirts.
/8ball Well … should I have been unblaming @ELUNO? Better not tell you now
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Movie Goat. You will forget about setting your FML line-ups MANY times!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Very doubtful
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Sexy Goat. You will fall in love and buy a pet others will find ugly!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Yes definitely
@ELUNO That’s so sweet. You think that you get degoated as soon as the date changes. People are saving up blames for tomorrow, when you will still have the badge.
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Drought Goat. There will be no rain for the rest of the month, and barely any rain in March!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Better not tell you now
@Eluno
I blame you that spring is here two weeks early.
More mosquitoes, and for rural folk, ticks.
Possible drought.
Confused butterflies.
Possible v hot summer.
Watch the Unusually Early Advance of Spring 2017 in the USA
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Vampire Goat. Ticks will be all over you sucking your sweet sweet blood during all of Spring!
/8ball Does the curse take effect? It is decidedly so
I’m blaming @ELUNO that today is the last day to sign up for VMP – which I did – and that I probably won’t use because @snapster won’t sell catshirts here.
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Shirt Goat. What happened to your laundry?! You won’t have any fresh underwear in a crucial moment.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? As I see it, yes
Finally changed the lightbulb. Only because the other 2 in the room also went out.
Blames involved:
It took so long for me to get around to finally changing them.
I needed to get 4 lightbulbs to replace 3 dead ones.
I decided to put the strongest lightbulb in the most efficient spot only after I had already put a new bulb in the efficient spot, thus I handled a hot lightbulb.
@ELUNO You need to accept that blame that somehow only needing 3 light bulbs 4 were required to replace those 3. I blame you that @PlacidPenguin can’t count (either that or that said penguin did major modifications to force 4 bulbs into 3 sockets).
@ELUNO
No it’s not my problem. Deputy Goat is a strictly honorary appointment. Deputy Goat never has to actually do anything. You owe several curses here.
@ELUNO As a Mediocre employee, I can’t officially condone any curses that happen on my watch. However, I might just happen to be offline for the next little while…
@PlacidPenguin I accept the blame.
In exchange, I curse you with the Oblivious Goat. You will not be aware of many important things, including fukus, fukos, bags of crap and more for the following 4 months!
@PlacidPenguin
Exactly. And the only way I know to get the persons in question to act is to offer bribes. And they might not act anyway, out of duty or something which is so lame.
I blame blame blame blame blame you @Eluno that my friends don’t live in NOLA anymore and I am not at Mardi Gras planning to sleep on their couch or something, assuming we ever decide to sleep again, and we are not out on the town at some hole in the wall bar no tourist ever heard of, listening to some of the finest street jazz ever played, while sipping beer and whiskey, miles from Bourbon St but still full of the spirit.
@f00l I accept the blame.
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goodbye Goat. This will be the very last blame you cast on me.
/8ball Does the curse take effect? Most likely
I blame @ELUNO that you (@hollboll) ignored this thread.
@PlacidPenguin I unblame @ELUNO, this thread is clearly superior thanks to Skateboard Goat. Nice find @hollboll (although I think Skateboard Goat might be a sheep)
@jbartus I agree. Skateboard Goat makes me feel better about being a goat.
@PlacidPenguin I accept your blame.
In exchange, I goat curse you by making this the official thread since skateboard goat is so cool.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
@ELUNO
Suck it up Goat.
@f00l No blame given.
Cannot predict now
Still, I attempt to curse with the Tyrant Goat of no Mercy. You will step on goat (or any other animal) poop once about every 3 days, for the next 6 weeks.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@f00l You are safe… for now…
@ELUNO
Ha ha scroll down in thread re 8 ball.
Besides. Am I not Texan? Grew up around large animals. Have you never heard the word “shitkicker” before?
Texans are good at boots. Animal poop happens, but it’s nothing to fear.
Nocona Boots.
(Now owned by Justin Boots in FW).
@f00l Next time, the curse will be with you being barefoot…
@ELUNO
If I’m where boots are needed, I’ll have boots handy.
@f00l The curse has it’s way to make you lose your boots.
@ELUNO
I can see you don’t understand boots.
Keep going.
@f00l I can see you don’t understand curses.
I’ll keep going.
@ELUNO
Ride 'em, Goat!
@f00l Fort Worth FTW!
Thanks @hollboll!
@ELUNO I hold you solely to blame for the fact that you cost me the pleasure of electing @mikibell. Now I’ll have to try again for March when my reasons I point to will be even less timely than they were this month.
@jbartus (checks out voting stars on other thread)…you didn’t even vote for her!
@lisaviolet He double triple crossed us!
@ELUNO The bum!
@lisaviolet I was back and forth all afternoon. Blame @ELUNO for his too-tempting antics to get out of it! I made the nomination, that’s the most important vote! We’ll get her next month, don’t worry!
@jbartus I dub thee Sir Flip Flopper.
I looked for gifs, found none that fit, but this one makes me laugh so I’ll share it anyway.
@lisaviolet
Great. Now my laptop has peach Snapple on the screen.
@PlacidPenguin Blame @ELUNO. Not my fault.
@lisaviolet the chaos I imparted only enhanced things. You enjoyed it, I know you did! We’ll get @mikibell next time, we’ve just eliminated some prime competition.
@lisaviolet
That guy’s just too sexy.
@OldCatLady, come see the hunk @lisaviolet found. Such abs!
@ELUNO is that you in that pix?
@jbartus I think @CaptAmehrican claimed March already… and @RiotDemon claimed April???
@f00l I am a goat, not a sexy dancer.
@mikibell oh, they both are being goated alright… but after you are goated in March!
@mikibell is March I just got you a month repreive since you said you needed it.
@CaptAmehrican
@lisaviolet
@PlacidPenguin
@ELUNO
@mikibell
@CaptAmehrican
@jbartus
@RiotDemon
@OldCatLady
can anyone make out what those ab tats are about?
Now don’t look too closely and go blind. Be sensible.
@f00l I cannot read the language… :S
@f00l They say “ugly fat dancing man”
@CaptAmehrican
I think you nailed it.
@f00l
What they’re about? The ink in then is about
somebody fat.(Where about means around.)
What language is that though? Not that that would help, I only speak/write/understand several languages.
@PlacidPenguin
My post was written in “casual street”. A local variant.
@mikibell not a chance.
@mikibell I’d prefer October cuz Halloween, but I doubt people would wait that long. April is when I was born, so I figured that’d be second best.
@f00l That was not kind. I’ve been busy all day and opened that in all innocence.
@OldCatLady
Oops!
@ELUNO I blame you for the fact that that blathering, delusional, narcissistic idiot Roger Goodell had a speech today. The next time I want to see his face he had better be handing the Lombardi Trophy to the Patriots and the MVP trophy to Tom Brady.
@jbartus I accept your blame.
In exchange, I goat curse you and now the Patriots will receive the curse of the Billy Goat!
@jbartus
Off topic q:
Ok I get that you want the Pats to win.
But why can it only be Brady you want for MVP? Aren’t his other records plus Gisele plus the rest of his life enough?
If the Pats win, are there no other Pats players who could possibly deserve and be worth an MVP?
Remember - there are records, in the dark and distant past, of defensive players getting the MVP. And once a player on the losing team won it. And more recently some non-qb’s. And these guys kinda actually totally deserved it.
Once upon a time a team wasn’t “a qb plus some other guys”.
I blame Goatly @Eluno for this.
The commish speech happened while @jbartus was still Goat. That’s not @Eluno’s fault.
@f00l one reason. To have the supreme pleasure of watching Roger Goodell have to hand him the MVP trophy after unjustly suspending him for 4 games in a bid to save face and refusing to reduce the “punishment” (read: baseless suspension) in order to preserve his CBA-granted status as Judge, Jury, and Executioner. Crow should and must be eaten.
Also ‘the commish’ speech happened on February 1 which was the start of @ELUNO’s tenure.
@jbartus
The commish speech happened while you were still afflicted with the Goat branding.
I hope it’s a great game. A great game that rises above Goodell’s flaws. And I hope that whoever wins the MVP, it’s not about Brady vs the Commish.
Let it be about the game.
Brady’s doing fine, as I think you know.
He prob doesn’t want the MVP to be about old grievances either.
So, @hollboll @katylava… what is YOUR favorite type of cookie???
@mikibell a perfect chewy sugar cookie.
or a cakey frosted sugar cookie.
no, wait, snickerdoodles.
ehhh… or… maybe… the spice cookies i made for christmas
although… i can’t stop thinking about the raspberry thumbprints i also made
oh, of course… oatmeal raisin is my favorite, but only if it’s chewy, not crispy.
man… but when i see a sugar cookie…
@mikibell RIP Cory Monteith
@katylava those all sound so good!
@katylava Yeah, that’s my favorite, too.
@ELUNO I unblame you for the entertainment that your antics to get out of being goat brought me this afternoon. Thanks buddy!
@jbartus Anything to get you some entertainment!
For quite a long time I have watched people unblaming goats for things. Fuck that! Back in my day goats were subjected to nothing but blame. That is there purpose for being. Nothing more than to entertain me and take whatever blame I have to give. Let us return to the days of yore when goat tasted good and we picked our teeth with their bones when we were done.
I will start by blaming @ELUNO that there are two February blame threads!
@mfladd
I’m still hating on you per your request - no, actually, per your demand - for same.
Btw how’s that demand to be hated working out for you? Progress report please.
You really wanted to stop me from being nice to you, didn’t you? Yeah.
You succeeded. Enjoy.
One-celled organism, you are. Just remember that.
Oops, I’m getting in your nerve. Oops, that just happens to be all of you.
Sorry, forgot.
@ELUNO, be aware. @mfladd wants to be hated. In his own words.
Go for it.
/giphy hated
@ELUNO I blame you for the fact that Walmart wasted more than 40 minutes of my night looking for a movie their site said was available at my local store only to find out they’d been pulled and sent back discontinued after barely a month on the shelves.
@jbartus
But… Walmart.
Why would you listen to their website?
@PlacidPenguin it’s @ELUNO’s fault, he told me to do it!
@PlacidPenguin no website is worse than BestBuy. There are 5 w/in an hour of us. Multiple times we have seen 1-4 of something tech-hubby wants at at least 3 stores, but when we went they couldn’t find them in store. Even rechecked site while there w employee and they agreed "site says we have 3 of those, but we’ve checked everywhere."
It hasn’t happened this month (yet) so I can’t blame the goat (yet).
@mollama
Best Buy is bad. Horrible in fact. But you can call them and ask.
Walmart’s online inventory is total suckage.
@mollama @f00l I’ve never had any issues with Best Buy. I usually just buy the item online for in-store pickup, so I know for sure they have it once I get the confirmation.
@f00l @ELUNO:
@mollama That sucks :S
@mollama
I’d complain to corporate over that. If you drove any distance they owe you a gift certificate.
BB has done this to me. After phone verification. I didn’t have to drive far, but I was annoyed. I didn’t make a fuss. But a manager was nearby and heard and gave me a $5 gift card.
@mollama Can you pay with a card on the site, then when you get there return it and immediately buy it again with cash/coupons? Cancelling the order is annoying, but better than driving all over only to find out they don’t have it.
@ELUNO adding on to my prior blame, you’re also to blame for my inability to play Final Fantasy XV on my PS4 Pro that I got for $2.21 because I wasn’t able to buy Kingsglaive tonight at Walmart.
@jbartus I reject this blame. Kingslave has a 13% on rottentomatoes. This should be an unblame!
@ELUNO regardless I am told it is important to understanding the game itself.
@jbartus I accept the blame.
Without a doubt
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goat of glitches. You will get the movie soon, but you will misplace your FF game disc and you won’t be able to play it for 38 hours.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO I keep my games hyper-organized.
@jbartus
I blame @ELUNO for online gaming and the subsequent inevitable brain-rot and the death of civilization thereby.
Just sayin’.
@f00l But… but… Radio was the death of civilization, then TV, then computers, then e-books, then cellphones, then smartphones, then meh.com and then that was truly the end.
@ELUNO
Ok I have to pick my personal fav targets here. I blame you for getting in the way.
Online gaming can be a blast. I’m just amazed people allow themselves the time sinkage.
Of course I’m a perfect time manager in my own life. Zero flaws. And that’s why I only have decades worth of the results of procrastination to deal with.
Today is a good day for procrastination.
I blme you @ELUNO that today is the day people look to a rodent for weather predictions
@CaptAmehrican I accept the blame.
Concentrate and ask again
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Weather Goat. It will rain heavily every time you see a goat in real life for the next 6 months.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Very doubtful
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
I blame you that even the 8ball won’t play nicely with you.
/8ball is this true?
You may rely on it
@CaptAmehrican
Re Groundhog Day
If the world were like the Bill Murray film, ELUNO could be Goat for ever and ever!
Cool! Can somebody make those arrangements?
@f00l But it was only forever and ever for Bill Murray, not the groundhog… To the groundhog, it was just one singular day after all was said and done.
@f00l
It is certain
/8ball Will my next curse on @f00l be successful?
@ELUNO
Curse away.
I curse you to curse me.
@f00l
Curse(double f00l){
while(f00l!=cursed)
do(ask8BallToCurse(f00l)}
@ELUNO
That’s a start. Don’t stop now.
It’s working. Really. Promise.
@f00l No, no; it goes like this:
/youtube I Want You to Want Me
@compunaut
Great song. Esp the bass line.
Yeah. Fits.
I don’t usually get into these blame threads, but I’m in the library and I guess someone has his terrible headphones turned up really loud- it sounds like a combination of bees and a very tinny version of the original megaman music. It’s like a drill to my temple.
I thought that was annoying, but now there are two people talking and a third being tutored and those two groups keep getting louder to talk over one another.
I assume you sent them all here, @ELUNO
@PantHeist
You need some serious noise cancelling headphones.
Corded I think Bose are incredible? Bluetooth, I think you want the Sony’s or similar?
Don’t waste your time with buds. They can’t handle this.
Blame @ELUNO that you don’t have some with you.
