We aren't listening.

Hey, look, a popcorn popper, just like the ones featured in this recent forum post. In fact, this is one of those poppers. Wow! There we go again, taking our community’s concerns to heart, doing our best to please you! Right? Right?

Not at all.

We like a lot of things about this Zippy Pop Stovetop Popcorn Popper. We like the idea of making popcorn on the stove again (it is better than microwave, it just is), and the way its crank keeps the popcorn moving so we don’t have to shake the pot. The fact that you can experiment with your own flavorings, or even use it to roast your own coffee beans or nuts or make other kinds of snacks and snack mixes, is pretty cool, too.

Our favorite thing about it is the glass lid. Not being able to see what you’re popping (or roasting) is a recipe (LOL) for disaster. This one’s really well made, with a vent and the aforementioned tumbler. It just feels like a quality piece of kitchenware.

The only thing we don’t care about is the fact that our community asked for it.

Please, just save yourself the trouble of posting your little requests. Don’t bother coming up with comparisons of different models, and detailed explanations of which features are the difference makers in the product category. Especially don’t tell us exactly how much you’d be willing to pay for a specific model. What do you think, we sit around refreshing the forum, waiting for your brilliant ideas to pop up?

We may have a little more grey in our beards than we used to, but we’re still not Santa Claus. We’re hard-bitten, hard-boiled, hard-hearted businesspeople. We live in a harsh world ruled by the pitiless gods of availability and price. We’re not puppies that you can train to do tricks so you’ll rub our bellies. We’re hyenas, waiting for a body to fall and scavenging whatever flesh we can rip away with our teeth.

But yeah, yum, popcorn. We hope you want some. We hope you enjoy it. But not because you asked for it.