S.O.S. Emergency Rations Package
- Enough food and water for 72 hours, almost enough to watch all of Lost (96 hours) for inspiration
- You get 4 packs of 9 S.O.S. food rations, 4 wafer energy bars, 8 packets of water and one “Survival Tips” guide for the budding survivor
- Around 4 years till they expire, so barring catastrophe you should throw a ration-themed dinner party in 2021
- U.S. Coast Guard approved, and those guys know their wafer bars
- Model: None (All product numbers will be swept clean soon enough)
Something America Can Agree On: Doomsday
In these troubled times it’s hard to find common ground between the two Americas. We seem almost utterly divided culturally, geographically, and politically. Yet one belief now holds us together as a people: The belief that, in one way or another, we’re all screwed.
Time was only those of a particular political bent were convinced society hung on the verge of collapse and that emergency supplies like these would soon become necessary. But now coastal elites, rust belt blue collar workers, and midwest farmers alike can unite in a shared vision of preparing for armageddon.
These S.O.S. Emergency Rations can bring us together. Americans of all stripes can survive 72 hours after a disaster with the utilitarian “rations,” energy bars, and water packets. It works the same for all. It’s even endorsed by the U.S.’s least divisive branch of the Armed Forces: The Coast Guard.
We used to share more common ground as a nation. Every American home watched The Cosby Show and ate Cheerios. Now we have become fragmented in our interests, between Myth Busters and Duck Dynasters and between Toaster Strudlers and Gluten-Free organic Muesliers. But soon we will have much more in common as we all scrabble for the same utilitarian foodstuffs.
Simpler times are a-comin’, we reckon.
So come one, come all; stock up on your emergency supplies, whether you think we are on the verge with another cold (or hot) war with Mother Russia, or that the financial cabal teeters on collapse. The church of disaster preparation welcomes all.
And perhaps, as we nibble on our food rations while munitions thump overhead, we can remember the many things that bring us together, such as our mutual fear of the roving Fuel Gangs. And perhaps, just perhaps, we can then begin to heal the wounds that have forced us into subterranean survival bunkers.