@PantHeist I accept the blame.
Most likely
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Loud Bleating Goat. You will hear a LOUD sound each time you are just about to fall asleep for the next 6 nights.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
/giphy buys liquor
Hey @ELUNO! Ratfink Goat!
Yesterday it was sunny and breezy and perfect in the 70’s.
Today it’s quite windy and in the 40’s and not looking too great.
I had to put on an actual jacket.
Dafuq man! It’s almost like winter!
Blame!
Pity me.
@f00l I accept the blame.
Reply hazy try again
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Groundhog Goat. The goat will look at it’s shadow and fall in love with it, meaning that you will get 3 more months of harsh winter, including some snow storms that will knock down the power of wherever you are trying to watch the game this Sunday.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Yes
/8ball Not as hazy as f00l’s weather. Does the curse work?!?!
@ELUNO
I can tell that you are not intimately acquainted with Texas weather.
A more effective and likely curse would mention tornados. But those are serious and they destroy houses and kill people, so let’s leave them out if it.
PS. I rarely watch football. I don’t think I have seen even one min of NFL stuff this season. I just have a knack for trash-talking it.
PPS. I rarely watch TV.
PPPS snow and ice here are normally gone within 2-3 days if they last that long. A few exceptions …
@f00l
Why would people wanna know about the weather in Texas?
I’d sooner care about the weather in California or NY.
Pffft I don’t care about NY weather. I wear short sleeved shirts anyways.
@f00l You don’t know the power of the Groundhog Goat curse…
@PlacidPenguin
@Eluno was trying to curse my weather. I was just trying to help a little. Get him on the right path.
@ELUNO
Texans are known to visit Canada.
PS if that snow in the pix happened locally, within two days the weather had hit the 60’s.
@f00l You really don’t know the power of the Groundhog Goat Curse!
@ELUNO
Looks like winter.
Somewhere else.
@f00l Texas is Texas.
@ELUNO I hereby blame you for the fact that I have been kept from anything going to plan today by constant phone calls.
@jbartus I accept the blame.
It is certain
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Independent Goat. You will not receive calls from those that you really wish to talk to for the next 13 days.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO you’re also to blame for the $1,300 in past-due bills I was finally able to pay today after getting a check in the mail yesterday and the late invoicing of customers that led to such a situation.
@jbartus I accept the blame.
Better not tell you now
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Gold Digger Goat. You will win money with a lotto ticket, but the wind will blow it away and you will never find it again.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO Welcome to the club, fucker.
Note: @Pavlov asked me to log in with his ID and post the obligatory monthly goat welcome message in his absence. He’ll be back soon! Hopefully. I miss him. And I need to get laid. Badly. Not badly as in a bad lay. Just really - oh fuck it - you guys get it. Most of you are getting it more than me. Which is the issue. Arghhhhhh!
@MrsPavlov Damn girl!
@MrsPavlov It’s really the goat’s fault. But might want to be careful how you word it.
@MrsPavlov
And isn’t it sad though that we get what both you and @Pavlov say?
@PlacidPenguin
What’s sad about it?
@MrsPavlov
Hoping all is better soon!
@MrsPavlov If it makes you feel better @ELUNO Has been texting me complaining that he has zero chance of getting laid this month now as who would fuck a goat. So I figure we can all blame him for our dry spells.
@CaptAmehrican I accept the blame.
Ask again later
In exchange, I attempt to curse ALL OF YOU with the Horny Goat. You will get naughty related things happen to you all the way through Valentine’s day.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Signs point to yes
/8ball Asking again now that is later.
@ELUNO I blame you that 2017 still sucks and is getting worse!
Now make it go away!!!
@mfladd I accept the blame.
Reply hazy try again
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Benevolent Goat. You will receive great news within 3 days.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Yes
/8ball This is no time to be hazy stupid ball!
@ELUNO I await the Benevolent Goat Curse with bated breath. Something good has to happen sometime.
@mfladd Unfortunately, ‘sometime’ is not necessarily ‘soon’
@thismyusername Wheeee!
/giphy "goat roll"
@thismyusername @ELUNO
@ELUNO I blame you for my having forgotten I’d turned my volume down on my gaming PC which was doubling as my alarm clock such that even though I maxxed out the volume on my speakers themselves the alarm was… pathetic really and it resulted in my sleeping in.
@jbartus I accept the blame.
Yes definitely
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Drowsy Goat. You will be so tired you will fall asleep during the game this Sunday.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO fat chance. GO PATRIOTS!
I blame you because I’m still procrastinating.
Even procrastinated about blaming you.
@f00l I accept the blame.
Most likely
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Lazy Goat. Your laundry will pile up for the next 3 weeks.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Three weeks! That’s all? Not three years?
Thanks, Goat!
/giphy thanks
@f00l you are very welcome!
I blame @ELUNO that I went to wal-mart and thought I had locked the car. When I got out of the store I found that someone had stolen my Escort 9500ix radar detector. They did not touch one other thing in the car.
And to make things worse they left a new can of Skoal long cut in my front seat. FUCKING REDNECKS!!!
A sheriff came by to take the police report (escort sometimes gives discounts with police reports for stolen detectors). He said, "let me get this right - you are reporting the theft of something that helps you get out of tickets (with a shitty look on his face). I said, “it’s legal!”
Fuck me! Time to go to my 2017 sucks thread
So much for fucking Benevolent GOAT Curse @ELUNO!!!
@mfladd
Ok I actually feel bad for you now.
That does suck.
Otoh who doesn’t especially extra-check the car to make sure it’s locked at Walmart?
(Some small and wonderful towns out in the middle of no-where are exempt from this sad necessity.)
@mfladd you might ask the store if you can get the footage of where your car was. Walmart is supposed to have some of the best camera systems in the industry. If you can spot the culprit and they can trace him getting into his car and get a plate number for the cops…
@jbartus Good idea. That is how we got the person who stole my credit card number - tried to use it at Lowes declined since he didn’t have the actual card. Lowes only keeps the tapes for 2 weeks though. No idea what walmart does so ask sooner rather than later. And don’t take no for an answer. If they say no, push the police to ask for it (which may mean pushing them to assign a detective to the case first).
@jbartus That’s an interesting idea. I am also going to call local pawn shops in a few days and see if they have any escort radar detectors.
@Eluno I blame you, just 'cause.
/giphy because
@f00l now that looks like an engineering student had too much time on his/her hands… LOL
@Kidsandliz
What is this concept? That an engineering student might have too much time on their hands?
Logically impossible in this universe.
Yes, some of them could use supervision, tho.
/giphy "time on my hands"
/8ball Should @ELUNO get blame because I just bought a Gaggia Unica super automatic espresso machine for $30?
It is certain
@narfcake
Jealous a little.
Not sure I’d use it tho.
@narfcake I envy your thrift stores, mine all suck.
@f00l
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/i-love-catffeine
@jbartus If only there is someone else to blame that on …
@narfcake You are still the Master of deals.
Deals around me would only include redneck items like talking fish.
@mfladd I run into crap like this too, though …
@mfladd
Her Majesty QE II is said to be quite fond of her talking fish.
Redneck huh? Perhaps in origin.
@mfladd I forgot about this:
@KittySprinkles got blamed for that one.
@narfcake You scored AGAIN. Congratulations. Sigh. @ELUNO is to blame for the paucity of loot around here.
I blame @ELUNO I was so upset last night over getting my radar detector stolen that I forgot to put the rotisserie chicken I went to get into the refrigerator.
@mfladd I accept the blame.
It is certain
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Skinny Friends of the Goat. The next chicken you buy will be all skin and bones.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
Is the GOAT @ELUNO even present in this fucking blame thread?! Do your job!
I blame the goat I found more stuff missing from my car. The thief (who was an idiot) took a case from my car that had a flashlight in it. He must of thought it looked expensive, but was actually a giveaway from the safety dept. of my company. The good news is that is where I usually keep extra cash in case I forget my wallet. It happened not to long ago so I used all the money.
But the idiot thief just left 3 pairs of expensive sunglasses laying there - Smith’s and a pair of Oakley’s. I am not sure if anything else is gone yet since my car is basically my office so is a mess.
He also left 2 nice knives. Not sure if he got my collapsible police baton or not - I have to look for it. I would be pissed over that too!
FUCKING REDNECKS!!!
@mfladd
Was there any physical damage to the car?
@PlacidPenguin nope
I blame @ELUNO for not reminding me that today is super bowl and to not go to the grocery store. It was almost as bad as the days before a hurricane.
@RiotDemon I double blame him as he is in Falcons land.
@RiotDemon
I blame @ELUNO that I just found out now.
Gotta replan where I’m watching quality television tonight.
@CaptAmehrican @RiotDemon
What do falcons have to do with anything?
/image Bluetooth falcon
@RiotDemon I accept the blame.
Very doubtful
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goat of Perishables. Your food will expire and go bad in half the time it usually does for the next month.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO phew.
@Eluno
I blame you that life is weird and full of hassles.
@f00l I accept the blame.
Without a doubt
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Inconvenience Goat. You will not be able to take all the remaining grocery bags from the car on one go, and will have to make an extra trip for the next 3 months.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Ever heard of wheeled carts? Mine works fine.
@ELUNO Unblame. It seems that all my immediate neighbors went somewhere else to celebrate super bowl, so I can try to sleep in peace.
@RiotDemon Hooray!
Exhausted and have ~8 hours to of work to do before morning. @ELUNO, why have you cursed me with such poor time management?
@PantHeist I accept the blame.
Most likely
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Sleepy Goat. You will fall asleep within 2 hours.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO Backfired. Went to sleep 3 hours ago, back up now.
Per prior commitment I am responsible for all Super Bowl related blame. Bring it on and Go Patriots!!!
@jbartus I will share it with you, my friend.
Well upon further inspection of my car being ransacked by an asshole, I have found that he stole all of my change (don’t care).
But he took my Sansa mp3 and headphones. My FUCKING SANSA!!! I blame you @ELUNO
(could be more to come)
FUCKING REDNECKS!
@mfladd I accept the blame.
Without a doubt
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Radio Goat. You will get a lot of commercials during your radio listening. Switching stations makes it worse.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
It’s way too warm for shoes. And my fav streets sandals from this past summer have no tread left.
(when the concrete is wet you totally notice this aspect as you try to remain vertical).
And one of them has a hole all the way thru to the ground under the ball of that foot.
Fuck it. I like them. Wearing them anyway, at least until the concrete starts to sizzle.
I should be able to get 1-3 more months outta them, I hope, before it’s 2nd degree burn time.
@f00l Perfect footwear to step on poop.
/8ball Should @ELUNO get quadruple blamed if @PlacidPenguin posts what I’m pondering?
Signs point to yes
@f00l Two words. duct tape
@Kidsandliz @f00l
Does it have Bluetooth compatibility? If not, look for a brand which does.
@PlacidPenguin The Neiman Marcus brand probably does. : ) Meh it would be refurbished with tinfoil probably.
@Kidsandliz
Duct taping won’t fix the zero tread.
Gotta pony up at some point.
@f00l http://www.instructables.com/id/Blown-Tire-Shoes/
@narfcake
I have several pairs of similar ones I didn’t have to engineer. I just have to get them out of the box they’re in.
Btw as long as you get used to zero cushioning (not difficult for most people), they give no blisters ever.
Incidentally, no cushioning! So unless you are accustomed to that, not great for standing for long periods (like half an hour or more), esp on a hard surface.
For walking or running, fine.
And you can run in them (since that’s what they’re actually made for). And they’re insanely comfortable for all-day wear.
Based on the famous tire sandals of the Tarahumara.
Zero Shoes
https://xeroshoes.com/
If you wanna run in them as opposed to hike or walk, get this design (also great for walking):
They have cheap kits where you can make your own.
I love mine. I just was rearranging stuff a few months ago and they went into a box and I need to get them out.
Another similar brand:
https://lunasandals.com/
These tend to have thicker soles. So perhaps better for rough or rocky terrain or gravel.
From either brand, these will wear out approx never. Perhaps in a hundred years or something, assuming you are a fanatic ultramarathoner.
Traditional Tarahumara sandals made from tires.
Good for running hundreds of canyon and mountain miles in. That’s how the Tarahumara use them.
Not everyone likes them. My Ironman-addicted cousin thinks they’re weird and says she won’t try them.
Plenty of praise out there. Here is one source:
The Ted Talk. (15 min)
These are not considered formal wear in most situations. However, they are considered formal wear in Boulder, Co.
@f00l
We can post pictures of feet now?
Really tempted to add mine.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@PlacidPenguin
I’m up for feet. No gross feet tho. This is not a medical thread.
@f00l
Redacted
@PlacidPenguin
If your feet are not great looking, blame the Goat.
@narfcake
So… What were YOU pondering?
@PlacidPenguin The better question: What bluetooth item were YOU pondering?
/image Bluetooth are you pondering what I’m pondering?
/image Bluetooth footwear
/image Bluetooth poop
Just because it’s one of those days. pfft.
@mfladd I accept the blame.
My reply is no
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Camel Goat. Every Hump Day this month will be even worse!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO What?! Worse!? Thank god for the 8-ball. Fucking goat curses!
@eluno
I blame you because the universe has not offered me any great excuses for failure so far today.
Also so far no major failures pointing to me as the blameworthy party.
But if a major failure were to occur, I’d have no excuse. Nothing. Nada.
Feeling kinda exposed here. I might actually have be take responsibility and be responsible.
Honestly.
/giphy excuse
@f00l I accept the blame.
Very doubtful
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goat of Escape. You will be the first to be elected a Goat for a second term!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@f00l Is this your problem?
@Kidsandliz
/giphy "Diagon Alley"
I’m blaming @ELUNO because it’s a week into the month and I’m only now posting my CuteOfTheMonth shirt. I’m also unblaming @ELUNO because it’s still sufficiently cute and so I don’t have to complain about false advertising.
Side note to @cwolfpack3, who asked a question before about TT: Looks like Ramy + 4 other artists on staff.
