Not a snack food.

I’m Shep Slazenger and believe me, if I can succeed at golf, so can you. I’ve fashioned a decent little game for myself despite my natural limitations, like my lack of athletic prowess and the fact that I am a plastic baggie full of stale Bugles.

Drives, putts, fairway shots: none of it comes easy to a guy like me. Most commercial clubs aren’t optimized to be played by a bunch of crumbling snacks in a polyethylene envelope. Even getting around the course can be tricky, especially if my distinctive aroma of cornmeal, coconut oil, and salt draws the attention of the local wildlife.

But you know what I discovered? My biggest limitations were inside my head. My score started dropping the day I made up my mind to believe that a baggie of stale Bugles could be a decent golfer. I haven’t looked back since.

Here’s one of my little secrets: Slazenger (no relation) Raw Distance Spin Golf Balls. They’ve got the optimal launch and maximum spin that can take strokes off a fried corn snack’s game. And frankly, ol’ Shep’s not exactly at the peak of his earning power anymore, so I appreciate the low price of these Slazenger balls. (OK, yeah, ha ha, real funny, guys, especially considering I don’t have testicles. Grow up.)

Just last week I shot an 82 with my Slazenger balls (stop it), and I probably would have done even better on the second hole but it started raining. If Slazenger Raw Distance Spin Golf Balls can do that for a plastic baggie of stale Bugles, imagine what they can do for someone with arms and legs!