Ket On, Keters

Hey, remember that time the sugar industry secretly funded research to downplay the risks of sugar and highlight the hazards of fat? Well, it happened in the 1960s, and it was kept pretty hush-hush for a while, so you probably don’t.

But it’s true! The Sugar Research Foundation wanted to push the idea that sugar didn’t cause heart disease, so they paid Harvard research scientists to write an article doing just that. Said article was then published with no mention of the funding.

From NPR:

The sugar-funded project in question was a literature review, examining a variety of studies and experiments. It suggested there were major problems with all the studies that implicated sugar, and concluded that cutting fat out of American diets was the best way to address coronary heart disease.

The result of this study? A lot of terrible nutritional choices and a number of diets that have tried to reverse the narrative on fat. Keto is one of those diets. The basic premise is: you can eat meat, and veggies, and dairy, and eggs, as long as you cut processed carbs and sugar. And yes, we know it’s more complicated than this, but also, it’s not that much more complicated than this.

Anyway, sounds great, right? The only problem is when you start the Keto diet, you often experience something called “the Keto Flu.” What is this? According to Harvard Health:

The so-called keto flu is a group of symptoms that may appear two to seven days after starting a ketogenic diet. Headache, foggy brain, fatigue, irritability, nausea, difficulty sleeping, and constipation are just some of the symptoms of this condition, which is not recognized by medicine.

Not recognized by medicine, huh? Well, thanks for letting us know, Harvard! But where were these ethics when you were lining your pockets with sugar industry blood money all those decades ago, huh?

As for the cause of this “Keto Flu”?

Well, we don’t really know why some people feel so bad after this dietary change. Is it related to a detox factor? Is it due to a carb withdrawal? Is there an immunologic reaction? Or is this a result of a change in the gut microbiome? Whatever the reason is, it appears the symptoms attributed to the keto flu may happen, not to everyone but to some people, after “cleaning up” their diet.

So, it’s hard to say, but it sounds like this: you eat garbage, your system learns to run on garbage. You take the garbage away, your system rebels. Not because it needs something, but because it wants something it’s become dependent on. In short, sugar and carbs are no different than heroin.

Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but you get it.

Now, you’re probably thinking, what the fuck is going on? I came here to buy a product, not read a WikiHow article, albeit one with superior writing than one might expect from that site. And that’s fair, especially the part about how good the writing is. But we actually do have a product to sell here! Well, a few products. It’s a ton of stuff to keep you energized and strong on the path to ketosis. We’re talking stuff to get you amped before your workout, stuff to reduce carb cravings, and stuff to “push through plateaus.”

Does it all really work? That’s always a more complicated question than it seems with stuff like this, isn’t it? Which is why you should buy it from us, rather than a peddler of supplements: because we’ll send you a variety of big imposing-looking bottles for only $29. That way, if it helps you achieve your Keto-related goals, dope. But if it doesn’t, you’re only out the equivalent of dinner and a beer at a not-so-fancy bar and grill.

Not that you can have a beer on keto.

Oh, no! Did we ruin it???