@narfcake I accept the blame.
Most likely
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Procrastinating Goat. You will procrastinate on checking meh and you will miss their next fuku/fuko.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO That’s a curse? That sounds like standard practice for me, actually. I think my last one was #5.
I will blame you that @snapster still hasn’t sold a catshirt here, however.
@narfcake I accept the blame.
Without a doubt
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Naked Goat. Three of your top 5 shirts will go through their last wear… Good bye old pals!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO Fucking goat.
OTOH, catshirts.woot.com has a catshirt today. That’s an
unblame.http://shirt.woot.com/offers/cat-basics
@ELUNO I blame you for me being a thousand miles from home, my water pump seizing and the belts ripping the fan right off the shaft.
@cercopithecoid I accept the blame.
Cannot predict now
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Handyman Goat. You will be overcharged if you don’t fix it yourself!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
I think you should also curse him regarding his credit cards, given the necessary repair costs.
@f00l I accept the suggestion.
Outlook good
In exchange, I attempt to curse you, @f00l, with the Credit Goat. Your credit cards will be blocked/will fail for one reason or another, and you will need to wait a long time until you receive the replacement ones!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO Sorry, but your Goaty Hoodoo needs some work. The mechanic at Zumwalt’s Garage in Deming, NM is honest, fair, and skilled.
@cercopithecoid Well, the 8ball wasn’t able to predict it.
Wind. Effing wind.
Calling @Eluno.
@f00l I accept the blame.
Yes
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Huffing and Puffing Goat. You will not be able to eat pig again for 7 months!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Became a spontaneous and idiotic jerk and went on a buncha educational system funding rants.
Sigh.
Blaming @eluno.
@f00l I accept the blame.
As I see it, yes
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Justice Goat. You will go on rants regarding the new Attorney General!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Ok
/start rant
The Attorney General
The new Attorney General.
(This is turning into a low energy rant here.)
Attorney General Jeff Sessions
(It’s 5am. I can’t rant about him right now.)
{Can’t I rant about White House senior policy advisor Stephen Miller [former aide to to then Senator Sessions] and his unvetted immigration restrictions and travel ban executive order, about the details of which concerned department heads were not consulted In advance?
Well, think I just did.}
/end rant
5 inches of snow yesterday, blizzard with 10-12" tomorrow. Still running the furnace on 5 gallons of diesel at a time. Thanks a lot @ELUNO
On the plus side, we made a snogre and a brrmaid.
@PantHeist I accept the blame.
My reply is no
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goat Pump. Diesel prices will soar!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
I couldn’t find my ibuprofen bottle and i have ever so tiny a sinus headache (thanks to TX juniper, my tormentor).
So I had to put in sandals and a jacket and go out there the car to get that bottle.
Did I mention it’s in the 40’s which is practically like below zero?
Did I mention 20 mph wind?
Blaming @eluno. Since I wanna be mature and grow up about it.
So there.
@f00l You didn’t want to believe in the powers of the Weather Goat!
@f00l you forgot to blame for being stupid enough to wear sandals… of course I did that over christmas. Left the house it was 74. Stopped in IL to get gas. Snow on the ground. Still wearing sandals… Then I had wet, cold feet from the slush.
Places near me are already sending out messages that they’ll be closed because of the weather tomorrow. That can’t be good.
I should probably look to see what the weather is supposed to be like.
I blame you that I haven’t yet.
@ELUNO
Saw the weather report. Wish I hadn’t. BLAME
@PlacidPenguin I accept the blame.
Ask again later
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Weather Goat of Mischief. The local grocery stores will run out of stock and you will have to eat bread and milk for a week!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Outlook good
/8ball It is now later 8ball!
@ELUNO
The joke is on you and the 8ball. I don’t eat bread.
Utterly terrified to look outside, especially since Google Now gave me a card which shows 10 - 14 inches.
@PlacidPenguin I don’t think you understand what a curse is…
@ELUNO
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
/image stereotypical curse
@PlacidPenguin
/giphy Secret second personality revealed
Spent the day trying to remember the name of a terrible, horrible, no Good, very bad TV show which after the pilot had horrendous reviews. BLAME (that I wasted my time)
Couldn’t remember if it was part of the 2015-2016 or 2016-2017 lineup. BLAME
Looked through the lineup of cancelled 2016-2017 shows. Didn’t find it. DOUBLE BLAME
Decided to look through both lineups again.
Found it in 2015-2016 lineup. BLAME (that at that point I still hadn’t given up)
As I’m typing this, I realize that of course it was 2015-2016. BLAME
@thismyusername
/giphy hypnotoad
/image Waddles the pig
@thismyusername Sexy!
@eluno, my feet are a little chilly.
(And can’t blame sandals, I’m indoors and the room is plenty warm.)
So blame you.
@f00l What about your super duper awesome boots?
@ELUNO
I’m wearing sandals. Which are fine when I am waking around.
But I was sitting down with a super comfy couch throw over my feet. Then I moved a little and the throw fell off my feet. And the poor things felt a little cold!
Blaming @Eluno, FTW.
@f00l I accept the blame.
It is decidedly so
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Weather Goat of Mischief. A squirrel will run into your window, breaking it and letting delicious cold air in!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Gotta go take me some potshots at some squirrels then. Too bad my aim sux.
@f00l
nooooooo!
@ELUNO @f00l
Inadvertantly looked outside. Saw 2 squirrels doing something on a tree (keep in mind that it’s still snowing).
@ELUNO
Not to worry. My aim sux. Also the firearm seems not to be present and accounted for at the moment.
Weapon choice seems to be hand thrown pebbles at the moment. At which I also suck.
Not to worry. Squirrels are safe.
Kinda like to feed them sometimes.
I need to go to a gun range. (For other targets, not squirrels).
@f00l We have enough evidence to prosecute you against squirrel torture!
@ELUNO
What, cause I threw some gravel like about two feet in the general direction of some squirrels which are about 10 yards away, and they more or less laughed at me, and I only did this in order to remind them not to get trapped into enacting your curse?
Besides, if a squirrel crashed into a window, prob doesn’t feel too great for the squirrel either.
If the squirrels refuse to participate in your curse, win-win for the squirrels and me.
@PlacidPenguin How sad is it your squirrels have a better love life then I do this month. I blame @ELUNO
@f00l Squirrel laws are very complicated, but some would call that a squirrel hate crime.
A curse doesn’t fall under any laws. I will walk away a free man. (or goat)
@CaptAmehrican You should have been goat this month then! Goats don’t have a love life.
CONDITIONAL UNBLAME
@Eluno
I was faced with an enormous Costco cookie delimma this morning.
Certain persons to whom I have a family connection are busting their butts this week. 20hr/day for a few days and no way around that in the line of work.
So I’m buying them lots of Costco cookies in order to help sustain them.
How to do this - to approach Costco cookies without just falling into a vat of cookie dough and refusing to be rescued?
Or how to not purchase twice as many cookies as I need in order to have “a few for me”?
So after running the prob thru the Ulimate Mind algorithm, I received the following possible solution: eat a Costco hotdog first before engaging the cookie section of Costco.
So far it’s working. Have managed to exit Costco, place cookies (the right # for my relatives, no extras) out of reach in the vehicle, and depart the parking lot. The cookie packaging is intact. I have consumed no cookies.
Hmmmm. We’ll see how this goes.
@f00l Hooray! I am the best! Now eat a cookie to celebrate!
@ELUNO
Managed to deliver all cookies without having prematurely sneaked some for myself.
Manage to leave the cookie destination without incurring insulin shock.
UNCONDITIONAL UNBLAME!
Ta-da!
@f00l I’m the best goat ever!
@ELUNO
You’re not doing badly.
@ELUNO, I blame you GOAT! So, I found a small house I wanted. 8 days on market. Learned there was one other bid, so we actually offered over the asking price. Guess what?
I still didn’t get it!!! Fuck me.
(fucking 2017)
@mfladd I accept the blame.
My sources say no
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Real Estate Goat. You will find another perfect home tomorrow, but it will too be taken!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO why did you have to invent hirevue? Interviews are weird enough without having to do them through a webcam.
@PantHeist
You have my most sincere sympathy.
But now you’re prepped for the day you’ll be laid off or fired by webview and escorted off the premises by virtual security.
@PantHeist I actually like having that as an option. And hey, you can wear be wearing no pants while doing the interview! Super plus!
@ELUNO Haha my plan is actually to wear a shirt, tie, and sweatpants. Still, I prefer to be able to read body language when I’m talking. Even for the live version, can’t look at the camera and see what they’re doing so it’s break “eye contact” or actually look at them.
I blame you @ELUNO for my friends and I coming in fourth and missing 3rd and the prizes by one point in trivia at the beer bar
@CaptAmehrican I accept the blame.
Reply hazy try again
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Dumb Goat. You will need to use Google to answer even the most basic questions for the next 3 days!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/i-haz-the-dumb
@ELUNO
My reply is no
/8ball How about now stupid ball?
Allergies so bad today that I had to hit $tarbux for more coffee in spite of having taken Zyrtec.
Blaming @Eluno and friends
@f00l I accept the blame.
Outlook not so good
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Cold Goat. Your allergies will turn into a cold! (And the squirrels will laugh at you!)
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@f00l Pine trees just starting their parade here. Time to change all air filters. Already on fexofenadine, allergy shots and montelukast. Curse you, @ELUNO! It’s your fault we’re not getting the normal winter respite.
@f00l I was going to say something about showers of gold, but that term has been permanently corrupted. Can’t even find a safe giphy.
@OldCatLady
The pine trees never got to me yet the way this juniper does. This year is not the worst year ever but it’s noticeably worse than the last few years.
@f00l No worse than yellow; wait till it starts shading toward red
Sinus headache in spite of all, Curse-Goat. I blame thee, @Eluno!
@f00l
Blame for @Eluno the Goat and all his spiders! Major Blame coming your way here:
Some eons ago I set alarms on my phone to remind me to do stuff. Like update my Fantasy lineup. Or stop wasting time. And other critically important stuff like that.
Only the alarms never work as intended and never did work because my brain tends to auto-filter the sound into the “ignore category”, so I either simply ignore them or automatically turn them off with only the barest degree of conscious awareness.
Which means that I never ever stop wasting time. Not since I got my first smartphone, anyway. (Yeah, I got one before all of you. Cause I had one of those Kyocera ones that ran Palm OS back in the days of 2g. Around year 2k. Boy was that fun, all that xmit speed. Reminded me of using an acoustic coupler.)
And also which means this past FB season I had to remember to mess with my fantasy lineup all by myself, which really isn’t even fair. And then even tho I gave my fantasy lineup at least 30 seconds per week minimum, my evil niece crushed us all. Again.
And btw, my pointless smartphone alarms still go off because I can’t be bothered to disable them because when they go off because so far nobody has threatened to pepper spray me for failing turn off a bunch of pointless and annoying alarms.
In conclusion:
So I blame the Goat for my pointless annoying alarms.
I blame the the Goat that I have done nothing but waste time for approx 17 years, ever since I got that Kyocera phone.
I blame the Goat that my evil niece crushed everyone in our family Fantasy League. Again.
I blame the Goat that the persons who happen to be around when those alarms go off do not threaten to become sufficiently violent about it, therefore cruelly condemning me to continue to have pointless alarms on my phone. I would blame these people for their morally indefensible indifference to my well-being, except that you, @Eluno, are the Goat and so I’m doing my public duty by blaming you instead.
And I blame you, Goat, that my evil niece is better than me in Fantasy Football.
I blame you, Goat + spiders, that I have to remember to mess with my fantasy league all by myself during the season, because the alarms I set to remind me fail to remind me of anything except that I should ignore the alarms.
And I blame you, @Eluno, that our family Fantasy League does not have enough stupid specialty rules and strange restrictions. Our weirdo rule set is so short that some owners in this league can actually remember all of them. We all know that a proper en familia Fantasy League should have an arcane rule book that contains at minimum a word count comparable to that of Summa Theologica (Thomas Aquinas).
[no, have not read it. Just know it has lots of words and that it’s an impressive book to name-drop].
I blame you, @Eluno, that I still have pointless active alarms on my phone.
I blame you, @Eluno-Goat, that I am wasting time at this exact instant. Sir, have you no shame?
/giphy "wasting time"
@f00l a suggestion from someone whose brain does similar things with alarms. Give each alarm a different ringtone. I have the same issue where my mind will start to ignore the alarm tone after a couple of months so I change it up and the change in tone is usually sufficient to negate the brain-numbing. I don’t have nearly as many as you do so I just change my wake up alarm every once in a while but if you set them all to their own tones the variety should keep things interesting, at least I think so.
@f00l
@ELUNO
/giphy "I Feel better now."
Thanks
@jbartus
I ignore alarms the first time they go off. And then forevermore.
And when I set ringtones I discover that I can’t remember which tone is assigned to what event, and furthermore I don’t care.
I can see that my moral incompetence confounds you.
/giphy incompetence
I blame @ELUNO because I found a totally new, unopened Sansa Clip 4 GB, complete with cable and earbuds, still in bubble wrap. I have three others, plus a Fuze, so it needs to go away. I’ve added it to the Ebay stack, and real soon now I’ll put everything up. Don’t have time today, b/c spring has sprung and I need to go take pictures of moss and ferns and critters in the back lot.
@OldCatLady Shouldn’t that be an unblame?!?
@ELUNO It just adds to the list of things I have to do, when I want to go poke around in the woods. It was in a whole box of Stuff that needs to be sorted. The box is just one in a pile of boxes. Ugh. Blame!
@OldCatLady I accept the blame.
Ask again later
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Boxing Goat. You will find some more stuff to put in your boxes, but oh no! What’s this? Some of your boxes rip apart!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Concentrate and ask again
/8ball Now is later stupid ball.
@ELUNO
As I see it, yes
/8ball Super concentrated.
@ELUNO
Without a doubt
/8ball Will the Magic 8ball fuck itself?
@OldCatLady
Spring? But it’s snowing!
