Singles Only

Sometimes it’s a Tuesday night in July, and it’s hot, and you’re in the mood for a drink–just a single drink–but you don’t want a beer or a glass of white wine. You want something that’s a little more fun, a little sweeter, a little more refreshing and summery. In other words, you want a frozen margarita. So you load up your blender with tequila and lime juice and simple syrup and triple sec and some ice, and you hit the button to spin it all into a beautiful slush.

Which is when things get a little sad.

Because your single serving of margarita looks so tiny in that big full-size blender. You start to feel lonely, which is the exact opposite of how you hoped to feel. If anything, by making yourself a margarita, just a single margarita, you thought you might feel more independent, empowered even. But now you’re just looking at the big blender carafe, filled only maybe a 15th of the way up with boozy ice, and you think: Am I some sort of pariah? Should I be making more of an effort to open up to people?

So you load up even more ingredients, and blend it together so the blender’s full, and you invite some people over. Only, you realize, you’ve got your one or two buddies, but many of your best friends–from as far back as college, or high school, or, hell, preschool–live far away and you keep in touch primarily through Snapchat and an occasional video call. Therefore, if you’re going to invite enough people over to share this margarita, you’re going to have to dip into your cache of “work friends.” In other words: the same people who, in their own perhaps unintentional, yet undeniable ways, helped create the sort of Tuesday that drove you to drink this margarita in the first place.

And now you and your work friends are sitting around your living room, and what are you talking about? Work, of course. And it’s looking like the hours you’re asleep later will be the only ones that you spend not thinking and talking about work. And now your work friends want more margarita, but you really only wanted one, just a single drink before settling into a night of watching Netflix. And you could invite them to watch with you–it might stop them from talking about work–but then what if they make fun of you for enjoying High Seas, which is basically just a daytime soap opera except in Spanish and with a (by your estimate) 24 billion dollar budget for period costumes?

Just as you’re feeling ready to finally pitch it to them–you’ll play it off like you like it ironically, you decide–there’s a knock at the door. At which point, Dale from Learning and Development tells everyone to be quiet, because he knows that knock. Then he tells you all that owes a guy named Tony The Snake $13,149. And when you ask what for, Dale just mumbles something about a pill for his back issue, but nobody even knew Dale had a back issue. But there’s no time to press him for more details because Tony The Snake and his goons are swinging into your house on ninja ropes, smashing through literally every window in your living room.

Which is all to say: if you’d only invested in a Vremi Personal Blender, your margarita-for-one wouldn’t have looked so sad, and you likely could’ve avoided much of this.