We're Gonna Lever With You

Even after millennia of technological improvements, we humans still depend on those simple machines we learned about in middle school. You can’t improve a lever.

Or can you? Is it possible to improve the most basic tools without creating problematic complexity? Can we navigate between the Scylla of over-engineering and the Charybdis of over-simplification? Between The Homer and the wheel?

Well, if you’re familiar with tasting that off-putting tang of a metal flashlight while wrenching around under the sink, we think you’ll agree that these pliers with built-in lights represent a worthwhile technological advancement. They’re not gonna turn you into a master plumber overnight, but it will make home maintenance in the dark a little less frustrating.

However, let’s take a look at some products for which this cannot be said (the scorn for which we will eventually walk back when they appear on Meh):

These “smart” insoles" pair with your device to give you “hands free” directions by buzzing your left or right foot as you walk. How cool! According to a detailed Amazon review, all you have to do is charge the insoles for a couple hours, download the app, do a firmware upgrade on the insoles, spend a few minutes setting up the app and you’re off! To some random, possible dangerous destination – because they don’t work.

Or the HAPIfork, a bluetooth-enabled (yup) “smart fork” that helps you keep track of your eating habits for the low-low price of only $65! How does it coach? By lighting up and vibrating when you eat too fast. Awesome! Though as one reviewer notes: … it only vibrates once you have it in your mouth, so hopefully you like your fillings rattled loose by a sub-standard Chinese fork which gives you a headache and broken teeth. Coach Taylor himself couldn’t motivate better.

And check out this very specific cutlery which … well … does shit like this:

As Leonard Nimoy says when you discover Fusion in Civ IV: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. And any insufficiently advanced technology makes you say “Oh, neat.”