Also, what color Sansa Clip?
@PlacidPenguin Black. Also, this is Florida.
@OldCatLady
But… Same part of the world.
I dunno. Never really learned how seasons work based on different parts of the world.
It’s snowing again.
You know the drill @ELUNO
/image Avatar: the last Airbender the drill
@PlacidPenguin I get a prize?
@ELUNO
/giphy facepalm
@ELUNO
Tell ya what, you could pick out one t-shirt from @narfcake’s (discarded) stash.
ᴰᶦˢᶜᶫᵃᶦᵐᵉʳ﹕ ᵂʰᵉᵗʰᵉʳ ᵒʳ ᶰᵒᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃᶜᵗᵘᵃᶫᶫʸ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵃᶰʸᵗʰᶦᶰᵍ ᶦˢ ᵉᶰᵗᶦʳᵉᶫʸ ᶰᵒᵗ ᵘᵖ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵉ⋅ ᴵ ʷᶦᶫᶫ ᶰᵒᵗ ᵇᵉ ʳᵉˢᵖᵒᶰˢᶦᵇᶫᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ᵃᶰʸ ᵐᵃᶦᵐᶦᶰᵍ, ᵖᵉʳˢᵒᶰᵃᶫ ᶦᶰʲᵘʳᶦᵉˢ, ᵈᶦˢᵃᵖᵖᵒᶦᶰᵗᵐᵉᶰᵗ ᵒʳ ʰᵘᵐᶦᶫᶦᵃᵗᶦᵒᶰ ʷʰᶦᶜʰ ᵐᵃʸ ᵒᶜᶜᵘʳ ᵈᵘʳᶦᶰᵍ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵃᵗᵗᵉᵐᵖᵗ ᵗᵒ ᶜᵒᶫᶫᵉᶜᵗ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵖʳᶦᶻᵉ⋅ ᴬᶰᵈ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵖᶦᶜᵏ ᵒᶰᵉ ᵒᵘᵗ, ᵈᵒᵉˢᶰ’ᵗ ᵐᵉᵃᶰ ʸᵒᵘ ʷᶦᶫᶫ ᵃᶜᵗᵘᵃᶫᶫʸ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵏᵉᵉᵖ ᶦᵗ ᵃᶰʸʷᵃʸˢ⋅
@PlacidPenguin I still haven’t retired this one that’s about 4 years old and was one of my (late) doggie’s favorites, so it was always washed on hot and dried on high.
The GITD is still working too. Well at least the parts that are still intact.
@narfcake Your dog used to wear it?
@ELUNO @narfcake
Don’t be ridiculous. The dog slept on it/used it as a pillow/ate it.
@ELUNO @PlacidPenguin Bella had an unexplainable habit of drooling/licking/slobbering on Ramy shirts.
@narfcake We need dogshirt.woot.com to be a thing.
@ELUNO They offered hoodies before.
http://shirt.woot.com/plus/pet-hoodies
@ELUNO
This morning I needed a forklift to get my eyelids open.
Thanks for all the pollen.
@f00l
Want me to send some snow? There’s more than enough to cover pollen.
@PlacidPenguin
The snow would have to reach all the way south well past San Antonio. Possibly deep into Mexico.
The wind delivers the pollen. The Wall be damned.
And the snow would last for perhaps an hour? And the wind would be bring pollen the entire time.
This is what a blizzard looks like here:
@f00l My immature brain just combined the two into ‘yellow snow’, and then I recognized the term. Not a good visual. Ima sit outside to see if I can spy the redtailed hawk who is making all the squirrels chatter and cuss. I’ve seen him do a power dive to catch his lunch, and it’s lovely.
@OldCatLady
“Yellow Snow” is more of a problem in areas where snow actually sticks to the ground and covers it.
Zappa spent many early years in Maryland, so he prob saw the real deal a few times.
@f00l You are very welcome!
@ELUNO
Monday.
/giphy Monday
@f00l You are very welcome!
@ELUNO
You’re not talking that giphy as intended.
Blame.
Why does burnt tire rubber have to have such an intense smell?
@PlacidPenguin Because a tire is full of deliciously dangerous and toxic materials.
@ELUNO
Today was a dull day. I blame you for that.
@PlacidPenguin I accept the blame.
Outlook good
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goat of Nothingness. Nothing interesting will happen to you for the next 3 weeks!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
I blame @ELUNO that today is the day meant to make single people feel bad.
@CaptAmehrican
Today doesn’t bother me.
Besides, now certain commercials will stop.
@CaptAmehrican
What’s wrong with feeling relieved and content?
@CaptAmehrican I accept the blame.
Yes definitely
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the More to Love Goat.
You will gain 5 pounds from eating candy you will buy for cheap tomorrow.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO you know i don’t need 5lbs
I blame you @ELUNO that some people will stupidly spend $ they don’t have today, when they could be much happier celebrating imaginatively on the cheap.
/giphy valentine
@f00l I accept the blame.
Signs point to yes
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Loving Goat. All insects will fall in love with you and will crawl up your leg a lot more often for the next year.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
I’m not stealing your true loves. Don’t go all jealous on me.
@f00l Too late. They are all yours now.
@ELUNO
Sorry. They still truly truly love ❤️ ❤️❤️❤️❤️you. I just can’t compete. You’re the one with all the charisma and sex appeal.
@f00l I told them I would wait for them. It is only for one year…
@ELUNO
So far, all of them just pass me right by. All headed on your direction.
You just have “it”.
@f00l I have the “sex-appeal” of a cockroach?
@ELUNO
No. You have a Sex Appeal so potent that even cockroaches seek you.
I bet some bipeds do also. ❤️
@f00l I wish! I want a kangaroo to fall in love with me.
@ELUNO i blame you for that comment making me look up kangaroo sex and learning kangaroos have 3 vaginas.
@CaptAmehrican
No one said anything about sexy sex sex!
@CaptAmehrican
I blame @ELUNO that I have no money but still made my first MorningSave purchase. I haven’t bought anything from Meh for ages even though I am VMP member. But I did get a 10% discount and free shipping.
sturdy-adventurous-badge
@mfladd I accept the blame.
Outlook not so good
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Sturdy-Adventurous-Badge Goat. Your package will get lost!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@mfladd What did you buy?
@sammydog01 BALLARINI VERONA 11" STIR FRY
@mfladd I hope you enjoy your stir fry. You need to keep your strength up.
I blame @ELUNO that I haven’t been blaming him enough this month for random shit.
@narfcake I accept the blame.
As I see it, yes
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Random Goat. Your phone’s touch screen will go bad and start randomly receiving “touch” commands all over the place by itself.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO I think you sent that to my phone by mistake. I called two people and attempted a text while my phone was in my pocket.
@RiotDemon The Goat works in mysterious ways!
I am sitting at a railroad crossing gate. Gates closed, lights flashing.
The train blocking the road is sitting still.
I’m thrilled.
Oh, now the train moved a few feet back. And now it moved a few feet forth.
Still blocking the road! Genius!
Ok now the train moved all the way off the road. Except still on the edge, so the gates won’t open yet. And they decided to stop the train there. I guess the train is tired and needs a rest. Poor train!
12 min so far!
Blaming @Eluno!
If that photo loaded upside-down, I’m blaming @Eluno for that also
Looks rightside-up in my browser.
@f00l
/image go home train you’re drunk
@f00l
The train finally, graciously, moved off the tracks. 21 min this time.
Fortunately, I wasn’t in enough time pressure to consider doing a u over the median to escape.
I blame @ELUNO that the very first time I actually see a fuko to buy I don’t get it because I forget to click the fucking “I am not a robot” box. And no, I am not a robot fucking Will Robinson!!!
@mfladd
8am.
4pm.
Good luck!
DAMMIT, @ELUNO!
(You know why.)
I’M STILL BLAMING YOU, @ELUNO!
@Eluno, it’s your fault. Seriously.
This is not about the fuko.
Wanna know what then?
I’ll think of something. Gimme time.
@ELUNO I blame you for all the people thinking they can actually get a Fuko when there is thousands trying for only a few hundred bags. I blame you for all their crying and making the forums miserable.
@RiotDemon
What about the fun of reading the whiners and ranters and lecturers and entitled long-windedness people?
Don’t take that away from me!
@f00l I guess I don’t find it fun. Lots of people that don’t actively comment in the forums popping up to complain. Watching people, that are active, fighting with each other.
I just don’t understand it.
@RiotDemon
I didn’t enjoy the rants at first. But it’s as inevitable as the tide.
“Oh, look, it wasn’t “fair” again!”
So why not enjoy?
(I give all first-timers a pass. I prob bitched some along the way too. I’m not pure.)
GOD DAMMIT MEH!
Why would you sell a Fuku/Fuko while I’m a goat!
I CURSE YOU! CURSES FOR EVERYONE!
@ELUNO wow… imagine being goat this month… must reallllllllllllllllllly suck
@mikibell At least I won’t be responsible of the end of VMP like you!
@mikibell @ELUNO
Good thing there was no goat this past November.
@PlacidPenguin
Or December.
Perhaps I can find a classic 10000 line Shakespearean masterpiece about Goats and Fukos. If I do, I’ll post it here.
@ELUNO That is a February thing too!
@mikibell Never! It still hasn’t happened. They might even change their mind. So it will be a March thing if it happens.
@Eluno
I got stupid and enthusiatic all day yesterday with an on screen keyboard.
Today I have to wear a wrist brace because I am a fucking idiot.
And my wrist hurts.
And I suck at typing left-handed.
J’accuse!
@f00l I don’t understand foreign languages. So I will assume this is an unblame!
@ELUNO
Google translate result:
@ELUNO is one guilty motherfucker.
Blame blame blame blame blame!.
Capisce, Goat Motherfucker?
@f00l Capisce? I am going to assume that means “lol, j/k”
Hooray! Unblame!
@ELUNO
Yeah, swear to me on your future excellent love life that you never even once watched an episode of the Sopranos.
Yeah. That’s what I thought.
/blame.
@f00l Actually, I have never ever once watched an episode of the Sopranos. I should though…
YAY! UNBLAME!
@ELUNO
I blame you for never watching the Sopranos.
Watch it fucker. 'Nuff said.
@f00l Soprano? I’m pretty sure @ELUNO is a tenor, or maybe a baritone. Except maybe at night (or Valentines Day) when the spiders are biting…
@ELUNO
We got actual cold weather. Had to wear a coat for a day. Seriously almost unpleasant. Still a little chilly today.
Otoh I haven’t needed Zyrtec for two whole days.
Since that left me short of things to complain about, I blame you, Goat.
(Apologies to any and all enduring real winter. All of you can make fun of us in June, July, August as revenge).
@f00l I told you the Weather Goat was going to punish you…
@thismyusername Best unblame ever!
@ELUNO
I’m still not sure how to react to this post by @thismyusername. It’s your fault that I’m feeling conflicted.
@ELUNO
The winds changed. The pollen is back.
/image pollen
Blame.
Ghosting has occurred on my Nexus 5X.
At first I thought I was imaging it, but sadly I have confirmed that this morning there was a burn-in from a certain app on my phone.
There are ways to try repairing it, but 1 of them said it should run it for 8 hours.
Double blame @ELUNO
@PlacidPenguin I accept the blame.
It is decidedly so
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goat of Destruction. You will brick your phone.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Glare
@PlacidPenguin
@PlacidPenguin @ELUNO
/image brick phone
@narfcake
/image “bricked phone”
I discovered today that the parking lot of the fancy grocery store backs up to the parking lot of the fancy donut store. So I hiked over and bought one of these:
It’s filled with cinnamon custard.
Then I went to the fancy grocery store and discovered that the meal of the week is chicken pot pie which certain family members refused to eat last time. So I bought this instead:
So it’s totally @ELUNO’s fault that my butt will not fit into my swimsuit come summer.
@sammydog01
I blame @ELUNO that you didn’t buy for everyone.
I also blame @ELUNO that you didn’t even make an empty gesture of asking anybody if they wanted one.
@sammydog01
Totally @ELUNO’s fault.
@PlacidPenguin Hey, do you want a donut? Well you can’t have one.
/giphy stick tongue out
@sammydog01
Re family members: If they don’t like why you buy, more for you!
Is it cool to let them starve, or do you kinda haveta feed 'em?
@sammydog01
No thank you. I’m good.
@sammydog01 but but but you said you HIKED from your car to these stores… surely that will counteract the calories.
@f00l if said family members are minors DHS takes a dim view of not feeding children… @sammydog01 are said picky people minors?
@Kidsandliz They are minors but old enough to make a PB&J.
@sammydog01
@sammydog01 I accept the blame.
It is decidedly so
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Not so Sweet Goat. You will accidentally replace sugar with salt in a very important meal/dish/desert.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
The joke will be on you. @sammydog01 will accidentally switch the two to begin with, so with this curse, the correct ingredient will be put into the recipe.
@PlacidPenguin How can she accidentally switch it twice?!?!
@ELUNO
@sammydog01 is talented. She’ll find a way to do so.
@PlacidPenguin More talented than a curse… She is something special!
@ELUNO That blueberry pie I just vowed to make this weekend is gonna suck with salt in it.
@sammydog01 Mardi Gras King Cake donut? Did it have a baby inside?
@OldCatLady I hope not because if it did I ate it.
@ELUNO
blame you for being too bizzy to be a proper Goat.
@f00l I accept the blame.
Cannot predict now
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Lazy Goat. Your alarm will not work again making you be super late and miss an important event. That should free you up!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Without a doubt
/8ball nao?!?
@ELUNO
I am quite content for the curse to take effect nao.
@f00l
@ELUNO
Ok. The curse can take effect right meow.
Meow.
Boring day.
Of course I’m avoiding news feeds or it wouldn’t be boring.
@Eluno, I blame you.
@f00l I accept the blame.
Outlook good
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Extreme Lazy Goat! You will be bitten by a spider and be completely paralyzed for 4 hours! You will have to play tic tac toe in your mind to not be bored.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO, the dermatologist saw fit to freeze patches of my skin, so I’ll look like a Tim Burton character for a few days. I blame you. The only good part is the major painkiller.
