Unsimply Stitched 3-Pack Socks

  • You get 3 pairs of OUTRAGEOUSLY textiled socks
  • OK, they’re not exactly going to start a revolution but they are loud
  • One size fits most – men’s shoe size 7-12
  • UNST3PCK (We’ve fallen in love with this model number, had our hearts broken by it, and are now attempting to heal and move on.)
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My Feet Are Burning, Man

Men’s fashion is infamously conservative. Lapel and necktie thicknesses change modestly with time, but men mostly dress for work the same way they did 70 years ago, with one exception: wacky socks.

Wacky socks have somehow managed to penetrated the hidebound conservatism of men’s dress. A corporate tax lawyer who would be professionally shunned for wearing a charcoal rather than Cambridge grey suit can wear a pair of pink paisley socks, no problem.

Burning Man is a similarly weird exception. One week out of the year, everyone from product managers to lawyers to baristas goes to the desert and is allowed to act like a raving eccentric.

Wacky socks are the Burning Man of attire.

Would you wear a jacket made from any of these Unsimply Stitched patterns? Of course not — that would be outrageous. And would you spend your entire life riding a makeshift bike through the desert and consuming any and all drugs known to man? Of course not — that would be irresponsible. Yet for reasons beyond the grasp of our comprehension, wearing socks with these garish patterns and attending Burning Man every year are perfectly acceptable — nay, admirable — behaviors.

Maybe they both act as release valves for eccentricity. We can’t form a stable society in which everybody is allowed to act however they choose — that’s why norms exist — yet neither can we as humans survive in cookie-cutter suits and 9-5 sterility. Every once in a while, and on our most inconspicuous garments, we must let our freak socks fly.

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