We're gonna need a bigger... couch, maybe?

*Man, I wish we’d get something exciting to write about… if I see another Bluetooth speaker, I’m sending a resume to Groupon… Hey, whoa! Shark Rocket! This sounds like fun. And check out these Google Image Search results! I hope it’s one of these:* *Oh, hey, here are the specs. Let’s see what it’s all about!*The power of the Shark Rocket Yes! The POWER of the Shark Rocket! More, please!is now available in a convenient, ultra-lightweight, handheld only designOK, sounds good, so it’s like a rocket launcher, orfor all your quick cleaning needs!*Your… cleaning needs? Really? The Shark Rocket… cleans things?*With Never Loses Suction Technology, the Shark Rocket is up to any task.*Any task? Like, biting a boat in half, maybe?*The extra-long-reach stretching hose connects the hand vac to cleaning tools for ultimate control and for reaching tight spaces.*Guess not. Looks like we’re talking about a vacuum cleaner. Cool.*A 15-foot power cord means you never have to recharge, while giving you the freedom to clean the whole room.*Yeah, fine. It’s got a cord. Guess why that’s the reviews rave about how it’s so powerful - for a vacuum cleaner, that is. Not for an actual shark or an actual rocket.*Plus, the motorized hand tool extracts pet hair, dirt, dust, and allergens from deep inside upholstery.*That’s… kind of sharklike, maybe? Like, it’s really ruthless to pet hair? No. I’m really reaching here.*This set also includes the crevice tool and dusting brush.*Said nobody about a shark or rocket ever.*For a handheld vacuum with the power of the full sized model,*OK, name aside, that actually sounds pretty good, and those reviews… I guess this is a pretty decent product…*get the Shark Rocket Corded Hand Vac.That name again! If they wouldn’t keep reminding me, I wouldn’t keep getting my hopes up! Well, I guess riffing on the name is out. Now I have to figure out some easy crutch for writing a story while getting the main selling points of the product across. Hmm…