@OldCatLady I accept the blame.
You may rely on it
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Makeup Goat. You will run out of your makeup in the middle of applying it just before going out to a very important event!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO No event will get me out of the house looking like this. Not enough spackle in the world. I didn’t have to wear a paper mask over my whole face like a previous patient did, though. Also no biopsies were needed, just the annual checkup. The effect of Florida sun on freckled skin: I blame you.
@OldCatLady I am sure leaving the house wearing an @snapster paper bag would be would be entertaining though… just sayin’ (grin). Maybe meh (@hollboll?) has some extras and they can send you one. Am glad though it was nothing big time.
@eluno
I dub thee Slacker Goat.
You have the shortest month and you’re not keeping up.
Also typing on an on screen keyboard completely sux when I am wearing a wrist brace.
I blame @eluno.
And I can’t type left-handed. I suck at it.
I blame @Eluno
I need to change the vehicle oil.
I blame @Eluno.
I’ll prob pay someone to change the oil.
Clueless here.
I blame @eluno.
Allergies and pollen.
I blame @eluno.
Last night him mamaged to break the chromebook trying to put it into dev mode. No boot.
I blame @eluno.
Now I’ll have to stop hating the chromebook and being angry at it for being broken so I can get the good energy to decide to fix it.
I blame @eluno.
The chromebook is too big to be my preferred portable laptop anyway.
I blame @eluno.
Shopping for a smaller chromebook.
I blame @eluno.
Chromebook are not free.
I blame @eluno.
My wrist hurts a little. I did this to myself.
I blame @eluno.
My late Sat alarm just went off reminding me to actually do something useful today.
Fucking alarm thinks it can fucking boss me around. I’ll show that alarm who’s boss.
I blame @eluno.
Slacker Goat I command thee! Step thee forth!
/giphy "slacker luser goat"
@f00l I accept the blame.
It is decidedly so
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Ultimate Goat of Destruction!
Your 5 most precious things will be destroyed in one way or another!!!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
You have to accept the blame item by item.
Do your job.
No more slacking and trying to make it easy.
PS I prob already destroyed my 5B most precious things.
So your curse is way “too little too late”
So there.
@ELUNO
Those giphies didn’t load for me. Ha ha I see you took them down.
Hard to be much perturbed here.
No go accept the blame and curse me item by item, Slacker Goat.
@f00l IT IS TIME! GO MY PRETTIES! ATTACK!
@ELUNO
Ok.
That’s good.
Now keep up.
@ELUNO You forgot Spinarak the Pokemon.
@f00l You are certainly verbose for someone who can only type with one hand at the moment… too much time on your hands? LOL (sorry it still hurts)
@Kidsandliz
Why do you think my wrist started to get annoyed with me?
/giphy verbose
I blame @eluno.
@f00l hmmm we have evidence on this forum that you have lots of experience
@ELUNO i blame you for those creepy images
@CaptAmehrican You should blame @f00l for them.
@ELUNO i blame you for trying to blame me.
for shame. you are Goat. goats eat everything. so eat the shame like the noble creature you temporarily are.
@f00l
Long Vent and blame blame blame
OK so now I am deep shit because I am both tired and procrastinated too long. Shit shit shit I have just wrecked the entire weekend due to procrastination and now it will be spent grading papers and reviewing 4 articles and 3 symposiums for a conference. Why the fuck did they give me 3 symposiums??? They take way longer as there are usually 4-6 papers in each one. I need to do a crap job this year so I stop getting outstanding and/or distinguished reviewer… then they might not do this to me again. Or I guess I should just stop volunteering. Nah. Can’t do that. Still hoping for a full time job and they like to see service to the profession even when you are only marginally gainfully employed. Shit shit shit goat it is all your fault. ALL of it. You made me procrastinate.
@eluno and there is more… (your plate is going to be full today because my cup runneth over with blame for you)
Why do people think you have money just because you have health insurance??? I was trying to get a stupid hospital to realize that there are a few dumb asses out there like me who buy insurance even when it takes most of our income to do so, because, well, we need medical care (no medicaid expansion here) because, not so hypothetically, due to 3 cancers of which one has no cure… Not to mention my income meets their financial aid guidelines; to exclude me because I have health insurance sucks and in my opinion violates the intent of the state law? guidelines? about health care for the poor when using a state owned hospital. And how do they expect me to pay them for a test that costs more than I make a month (more medical tests, just got diagnosed with another, fortunately not cancer, new nasty - fuck genetics, this one I will spare the goat the blame. I need new parents, or at least a new genetic mom!!) if they refuse to accept a payment plan of $25/mo (which is about all I can afford right now; and no matter how much they tell me I have to pay that is all I am paying them a month, too bad for them). Not to mention with insurance they’d get way more than I’d be responsible for under their income guidelines. Sigh.
And here is one reason why there is social security disability fraud: Social services at the hospital said they’d help me apply for fast tracked disability as several of the issues, including the new one, are on “the list” (I didn’t even ask about this; I was asking them if they could help me find any organization that gives financial aid for this diagnosis). I told them no thank you I am not disabled yet and can work; what I need is either a full time job or to have a loaded brinks truck blow by in a tornado and drop a bag of cash through the window on it’s way by. Since the later is less likely (although a plane wing did get transported 90 miles in a tornado when I lived 5 miles from the 1998 Moore, OK force 5 catastrophe)… and since I heard a rumor jobs give you money I want one of those instead. A full time one with benefits, not this part time contract by contract BS I am currently doing, would be a good choice. The lady just looked at me like I had two heads. Umm this was supposed to be a bit of humor. Sigh. In revenge I am tempted to turn them in for encouraging SSD fraud.
OK. Done venting for now…need to get back to work.
@Kidsandliz
rough day?
@f00l
It has been an awesome day, the biglyist greatest day of my life. My days are better than anyone else’s days. They are the best. [BTY this is an alternative set of facts.] I have 2 symposiums and 3 articles left to review and set of case studies to grade. I do not have enough time left in this day to finish this. All this crap was due yesterday.
And tomorrow, if he shows up (I should have waited to give him my lawnmower and electric hedge trimmer in payment as he left after 45 min last time, although I did get help dragging a few things to this dump of an apt) I have someone coming to help me organize the storage unit so I can more easily get at the stuff I am selling and can find, for example, all my pot lids, the sheets so I am not just using one set like I have been for the last 11 months…not to mention the box my niece’s wedding present (family stuff) is in and she got married last July 3rd.
So I will have to finish it tomorrow night as I can’t do an all nighter. I am too tired already. I am so screwed.
@eluno - I noticed you starred my vent so you have seen it. Stop falling down on the job. Where is my curse and 8 ball prediction for it coming true??? I demand my curse. I would prefer if you’d curse the people responsible for my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Oh wait that is supposed to be you. Instead curse the people I vented about. (grin). I might just have to move to mars (Australia just isn’t far enough away). But I’ll wait until my fuko comes. Then I’ll move. Stomp stomp.
@f00l So it is 2:17 am and I have two symposiums left and all the cases. Must. Go. To. Sleep. Too. Tired.
@Kidsandliz I accept the blame.
Cannot predict now
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Fraud Goat. Your credit card will be blocked for security concerns, and you will have to wait a week until you get a replacement, causing you to not be able to purchase that awesome meh product that you have always wanted that will be on sale during that week.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Better not tell you now
/8ball how about now?
@ELUNO
Yes definitely
/8ball YOU BETTER TELL ME!
@ELUNO What is this? Third time’s the charm? Good thing no more fuko on your watch LOL
@Kidsandliz So sorry, my problems are trivial when compared to yours
@mfladd While your problems may be different that doesn’t discount that you also have problems too…
@ELUNO, it’s your fault that I bought the wrong amplified HDTV antenna to try cordcutting again. This one is rated to 45 miles, and the Gainesville PBS stations I want to get are, of course, 60 miles away. I used up a nonrefundable coupon, so blame. If I have to get an outside antenna and have it hooked up, double blame. If I can’t live without BBC, BLAME. It’s your fault this year is so crazy that I can’t stay away from the news.
@OldCatLady
get a vpn with a UK exit loc and you might be able to watch all the BBC you want.
such as Private Internet Access or similar. i can’t vouch for one in particular.
have not tried this.
PS if you really are cord cutting, the entire MSNBC RM show is put up as a podcast each day. sometimes they’re a bit slow to load it.
@f00l Thanks for the podcast info, I hadn’t known that. However, my addiction is to the breaking news aspect, since we now live in a popcorn popper. Users can stream MSNBC live on their computer- but only if they have cable service. WTBS and SyFy are other must-haves. I guess I could go the vpn route. The addictive side to cable is that it’s simple: it’s all available, and for a slight additional cost, even more can be added. And more. I thought my Vizio smart TV with buttons for AMZN and NFLX would ease me into cord-cutting, but - no.
@f00l BTW, Audible has WaPo, WSJ and NY Times lead stories available on the News channel. I’ve just found Foreign Affairs Mag, Harvard Business Review, National Review, Scientific American, Smithsonian… Need more ears. When Audible and Alexa are fully integrated, it will make a huge change in news media consumption. Until then, I’m not quite ready to cut the cord.
@OldCatLady i need a podcast for breaking/daily headline news. haven’t found the exact one i want.
got enough commentary podcasts i don’t hate to last me a lifetime. otherwise i get breaking news notifications on the phone.
i have a sub to the NYT i got on huge discount last Mem Day. got a sub to WaPo thru Amazon prime.
i’ve never done the daily news thing thru audible even tho i have it as part of whatever i pay them for. outta give it a try.
would do WSJ if they priced it right to me. just won’t. the digital needs to be around $100/year or i get po"ed.
also have politico and too many other apps and podcasts to heal with. fun fun.
the last time i turned on the tv was briefly, the OT portion of the super bowl. the time before that was election night. everything else comes thru podcasts, apps, or notifications or refreshing google news. this year between the conventions, the olympics, the campaign, i actually watched a good amt of tv.
i hate going at tv’s (to me) way slow pace. and most of the cable networks just repeat themselves endlessly re news.
as for the shows, i’m not gonna watch on their schedule, and i don’t wanna mess with a dvr right now.
national review: i haven’t read them for a while, except for Tim Alberta. do they still have a Buckley flavor? it’s nice in small doses.
the commentary i favor is usually the “who’s ahead, who’s behind” variety. if i can find intelligent people not wedded to a POV who have info i don’t know or don’t know well, and they are onto something interesting, i’ll listen to them i won’t listen to people whose POV i can predict. too slow too repetitive and i prob already know it.
the great thing about podcasts vs live tv is running them at 1.75 or 2.00 speed. took some practice listening at higher speeds. then got used to it.
audiobooks (fiction or an unfamiliar subject) i usually run at 1.5 or somewhere close to that. sometimes slower, sometimes faster. if i want to listen so fast that the speed destroys the fictional mood, that prob means i don’t care much about the book in the first place.
i didn’t do this in the beginning, but in the beginning i was using cassettes. i spoze the decades of listening helps.
@f00l Alexa’s Flash Briefing skill lets me select which news feed stories to include. Right now I have BBC, NPR News, AP News, CNBC, CNN, Reuters and a couple of others. Many update hourly. Maybe I’ll try using that more. If I don’t like a story, I just tell Alexa ‘Next.’ I haven’t compared Alexa to Audible content; Audible must be operated via a phone and has a large visual component, whereas Alexa’s content can be tweaked -and controlled- more easily.
@OldCatLady I accept the blame.
My reply is no
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Kiddy Goat. All your antenna will ever get are kids shows. Good luck with Qubo!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@OldCatLady
What is the command to get Alexa to play news from a given news source?
Or do you just install a given skill?
Or does the Flash Briefing Skill let you choose from a # of news sources which ones you wish to hear?
Does Alexa auto-read the news to you on the hour or whatever, or do you have to tell it to read the news?
I could look this up, but today is very busy for me. I have a lot of time that needs wasting, and only so many hours in which to accomplish that.
@f00l Ask alexa for the news.
@ELUNO
I already know I can ask Alexa for the news and get a summation of the recent NPR headlines.
But since you choose to be recalcitrant later on in the thread when I blamed you and I pointed out the error or your ways:
@f00l: “Alexa, how do i cause all Curses pronounced by the Goat @Eluno to doubly-rebound against him?”
Alexa: “Amazon has already arranged that this should occur any time a Cursing Goat Curses.”
@f00l: “Alexa, how do I derange the Cursing Goat @Eluno’s Mind, and in addition make him unattractive to female bipeds for an additional 12 months starting now?”
Alexa: “Amazon has also already arranged both of these services as part of the Amazon Now And Into The Future Division.
These products are already in service and operating. However, since Amazon failed to start these services on Feb 1, 2017, as per contract, Amazon will arrange that the Cursing Goat shall be repulsive to female bipeds for an additional month.”
@f00l I just spent an hour chatting with their customer service.
They told me this is all false and that I would be going out on a date with Alexa.
@ELUNO
And Alexa will just LOVE you.
Have a great time!
And also, as a bonus: All your Customer Service from Amazon in the future will be Off-Shore Customer Service.
/8ball ?
Outlook good
@f00l To play several sources, install the Flash Briefing skill, then (on your computer or tablet) go to ‘Manage Flash Briefing’, where you choose from a dizzying array of sources to include. Sources have been added since I set mine up, so I revisit every so often. To cue it, say ‘Alexa, Flash Brief’, or if you only want Brits, say ‘Alexa, play BBC News’, once you have added that source to the skill. Various sources update at different intervals. Auntie Beeb updates daily. NPR Hourly News update does just what it says on the box; ‘Alexa, play NPR news’.
@Eluno
blame you because i responded to @mfladd after waking in the middle of the night. i should know not to do that.
/giphy "poor judgment"
@f00l I see my snakes are doing their job.
@ELUNO
They asked for Pepto-Bismol.
@ELUNO
you are the Goat. ok you are the self-proclaimed Curse Goat. so far so good.
but as long as you are accepting all the blame for the month, shouldn’t you, technically, be cursing yourself and running /8ball’s on the curses you put onto yourself as well as those you assign to us?
think you are only doing 1/2 the job here.
and i blame you for it.
@f00l And since every curse that the goat puts out on us will come back thrice on them it should be careful how iit curses. Karma can be a bitch.
@mfladd
except in the case of wanna-be-cool-kids.
PS i’m safe here. Karma is my bitch.
@mfladd @f00l
Without a doubt
/8ball Is Karma a bitch?
@mfladd Never! The curse is already karma payback for blaming this poor goat!
@f00l Your reasoning makes no sense. Please go back to the drawing board and come back with a more realistic blame so I can double curse you
@ELUNO
This Poor February Goat seems to be very rich in Curses.
So stop being a cheapskate and spend some of those Curses on yourself, Goat!
@ELUNO
Kindly show me the Man Page on which it is documented that Reasoning Is Supposed To Make Sense.
Now that you haven’t been able to locate that page
(i tore that page out of The Only Copy Of The Manual and ate the page with some fava beans and a nice Chianti):
You can either spend all eternity seeking the non-existent Page, or you can start Cursing yourself as you should have in the first place.
we can overlook the past, as long as you agree to start Double-Cursing Yourself from this moment forward.
PS
All Blame Directed At The Goat is Realistic Blame.
@f00l I reject the suggestion.
Yes
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Cheapskate Goat. You will have to prepare an important lunch/dinner/dessert but the store will be out of the most important ingredient, except for the super off-brand one. Your creation will suffer because of it and everyone will think you suck at cooking/baking/etc!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@f00l
http://www.nctm.org/News-and-Calendar/Messages-from-the-President/Archive/Linda-M_-Gojak/Reasoning-and-Making-Sense-in-Mathematics_-It_s-a-K–12-Focus/
@ELUNO
… Please.
You really shouldn’t have gone there.
I would have allowed you to go on believing as you do.
But …
We are not doing K-12 levels here.
We are doing Truth In Cursing, which requires a much higher standard.
The article you cite applies to K-12 mathematical uses, and to Applied Mathematics in all its forms and uses: and it is therefore irrelevant.
I am a Mathematical Sophisticate and have the transcripts to prove it. Trust me here, if you wish to save time and headaches.
Once one is admitted into the Deep Mathematical Mysteries, one knows that the idea that Reasoning has something to do with Making Sense is Provably False.
You can take my word for it.
Or you can complete the undergrad Pure Mathematics curriculum, and the first three years (minimum) of the grad school Pure Mathematics curriculum -
shall we say, from, say, MIT, CalTech, or UC Berkeley (your choice) -
and then get back to me.
By that time you will be sustaining and deeply believing - and be able to prove for yourself - my argument, not yours.
Do you need links?
@ELUNO
PS
Everyone already thinks that.
@OldCatLady
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/karma-is-a
@f00l It is more relevant than ever!
We demand transcripts! Until we have seen them with our own eyes, we won’t believe you are Pure. You are most likely mixed with Foreign concepts!
@ELUNO
I’ll simply Curse the Curse Goat with Purity.
I promise, you’ll love how it feels.
/8ball ?
Better not tell you now
@f00l
Signs point to yes
/8ball How about now?
@f00l Whoa! I feel a lot better now! THANKS!
@ELUNO
/giphy enjoy!
@f00l Proving arguments? Seems to me one term of econ will do that. Had to resurrect long dead calculus to do it though. I remember way to many godawful proofs doing that shit to prove what we already knew. Waste of time. Besides economists are better explaining the past than predicting the future. Sort of like @eluno’s curses for the future LOL.
@Kidsandliz
is he ready for a Nobel yet?
@f00l who he? (this is what I used to have to say to my kid during one point of her English acquisition - “Who he? Boy he or girl he?”)
@Kidsandliz
@Eluno? Is he ready to be the recipient of the Nobel Prize for Rebounding Curses yet?
It would appear so from here.
@f00l you forgot to ask the 8ball
/8ball what @f00l said
My reply is no
You are welcome.
@Kidsandliz
I wasn’t asking The /8ball.
I was asking The Academic.
I blame @ELUNO that the paperwork is being signed today and I am finally closing (pending) the deal on a cute house. BUT, I cannot move into it until July since the current tenants just had a baby and I am being all squishy nice - ack! At least I am collecting rent, but agreed to do the sweetheart deal they had (does cover the mortgage).
That being said, I get kicked out of my winter rental at the end of April and don’t have a place to live for two months yet. It’s easier said than done. FU GOAT!
@mfladd That was quick finding a house after your other misssed out on one opportunity. Craigslist roommate deal?
@mfladd
Site called roommates.com Perhaps better curated that CL.
Also some hotel chains will cut long stay deals.
Also your loving friends and relatives.
Congrats!
@Kidsandliz I have looked. I have a couple of possibilities in the works with my realtor (she’s awesome). I still have time, but it is frustrating. And I am tired of moving constantly right now. But I will do what I have to.
My realtor said to rent a pod for two months and she would remodel it for me
@mfladd Actually the extended stay hotels (have kitchens) are about $210/week around here so maybe that will work.
@f00l Been there too. No friends or relatives here for that. Don’t you remember I hate people?
Thanks.
@Kidsandliz Also something I was thinking about. We do have a Residence Inn locally - I will have to call. I was thinking it would be more expensive than that, but that would work.
@Kidsandliz It was quick finding it. But things work out as they should. The sellers are renting a house from my realtor and they need to sell to but that one. It’s small (very) that I like, has a large deck and a fenced yard with a tire swing that the kids love. I actually got this one below asking and sellers are paying the closing costs. Add that with my no money down VA loan and I am almost paying nothing out of pocket to get it.
@mfladd I accept the blame.
It is decidedly so
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Cute Baby Goat. Just as they are moving out, the baby will do a mess absolutely no one will notice until you step on it!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@mfladd
Residence Inn is part of Marriott and will cost more.
Look for Extended Stay or Motel 6 or similar.
Costs vary widely by location of course.
RE: moving in with friends or relatives or acqaintainces:
Tsk Tsk
So little imagination.
If you truly, deeply, utterly hate people, and are committed to the full expression of this noble task: how better to express it with your entire soul and being than by moving in with them?
And by getting them to let you move in by cleverly guilt-tripping them?
I ask you, Sir?!!!
I don’t think you hate people as much as you pretend to.
@f00l Hahaha re moving in. Yeah, extended stays are not even CLOSE to me. I did just talk to my realtor and I met a friend of hers at her house while I was helping her move (we are more like friends now and is going to be my realtor mentor) who is possibly looking for a roommate. That would be perfect.
@mfladd Make sure your rental agreement covers you, has a proper termination date, spells out any damages and cleaning, and does not run afoul of the terms of the loan for primary residence.
@narfcake yup, it is only for two months. Final walk-thru after tenants (their relatives) leave will be completed by all parties involved and sellers will cover any unexpected damages. It is all being handled by my realtor who is intertwined with both parties, Sellers do not want to piss her off as they will not have yet bought her house (and she will be living next door to them
I don’t expect any issues here. Every party here has a vested interest for this to go smoothly - but thanks.
@mfladd Great to hear! And congrats!
@narfcake We will see if 2017 will allow me this small victory
@mfladd Of course that price is here, in a cheap state. You may find it higher just because of where you live.
So… I caught @ELUNO dangling next to me last night while I was browsing the internet. Not responsible for what may or may not have been seen.
Anyways, @ELUNO was caught in a raspberry Snapple bottle, and I totally forgot about it until about 30 minutes ago.
Triple blame somewhere up there. ^
@PlacidPenguin LET MY BABY OUT!
@ELUNO
Where should I dump the body? Also, it’s your fault that it drowned in a liquid which was not Snapple.
@PlacidPenguin
How was his Love Life going at that time?
My wrist still hurts a little even with occasional ibuprofen and nearly a week of a brace. And I am typing on an actual kb instead of some on-screen garbage mobile thingie.
I think this means I get to wear the brace another week.
I Blame you, @Eluno, for that.
I want to be able to use these Excuses (a slightly injured wrist due to my own stupidity, plus a void in my soul where sanity, judgment, sensitivity, and taste should reside) to make me truly and entirely non-responsible for all my bad conduct, bad decisions, and and other woeful features.
Somehow I suspect this last idea of mine won’t work very well. Or at all.
@Eluno I Blame you for all my personal failings.
(Hint: Lots. No, more. No, lots more. Keep going.)
And I Blame you, @Eluno, that my fab Excuses don’e work.
Furthermore I Curse the Curse Goat. Any Curse you sustain against me regarding any of these Blames shall rebound triply upon you as Curse Goat.
@f00l You do know your wrist would hurt less if you’d type less…
@Kidsandliz
i injured it going mad using an OSK since then it’s been in a brace. Don’t think I’ve re-injured or re-strained it. It hurts the same first thing in the AM as after use. I just think my wrist is having revenge on me by healing slowly.
And I think you know better than to expect sensible conduct from me anyway.
@Kidsandliz Totally her fault right?!?
@ELUNO Well it is on the goat thread…
@Kidsandliz So her fault… Gotcha!
@ELUNO
I blame you for saying it’s my fault. How dare you.
/8ball Should I unblame @ELUNO for the 10 TeeTurtle shirts I found in thrift stores in the past week?
Concentrate and ask again
/8ball Should I unblame @ELUNO that 3 of them were catshirts?
Reply hazy try again
/8ball Should I at least blame @ELUNO that they came with cat hair?
Yes definitely
@narfcake
Do you pay extra for cat hair?
@f00l Indirectly I did with the lint roller sheets I used.
@narfcake I accept the blame.
My sources say no
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Hair Ball Goat. Lint rollers cannot help you inside shoes! Your cat will leave an awesome surprise inside your shoe!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@narfcake I still haven’t found any TeeTurtle shirts. I will, however, keep looking. Maybe this is the week I’ll find them, and a Blendtec blender, NIB.
As I see it, yes
/8ball Will this be my lucky week?
@ELUNO Good thing! I don’t have a cat.
My neighbor’s cat has left presents on my front steps before, though. Asshole.
/8ball Do the 13 unblames take effect?
Ask again later
@OldCatLady Good luck! I actually slacked off this weekend; the greater LA area Goodwills has a $3/$2/$1 sale this long weekend and I didn’t hit a single one.
/8ball Do I unblame @ELUNO now?
Reply hazy try again
/8ball Now?
Cannot predict now
/8ball Try again?
/8ball Do I just give up on trying to unblame the goat because the stupid 8ball has been very indecisive?
My reply is no
/8ball Ummm? …
Concentrate and ask again
/8ball Is today the day that @ELUNO gets his
Better not tell you now
1314 unblames?/8ball Is today the day @ELUNO gets his 14 unblames?
Outlook not so good
/8ball 13?
Very doubtful
/8ball 10?
Don’t count on it
/8ball Fine. How about 1?
Without a doubt
So there you have it. One unblame. Which of course is countered by me blaming you that I had no running water this morning. Well, okay, water was running … just not to my house.
(Water main at the end of the street went kablooey sometime last night.)
@narfcake Noooooooooooo!
You may rely on it
/8ball DAMN YOU 8BALL!!!
Anybody wanna change a light bulb which went out several days ago bec of @ELUNO and have not changed yet bec of @ELUNO ?
@PlacidPenguin Not me…
@ELUNO
How soon can you get here?
@ELUNO
Nvm, I just remembered that @f00l once offered to change the lightbulb.
@PlacidPenguin
My wrist hurts too much to come do it now. Sorry! My bad.
@f00l
Convenient timing…
@PlacidPenguin
Yeah. Unfortunately, not entirely a put-on.
@ELUNO
The lightbulb still hasn’t been changed.
I’m going to continue to blame you for this.
@PlacidPenguin Considering it was @f00l’s job, and she is now honorary goat for the rest of the month, you can blame her.
Thank you.
@ELUNO
Hint:
/image wrong
I went to the mall to play pokemon today. I found a sweater at one of the fancy stores there at 75% off the reduced price. I took it to the register and the woman said “One our assisted care ladies came in today wearing that sweater. She looked cute.” So apparently I dress like a 90 year old. (A cute one at least.) Damn.
@sammydog01 LOL
@sammydog01 You are welcome!
Thanks for the unblame!
@ELUNO I must unblame you for the theft of my Sansa. It was found in my linen closet (don’t ask). But I knew there was something missing from my middle console. I found out what it was. Since I travel a lot for work I keep and extra bottle of Chanel Allure Sport so I smell good - don’t judge me! That is what the perp took - cologne! I guess you have smell good when you’re a half-way crook! So blame there.
Fucking Rednecks!!!
(ps - my house sale is now listed as PENDING, so one can steal that, except of course, the malevolent gods of 2017.)
@mfladd
/giphy "Old Spice guy"
@mfladd
I blame @ELUNO that you posted an unblame even though you’re against unblame.
@PlacidPenguin Very true. But I had no choice in the matter since I blamed the goat for something didn’t happen. Trust me, I am strongly against unblaming (fucking @narfcake started the shit).
@mfladd said:
I guess it’s too late to revise your phrasing, huh?
I never thought about you and Narfcake that way before.
Was it the
that made the difference?
I blame @Eluno for my sick mind.
@f00l Hahahaha
@mfladd FYI, I did not start it.
https://meh.com/forum/topics/lets-think-about-our-scapegoat-a-little-differently-this-month
@narfcake That may be but I have seen you continually unblaming goats for quite some time. You are an offender.
@mfladd
Are you gonna spank him?
@f00l Get your mind out of the gutter, dammit!
@mfladd The monthly goat still receives plenty of blame, but at the same time, some positivity goes a long way too.
Besides, the 8ball has been rather uncooperative in letting me unblame @ELUNO anyway. That’s probably his fault.
@narfcake
Why? I thought there was plenty of room for a party. But perhaps you and @mfladd would like some privacy?
@f00l @mfladd @narfcake What is @kittysprinkles going to say if you leave her out?
@Kidsandliz
I’m not in charge of who they invite. All I know is that they want me - or at least my mind - to skedaddle outta this gutter to they can have it to themselves.
I know nothing. Outta here. Too wicked for me.
Blame for @Eluno
Last night i knew that (today) Monday is a federal holiday. but this AM had forgotten. Remembered when i saw the bank parking lot was empty.
Unblame for @Eluno
Went to $bux for wifi and a comfy chair. Large table in center, many of women dressed in “attractive biz casual” taking up the table. Very animated, many smiles and hand gestures, but not speaking loudly. I could overhear nothing, and AFAIK they didn’t bother anyone else.
I could guess what the gathering was about, because their table was covered in Mary Kay Cosmetics and flyers. They were not “trying out”. The gathering appeared to be a kind of recruiting pitch for new Mary Kay associates. Everyone looked both hopeful and serious. I checked the parking lot. Yes, there was one Caddy SUV out there in that particular pearlized shade of pink that GM customized for the most successful Mary Kay associates.
Was a bit interesting to catch the expressions on their faces every once in a while. i know absolutely nothing about Mary Kay Cosmetics, but I wish all these women well.
Net: Zero rebounding curses for @Eluno today. Congrats!
Pre-Curse: (Will happen. No 8-ball required)
Next person to blame me for something, will receive the Bull Goat curse. A goat will attack you.
I want to buy certain comic books:
However, I have no more room on my comic book shelf.
BLAME!!!
(Would that be 4 blames though?)
Take another blame @ELUNO since I’m unsure of how many blames this post contains.
@PlacidPenguin Do you do Instagram? Bill Amend does a thing called borednapkins. They get dirty sometimes.
@sammydog01
I do not.
Did a search, and am laughing now. I like his work.
(His books are sitting next to Gary Larson on my comic book shelf.)
@Eluno
I have one of those watches. A Garmin. It’s accurate and comfortable and has a kicking battery life.
/Unblame
So my pulse was 72bpm.
/Blame
And then I thought about blaming you for that.
/Blame
And then my pulse jumped to 81bpm.
/Blame
Right now my pulse is 77bpm.
/Blame
Net: 3 “Rebounding Curse” Blames for the Curse Goat.
@f00l I accept the blame.
My reply is no
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Heart Goat. You will gain 5 extra pounds from all the Valentine’s candy you ate!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
PS. Do you really think a curse goat wouldn’t have a rebound curse shield? Pfff…
@ELUNO
I designed your Rebound Curse Shield.
It’s working perfectly.
@f00l Never!
@ELUNO
@f00l
It is certain
/8ball Is this a filthy lie?
@ELUNO
/8ball are you also working according to my nefarious design?
Yes
Thanks /8ball!
@f00l RIGGED!
My Top Ten
Nevermind. I almost forgot I hate people.
I also blame @ELUNO that I almost forgot to tag the goat.
@mfladd
I notice that your life sucks, sir.
I wish to inform you that this state of quality is likely to continue for a while.
Best Wishes
<the universe which does not give a fuck>
@mfladd
HI!
@mfladd
You should have joined me earlier this year on the day commemorating my birth. We could have been miserable together.
@f00l
@mfladd
Hi. Happy!
@mfladd
Mea culpa elsewhere. I think you know where to look. However, there is no reason in this universe to actually go read the damned thing.
@PlacidPenguin Why would you be miserable on the day you managed to prove, on a day devoted to you, that last you knew your feet were still on the ground and not under it?
@Kidsandliz
Wouldn’t that be worth celebrating daily though?
@f00l Thanks, it’s all good.
I blame @ELUNO it has come to this.
@mfladd
Oh just blame me. Why not?
Perhaps @Eluno should get a day off.
<Swedish pop music … Swedish pop music. … Swedish pop music … >
/8ball ??? Swedish pop music ???
You may rely on it
@f00l is now honorary goat for the rest of the month!
@ELUNO
Dream on, Curse Goat.
Keep pushing your luck and I will arrange to that all the music you ever hear for the rest of your life will be horrible Swedish pop music. I mean the worst of the worst
Serve your month out with some dignity.
@f00l I accept your honorary goat position designation.
In exchange, I completely curse you with Swedish pop music for the rest of your life. I mean the worst of the worst.
@ELUNO
Keep trying.
/8ball Will @eluno hear nothing but horrible Swedish pop music for the rest of his life?
Most likely
@ELUNO
Without a doubt
/8ball is @Eluno still the Feb 2017 Goat even if he is trying to turn into a weasel?
@f00l faaaaaakeeeee
@ELUNO
Goats can sing almost as well as the sort of Swedish pop you’ll be listening too, so singing along is great!
@f00l meeeeeeeh
@Eluno the Curse Goat
I blame you because I have little to blame you for today. This is hardly sporting of you.
@f00l Thanks for the unblame!
@ELUNO
Was not an Unblame.
I blame you for not reading carefully.
@f00l Awww! Thank you!
I blame you @ELUNO that my friends are being idiots and hours long text conversation to figure out bar for drinks tonight
@CaptAmehrican
OK that’s a little odd. Isn’t the point to meet and drink and talk, not to text?
@f00l yes but text conversation was while people still at work
@CaptAmehrican I accept the blame.
My reply is no
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Hangover Goat. You will hopefully have a huge hangover today!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
I blame @ELUNO because today I happened upon a part of town where I would love to live. Walkable, parks, restaurants, cafes, shops, near a historic district, not under a flight path, lots of single family houses, not near a light industrial zone, etc. I hadn’t really explored the area before, but I’m in love with it. Housing prices are not unreasonable. To get there from here, I need to have some work done to this house and put it on the market, then pack and move. I hate moving. If only I had won the lottery, I could have paid people to do the hard parts. Blame!
/giphy house for sale
@OldCatLady
You’re not supposed to be winning any lotteries, unless you are referring to 2nd place. I am supposed to win all the lotteries. Even if I didn’t buy tix.
It’s ok if you get 2nd place or something. No prob.
I tell ya, it’s rigged.
@OldCatLady I accept the blame.
Signs point to yes
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Chinny Chin Chin Goat. A structural weakness in your house will force you to move!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@f00l To win a lottery without buying a ticket, you would have to find one on the ground somewhere. Would you feel right cashing in someone else’s hard-earned dollar ticket? Would you? (I would. I’d donate to good causes to assuage guilt, but I’d do that anyway.) And I bought a ticket in Publix today, because it was on my mind.
@OldCatLady
No no no.
I am supposed to just WIN.
To hell with buying a ticket. Surely all ticket buyers understand they will at best get second prize, right?
That’s in the fine print on the back of every ticket. I saw it. Trust me.
I blame @ELUNO because I have spent too much time messing with the no kill shelter needs and not enough time dealing with the “grades due soon” needs and now I get to do a grading marathon. And I hate grading. That is your fault too. And I hate playing police about the ‘my work is late because the dog ate the internet’ excuses that I then have to determine if they are real or if they are fake (I teach online).
@Kidsandliz
Such excuses are always completely real.
Haven’t you ever been a student? Don’t you understand how dedicated every living dog is to destroying all student work?
@Kidsandliz I accept the blame.
You may rely on it
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Intertubes Goat. Your internet service will go out just before you are ready to turn in all your grading work and will not come back until it is already too late!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@Eluno the Alleged Curse-Goat, actually the Inattentive-Goat
Wake up please.
Curses are wishing to be handed out.
You are making them wait.
I blame you.
@f00l You are a very bad deputy goat!
@ELUNO
Woe is me!
@f00l I blame @ELUNO for your deputy skills
@CaptAmehrican You can blame the deputy directly. You can expect a curse from her within 24 hours. Thank you.
Cold wind. Had to put in a puffy vest to go with the sandals. Ouch. Mini-winter’s last gasp.
Some days, what the hell. Out and about, indulge self w latte. Drive-thru at Starbucks.
Only the line got backed up somehow and it took them like 1 extra min to serve the drinks out.
So they didn’t charge anyone. And the people at the loc are the best.
/Unblame
@f00l HOORAY!
@Eluno
Allergies. Really bad.
I triple-blame you.
@f00l I accept the blame.
Ask again later
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Stuffy Face Goat. This is just the beginning! Double, TRIPLE the allergy effects for the next 4 months!!!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Cannot predict now
/8ball There’s no time 8 ball. @f00l deserves a curse.
@ELUNO
Signs point to yes
/8ball You unpredictable ball!
@ELUNO
The /8ball is working perfectly. : )
@f00l So you accept the curse?! HOORAY!
@ELUNO
"Signs point to yes" means what I say it means. So yes, I accept.
@f00l Lots of people agree with that answer.
‘What happened to winter? @CNN’ http://cnn.it/2l8crrX
@OldCatLady
The juniper that drives us nuts every Jan and Feb is a natural pollinator this time of year. I remember worse years, even tho the winters were quite a bit colder. These trees grow heavily from the Metromess area, all the way down to Mexico, with a huge concentration in the Hill Country west of Austin and San Antonio. Those areas barely have winter most years anyway. The wind saturates us with pollen. Every time it gets really cold here, that means our weather is coming from the north, or, far more likely, from the west over the Rockies, and the pollen abates until the wind changes.
However, this is the warmest winter I remember. We had the super-cold spell around Thanksgiving, and since then, it’s been mostly like late March or early April. This has everyone quite nervous about how bad the summer will be.
I am hoping for a lot of rain between now and mid-June. If we have a high water table, that will moderate the temperatures somewhat, and the plants will handle it a lot better.
During the summer of - was it 2011? anyway, mega 100F days and hardly any rain since the prev Nov - there was this horrifying week in August when so many trees just turned brown. Driving along the freeways made me very depressed then.
I still get quite sad thinking about all those trees. Many of them had withstood decades of harsh summers. But that summer plus the drought was too much. If the water table is low, the drought and heat just feed off themselves to make it all that much worse. : (
@f00l Lost one of the two mature (18" +) oak trees which frame(d) the front of my house during that summer
@compunaut
I knew a householder who installed some kinda underground water thing for his trees.
But over the long term does that mess with the root system? I’m at sea about this stuff.
@f00l Yeah, one of the neighbors had something installed around their foundation & big trees; 3 in front, 2 (or more?) in back. Big bucks.
They said all the trees died. There’s no way of knowing if those pipes do any good (or if they are even hooked up).
The house seems fine, tho
/8ball Does @ELUNO get a random blame for no reason at all?
Ask again later
/8ball Does @ELUNO get a random unblame for no reason at all?
My reply is no
@narfcake :S
/8ball Should @ELUNO get an unblame for an actual reason?
Better not tell you now
@narfcake :s :s
/8ball How about now?
Outlook good
Okay, unblame because my
catpenguin shirt from TeeTurtle arrived. They were out of stock a couple months ago.@narfcake
Space Penguins!!!
@PlacidPenguin And if you transpose the p and the c in space …
@narfcake
@narfcake
… And you add “xeri”, then you get a word known in parts of the Southwest: Xeriscape.
@PlacidPenguin Xeriscape Penguins makes no sense at all!
/image xeriscape penguins
@PlacidPenguin
Penguin Xeriscaping?
@f00l @narfcake
(Although personally I wouldn’t grow wheat or corn for several reasons, one of them being that I’d need irrigation to some extent then.)
@PlacidPenguin
Cute.
/unblame
@f00l Thank you!
@Eluno, Curse-Goat
I have to go do useful and important and boring things I’d prefer to ignore.
/Blame
@f00l Ignore them and unblame me then!
@ELUNO
Alas. I’m already doing them.
/blame
@f00l Being responsible?! I deserve an unblame!
I blame you that i somehow never learnt how to do makeup and eye shadow
I am failing girl
@CaptAmehrican
I don’t know either.
Kinda stopped caring.
@f00l i care abput twice a year. Just tried a winged eye liner acheived looks like lost a fight.
@CaptAmehrican I accept the blame.
Signs point to yes
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Mimi Bobeck Goat. You will look like a TV star! TV character Mimi Bobeck from The Drew Carey Show!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO ugh! Whenever I wore crazy eyeshadow my ex compared me to Mimi. Thanks for bringing up that memory.
@RiotDemon Curses work in mysterious ways!
I blame you @ELUNO for these 2 things:
Can’t find the thread with all of the ‘America First — Second’ videos.
I’ve developed a cold and possibly a fever.
@PlacidPenguin I accept the blame.
Signs point to yes
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the GIV Goat. You will stay with that cold for 2 and a half weeks!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
HISS
@PlacidPenguin You can only blame me about if for 2 more days. That cold will become @mikibell 's responsibility.
@ELUNO
Don’t make me hiss at you again. You know I will.
@ELUNO I blame you that I have a third fish tank and another betta fish. More to come later. You come and clean these tanks, bitch!
@mfladd this is one reason why we no longer have fish, as much as the cats loved the cat TV with goldfish - too much work. Way more than cats.
@mfladd Years ago, we added goldfish to our rainwater catch basin (like 1/2 a whiskey barrel) to eat the mosquito larvae which had begun to infest it.
Those fish got yuge! And they seemed to live very long lives that way, as well.
/image whiskey rain half barrel
@mfladd I accept the blame.
Reply hazy try again
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Jeff Goatblum. Stop playing God! Your fish will become pregnant and have baby fish because life always finds a way!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Outlook not so good
/8ball how about now stupid ball?
@ELUNO you have dodged the bullet so many times this month on blames I should have rightfully given you that I was too damned busy to give you, so I’m going to give you a few right now.
Let’s start with blaming you for my being too damned busy to blame you.
@jbartus I accept the blame.
Cannot predict now
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Even Busier Goat. You will be so busy next month, that you won’t enjoy @mikibell 's goatness at all!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Yes definitely
/8ball now?
Next up I’m going to blame you for the fact that the electrician on an install job I’ve got didn’t grasp from day one what I needed for the floor box his electrical and my data lines needed to go into. You’re also blamed because was either never informed or never acted upon what I told the general contractor when I found said floor box (the wrong one) sitting in its packaging waiting to be installed. You can take the blame for the fact that the GC never put us in direct contact about this issue to head it off at the pass without playing middle man as well. Furthermore you’re blamed for the fact that he then proceeded to install this completely unsuitable floor box.
Building yet further upon that blame, you are further blamed that the GC, after I called him again about the unsuitable floor box, made it my issue to find a suitable replacement. Still further, you are blamed for the fact that he then decided that it needed to be there the following day because he was expecting the electrician to come get work done. Yet further, you are blamed that the closest source for said suitable box was via Will-Call at the regional distribution center for the local branch of a national electrical supply house over an hour and a half from my house.
You are unblamed for the fact that I made it to said distribution center before closing without any major hiccups but said unblame is cancelled out by the fact that I was in unfamiliar territory and ended up on I-495 headed the wrong way to get home resulting in my driving most of the way to Cape Cod before rectifying the mistake and turning around. The null-gain of said unblame/blame pair is then not made up for by the blame for the fact that I collected all necessary tools to put the box into the floor myself only to have the unblame of the electrician volunteering to take care of it for me when I showed him the box.
Of course, both of these null gains are more than compensated for by the massive blame for the fact that despite having had to rush to get this thing because he was due to wire the following day the gentleman was never seen by myself that day following our discussion of the box and the box was most certainly not installed into the floor (or any other apparent progress on the electrical work) that day meaning I could most likely have simply ordered the damned thing online or picked it up locally the day after.
This is all after being pressured by the GC for weeks to get my portion of the job done and out of the way despite HVAC and other things being up in the air as yet presenting untold and as yet unknown to me delays to the overall project. Said pressure resulted in my doing my main cable runs on this past Sunday into the wee hours of Monday for well over twelve hours because the present state of the project has fully 70% (by volume) of the downstairs space I needed to run through the ceiling of inaccessible from the rest of the building without going outside and entering the space through a roll-up loading dock door.
In short, you have a hell of a lot of blames to absorb for this one situation. I am going to bed soon but rest assured mister that I have more piled up waiting for you.
@jbartus I accept the blame.
It is decidedly so
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the TLDR Goat. Your most precious efforts will be glossed over and not given the appropriate recognition!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@jbartus
Fun times : (
@ELUNO that’s fine, being busy means money is coming in.
In other news, I called over today and had someone check, as I planned to head up there tomorrow. Still no fucking floor box.
@Eluno Curse-Goat
I forgot to blame you when I couldn’t get my eyes open this am.
Now the antihistamine has kicked in and I am semi-functional so I guess:
/unblame
@f00l HOORAY!
@Eluno Curse-Goat
I forgot to put stuff on chargers last night.
/blame
@f00l I accept the blame.
Without a doubt
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Power Goat. You will put yours stuff on chargers, but they will be unplugged from the wall!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
I finally finished Frequency (well technically, I have about 1/2 an episode left).
I blame you that I’m more confused by how they dealt with the space-time continuum in the last 2 episodes than I was the rest of the season.
@PlacidPenguin I accept the blame.
Cannot predict now
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the TV Goat. Your favorite TV show will be cancelled!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Concentrate and ask again
/8ball how bout nao?
@ELUNO
Ask again later
/8ball concentrates
@ELUNO
As I see it, yes
/8ball dammit stupid ball!
@ELUNO
But my favorite show was a live feed of the Mediocre warehouse.
@PlacidPenguin CANCELLED!
@ELUNO
Oh well. Time to get the backup feed running again.
@PlacidPenguin CORRUPTED!
@Eluno the Curse Goat
We were forecast to get rain today. So far, barely even trying to be overcast.
/blame
@f00l How is no rain a blame?!? Deputy, go back to the drawing board and try again.
@ELUNO
It’s a blame due to the allergies which @f00l gets this time of the year.
@PlacidPenguin
@Eluno
It is a serious blame. Apart from my allergies, we really need some day-long steady rain.
Water tables going into summer have a noticeable effect on how horrible the summer is.
@f00l
If you can get me what I need (or at least agreement from @galmaegi or @woodhouse), I’ll send you some water bottles with water in them.
@PlacidPenguin
We need water here in “falling from the sky” noticeable and measureable quantities (sufficient to qualify for a mention on the local news) over most of Texas. Can you help with that?
PS We’re not in an actual drought - I don’t think - just worry about it every spring…
@f00l
Possibly.
@f00l That’s what you get for mocking the Weather Goat!
The local chapter of the Future Darwin Award Recipients of America smashed a pile of remote control cars in the road in front of my driveway and left the residue. I just spent twenty minutes sweeping plastic, batteries, chunks of metal, and various pieces of circuit boards from the street so I can leave without puncturing a tire. They are the future of the country, and we are fucked.
On a couple finds earlier today:
/8ball Do I blame you that the catshirt came with cat hair?
Don’t count on it
/8ball Do I unblame you that the penguinshirt did NOT come with penguin feathers?
Yes
@narfcake HOORAY!
@ELUNO I really should have been unblaming you for all the TT finds, only because up until the end of 2016, I only ran across ten in thrift stores, and in the past month, I’ve found more than that already, including four that are catshirts.
/8ball Well … should I have been unblaming @ELUNO?
Better not tell you now
Last day! Hooray! I think I’ll take the day off! See you tomorrow!
@ELUNO
/image denied
@Eluno
Soon you will no longer be goat, and I blame you for that.
PS You keep getting the blame as long as you have the icon. Ask @OldCatLady.
@f00l I accept the blame.
Very doubtful
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Movie Goat. You will forget about setting your FML line-ups MANY times!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
I blame you @ELUNO that the March goat thread for mikibell has a ton of creepy spider pictures
@CaptAmehrican I reject this blame.
My spiders are beautiful and sexy.
@ELUNO you may be so but the spiders are creepy
I blame you that this thread only has 666 posts.
@PlacidPenguin You know you love it… SATAN!
@Eluno
I blame you for spamming the March Goat voting thread with your selfies.
@f00l I reject this blame.
My spiders are beautiful and sexy.
@ELUNO
I blame you that your spiders are beautiful and sexy.
@f00l I accept the blame.
Yes definitely
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Sexy Goat. You will fall in love and buy a pet others will find ugly!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
Whoa whoa whoa! Save some of these blames for tomorrow!
@ELUNO That’s so sweet. You think that you get degoated as soon as the date changes. People are saving up blames for tomorrow, when you will still have the badge.
@OldCatLady I know we will all be mature about it, and bitch and moan at the staff so they change it immediately.
@ELUNO
You must not know us at all.
@ELUNO since when?
@mikibell Since right… NOW!
@Eluno
We were forecast rain yesterday and today.
So far nada.
/blame
@f00l I accept the blame.
Better not tell you now
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Drought Goat. There will be no rain for the rest of the month, and barely any rain in March!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO
Outlook not so good
/8ball how bout now?
@Eluno
I blame you that spring is here two weeks early.
More mosquitoes, and for rural folk, ticks.
Possible drought.
Confused butterflies.
Possible v hot summer.
Watch the Unusually Early Advance of Spring 2017 in the USA
https://www.usgs.gov/media/images/watch-unusually-early-advance-spring-2017-usa
@f00l I accept the blame.
It is decidedly so
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Vampire Goat. Ticks will be all over you sucking your sweet sweet blood during all of Spring!
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
I’m blaming @ELUNO that today is the last day to sign up for VMP – which I did – and that I probably won’t use because @snapster won’t sell catshirts here.
@narfcake How is the chance of getting it a bad thing!?! Blame the new goat tomorrow since you won’t be able to then!!!
@ELUNO
I blame you because no catshirts for sale on Meh today.
/blame
/more blame
/some more blame
@f00l I accept the blame.
As I see it, yes
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Shirt Goat. What happened to your laundry?! You won’t have any fresh underwear in a crucial moment.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@ELUNO No underwear? Good thing that not all of my shirts have tags that disclaim “not for use as pants”.
/image not for use as pants
Also, I blame
@ELUNO@snapster that the tag in the pic reads moofi.Finally changed the lightbulb. Only because the other 2 in the room also went out.
Blames involved:
It took so long for me to get around to finally changing them.
I needed to get 4 lightbulbs to replace 3 dead ones.
I decided to put the strongest lightbulb in the most efficient spot only after I had already put a new bulb in the efficient spot, thus I handled a hot lightbulb.
@PlacidPenguin Deputy Goat @f00l, please take care of these ones since they are related to you.
@ELUNO
Take another blame since you’re trying to shift blames. @f00l is busy coping with being in Texas, I don’t wanna overburden her.
@ELUNO You need to accept that blame that somehow only needing 3 light bulbs 4 were required to replace those 3. I blame you that @PlacidPenguin can’t count (either that or that said penguin did major modifications to force 4 bulbs into 3 sockets).
@Kidsandliz
I blame @ELUNO for my neglecting to mention that even though I took them from their boxes, one of the lightbulbs was dead when I tried using it.
@Kidsandliz @PlacidPenguin
This is all of the Deputy Goat @f00l’s problem.
@ELUNO
No it’s not my problem. Deputy Goat is a strictly honorary appointment. Deputy Goat never has to actually do anything. You owe several curses here.
@f00l Don’t sleep on the job Deputy Goat! You had also promised him before to change his light bulbs!
@ELUNO
That was then.
This is now.
Deal with it. You owe us both some Curses.
Even though @woodhouse created his Meh account on Feb 16h 2016, he revealed himself this month.
I blame you for the fact that he’s extremely friendly (which is slightly disconcerting).
@PlacidPenguin Yeah, how dare you!
@woodhouse Want me to curse him?
@ELUNO As a Mediocre employee, I can’t officially condone any curses that happen on my watch. However, I might just happen to be offline for the next little while…
@woodhouse Understood!
@PlacidPenguin I accept the blame.
In exchange, I curse you with the Oblivious Goat. You will not be aware of many important things, including fukus, fukos, bags of crap and more for the following 4 months!
@ELUNO
I’m not aware of things which go on now, so…
@ELUNO
@PlacidPenguin No broken stuff for you! Wait, I wasn’t here to witness this. You didn’t see anything.
@PlacidPenguin @woodhouse
The woodchucker is planning something!
@mfladd @woodhouse
I blame you @Eluno that it’s almost March 2017 and soon you won’t be Goat anymore.
@f00l I reject this blame because you will remain the Deputy Goat, so you will always remember me.
@ELUNO
I remember you and I also remember your spiders.
You owe me a Curse. Pay up.
I blame you @Eluno that @mikibell might be Goat pretty soon.
@f00l I reject this blame. This will make all of us really happy!
@ELUNO
You still owe me a Curse. Or a grovel. Your choice.
I blame you @Eluno that only @dashcloud offered me a really good bribe to purchase my goat vote.
@f00l
Wait what? I offered you a great bribe. Of course, it would involve you chipping in, so it’s not exactly a bribe.
@f00l I reject this blame because I offered you the best of the bestest bribes.
@PlacidPenguin
Exactly. And the only way I know to get the persons in question to act is to offer bribes. And they might not act anyway, out of duty or something which is so lame.
I blame @Eluno that some people have principles.
@ELUNO
You offered a lame bribe I rejected. Curse me, Curse-Goat.
@f00l
You referring to yourself? Because everything else is laid out pretty simple. It’s all been arranged.
@PlacidPenguin
Glad to hear!
Any idea when?
@Eluno:
/unblame
@f00l @narfcake
Still room for last minute bribes. Though I’m not going to bribe anyone to give a bribe.
@PlacidPenguin
I offer to bribe the penguin doing the bribing if that’s what you mean?
I blame @eluno that I don’t fully understand and also that you prob ought not to clarify in the blame thread.
@f00l
You could bribe the penguin to resort to coercion which can’t be refused.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I blame blame blame blame blame you @Eluno that my friends don’t live in NOLA anymore and I am not at Mardi Gras planning to sleep on their couch or something, assuming we ever decide to sleep again, and we are not out on the town at some hole in the wall bar no tourist ever heard of, listening to some of the finest street jazz ever played, while sipping beer and whiskey, miles from Bourbon St but still full of the spirit.
@f00l I accept the blame.
Most likely
In exchange, I attempt to curse with the Goodbye Goat. This will be the very last blame you cast on me.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@Eluno
I blame you for not knowing in advance that I could blame you again.
@f00l This isn’t how successful curses work! Be a good Deputy Goat!
@ELUNO
Deputy Goats are just good-for-nothings.
@Eluno
I blame you because you still smell a lot like a Goat.
(BTW I don’t.)
@Eluno
I blame you cause you’re still there to be blamed.
@f00l No I’m not! Please hold your blames for @mikibell
@ELUNO
You owe me a Curse.
@f00l Take it with the current goat. I no longer have curse powers…
I blame @ELUNO i forgot to put the trash out
@CaptAmehrican Please hold all your blames for @mikibell. Her Goat Inauguration will be soon.
@ELUNO you are still goat
@CaptAmehrican
@Eluno’s becoming a Weasel Goat.
@f00l I am no longer a goat!
@ELUNO
You do look like pure Weasel now.
Good bye stinky thread! No one shall miss you!
@ELUNO
Some will. Can’t you Curse me one last time?
PS. You were a Good Curse Goat.
That is, until you turned unto a Weasel Goat at the end.
@f00l I can’t… My powers were taken away!
I attempt to curse you with Malaria.
/8ball Does the curse take effect?
@f00l See! The curse ball won’t even listen to me…
@ELUNO
No one ever listens to you except for your beautiful and sexy spiders anyway.
@f00l :’(
@ELUNO
Ok I’ll listen to you.
/8ball will I listen to @Eluno?
Without a doubt
@f00l Hooray!
Now listen to me and be a good Deputy Goat!
@ELUNO
I listen to you. You make noise. That’s kinda cute.
@f00l GRRRRR!
@ELUNO @f00l